Eruvin Daf 15

וְרַבָּנַן, הַאי ״סֵפֶר כְּרִיתוּת״ מִיבְּעֵי לֵיהּ לְדָבָר הַכּוֹרֵת בֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ. לְכִדְתַנְיָא: הֲרֵי זֶה גִּיטֵּךְ עַל מְנָת שֶׁלֹּא תִּשְׁתִּי יַיִן, עַל מְנָת שֶׁלֹּא תֵּלְכִי לְבֵית אָבִיךְ לְעוֹלָם — אֵין זֶה כְּרִיתוּת. כָּל שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם — הֲרֵי זֶה כְּרִיתוּת.

The Gemara continues: And the Rabbis explain that this phrase: A scroll of severance, is required to teach that a bill of divorce must be a matter that severs all connection between him and her. As it was taught in a baraita: If a man says to his wife: This is your bill of divorce, on condition that you will never drink wine, or on condition that you will never go to your father’s house, that is not severance; the bill of divorce is not valid. If a bill of divorce imposes a condition upon the woman that permanently binds her to her husband, her relationship with her husband has not been completely severed, which is a prerequisite for divorce. If, however, he imposes a condition for the duration of thirty days, or any other limited period of time, that is severance, and the bill of divorce is valid, as the relationship will be completely terminated at the end of the thirty-day period.

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Bechor Shor Devarim 24:1

כריתות. דבר הכורת בינו לבינה, שאם אמר על מנת שלא תשתי יין לעולם, או שאמר הרי את מגורשת ממני (או) [על מנת] שלא תלכי לבית אביך לעולם, אין זה כריתות, שהרי אגידה ביה, דמחמתיה אינה שותה, ואם שתה חזרה לו

Magid Mishne Gittin 8:4

ולא ישאר ביניהם שום אגידה בשום אופן

The Halakha is presenting an importance truth about moving on:  Ideally, there should be no loose ends or issues holding them together.  Sometimes people remain tied together through hostility, such as trying to get financial restitution or custody issues.  Occasionally, some matters are worth fighting about, however most legal and custody battles end up costing large sums of money, and lead to results more or less close to what could have been mediated through common sense.  When there are children involved, there is an automatic connection and that is important to maintain a working relationship to co-parent, but not a romantic one.  There is a saying in the recovery community which is pertinent: “Holding a grudge allows someone to live in your head rent free.”

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 15

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria

Photo Abba Mari Rav Chaim Feuerman, Ed.D. ZT"L Leiyluy Nishmaso