רָבָא אָמַר: בְּמִי שֶׁמֵּשִׂים עַצְמוֹ אַכְזָרִי עַל בָּנָיו וְעַל בְּנֵי בֵּיתוֹ כְּעוֹרֵב. כִּי הָא דְּרַב אַדָּא בַּר מַתְנָא הֲוָה קָאָזֵיל לְבֵי רַב, אֲמַרָה לֵיהּ דְּבֵיתְהוּ: יָנוֹקֵי דִידָךְ מַאי אֶעֱבֵיד לְהוּ? אֲמַר לַהּ: מִי שְׁלִימוּ קוּרָמֵי בְּאַגְמָא?

Rava said: In him who makes himself cruel to his sons and other members of his household like a raven for the sake of Torah. This was the case with Rav Adda bar Mattana, who was about to go to the study hall to learn Torah, and his wife said to him: What shall I do for your children? How shall I feed them in your absence? He said to her: Are all the rushes [kurmei] in the marsh already gone? If there is no other bread, let them eat food prepared from rushes.

This is obviously a disturbing Gemara.  It cannot be taken literally as Rava HIMSELF says in Berachos 35a:

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 22 

אֲמַר לְהוּ רָבָא לְרַבָּנַן: בְּמָטוּתָא מִינַּיְיכוּ, בְּיוֹמֵי נִיסָן וּבְיוֹמֵי תִּשְׁרֵי לָא תִּתְחֲזוֹ קַמַּאי, כִּי הֵיכִי דְּלָא תִּטַּרְדוּ בִּמְזוֹנַיְיכוּ כּוּלָּא שַׁתָּא.

Similarly, Rava said to the Sages who would attend his study hall: I implore you; during the months of Nisan and Tishrei, the crucial agricultural periods, do not appear before me. Engage in your agricultural work then so that you will not be preoccupied with your sustenance all year.

 

Nesivos Olam, Nesiv Hatorah 3

שנעשה אכזרי על בניו והם תולדות שלו וכל אשר הוא לאדם הוא מבטל בשביל התורה השכלית שהיא על הכל ובאדם כמו זה תמצא התורה. ואי אפשר לפרש יותר כי הדברים עמוקים מאוד מה שרמזו כאן:

So the Maharal learns “ignoring his children” as a metaphor for his emotional and worldly concerns.

But there is a difficulty, as there is an story being told about Rav Ada bar Masna who seems to have actually ignored the pleas of his wife and children?

And here is where it gets tricky and subtle.  Of course the listening audience should not attempt this stunt at home.  Meaning, the typical person cannot be devoted to Torah study to such an extent as to ignore the needs of his wife and children, and not even his own health needs.  Yet, there is such a human character who is so devoted to his craft, that almost compulsively and with irrational devotion, he or she gives up everything.

This is not only in Torah.  There have always been famous artists, scientists and explorers who were so driven, that they would work day and night without any regard for their own welfare or others.  When someone reaches that level in Torah devotion, it happens without thought and with little conscious choice.  The difference is, that when it comes to Torah study, there is a promise that just as Hashem makes sure the raven’s offspring do not starve, so too Hashem will care for the needs the true devotee and lover of Torah.  There is indeed a concept and pattern of human behavior that allows for the rare individual to become so intensely devoted and monomaniacal that all concerns, emotional, personal, physical and relational are mostly ignored.  Such a rare person, if his heart is in the right place, and his efforts merit it will receive supernatural intervention. 

However, it is important to keep in mind Abaye’s warning (ibid):

אָמַר אַבָּיֵי: הַרְבֵּה עָשׂוּ כְּרַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל, וְעָלְתָה בְּיָדָן. כְּרַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחַי, וְלֹא עָלְתָה בְּיָדָן.

Summing up this dispute, Abaye said: Although there is room for both opinions, many have acted in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yishmael, and combined working for a living and learning Torah, and although they engaged in activities other than the study of Torah, were successful in their Torah study. Many have acted in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai and were not successful in their Torah study. They were ultimately forced to abandon their Torah study altogether.

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 22

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria

Photo Abba Mari Rav Chaim Feuerman, Ed.D. ZT"L Leiyluy Nishmaso