לִבְרוֹךְ עֲלֵיהּ וְלַנְּחֵיהּ — הַמְבָרֵךְ צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּטְעוֹם! לִיתְּבֵיהּ לְיָנוֹקָא — לֵית הִלְכְתָא כְּרַב אַחָא, דִּילְמָא אָתֵי לְמִסְרַךְ.

And if you say that he should recite the blessing over a cup of wine and leave it and drink it only after the conclusion of Yom Kippur, this too is difficult, as the principle is that one who recites a blessing over a cup of wine must taste from it. If you say that he should give it to a child, who is not obligated to fast, this too is not feasible because the halakha is not in accordance with the opinion of Rav Aḥa, who made a similar suggestion with regard to a different matter, due to a concern that perhaps the child will come to be drawn after it. The child might come to drink wine on Yom Kippur even in future years after he comes of age, and we do not institute a practice that might turn into a stumbling block.

You might ask on this Gemara, “Why not simply explain to the child that this is an exception to the rule?”  The answer is, simply, people learn far more from actions then from what they're told. Many years later, this child will get into a fight with his wife and say oh, I don't care what you did in your house in my house my father would make his and drink the wine on Yom Kippur.

Children emulate their parents actions and attitudes.  Certain attitudes can only be absorbed from the air and not taught explicitly.  I would call this being an “Absorbent Jew”, instead of “Observant Jew”, such as:  

Honesty -- keeping your word. This is not merely about not lying.  It is more subtle. It is about doing whatever you said you would do. A parent’s word should be gold. Though there are technically times where it might be permitted to lie, it is still harmful to children. See סוכה לו, ב and Yevamos 63a.

Optimism is also an attitude that Can be taught through modeling. This is not about Pollyanna false hope that “everything will be fine”, this is about projecting confidence that whatever happens, somehow we will either benefit from it or find a way resolve the challenge.  While Bitachon might be a theological concern, it is difficult to maintain without a psychological disposition of optimism.

Empathy is also taught through observation. How do they see the way you listen and react to other peoples stories? Does your face and body language convey concern and care?

Respect is encouraged through setting boundaries and modeling how we respect other boundaries. How do we relate to elders? To Rabbis and teachers? An often neglected mitzvah is to stand up for an elderly person even in relatively developed circles, which is odd because it is a positive biblical commandment. See Arukh Hashulkhan 244:12 where he attempts to resolve the custom and Concludes that one is only obligated to slightly rise for a non-learned elderly person, and to stand up fully for a learned person even if he is not elderly. However, even if one follows this lenient opinion it still means that for an elderly person one must slightly rise up to give honor. What a powerful message it would be for a child to see a parent stand up fully for an elderly person. And even more telling was the custom of Rabbi Yochanan to even stand up for a gentile elderly person. He said, “How many experiences [harpatkei] have occurred to these individuals. It is appropriate to honor them, due to the wisdom they have garnered from their long lives.” Kiddushin 33a. You You might wonder how did Rabbi Yochanan understand that this person went through so many experiences? The answer is, because everybody in life goes through difficult experiences. Well, then how did he know that he became wise? Because, he survived, obviously you must have been wise and learned from them.

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 40

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria

Photo Abba Mari Rav Chaim Feuerman, Ed.D. ZT"L Leiyluy Nishmaso