Quote Source: Wayne Thiebaud

How does one achieve spiritual connection? Is it via expansive ecstatic joy? Or is it through limitation and abnegation?

The Gemara on amud beis discusses the problem of אין מביאים קדשים לבית הפסול which means we are not to allow situations that would artificially limit the amount of time a particular sacrifice is to be consumed. That is for example, a Bechor first born sacrifice that is usually eaten for 2 days and one night cannot be mingled with a Paschal Sacrifice, which can only be eaten that night. The intermingling will force you to stop eating the Bechor at the same time as the Paschal Sacrifice, just that evening, which would cause the Bechor to end up being under consumed, and meat that could have been eaten will now turn into “nosar”, leftovers, which must burned.

Sefas Emes (Acharei Mos 10) notes that this prohibition is about potentialities not just Actualities. Meaning, even if a person were sure that they had enough partners to consume all of the meat before the first deadline it would still be prohibited to mix the Bechor sacrifice with the Paschal sacrifice. That is even if there be no practical desecration because all of it would be consumed properly on the first evening, The mere disruption of the potential to consume it further is considered a boundary violation.

Using this as a reference point, Sefas Emes goes on to point out that in all matters spiritual, there is a need to respect the potentialities represented within. Overdoing as well as underdoing can destroy the intended outcome. For example, he notes that in the service of Yom Kippur, The high priest enters the holy of holies. At the same time the services all the other days of the year must be placed outside.The services throughout the year require a different boundary and sense. The same way that one sacrifice is to be consumed in two days and another sacrifice is to be consumed in one day. Each one has its own limitations and potentialities that must be fulfilled by experiencing them fully.

What I think Sefas Emes trying to say has an important psychological lesson for us. There are different modes of spiritual expression, some can be limiting and others can be expansive. It is important to understand the mode that one is supposed to enact in order to achieve the highest level. On a practical level, some religious observances require joy, some require self-sacrifice, some require extreme measures, others require limiting measures. This is similar to relationships. There are some moments where almost every limitation is a hindrance and must be expanded to accommodate needs of the heart. Yet there are other times or matters of the heart can only be attended to by following restriction and limitation. Of course, we only have 120 years to figure this out, so take your time.