There are often situations in family life that the needs of consistency and dedication to Torah study clash with the needs and welfare of our children.  It is often not easy to know what comes first, because on the one hand, every family matter is urgent, and on the other hand if every matter is urgent, Torah Mah Tehei Aleha, the Torah, what will be of her?”  Any decent human being who also is dedicated to Torah intense study grapples with this painful conflict on a daily basis.

The Gemara on Amud Beis tells us that throughout the year, Rabbi Akiva would never “end classes” early, except on Erev Pesach and Erev Yom Kippur.  The reason is:

On the eve of Passover, he would stop on account of the children, so that they would go to sleep during the day, so that they would not be tired and sleep at night. And on the eve of Yom Kippur, he would stop so that his students would remember to feed their children.

The mitzvah of chinuch on seder night requires the adults to engage the children in learning about the Exodus story, and to go to great lengths to do so, as described in our Gemara. Therefore, even the universal importance of Torah study is overridden by the requirement of the mitzvah of teaching about the Exodus.

I am noticing an important idea that may extend beyond the Passover Seder night. Consistent and uninterrupted Torah study is the foundation of religious practice and survival, and therefore on a public level, Rabbi Akiva would end classes early only these two days a year.  On erev Pesach, children require special attention in regard to their spiritual welfare, so they can participate in the Seder. On erev Yom Kippur, children require special attention in regard to their physical welfare, to make sure they eat.  While Rabbi Akiva would only disrupt the public study on those two days because of the universal concerns for the children’s welfare on those days, it is likely that any individual concern of a child’s spiritual or physical welfare would take precedence over Torah study.  It also is notable that these child-rearing tasks are not left to the women to struggle with by themselves on erev Yom Tov. 

I will conclude with a quote from the Rambam (Laws of Talmud Torah 1:8) and an observation from my father, Z”L:

כָּל אִישׁ מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל חַיָּב בְּתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה בֵּין עָנִי בֵּין עָשִׁיר בֵּין שָׁלֵם בְּגוּפוֹ בֵּין בַּעַל יִסּוּרִין בֵּין בָּחוּר בֵּין שֶׁהָיָה זָקֵן גָּדוֹל שֶׁתָּשַׁשׁ כֹּחוֹ אֲפִלּוּ הָיָה עָנִי הַמִּתְפַּרְנֵס מִן הַצְּדָקָה וּמְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים וַאֲפִלּוּ בַּעַל אִשָּׁה וּבָנִים חַיָּב לִקְבֹּעַ לוֹ זְמַן לְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה בַּיּוֹם וּבַלַּיְלָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (יהושע א ח) "וְהָגִיתָ בּוֹ יוֹמָם וָלַיְלָה":

Every man in Israel is obliged to study the Torah, whether he be poor or rich, whether he be physically healthy or ailing, whether he be in full vigor of youth or of great age and weakened vitality; even if he be dependent upon alms for his livelihood, or going around from door to door begging his daily bread, yea, even he who has a wife and children to support is obliged to have an appointed time for the study of the Torah, both during the day and at night, for it is said: "But thou shalt meditate therein day and night" (Joshua, 1.8.).

My father observed an interesting order in the Rambam’s list of possible excuses to exempt one from Torah study.  Presumably, his list goes in order of intensity, that is, as said, “healthy or ailing, whether he be in full vigor of youth or of great age and weakened vitality; even if he be dependent upon alms for his livelihood…”  Each excuse is followed by an even better one, yet no one is exempt.  But, what is the last excuse in the list?  It must be some incredible hardship, a monumental challenge that few could overcome.  It must be something that is even harder than being destitute or physical pain. 

And...what is that item on the list, that is sooooooo much harder than any other item? “Even he who has a wife and children to support!”