Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses what in what situations a Cohen would inspect a metzora on chol Hamoed. The deciding factor is will it result in an improvement of his situation instead of a worsening. When a metzora is declared definitely afflicted with Tzoraas by the Cohen, he must leave the Jewish camp and be in isolation, however he is still permitted to engage in marital relations. Once he is declared by the Cohen that he is healed, he then must begin a seven day process of purification during which he is allowed to rejoin the camp but forbidden to have marital relations. The Gemara discusses a difference of opinion about whether a Cohen can examine a metzora who is in isolation. On the one hand he stands to benefit from returning back to his friends, on the other hand, if he is declared healed it will begin a process of separation from his wife.  The Gemara tells us the dispute depends on what is more important, a connection with friends or sexual relations with his wife.

This is an interesting idea as I believe couples work out ideas about friendship differently. Some couples are focused on making the husband and wife relationship as primary, even to the point of trying to be best friends. Other couples see marriage as a separate plane, and still pursue friendships, often having a ”boys night out” or a “girls night out”, allowing friends to fill a distinct emotional space. Some would argue that a spouse cannot usually be a buddy. There are different expectations and responsibilities. There are also couples who have such different interests and hobbies that they feel they need friends to fill in that gap. If one spouse likes classical music and the other poker it is going to be challenging to try to share in each other’s activities.

Personally, I am a believer that you should strive to make your spouse into your best friend. I say this on good authority as most people who know my wife and I, would agree we are about as opposites as day and night. Even if you do have different tastes and entertainment needs, I believe each should take turns trying to join in the other person’s interests, with an open mind and without resentment. It is reasonable to suppose that spouses who spend more positive time together tend to feel closer and more in love. However, I also see nothing wrong with spouses having separate time with friends and deep friendships outside of the marriage, so long as it does not become a crutch to fill in and avoid difficulties in the marriage relationship.