Our Gemara tells us that an Avel is forbidden to bathe. The Ritva (“Vayenachem”) asks, do we not see that King David bathed after the death of his son?
When did this occur? The story that unfolds in Shmuel II:12 is that after the incident of King David and Batsheva, the prophet Nosson rebukes him. Though David Hamelech repented he still was told that the son born from Bat Sheva will die (verse 14.) The child became Ill and David Hamelech engaged in further fasting and repentance and laid on the ground. To the puzzlement and confusion of his ministers, once David Hamelech found out the child died, he ceased his self-inflicted penance, got up and bathed (vs. 20-21). David Hamelech’s response was, “so long as I thought my prayers could change his fate, I fasted and prayed. But now, would any grieving bring him back?”
Ritva’s question is then how could Dovid Hamelech have bathed if he was an Avel? The Ritva answered that he bathed before the body was buried, thus the aveilus did not begin, and wanted to worship with an honorable comportment.
Rabbi Shalom Rosner is his daf yomi Shiur from the last cycle offered a different creative answer based on an unusual Yerushalmi. The Yerushalmi (3:5) discusses various sources for shiva in the Torah. One source is the seven days that seemed to precede, if not delay, the Flood. As the verse states (Bereishis 7:4 and 10):
And on the seventh day the waters of the Flood came upon the earth.
Most of us are familiar with the peshat brought down in Rashi and Gemara Sanhedrin (108b) that the seven day delay was to mourn the passing of Mesushelach. However the Yerushalmi says a surprising idea:
The seven days were for Hashem sitting shiva and mourning the world! The Gemara asks, how can you mourn BEFORE the death happened? The Gemara answers that since Hashem knows the future, he can mourn for a future event.
Based on this Rabbi Rosner suggested that perhaps since it was prophesied that Dovid Hamelech’s son would die, he too was able to sit Shiva in advance. See also Tosafos (21a, “De-iy”, which seems to say the same thing.)
This raises a psychological question as well: Can you grieve in advance? Consider a situation where one is faced with an impending death of a beloved relative, or on a different note, parents are divorcing and want to “pre-shrink” the kids. Can it really help?
There are resilience promoting interventions that could mitigate the effects of a pending trauma but by no means can they serve as an inoculation and offer immunity to suffering. It is also important to define resilience as different than impervious. Resilience is being able to bounce back within a reasonable time frame after a trauma. However almost all people will experience some loss of function and PTSD symptoms for a period of time after a trauma, and that is a normal response. Some factors that seem to be indicative of resilience and likelihood of quick recovery from trauma include:
- Cognitive Flexibility: The ability to integrate new ideas and perspectives instead of rigidly clinging to beliefs that counter evidence and experience.
- Emotion Regulation skills: The ability to tend to one’s emotions and practice self soothing and self care.
- Social Support: Network of friends and family that can be called upon during distress.
- Optimistic Outlook: A general belief and trust that problems can be solved and people are more good than evil.
- Religion: A system of faith and practices where one can draw inspiration and meaning, as well as appeal for guidance and healing from a higher power.
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