Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us the story of Acher, that is Elisha Ben Avuya, who saw something that he could not unsee. Acher was one of the four great sages and mystics who entered “The Orchard” (Pardes)”. The Pardes is a metaphor for a mystical abode or state of being that only great and pious sages could achieve.  The journey to this transcendent zone was fraught with spiritual danger. Something occurred when Acher saw the archangel Mattatron that led him to be banished from heaven, somewhat having to do with the fact that he mistook Mattatron for a deity. He even was given heavenly voices and other omens which declared that he would never be forgiven. This led him to give up entirely.  Acher said, “Once I am banished from Olam Haba, I might as well enjoy this world. This led him to a hedonistic binge, seeking out a prostitute and discarding all observance.

As we saw on Psychology of the Daf (Chaggigah 9), in point of fact, there is no sin that is too great. The Maharit in Teshuva (O.C, II:8) stated that even Acher could have been forgiven, despite the heavenly omens to the contrary. 

Also as we saw in the last daf (14), the problem is not failure but the attitude toward failure. In addiction, there is a paradoxical problem of wanting to maintain sobriety and counting days of sobriety, but also learning to take one day at a time. When a person “fails”, (or should we better say, stumbles) in a diet or any resolution, the one-time slip up is not really the problem. However, if one reacts to the slip-up with a sense of despair and then goes on a binge, that is the problem. Acher had a terrible setback, of which we cannot really understand, because who knows what goes on in the Pardes. But that is not what did him in. What did him in is that he could not bear his setback and gave up on everything.

Many of us get caught in perfectionistic loops and demands. People will set a standard that they cannot consistently manage, and when they fail to hold up, give up entirely. 

In various discussions in this Gemara and Kiddushin (39b) we get the sense that Acher is cynical and doesn’t believe in divine justice and compassion. For example in Kiddushin he is troubled by the unfair fate that befell people who were righteous. In our Gemara, the subtext of several debates between Acher and Rabbi Meir was about fatalism and Divine justice. While these were intellectual debates, perhaps the psychological source was his inability to tolerate and forgive his own shortcomings. Acher’s internal world was unforgiving and so that is how he experienced the world and what he got from it.  Why was Acher’s internal world so unforgiving?

Tosafos on this Amud (“Shuvu”) quotes a Yerushalmi that explains the root of Acher’s problems were that his father encouraged him to become a Torah scholar with ulterior motives of power and fame. His father witnessed a fire that surrounded the sages who attended Elisha’s Bris. His father was so enamored of the mystical power they possessed, that he dedicated his son’s life to Torah study. The Yerushalmi comments that because his motivations were not for the sake of Heaven it was flawed and backfired. Perhaps this too is a deeper part of the story. Acher’s father wanted fame and power for his son, and so Acher himself may have contaged his father’s insincere ambition. Acher may have internalized a demanding idea of Torah study and standards, instead of an open, loving and adventurous one.