Our Gemara on Amud Aleph quotes Rabbi Akiva who observed that the prophet Yonah lost his prophecy as a result of his disobedience. He refused to deliver God’s message to the people of Nineveh. Our understanding of Yonah’s behavior is that he was afraid that the people of Nineveh would do Teshuva and this would reflect poorly on the Jewish people. The Midrash sees this as impudent in that he advocated for the honor of the “son” over the “father”, that is the Jewish people’s honor over God’s honor. (See Mekhilta DeRabbi Yishmael 12:1) 

This begs the question, why was Yonah so sure that the people of Nineveh would be more likely to do Teshuva than the Jews? In a way, Yonah’s advocacy is a backhanded compliment. It’s like your defense attorney privately shares with the prosecutor that he suspects his client is guilty!

Obviously, Yonah must have had some disturbing first-hand experience with the obstinacy of the Jewish people. However, even so, I still wonder why he was so sure that the Ninevenites would do better?

The Maharal (Gevuros Hashem 44:5) offers an interesting perspective on Jewish stubbornness. He says the Mekhilta (Shemos 12:1) notes that Gentiles are quick to do Teshuva, but does not explain why. The Maharal says spiritual matters are unchanging since they represent universal truth and eternity, however physical matters are subject to flux and change. The Jewish soul, which is more attached to spiritual matters, is less subject to change. This is the positive side of being a stiff-necked people. On the other hand, the less spiritual souls are open to influence and repentance, but as they say, easy come, easy go. The spiritually connected soul is heavily invested. The investment may be distorted judgements and rationalizations but it comes from a place of depth. After all, what could be more stubborn than a prophet disobeying God’s command?

As with any human traits that are practically dysfunctional and not-so-adaptive, they still are efforts at competency and success. A person who is a stubborn person is also a strong person, or at least manifests strength in the idea he is holding onto. When you encounter a stubborn person in your life, it is frustrating. You can use aggression to somehow force the person to give in or let go, but it’s tricky business because overt aggression usually leads to passive aggressive retaliation, especially with stubborn people. Instead, we also can try to respect stubbornness. We can inquire with authentic compassion and curiosity: 

“I see there is an idea you are holding onto no matter what I try to say to convince you otherwise. Can you tell me more about what this means to you and what makes this idea so important?” 

If you ask a genuine question in a respectful tone, the Chances are you will be met in kind with a candid and thoughtful response. It may still not resolve the conflict but it might help start a productive dialogue. Jung famously said, “The degree to which you want to influence others depends directly on how much you are ready to be influenced by them.”