(source of title quote Ginny Rometty)

Change is not easy, even when it is a good change. Some of life’s most stressful moments come with good changes, such as marriage, birth of a child or moving neighborhoods. Our Mishna on Amud Beis discusses the marital considerations required when moving, even from a lesser quality environment to a higher quality environment:

שָׁלֹשׁ אֲרָצוֹת לַנִּשּׂוּאִין, יְהוּדָה, וְעֵבֶר הַיַּרְדֵּן, וְהַגָּלִיל. אֵין מוֹצִיאִין מֵעִיר לְעִיר וּמִכְּרַךְ לִכְרַךְ. אֲבָל בְּאוֹתָהּ הָאָרֶץ, מוֹצִיאִין מֵעִיר לְעִיר וּמִכְּרַךְ לִכְרַךְ, אֲבָללֹא מֵעִיר לִכְרַךְ וְלֹא מִכְּרַךְ לְעִיר. מוֹצִיאִין מִנָּוֶה הָרָעָה לְנָוֶה הַיָּפָה, אֲבָל לֹא מִנָּוֶה הַיָּפָה לְנָוֶה הָרָעָה. רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל אוֹמֵר, אַף לֹא מִנָּוֶה רָעָה לְנָוֶהיָפָה, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהַנָּוֶה הַיָּפָה בוֹדֵק: 

 Eretz Yisrael is divided into three separate lands with regard to marriage: Judea, Transjordan, and the Galilee. If a man marries a woman in one of these lands he may not remove her from one town to another town in another of these lands or from one city to another city, i.e., he cannot compel her to move to another land. However, in the same land one may remove her from one town to another town or from one city to another city. However, even within the same land one may not force his wife to move from a town to a city, nor from a city to a town. The mishna adds: One may remove his wife from a noxious residence to a pleasant residence, even if it is in another land. However, one may not compel his wife to move from a pleasant residence to a noxious residence. Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: One may also not remove her from a noxious residence to a pleasant residence, because a pleasant residence tests the individual, i.e., one accustomed to certain environments can suffer even in more comfortable living quarters.

The point being, all change is difficult, even for the better. In fact, it is within the human pattern of behavior (what Jung calls an archetype) that change often brings difficulty at first. 

Even as the Jews began their redemption, Moshe’s “meddling” inspired pharaoh’s reaction, and he doubled down with increased cruelty:

Shemos (5:23)

וּמֵאָ֞ז בָּ֤אתִי אֶל־פַּרְעֹה֙ לְדַבֵּ֣ר בִּשְׁמֶ֔ךָ הֵרַ֖ע לָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֑ה וְהַצֵּ֥ל לֹא־הִצַּ֖לְתָּ אֶת־עַמֶּֽךָ׃ 

Ever since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has dealt worse with these people; and still You have not delivered Your people.”

It is not only geographical change which is difficult, but psychological change as well. Any time a person wants to solve a personal or situational problem, by definition, it requires letting go or adding something new to the equation. An attitude, belief or behavior must be removed, added or changed. In doing so, even if it may bring good things in the end, there is a risk that the change will bring unintended disruptions as well. It is impossible to improve something without changing something, and not all the consequences can be predicted. For example, an addict might stop drinking or taking drugs, and while on the surface it is a welcome change for loved ones, it also upsets the homeostasis of the family system. Perhaps the addict used to overlook certain enraging or problematic interactions, and without his or her drug of choice, there is now much more push back. Therefore, paradoxically, such recovery could also destabilize a relationship. Or a misbehaving child might improve greatly, leading a younger sibling to start acting out to express the anger and anxiety in the family system that until now, the so-called troubled child was expressing. 

That is not to say change isn’t good. Actually, it is vital. However, it is important to be realistic about the challenges that change brings.