Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us the story of how king Tzidkiyahu witnessed Nebuchadnezzar eating a live rabbit. Though he was a cruel despot, apparently, he had his limits and was embarrassed. He therefore made Tzidkiyahu swear that he would not tell of this to anyone else. The secret was too difficult for Tzidkiyahu to bear, and he had his vow annulled by the sages. When Nebuchadnezzar found out, there was not a very happy ending for the sages nor Tzidkiyahu, as you can imagine. Let’s put it this way, the rabbit was lucky in comparison.

The question is, what was so compelling about Tzidkiyahu’s urge to talk that he took such a great risk? We see from here that sometimes when a person witnesses an event that can be vicariously traumatic, the need to talk about it is so powerful that it transcends any logic or caution. It is notable that the Talmud and commentaries discuss the legalities of this behavior, but no one questions the subjective need or motive. It is easy for loved ones to lose patience and get frustrated with the subjective, and often bewildering and persistent effects of trauma. Yet, our tradition understands the need for catharsis, as it states in Mishley (12:25) and Yoma (75a):

״דְּאָגָה בְלֶב אִישׁ יַשְׁחֶנָּה״, רַבִּי אַמֵּי וְרַבִּי אַסִּי, חַד אָמַר: יַשִּׂחֶנָּה מִדַּעְתּוֹ, וְחַד אָמַר: יְשִׂיחֶנָּה לַאֲחֵרִים.

The Gemara explains another verse in Proverbs: “If there is care in a man’s heart, let him quash it [yashḥena]” (Proverbs 12:25). Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Asi dispute the verse’s meaning. One said: He should forcefully push it [yasḥena] out of his mind. One who worries should banish his concerns from his thoughts. And one said: It means he should tell [yesiḥena] others his concerns, which will lower his anxiety.

The research shows that there are individual differences in how people cope with trauma, while some are avoiders and distractors, and others have a need to talk about and relate. (See for example, https://ghrp.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s41256-016-0007-6 ) Although overall, there is a greater reduction in trauma symptoms in people whose coping style comes from relating and expressing emotions (see https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10608-019-10065-4), each person must be allowed to find their way and their timeline, as it is counterproductive to force somebody to talk about something that they still have a need to avoid. The two opinions in the Talmud reflect both sides of this issue.