Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the parameters of the prohibition against jealously desiring the possessions of another. According to the simple reading of our Gemara, this prohibition applies even when the person is willing to make full payment and purchase the object. If so, is it ever permitted to see something that belongs to another and offer to purchase it? Perhaps it is not allowed to initiate an offer to buy items that are not for commercial sale. However, most commentaries draw a distinction between a gentle inquiry and excessive sales pressure, and/or, not obtaining full consent with genuine volition to sell. (See Tosafos Sanhedrin 25b, and Rambam Gezeila V’aveidah 1:9-10. Tosafos holds if the seller ultimately concedes, it would be permitted. Rambam holds even when the seller concedes with a full heart, if it came only after pressuring him, it is still forbidden.)

That is only with regard to the prohibition of “lo sachmod” “do not lust after”. There also is a separate prohibition of “lo sisave” “do not desire”, which may be for the mere thought alone, (compare Shemos 20:14 to Devarim 5:18, and see Shulchan Aruch CM (359:1, 10.)

We see that thought alone is prohibited. The various commentaries ask how is it possible to expect a person to have no desire for another’s object, the feeling pops into your head without forethought! A number of answers are offered, that are not mutually exclusive, with each shedding light on a particular Torah assessment of human nature and motivations.

Ibn Ezra (Shemos 20:13) says it’s a matter of expectations. He asks rhetorically, would a person be jealous of a bird and imagine that he grow wings and fly? Would a lowly peasant really believe that he could secure the princess’s hand in marriage?  Ibn Ezra is implying the desire only gets triggered by an irrational sense of entitlement. If one accepts that God only allows one to possess what is providentially allotted to him, he will never get frustrated or overvalue the efforts to obtain material objects.  While Ibn Ezra’s arguments are logically true, I find it fascinating that both of Ibn Ezra’s examples are seen differently through the lens of modern self-concepts. In fact, in the advent of the industrial age, humans dreamed of flying, conceived of a means to do so, and airplanes, helicopters and rocket ships were invented. Likewise, due to the reflections of the French philosophers on natural law, equality, basic human rights, class differences have changed dramatically. The pauper can become a prince through entrepreneurship on a more level playing field. So the expectations of modern man really are different and Ibn Ezra’s self-evident logic is routinely defeated by the raw emotion and desire of a consumer culture. Creating demand itself is a key part of the economy and commerce.

Hakesav VeHakabbalah (Shemos, ibid) explains that the heart can hold only so much. If one fills his or heart with longing for God, he will block out desires for other trivial matters. In a similar but more broad fashion, Rabbenu Bechaye (Devarim 29:18) explains that once the lustful thought arises, it is already too late and difficult to control. But, prior thoughts and attitudes preceded this impulse.  That is to say, if one is cultivated humble and God fearing thoughts and behaviors in general, his impulses of the moment will be of a higher nature. By way of metaphor, a junk food addict desires sugar, but a wine connoisseur desires wine. The desire for wine, arguably a more refined desire, only arises from having developed the appropriate taste and value system. 

Human emotions, particularly those stemming from strong instincts such as sex, food or social status, are driven by physical and animal aspects of human physiology. The human mind, which is highly sensitive to symbolism, can re-channel and sublimate baser desires into more meaningful abstract desires.  Thus, the desire to procreate can be partially reframed and redirected toward the desire to create.  Chazal were aware of the function of sublimation way before Freud named it such, as they teach, in Gemara Shabbos (156a) it is noted that a person who is born under the star of Mars, and thus having a bloodthirsty nature may become a murderer, but instead he could become a shochet, mohel, or medical bloodletter. Art, teaching, and emotional bonding are all ways to create, instead of to merely pro-create. This may be what our sages meant when they said, “The main progeny of the righteous individuals are their good deeds,” Bereishis Rabbah (30:6) and Rashi Bereishis (6:9). 

Another aspect of recognizing that the lusts initially come from an animal aspect of human physiology, allows one to consider pragmatic efforts of self management. One can easily calm a slightly agitated animal by petting and soothing it. However, once the horse is at full gallop, it is not so easy to slow it down.  This is true for human emotions as well. Through mindfulness a person can catch triggers and thoughts that are precursors to more instinctive and physical arousals, so that the beast inside is pacified and subdued before it gets out of hand.  This too is part of what Rabbenu Bechaye meant by addressing the prior states of mind that lead to desire.