Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the rights and responsibilities of partners who share a yard, and intend to construct a partition between them:

הַשּׁוּתָּפִין שֶׁרָצוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת מְחִיצָה בְּחָצֵר – בּוֹנִין אֶת הַכּוֹתֶל בְּאֶמְצַע. מָקוֹם שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ לִבְנוֹת גְּוִיל, גָּזִית, כְּפִיסִין, לְבֵינִין – בּוֹנִין; הַכֹּל כְּמִנְהַג הַמְּדִינָה.

Partners who wished to make a partition [meḥitza] in a jointly owned courtyard build the wall for the partition in the middle of the courtyard. What is this wall fashioned from? In a place where it is customary to build such a wall with non-chiseled stone [gevil], or chiseled stone [gazit], or small bricks [kefisin], or large bricks [leveinim], they must build the wall with that material. Everything is in accordance with the regional custom.

Along similar lines as our discussions at the end of Bava Metzia (Psychology of the Daf blogposts for Bav Metzia, dappim 117 & 119), we can see  in these Halacho religious metaphors about balance and integration of the spiritual and physical. Sefer Daf Al Daf quotes the Yaaros Devash who explains that the partners in this legal case are the body and soul. They need to work together, and just as the wall goes down the middle of the yard, so too, a middle and balanced approach must be taken toward physical and spiritual concerns. Additionally, one must also set strong boundaries so as to keep centered on the proper path, signified by the various customs of material for wall construction (various sizes of bricks and other building matter.) Each person, based on their tendencies and needs, must know how firm or light the boundaries must be.

Additionally, one of the key concerns regarding the barrier is “היזק ראיה” damage caused by sight and lack privacy. This is metaphorically suggesting that extra caution in this balance must be maintained in regard to “damage caused by sight”, i.e. shemiras ha-eiynayim. The Torah ethic is that lusting with one’s eyes is not a harmless act at all. Even a person who is comfortable and confident about his boundaries in other areas must be extra vigilant when it comes to sexual cravings and drives. Nevertheless, true to the metaphor, a balance and middle path exists even in regard to sexual longings. One must be careful not to deny certain urges and wishes. Recognizing their power and pleasure is not the same as always giving in to it. Instead, it means not being naive, and to understand how powerful it is. How many great politicians, and even religious leaders, lost their reputation and standing that took years to build, with one indiscriminate impulsive sexual act? To totally suppress these desires is just as dangerous as utterly caving into them. 

When faced with a distracting and troubling lust, it’s important to find out what it means and where it is coming from. On the one hand, the sexual instinct is strong and doesn’t need much of an excuse, but on the other hand, humans are highly symbolic in their choice of love and lust objects. An infatuation that seems to come randomly out of the blue often represents an unfulfilled longing. As a responsible moral person, some lusts cannot be attained without damage to self and others, however the idea is not to simply suppress it but also understand it. What is it telling you about what is missing in your life, and what are productive and adaptive ways to honor that yearning? Unfortunately, couples don’t tend to have such painful confrontations unless an affair is discovered. In the majority of such situations, I suspect most of the effort is spent on trying to repress the urge, with varying degrees of success or failure. In the cases where there is not much success in suppressing the feelings, wouldn’t it be so much better if all the frustrations that made an affair appealing were discussed frankly and compassionately before commiting the betrayal? The problem is, such pains and warning signs are rarely taken seriously, or are met with the same anger as a betrayal, preemptively shutting down any discussion or exploration until a transgression is already committed. It’s not that every need must be gratified or every frustration solved - the management of sexual urges still are the sole responsibility of the one who bears them. Every human must take responsibility for their behavior, but that doesn’t mean that a person can’t ask for help. If sexual wishes and fantasies aren’t discussed and taken into consideration, it is playing with fire. A good marriage allows for realistic discussions about temptation and desire without judgment or sha