Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses an Aramaic idiom to describe slander and libel, “ochel kurtza”, for now we can translate it as “nibbling” a metaphor for gossip. This Aramaic idiom is used generally for any type of gossip, and often specifically in the Gemara, to the act of slandering the Jews to the secular government. Actually, the first use of this phrase can be found in Daniel (3:8), which speaks of the Jews being slandered as disloyal to the king (“achlu kurtzeihon”.) We also find this phrase in the famous Kamtza and bar Kamtza Gemara in Gittin (56a), which was fortunate for me because it allowed me to write this piece on Tisha B’Av, and I needed a topic of Torah study whose the subject was the destruction of the Temple, as per Shulchan Aruch OC 554:1.)

What is the etymology and meaning of this phrase? Rashi (Vayikra 19:16) translate the phrase as eating while winking (see Mishle 6:13 “Koretz B’eynav”), hinting at the slanderous content which is often communicated via innuendo instead of directly. The eating part of the metaphor is because when people share a meal, it lends a sense of authenticity and gravity. This increases the acceptance and focus on the content.

Other interpret the word “koretz” as to nibble and bite, because pieces of gossip sometimes are like little bites, each one only a minor sting, but ultimately add up to mortal injury (Ibn Ezra, Daniel 3:8.)

It is important to reflect on the way in which hurtful speech is frequently composed of relatively minor and innocuous comments. Each one by itself is just a nibble, but like piranhas, they can still eat you alive.

People get comfortable and lazy in their speech patterns between parent to child or spouse to spouse. We might passive aggressively vent off frustrations, by chronically being nasty or hurtful in tiny ways. Subtle inflection of voice, rolling eyes, and harping critical comments can become a predominant mode of expression. Because it creeps up slowly over the years, the participants might not even fully realize how bad it is, just as the lobster does not realize that the pot is boiling until it’s too late. It’s a good idea to review speech patterns and notice how you speak to the people you love and how they are speaking to you. If you notice your tone of voice irritable, snappy, or sharp, try to correct it. If you notice that it is coming from a spouse or loved one, don’t merely correct it, but wonder and and ask yourself what might be the source of resentment and frustration that is being expressed in their tone and choice of words? Though it is hard, there’s much to be gained by reviewing and considering what other people find annoying or hurtful about you.

I will end with a lovely thought from the Shem MiShmuel (Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah 1), based on Rashi’s explanation of the idiom. When people eat together, it validates and authenticates the subject matter. It is like two close friends conspirationally sharing their intimate secrets. He borrows from this to add meaning to the Midrashic explanation of Shemini Atzeres, that it is the last day of a series of holidays with a single Bullock sacrifice being offered. Just as after a major national celebration, the king may have an intimate meal with his closest advisors, so to the holiday of Shemini Atzeres is the intimate gathering after the high holiday season in which the entire world is judged (Succah 55b). Just as slander and gossip is authenticated by the intimate gathering, even more so our prayers and connection to God after the Yamim

Noraim our authenticated and validated through a private meal for only close confidants.