Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum On love and marriage and the joys and challenges of intimacy.
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Episode 59: Will I Marry the Wrong Person?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-12-18 02:21:37
Will I Marry the Right Person? Exploring the Big Question Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments, yet it often comes with uncertainty. In the latest episode of Intimate Judaism, hosts Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn tackle this profound and relatable question: Will I marry the right person? As they point out, there are no guarantees. Even with careful thought and preparation, the complexities of life and relationships …
Bonus Episode: Whose Business is My Unorthodox Life Anyways?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-07-27 08:03:09
The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia wa …
Episode 10: When Taharat Hamishpacha Strains The Marriage
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2019-02-14 11:41:27
Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha – the laws of family purity – keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple’s sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it’s not. Some couples find that Taharat HaMishpacha adds a tremendous strain to their relationship. Are there solutions within Halacha? What should a couple in this situation do? Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak wi …
Episode 24: When men have difficulty with sexual functioning
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-08-06 12:20:37
The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. Our panel on male sexuality included discussion of the expectations on observant men to live up to contemporary societal definitions of masculinity. Men are expected to exercise full restraint over forbidden thoughts and actions, yet be obligated to perform sexually with one’s wife. This may contribute to feelings …
Episode 28: Tzniut: Modesty, Female Masturbation and the Media
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-12-24 14:23:29
Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviours. These messages, according to Rabanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualise women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexu …
Trauma Informed Sex and Couple's Therapy
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2022-03-18 06:00:27
In his seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score,” trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states “the ability to feel relaxed in one’s body requires the emotional experience of safety.” The emotional experience of safety and the embodied experience of relaxation are also critical to experiencing attachment and connection. Humans long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experien …
Episode 23: The Myth of Male Sexuality
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-06-09 06:48:35
Whether biologically or socially influenced, classic definitions of masculinity assign to men the traits of ambitiousness, competitiveness and a fairly uncomplicated and constant desire for sex. Contemporary culture, largely influenced by pornography, depicts men as sexually assertive whose masculinity is determined by their sexual performance and measured by the frequency of their sexual conquests. In contrast, our Jewish sources teach us …
Teshuva and Repairing Intimate Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2019-10-02 11:46:54
First published in Times of Israel The relationship between God and the Jewish people is dynamic and complex, taking many forms in different contexts and periods. At times, God is referred to as the king and ruler, an object of authority and control whose judgment we fear. At times, He is our father in heaven, from whom we expect nurturing and protection. And some texts, such as the romantic Song of Songs, illustrate God and the Jewish people as …
Ten tips for new brides
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2017-01-23 14:41:10
Originally posted in the Times of Israel The wedding season is upon us, and along with tending to the details of invitations, dresses, flowers and music, many engaged couples prepare for marital life by attending private or group classes with a premarital instructor. In addition to teaching the laws of family purity and mikvah (the ritual bath), many instructors provide some sexual education and instruction and tips for ‘shlom bayit, …
Episode 39: Straight FOMO, Hymen myths, Vasectomy Envy Q&A
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2022-02-08 10:57:29
Straight FOMO, Hymenal Myths, Vasectomy Envy, Fetishes, BDSM and Mad at God: Listening to our Listeners Q&A n this month’s episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and sexual reproduc …
Should We Sympathize with Sex Abusers
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2023-08-20 09:54:46
Originally published in Times of Israel. Warning: this article contains material regarding sexual abuse that some readers may find disturbing. A few weeks ago, podcaster and comedian Mendy Pellin featured an interview with convicted sex offender Gershon Selinger, who recounted his struggle with pedophilia and sexual offending. Almost immediately, segments of Jewish social media were flooded with reactions. Although the podcast …
Shame, conflict and male sexual health
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2018-01-24 06:18:46
First published in Times of Israel Several years ago, I shared my Ten Tips for Raising Sexually Healthy Orthodox Sons. In my seventh tip, “Explain that sexual arousal is a natural part of being human,” I alluded to the existential conflict of healthy young men whose options for sexual expression are limited until marriage. I believed this conveyed a modestly cloaked message to parents to educate their sons that, despite proh …
Episode 54: Sex Positive Premarital Kallah Instruction
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-02-16 09:51:27
In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night “success” and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to guarantee sexual satisfaction. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble, discussing how they integrate discussions about sexual pleasure and satisfacti …
Episode 18: Sex is not something you have
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-01-30 13:06:06
“Sex is not something you ‘have’ but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares.” This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivating a loving, emotionally intimate relationship. …
Relationship Renewal: Commitment & Forgiveness in Elul
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-09-19 14:45:06
The Power of Relational Repair: Lessons from Jewish Tradition Relationships—whether with ourselves, our partners, or with God, are often marked by moments of disconnection and conflict. Yet, conflict itself is not the problem. The key to healthy relationships lies not in avoiding conflict, but in the ability to repair and restore harmony. This idea, rooted in the teachings surrounding the month of Elul, invites us to reflect on our p …
Post Traumatic Stress and Intimacy
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2017-05-18 10:58:21
First published in Times of Israel Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a serious condition that can affect individuals after being directly or indirectly exposed to a traumatic, life-threatening event. The symptoms of PTSD are intrusive. They include flashbacks and nightmares and difficulties with concentration and sleep. People with PTSD tend to easily get anxious and irritated. Because they become easily triggered, they may avoid crowds …
Episode 33: Painful Sex and Vaginismus: It's Not Your Fault
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-05-29 14:43:43
Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions. …
When obligatory sex conflicts with human sexual rights
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2019-10-17 03:18:51
The World Association of Sexual Health Congress met recently in Mexico City. Though I was unable to attend due to the Jewish Holidays, I was pleased to receive the following declaration, which discusses pleasure as a basic fundamental right. The statement is as follows: The participants of the 24th World Congress of the World Association for Sexual Health in Mexico City: RECOGNIZE that: Sexual pleasure is the physical and/or psychological satisfa …
Episode 34: Men Are Pigs and Women Are Distractions: What Messages About Sex Are Taught in Yeshiva, Seminary, and College?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-08-31 19:48:06
During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary “Night of Tears” refers to the night that some yeshiva boys and seminary girls are encou …
Navigating Relational and Sexual Intimacy at Midlife and Beyond
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2022-10-20 03:39:32
The sexual life of a couple changes throughout the life cycle, as both partners navigate life’s transitions including but not limited to new marriage, childbirth, raising teens, and caring for elderly parents. As couples enter middle age, they acquire new responsibilities personally, socially and professionally which can impact on their identities, such as work promotions or adjusting to new roles as grandparents. Over time some couples dev …
Navigating Intimacy After Sexual Abuse
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-11-28 05:59:11
Originally published on the Nishmat website and on Talli Rosenbaum Humans long for both emotional and physical intimacy and are wired for connection. Most people want to experience a meaningful marital partnership that includes feeling secure, understood, and loved. Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction, playfulness, and, sometimes, even with a spiritual connection. Being abl …
My Saba, the Hazon Ish
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-10-07 11:30:29
While this posting is different than most of my blog posts, and certainly far more personal, it is about an intimate relationship. Specifically, the relationship between a teacher and his student. In this case the teacher was the Hazon Ish, also known as Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz, 1878–1953, one of the most influential rabbis of the 20th century. The student was a teenager by name of Zvi Aryeh, who went on to be known as R …
Monologues from the Makom: A Review
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-12-06 13:59:24
I am honored to have been invited by Professor Brill to respond to his blog interview of some of the authors and editors of the recently published, Monologues from the Makom: Intertwined Narratives of Sexuality, Gender, Body Image, and Jewish Identity (Ben Yehuda Press, 2020) by Rivka Cohen, Sara Rozner Lawrence, Sarah Ricklan, Rebecca Zimilover, and Naima Hirsch. I was aware of the book’s publication …
Marriage and the Traveling Spouse
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2018-12-11 07:26:53
Tamar and Avi are an American couple in their late thirties who made aliya to Israel two years ago with their four children. They presented to couple therapy in distress. They reported that they argued frequently about their children, their in-laws, household tasks and money. Tamar said she felt that Avi took her for granted and had no idea what her life was like. Avi complained, “We hardly ever have sex.” After a m …
Episode 51: Love During War
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2023-10-22 10:12:21
As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the horrifying reality of the atrocities suffered here at the hands of vicious terrorists, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Hundreds are still being held captive or are still missing, the dead have not all been buried, we are all in mourning and in shock. Who is thinking about intimacy or sex? Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting …
Episode 20: Love (and Sex) in the Time of Corona
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2020-03-25 14:36:40
The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Couples are facing a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. H …
Episode 36: LGBTQ and Orthodox
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-11-11 14:11:27
In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch and Joshua Brook. For the video of the panel click here For the audio, click here …
Judaism and Sexuality: Myths and Realities
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2022-03-18 05:55:04
This past March 2022, I participated (virtually) in a symposium at the conference of ISSWSH- The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health in Dallas, Texas. The symposium consisted of four speakers, each representing one of the following religions: Islam, Mormonism, Catholicism and Judaism. I was given 15 minutes to present the highlights of both the myths and the realities of Judaism and sexuality. Below is a …
Episode 7: Jewish #MeToo: Does Adherence to Jewish Law Provide Safety From Sexual Assault?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2018-11-07 13:12:47
In his recent analysis of the “#MeToo earthquake,” Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America’s director of public affairs, bemoans the “supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women,” and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is “relatively rare& …
Intimate Judaism-Pilot Episode
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2018-08-07 04:07:02
Intimate Judaism is a new podcast where a rabbi and therapist discuss intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in the context of Jewish family life and Torah observance. We raise conflicts and challenges and candidly offer solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha. Do you have unanswered questions about Judaism, sexuality and intimacy? Do you want your children to get a better sex education than the one you receiv …
Intimacy after abuse
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2019-05-03 08:01:42
Humans long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experience a meaningful partnership that includes feeling secure, understood and loved. Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction, playfulness and sometimes, even as a spiritual connection. Experiencing this involves letting go, feeling secure while taking risks, being …
In Sickness and in Health
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2016-12-22 06:03:41
In the course of a couple’s lifecycle, medical conditions, chronic illnesses or diseases can become a reality for one or both partners. While medical practitioners offer guidance and treatment for the purpose of improving health and quality of life, questions regarding the effect of illness, medications and other treatments on sexual health and functioning often remain unaddressed. The reasons for this are many, and include th …
Episode 57: Hugging with a Shinui: Halachic Leniency in Times of Distress
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2016-12-22 00:00:00
Episode 57: Hugging with a Shinui: Halachic Leniency in Times of Distress
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-09-19 13:44:09
According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig, founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.” War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces, rather than increases, potential harm. Listen to the premiere episode of Season 7 of I …
How often should we be doing it?
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2018-12-20 14:38:28
I recently received the following question from a therapist: “Is there a norm as to how often religious couples should engage in sex? The question comes specifically from a woman who has reached menopause and is no longer a niddah. Husband wants often, she prefers less frequently, but wants to be a “good wife”. My answer was as follows: The standard answer to this question is that there is no dete …
Episode 43: "How can You do this to me, G-d": Infertility, Pregnancy loss, and Relationships
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2022-09-14 07:54:05
The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. G-d remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering, painful and isolating. In the first of two episodes on infertility and preg …
Help, my spouse went OTD
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2017-10-16 12:14:39
There are various terms used to describe the newly non-religious. The popular term used in here Israel is “datlash” which, in Hebrew, stands for ‘dati le’sheavar’ or ‘formerly religious’. “Off the Derech” (OTD) meaning, off the path, or way, is the term frequently used in American Orthodox communities. The decision to abandon a religious lifestyle can involve a combination of factors ranging f …
From Ima and Abba with love: ten marriage tips for our engaged child
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2017-02-09 03:18:58
First appeared in The Eden Center blog Mazal tov! Your child is engaged and amidst the hustle and bustle of choosing gowns, wedding hall, flowers and caterer, you want to be able to talk to your son or daughter about the upcoming marriage – not just the wedding. If the topics of relationships, intimacy and sexuality have been part of the overall dialogue in your home, then speaking freely and openly with your children as they embark upon th …
Episode 30: Fantasy, Premarital Sex, Kink and More: An Intimate Judaism Q and A Epidsode
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2021-02-17 14:15:27
In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are: Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable?
Why must couples get the first time “over with” on the wedding night? (Or must they?)
Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah?
May women fantasize?
Does enjoying an …
Episode 58:Why not a Threesome, Sex in the Dark, Hating Nidah Laws and More: An Intimate Judaism Q&A
Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum
2024-10-31 07:47:29
In our latest Q&A episode, Talli and Scott address some of the many questions submitted by listeners regarding Judaism and intimacy. Among the issues they discuss are repairing sexuality after 15 years of “doing it wrong,” consensual threesomes, sex therapy versus couples therapy, when a wife wants sex more than her husband, tubal ligation, looking at porn to get in the mood, and much more. Listen to the episode here …