Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
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Showing Results 0 - 18 (18 total)
A Relationship Lesson in Home Depot
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-08-11 11:43:24
One of the things that I like to do is to refresh the weatherproofing on my deck. So, I made the trip to Home Depot to buy the right can and paint roller to do the job. As I was checking out at the paint department, I commented to the attendant that whenever I opened these types of cans, I always ruined them in the process and was unable to reseal the still half full containers. The attendant, Jim, asked me how I typically opened the paint …
Apologies- Yours and Mine
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-09-16 11:37:24
A happy marriage, like any relationship, can only endure if we get good at apologies. It is critical to both be able to give and to receive an apology. Interestingly, when Dr. Gary Chapman studied couples, he found that there are five different apology languages. That is, five different styles of expressing, “I have done wrong to you, please forgive me.” It is important to pay attention to what style resonates with you and what style …
Color Your Picture
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-05 11:51:07
It was about a half-hour into a marriage mediation session when the challenge became very apparent to me. In all areas of life – for both husband and wife – it was all or nothing. There was considerable need for a vacation, but only a fully planned vacation would do. There was need for increased communication, but only a full-fledged DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation) would be sufficient. I asked their permission to introduce a …
Compliments
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-09-01 12:57:57
Compliments lubricate the marriage. If there are compliments flowing regularly between husband and wife, then the touchy situations that come up are just a little bit less squeaky and far more manageable. In my marriage mediation practice I find that some people have trouble giving compliments because things aren't so perfect, and others have trouble receiving compliments, often because they don’t realize how important compliments are …
Don’t Label Me; I’m Not a QR Code!
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2023-04-17 23:16:49
Over my years of teaching, many teacher stories have been shared with me. Some have been instructive, some less so. But the one about Horowitz is one that I like to remind myself of. A teacher walks into class on the first day of the school year. The students get quiet as they anticipate the start of a new lesson and a new school year. The teacher asks, “Which one of you is Horowitz?” One boy raises his hand. The teacher declares, &ld …
When Words Fail Us: Creating Safe Space for Empathetic Listening
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2023-01-10 21:47:19
The call came in at 2:05 a.m. The 911 operator who took the call was a veteran of many years. He intoned with a mixture of compassion and authority, “Do you have an emergency?” But the caller couldn’t talk. Over the phone line came choking sobs. To the operator it sounded a bit like gasps for air. Or was it shock and panic that the operator was hearing? The sobbing, gasps, and attempts to talk in a hushed tone continued, …
Five Steps to Repair a Marriage
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-11-08 10:10:46
Doni, a friend of mine since high school, sidled up to me in the supermarket one day and said he wanted to talk. He related that years ago he had been visiting Israel and saw a man outside Yericho who was giving camel rides. He approached the man and asked, “How much do you charge to go up on the camel?” The man replied good-naturedly, “It is free.” The price was right, so Doni took a deep breath and courageously proceeded …
Never Split the Difference
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-08-04 21:37:30
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a book I am fond of both for its content and for its wise title. Too often, even professionals think that mediation means looking at the claims of the two parties and meeting in the middle. Splitting the difference just seems so fair. The author, a former FBI hostage negotiator, notes that such mediation would mean that in a hostage situation of four, law enforcement would bargain for two?! And if ranso …
Relationship Math 1+1=2
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-09-09 12:44:05
One of the most common pieces of marriage advice is that marriage requires compromise. Simply put, compromise means that you won’t get everything you want. For example, you might be a saver and your spouse a spender. You wish to put a lot into savings each month, and your spouse would rather spend and live in the present. So, you might compromise as to how much money to put into savings or retirement each month, saving a lesser amount that …
Relationship Ping Pong
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2024-08-18 15:54:10
Several years ago, my brother bought us a wonderful “Uncle Gift,” a ping pong table. The children adored it and spent many fun hours with it. As time went on, we found a way to get even more fun from the game of ping pong. Instead of playing for points, we decided to simply play as if both players were on the same team, trying to keep the volley going as long as possible. What emerged, when we stopped playing for points, is that both …
The Harmony of Marriage
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2023-06-04 21:24:22
The famous Biblical commentator, Rabbi Avraham ibn Ezra, once heard of a very special manuscript which described in detail the proper melody for reading biblical text. He was so excited that he traveled to the neighboring province in an effort to study it, despite the fact that a war was raging in the area. During his travels, he was apprehended by one of the factions and was accused of being a spy. The kindly rabbi insisted that he was a scholar …
The Spy that I Love
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-18 10:39:43
It was during my post graduate studies that I found myself one day in the home of my mentor. We were sitting together, Rebbe (revered teacher) and I, studying at his dining room table. I don’t recall the reason for the personal session or what topic we were studying. But I do recall learning something that day that I hope to always treasure. We were studying texts diligently together when Rebbe’s 19-year-old daughter – a young l …
What is Marriage Mediation?
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2023-01-25 11:10:34
“You are driving a bus,” the entertainer began. I was sitting at a birthday party to which I had carpooled my son and some classmates. The entertainer was trying to include both children and their parents with a conversational riddle. He continued. “At the first stop 3 children get on. At the second stop 2 more get on, but one gets off. At the next stop a grandma gets on with two children, a boy and a girl. At the next stop 2 ch …
Worse Than a Leaky Faucet
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-05 11:38:49
One of my favorite places to visit is Niagara Falls. The intense rush of water cascading over the falls is truly overwhelming. Over the years I have visited the Falls numerous times, and have experienced them as many of us have: from in front, from behind, as well as from the boat ride. But nothing prepared me for my recent visit. My previous trips were all to the Canadian side. It was so exciting to cross the border, and besides, “they&rdq …
Write Your Own Script
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-05 11:43:35
The woman was distraught. Her son had set out to that place called America, where the streets were “paved with gold.” She had seen him off at the nearby train station but had not heard from him for six months. Now her head was besieged with questions: Had he made it to the ship? Had he crossed the Atlantic safely? Did he find a job? Was he okay? Finally, she heard something. A local businessman came back from America and told her that …
"Y" Mediation
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2023-09-25 23:09:23
Has it been a while since you have felt excitement in your marriage? Have you reached a point of doubt or distancing in your relationship? Discernment mediation might be just what you need. If you are encountering difficulties in marriage, you may feel that you are headed for divorce. This is especially true if either you or your spouse know of a friend that is getting divorced. But it does not have to be that way. The drifting, distancing, and e …
"Y" Mediation
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-05 00:00:00
Your Rearview Mirror
Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator
2022-08-05 11:54:25
My father encouraged us to be handy. He encouraged us to read the instructions and do it ourselves if we could. One of my fond memories of childhood is reaffixing the car rearview mirror after it fell off. Although I did wonder a bit why a rearview mirror was important – after all, people drive forward not backward – I proceeded to reaffix the mirror. I bought the glue, positioned the mirror, and then followed the instructions, holdin …