Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
Subscribe to this blog to get the latest updates emailed to you
Subscription complete
Showing Results 0 - 40 (131 total)
Forgiveness: Favor or Responsibility?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
“I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
This Article May Not Have a Happy Ending
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
Inside me there is a story I must tell. I didn't realize it at first. It began as a slight feeling of unease. Like butterflies in my stomach. But then I began to hear voices. My main character started walking around in my head. “Nu?” she said. “How long do I have to wait?” She lives in Israel, I think, with her religious husband and children. Her non-Jewish brother, Jev, calls her. He says, “Come.” He lives in …
And They Lived Happily Ever After (they did?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
Trick or Treatment?: a look at alternative healing practices
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-06 00:00:00
A Client Asks a Therapist Who do you see as I cry on your couch?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-06 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE “What do you think of us?” a reader asks me in an email. “I would love to read about how you and other therapists view us, your clients. Yes, we have issues to work on. Yes, we have waited too long to begin this journey. True, we are a work in progress. But, honestly, my friends and I (who are seeing therapis …
My Kid Wants to Be a Superhero for Purim
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-13 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST Question: One of my children wants to dress up as a superhero this Purim.I personally feel that I don't want my child dressing up as a superhero especially on a holy day like Purim, yet some of his friends are dressing up as superheroes, and I know a parent is supposed to "pick his battles." Do you think this is a battle worth fighting? …
EMDR: Some New Initials to Make You Crazy--or Not?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-20 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN "THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE" It sounds so voodoo, so New Age, so really, really weird. But hey, everyone is doing it now and any therapist who works with trauma has gotta know this stuff, and anyway I could always use the CE's (continuing education credits needed for periodic re-certification for social workers), so I figured, “Why not?” So I …
Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-27 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
A Smashing Yom Tov or Smashing into Yom Tov? grieving during the holidays
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-03 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY LINKS, A MAGAZINE GEARED TOWARDS TEENS WHO HAVE FACED THE LOSS OF A PARENT Groa-a-a-an. If that’s your reaction to the idea of Pesach coming up, then this article is for you. Forget about the cleaning for Pesach. That’s not what you are dreading—although it just may not be your most favorite activity (mine neither; that’s why I start my Pesach cleaning two weeks before Pesach …
Running Interference: Why don't we say something when we see something?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-10 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE So this is me. I am on my way to meet my sister-in-law for a morning out and as I am meandering along Sixteenth Avenue in Brooklyn, I see a school bus pull over to pick up some children. Although all drivers are patiently waiting in their cars until the children are safely in, I realize with horror (yes! Horror!) that the school bus does not use its flashing lights or open its STOP sign. I am …
Dodging the Dangers of Therapy!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-18 00:00:00
NOTE: A VARIATION OF THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST I am so glad a reader sent me an email telling me I should write an article warning people about therapists. I am sure if a parent would send an email to the principal of her child's school informing him that he should broadcast the dangers of allowing children to attend school, or persuade her dentist to warn customers about the …
When Cockroaches are Guests and Guests Feel Like Cockroaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-26 00:00:00
Note: This article was originally published in LINKS Magazine, published by LINKS, an organization that offers support, retreats, teleconferences, Shabbatons/get-together and other services for teens who have lost a parent(s). I am totally not interested in your kvetching about your Yom Tov horror stories being guests in other people's homes, because right now I am going to tell you MY horror stories being a guest every single, bingle Shabbos an …
When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-01 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
Baby Blues Part I: a fictionalized account of post partum depression
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-08 00:00:00
NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
Baby Blues Part 2: a fictionalized account of post partum depression in therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-15 00:00:00
NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
Baby Blues Part 3: a fictionalized account of post partum therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-22 00:00:00
Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning. I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-30 00:00:00
This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Parts 5 & 6 Baby Blues: The End
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-05 00:00:00
Recap: Chava has returned for third session with husband’s support and has identified her goals and objective to alleviate symptoms of her post partum anxiety and depression. Her therapist assigned homework to establish baseline functioning in order to assess throughout therapy improvement in functioning. Session Four “I don’t know why I feel so much better,” Chava says. “It’s not like we did an …
Mindfulness is the New Black
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-15 00:00:00
NOTE: originally published by Binah Magazine Here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I wake up every morning excited to start my day. I love what I do, who I meet (yes, I mean you, my wonderful, interesting, and hard-working client!), and what I accomplish. I love babysitting my grandchildren (even the one who shrugs her little one-year old shoulder at me and totally snubs me out), and I love having my married children over for Shabbos meals …
Selfish! Or: Selfish?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-19 00:00:00
What would you do if your daughter kvetches that she has to load the dishwasher every night after supper? Or if your son complains that he doesn't want to do the Erev Shabbos errands anymore? How would you respond to yet another child who balks at visiting his grandfather motzai Shabbos, or yet another who refuses to babysit when you need to leave to a wedding or levaya? What would your reaction be to the mother who cries that she is sick of doi …
Quality Time in the Catskills? a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-26 00:00:00
Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer? Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question puzzles me. I do not quite understand how going to the bungalow colony interferes in your family time. If …
Dumb Things Teachers Say to Our Kids in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-03 00:00:00
Just for the record let me say that I am awed by our religious community. I should say communities, plural, but that would imply divisiveness and I am loath to put to paper any indication of that. Although we have our issues, I applaud our wonderful schools, menahalim and menahalos, principals and teachers who are dedicated, invested, and involved in their students' lives. I met a menahel of a yeshiva who told me how he keeps his eyes out for st …
Old? Old! (Not me!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-10 00:00:00
So sue me. I don't feel old. I don't mind growing old. At every older stage, I actually enjoy myself even more. I can't even imagine being five years younger. That would be pre-grandchildren. Awful to even contemplate. I look forward to being five years older. So many more rich experiences waiting for me. Maybe I will get to that African Safari I have been dying to explore. Maybe by then my youngest will be engaged (married is pushing it...) and …
Who's Who in Therapy: those confusing initials demystified
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-18 00:54:20
So I just came back from the Nefesh Conference this week. Whew. Lots of fun. Lots of new information. Lots of new people! Nefesh International is a Jewish Orthodox organization for mental people—oops! I mean for professionals in the field of mental health (like me), and rabbis who are involved with the issues our communities are confronted with daily. Believe it or not, Nefesh spans the world and has branches not only in the USA but also i …
Hoopla About the Hug: May My Therapist Hug Me?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-24 22:23:03
Okay, so you want to know what's with the hug. The hug? Yep, the hug. The hug most clients want from their therapists whether or not they dare ask for it. Oh, that hug. It's a taboo subject, you know. It's not a something I would ask another therapist. Like, “Do you hug your clients?” because we are not supposed to be hugging clients. That's all in the literature. Go on line and try to find stuff on therapist hugging clients. It …
Sandtray Secrets: When my clients play with sand and stuff
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-31 10:25:25
A few years ago, I walked into a colleague's therapy office, and I didn't want to leave. From floor to ceiling, her shelves were lined with hundreds of miniatures. Miniature people, objects, and landscapes; realistic, fantastical, magical, and mythical. And in the center of her room was a sandbox. “Sandtray therapy,” she said, noticing my reaction. “I do sandtray with my clients.” Her clients were adults, not children. Wh …
Getting My Kids into School Again: Ask the Therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-06 23:59:14
Question: Every year when we return from the country,I have a lot of trouble getting my children back into normal routine. Do you have any advice on how to make this transition easier? Answer: This problem is the bane of all teachers and principals. As I was once an elementary school teacher, I can attest to the work I put in all year into my students, how engaged and committed they were to school, and how much information and skills th …
The Borderline Mother: Can we save her children?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-16 00:11:39
I write this column to teachers and rebbes, principals and menahalim, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and family friends, and especially for the rav and rebbetzin. This column is about the borderline mother and to give her child a voice so we may hear and do. I will not talk of the borderline mother who is so dysfunctional that her dress disorderly, always in conflict with some one or another, alienating her family, her friends, often div …
The Borderline Mother Responds: and I apologize
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-21 22:34:59
Of all my columns, my article on mothers with borderline personality disorder has evoked the most passionate responses. Teens and adult children of mothers BPD thanked me for validating their experiences and giving them a voice. Mothers, recognizing for the first time their behavior in terms of a possible BPD diagnosis, reached out for help. And then I received two more emails from mothers with BPD. And I owe them a public apology. Because in my …
When Your Kid Loses a Friend: Social Trauma
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-28 14:29:38
Sometimes, I cannot breathe with their pain. When I was a teenager, I lived the social misery of worrying about friends. If I had them. If I lost them. What to do at any given second of time to keep them. So I am no stranger to the social drama that makes up high school. But I absolutely do not remember ever feeling the complete feeling of annihilation my clients are describing in the drama of their social lives. And I do not say this flip …
Here's a link to an interview on Kol-Isha Website
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-30 17:42:43
For those of you who are interested in a beautiful website geared to women and navigating a successful marriage--and divorce--here's a link. COUPLES THERAPY: WHEN SHOULD I SEEK HELP in an interview I gave that you will find on the website. http://kol-isha.org/ …
Writing in Grief Work: an exercise for teens (and adults)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-04 10:20:40
This article was originally used as a teleconference on the LINKS hotline, an organization that runs programs and support for teens whose parent(s) had died Did I ever mention that my best pieces of writing come out when I am dealing with something really hard? Well, it’s true. there’s this famous writer who once wrote something like how writing needs to be as strong as a hammer against the skull to wake us up. If all …
Writing as a tool in therapy: another List poem idea
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-04 10:25:57
Note: This article was originally written in Twirl, the teen publication in Binah Magazine. Another way to engage client writers to examine their behavior--I actually find many writers finding their way to me for therapy because they connect to my writing and use writing as part of their therapy naturally....so here's another: You know how people talk about dirt or stains like they have personality? Something like, “That stain on my …
Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder: a therapist speaks the parents of her teen client
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-12 10:20:39
Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
Things Parents Want to Know About Their Teens in Therapy Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-18 22:20:00
Hello Mother. Hello Father. So you read Hello Muddder, Hello Fadder and now you want to know more. Glad you are back. As a therapist for teens, it's always important when parents collaborate in a teen client's treatment. But it's a confusing situation. For the teenager who is unhappy. For the parents who often have no idea what is going on, what went wrong, or how to help their child. There are no magic answers. But the role of the therapist is …
Memory Magic or Mania?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-25 17:34:25
Take my daughter for example. I spent ten years listening to the trauma she endured when I missed her Chanukah play in second grade. She does not remember how I rearranged my whole life practically to take my first ever vacation to Eretz Yisroel since I am married so that my flight would leave only the afternoon after her play. She does not remember how her Chanukah play was cancelled because of a random snowstorm. She does not remember how I fr …
When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-05 10:36:12
Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-09 12:01:08
You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
How Attached Are You? attachment styles and how they impact us
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-30 22:30:51
I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
Grief, Mourning, and How Your Body Lets You Know That Things Are Not Okay
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-05 20:22:23
Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …