Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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Showing Results 40 - 80 (131 total)
Choosing a Kallah Teacher for Your Daughter: a former kallah teacher speaks
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-12-09 23:13:22
I used to be a Kallah teacher, before I became a therapist. I found this article in my files, never published. I know that I tried to publish it in many venues only to have it turned down repeatedly. I assume that it is because no publication felt comfortable with such information in a public forum. This article is a little rough around the edges, but the content remains relevant today as it was ten years ago when I wrote it. So here it is: …
What Type of Husband Does My Daughter Really Need?: A parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-12-02 19:11:16
Question: This past bein hazmanim has been the first time we were actively involved in shidduchim for our oldest daughter who has just returned from seminary and it sounds terrible to say but I am relieved that she did not get engaged. It was a nightmare. Although my wife and I have a different way of looking at things, for the most part, until this parshah of shidduchim, we have managed to work things out. But I don't know how we will navigate …
Part 2: Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-26 16:52:14
Mistakes happen. Therapists mess up. If you are asking me if it’s okay for a therapist to make a mistake, to mess up; my answer may get you angry. So before I write the answer, I ask you to hang on until the end of this article so you can understand. Ready? The answer? Yes. It is okay for a therapist to make a mistake. Hold on! You promised you would give me until the end of this column before getting angry! And here’s why. …
Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-18 21:48:47
In another lifetime, I was a seventh grade teacher. Over the course of the years, there were two students I felt I had wronged and bided my time, seeking an opportunity to set things right. When the two of them had graduated twelfth grade, I tracked them both down and apologized for my youth, my inexperience, my mistakes, and for the impact of my actions. Both seemed indifferent to my apologies, and I still wonder if there is something I can do. …
Rude Trading Cards: an angry grandparent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-13 10:49:39
Question: I am extremely annoyed at my daughter, my oldest married child. Lately, her boys have been coming home from cheder with these trading cards that basically preach against having a smart phone. Each card has a cartoon on it, words, or otherwise indicate reasons why not to have a smart phone. First of all, I find these cards extremely disrespectful. Some pictures, for example, have white-bearded religious looking men using a smart phone, …
Teletherapy: Whattsap, Gmail, Skype, Zoom, and other funny words
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-06 13:34:30
Telehealth. Telepractice. Teletherapy. New Age words for New Age therapy. Welcome to the modern world where not only can you shop for clothing, gadgets and shoes from the comfort of your home, but you can do the same for a therapist. You are not surprised, are you? But it is a new concept that seems quite odd at first. This article is only to educate consumers about this new medium of telehealth. Receiving your doctor's care from your home or …
If Life is Better, Why Am I Feeling Worse?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-29 17:03:33
So here is the deal. Your mother was sick. Stuff was tough. The house was upside down, your house was a hospital, take-out food was lousy. Everyone snapping all day at each other. Or it was different. Still terrible, but a different kind of terrible. Your father died suddenly. A car accident or a heart attack or an aneurysm. And the house was nuts even if the food at shiva was delicious. Thousands of people suffocating you, your friends mute and …
Not Missing My Mother: Good Grief!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-22 16:17:17
Originally written for LINKS MAGAZINE, published by LINKS, and organization that supports orphans in our community: Dear Links, As I laugh at some of your stories and as I tear at some others, I think. I find them amusing. I also find them angering and hurtful. Every story is about how you miss your deceased parent. I don't miss my mother. Sometimes I do. When there's a simcha or on her Yahrtzeit. But otherwise, there's no sad feel …
Back to School: Teenage Angst
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-15 05:28:42
I don’t know about you, but I was always excited to start the first day of school. I loved my new shoes and new bag and new uniform (yep, I always loved uniforms because I did not have to think about what I had to wear. I personally hate shopping and would think it great if I could wear a mommy-uniform every day. Well, actually I do. Because my married daughter says, “Ma! You are still wearing that outfit from a hundred years ago? Yo …
Why Do People Become Sheeple?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-02 21:00:51
My daughter called me from her seminary in Israel. “As the only chassidish girl in seminary,” she informed me, “probably the only chassidishe girl these seminary girls have ever met in their lives, I have become the spokesperson for all of chassidish women in the world.” I laughed. “I need to explain everything to them,” she said. “Whatever I do that’s different, they need to understand. So whateve …
My Daughter Hates Helping: Nu, what else is new in parenting?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-23 21:36:48
Question: I am tearing my hair out from my youngest, teenage daughter. She is the only daughter left at home except for two younger brothers and another away at yeshiva. She does well in school socially and academically, and we are a close family. Lately she is giving me a hard time that she doesn’t want my married children to move in for Shabbos. This girl does not do a thing throughout the week. I rarely ask for her help with household c …
Rosh Hashonah Again: Didn't we do this last year?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-16 21:22:03
People stop me all the time. Like, I am minding my own business while picking out tomatoes at the fruit store, and I meet a friend. She launches into a whole story about her sister's friend's mother's eighteen year old daughter who is having problems in hashkafah and she desperately needs my advice how to get that girl to agree to therapy. Now, how am I going to do that while I am trying to choose tomatoes for tonight's salad? I wish I can creat …
I Am Back
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-16 21:20:04
To all my readers, My apologies to all of you who emailed to me and contacted me one way or another to let me know how much you missed my blog and wondered when I would post again. Due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to post consistently and so did not. However, as of this week, my blog will be attended to weekly as in the past. Thank you all for letting me know how much you cared it went AWOL. It won't happen again. Mindy …
My Sister's Oven and The Challenge of Change: A Shabbos Nachamu thought
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-30 23:26:33
Did I ever tell you about my sister's oven? There's not much to tell except that her oven is about a hundred years old, inherited from the previous owners of her bungalow upstate, and the only way to close the oven is by closing the metal latch. You know which latch I mean. The same hook and eye that is used in the …
The Ungrateful Child Fights Back: The Narcissistic Parent Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-16 21:47:11
So how was your Shabbos? Didn't know you had a narcissistic mother, did you? Or spouse? Or somebody-or-other in your life? Until you read Part 1 of the Narcissistic Mother in my column. And now you are blown away with understanding what you have lived with until now. Why you have always blamed yourself, lost confid …
Ungrateful Child, Look How Much I Do for You! : The Narcissistic Mother Part I
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-10 23:44:01
Shabbat is here. Mothers all over the world are cleaning, cooking, inviting married children, and babysitting grandchildren. Some are overworked, some are harried, some are a little frustrated at their married children who leave plates in the sink and let their children run wild at six in the morning. But overall, the home feels warm and inviting, the grandchildren loved and cossetted. & …
I'm in Therapy: How Do I Honor My Parents (and do I even want to?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-03 10:26:47
Dear Mindy, Your weekly insights brought forth a question which has been niggling me for a while. Several of your articles, including the ones regarding BPD mothers and the one on attachment have left me wondering Does the topic of Kibbud Horim (the commandment of honoring one's parents) ever reach the therapy room? It appears as if most, if not all, adults who enter therapy have some sort of childhood scar/issue which comes up through the course …
When a Father is Missing: (dead or alive)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-25 07:46:12
Mothers have been getting a bad rap in my column. The borderline. The narcissist. And I think it’s about time we give everybody equal opportunity here and let the guys be bashed for once. Heads up all you males who read my columns; this one’s about you! Yes, there are borderline fathers. Most certainly there are narcissistic fathers. There are plenty of lousy fathers (a round of applause out there to the fathers who are doing a prett …
If You Are Leader or Follower
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-18 08:41:44
Let me tell you about a terrible thing I once did as a teacher. I worked for a kiruv school at one point, teaching junior high school to students who were mostly first and second generation immigrants of various countries. There was a silent hierarchy that had evolved in which second generation immigrant students held first generation immigrants in contempt. Worst off were the children who themselves were immigrants. The children had absolutely …
Middle Sister, Monkey in the Middle: another article for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-11 17:25:26
I'm assuming that because you read my first column about sister relationships, you and your sister have worked everything out by now. Gasp! You didn't? So let's talk some more about that. And the reason I can talk about it is because I have two sisters. That makes me an expert on sisters. One of my sisters is seven years younger than me and one of them is seven years older. I also have a brother stuck in someplace, but this article is about sist …
When I Was a Nobody: followers and leaders
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-04 15:08:51
The year is ending. College. Seminary. High School. Novices as work or internships. And the question is: will you lead with what you know or will you be a follower forever? Thirty years ago, entering seminary in Eretz Yisroel, I remember the incredibly liberating feeling of being a nobody. I had been accepted (by the skin of my teeth) to a prestigious seminary in Yerushalayim and I was surrounded by the G.O presidents of every school, the …
To My Teenage Fans: here's an article for you
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-28 08:53:05
NOTE: This is the introductory article I wrote for my new column in Binah's Teen Magazine, Twirl that comes out quarterly. It's about relationships and has a bit of therapy in it... People think that because I am a therapist, I should know everything. My kids totally crack up that people think I know anything because I am their mother and they know that I know nothing. Obviously my kids are teenagers. So this column is to check out what I …
Saying Hello, Saying Goodbye: Transitioning to Change
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-21 11:00:17
At my twelfth grade graduation, I was sandwiched in between two very funny and fun girls. And we clowned around a whole night, laughing, poking fun at the graduation, shmoozing, and generally waiting for this king of all the boring classes we had to sit through in high school finally come to an end, releasing us to the freedom of---hmmm. Releasing us to the freedom of what? But forget about that for now. It's the fact that graduation was pretty …
Am I happy or content (really, who cares?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-14 22:08:02
Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
Religious or Obsessive: and other stuff about OCD
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-07 17:47:20
It's horrible. It's frustrating, crippling, disabling, devastating, incapacitating, life-impairing. Should I go to the thesaurus to find more adjectives, or have I gotten my message across adequately? I am talking about OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. We joke about it cavalierly. As if we mean it, but we really don't. “I am OCD about making supper every night for my kids.” “Her house is OCD clean.” “I am …
He's Not As Religious as I Am (but I'm married to him)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-30 09:19:11
Question: I've seen this question asked in many different ways in different magazines, but I really have not heard a satisfactory response, so I am trying you now. My husband, who is an excellent father and husband, is just not as religous as I would want him to be. He also want me to change my standards. Skirts shorter than the four inches below the knee and longer wigs than either my or his siblings wear. He wants to know what is wrong w …
Nothing Changed! When the family complains about the client (or therapy!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-23 10:59:11
“Nothing changed,” complains the wife, the husband, the parent, the teacher, the friend, the sibling. It didn't? Because the nothing-changed—client is sitting slumped in his chair in my room wondering how on earth he can ever convince anyone that he did—that he still is—when his gargantuan efforts have gone so spectacularly unnoticed. In response to reaching out to my listserv at Nefesh International about chan …
And They Lived Happily Ever After (Really?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-16 09:58:50
Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
I'm So Depressed (or am I just sad?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-09 22:43:16
Hang around some teenage girls and this is what you often hear: “I’m so depressed!” And that statement is usually followed by: “I just found another pimple,” or “I hate studying for tests,” or “The ice cream store didn’t have any more pistachio left.” Hang around some teenage girls at a Links Shabbos (Links is an organization that reaches out to children whose parent(s) has died) …
When a Father Dies, and so Does the Passover Seder
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-02 14:10:40
This beautiful piece was written by my teen client who allowed me a glimpse into her pain, and wanted to share it so that others can understand the impact of a father-loss. Pesach is probably the hardest time for a fatherless family. Because it's all about the father and the child and the seder. Here are her words: Originally published in Binah Magazine Totty. Dark, untidy frizzes border his soft, pale face. He is my father…..my dear fath …
Therapize me, therapize me not: here's my response to Mentor Betrayals
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-26 14:15:25
Did I ever mention how I love controversy? Nah, right? Did I ever mention how much I love all my readers? The ones who turn to my column first each Monday morning, but especially the ones who hate my columns but somehow, even if they refuse to read them, have astonishing x-ray vision that allows them access to my articles enough to write angry letters to me and to my editors about them. Yep, I love you all. And really, I respect you even more. F …
Therapy Shmerapy: My new book!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-23 15:10:35
In THERAPY, SHMERAPY; Demysifying Therapy Even for Those Who Don't Need It, you are in for a revealing session behind the closed doors of the therapy room. As a popular columnist, therapist Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, has been dazzling her audience in Binah Magazine and on her blog. Here is the real story of therapy: honest, eye-opening, sharp, and often funny. In this collection of thought-provoking essays you will find out what is therapy; who need …
Therapize me, therapize me not: a partial response to angry letters
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-19 09:01:55
To my darling, dearest readers...even the ones who hate me and send your angry letters straight to the editor with specific instructions to fire me as a Binah columnist...I love you all. You make my life exciting and varied and keep me on my toes! The flood of emails in response to my column “Therapize me, Therapize me not: when teachers and mentors betray us” validated the purpose of the column. Thank you teachers who acknowledged t …
(Angry) Letters in Response to: When We are Betrayed by Teachers and Mentors
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-13 23:23:57
From: Sent: Monday, December 05, 2016 5:15 PM To: Mindy Blumenfeld
Subject: Question for therapy column Hi! Since I'm a teacher and sometimes act like a therapist to some of the teenagers I teach; I was very excited with the column you wrote this week! I teach in a school were the most of the girls are going through really tough challenges and struggling with yiddeshkeit at the same time. Some girls became really close to me and call/t …
My Parents Favor My Siblings: an adult child asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-05 13:58:35
Question: I always felt my mother favored my other siblings over me This sounds so silly, especially because I am now married with my own children who I love very, very much,. I just felt she loved me less than everyone else. She didn't seem so interested in my life, I felt criticized often, and even today, I feel she gives my children less attention than their cousins. I feel very hurt and I wonder why it's like this and if I can change anythin …
When We Are Betrayed by Teachers and Mentors
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-28 20:27:34
I love teachers. I was a teacher for loads of years before I became a therapist. Sometimes I was a great teacher, sometimes lousy. I loved my students to pieces. I found them funny and interesting and lively and smart. I also found them a handful. They exhausted me, challenged me, irritated me. I miss the classroom. I miss the passion and excitement and butterflies in my stomach from sheer nervousness of walking int o a classroom loaded with tee …
Should I Buy A Summer Home? ask the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-19 09:04:58
Question: I know this is a funny question to ask now when it's in the middle of the winter, but I need to make a decision now about the summer. We want to buy a summer home in a new bungalow colony that is opening up in the Catskills, but I am worried. In general, I do not have friends, and I had a hard time making friends in high school. My children are outgoing, like my husband, and are begging me to go. I do not have sisters and my mother, wh …
Rabbis in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-12 10:59:05
I am warning you right off that I am going to sound real religious in this column. So if you are totally not interested, you can skip this article right now. It's fine. I will wait for you to leave so I can get on with writing this for other girls who are not scared off by religious stuff. Or religious people. Especially therapists (gasp!). Are you gone yet? What are you still doing here? Hanging around pretending you are reading something else? …
When Force is a GOOD FORCE: getting the reluctant client into therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-05 00:30:29
They come into my office and they stonewall me. You know who I mean. You know what I mean. The teenager who sits in the chair, grumpy. Refusing to engage. Like, “You dragged me here and I am here, but don't even think I am going to do anything else in here.” Yep. And the spouses—usually the husband—who acts the same way. And that's when they actually come into the therapy room. What about all those children, teens, and ad …
My Daughters Hate Each Other: a parent asks a therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-29 13:02:21
Q. My fifteen year old is driving my twelve year daughter crazy (let me call them Esti and Faige, respectively). Although they never got along, this year has been the worst. Faige is a very easy going, sweet girl and Esti is demanding and always complaining. Esti complains that Faige doesn't help at home, or that Faige is bothering her (which is hard to believe especially when I don't see Faige doing anything), or any number of things she can th …
My Daughter Doesn't Want to Date: a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-23 08:46:04
Question: Our daughter finished seminary and she says she does not want to meet any prospective shidduchim yet. We have never had an easy time with her. She doesn't communicate to us and is often in a bad mood, although she does have friends and seems fine with them. We have two daughters directly underneath her and we don't have the luxury of waiting until she claims she will be ready, which we are afraid may be never. She doesn't seem to have …
A Top Shidduch: Between client and therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-17 08:59:26
It's a shidduch. Plain and simple. And you got to do your research before walking into it. Or, before walking out of it. Therapist and client. And sometimes you have to be your own matchmaker. I reached out to my Nefesh listserv and asked 700 hundred therapists from around the United States, Canada and Israel to comment on what they think is important for a client to know about her therapist before committing to therapy. Even after they have a …
Money, Money, Money
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-10 23:09:51
You know what is the hardest thing to talk about in therapy? Money. Weird, no? But true. Clients will talk about anything, and I mean anything, but when it comes to money, they suddenly clam up. As a therapist, I need to look out for those money secrets. Because not always do I read minds and when I do not read my client's mind, I do not realize that when is happening in front of me is all about money. You want to know what I am talking about? T …
Vamoosing on Vacation
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-01 10:01:09
We felt like kids again. When we walked in to our writing workshop one evening, our group leader had pulled out her sand tray and displayed a variety of miniatures for us to work with a la sand play therapy. “Create your vacation,” she urged us at the end of our workshop, and we did. Yocheved put herself on a secluded beach, a book near her, some food, and as she pondered the little menchies, debated whether or not her children were …
Keeping Up the Reputation (even if you don't have one)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-12-25 07:10:14
When I was in the parshah of shidduchim, you would think that my chosson would be impressed with my credentials as being a BJJ graduate. But he was not. He had no idea that there was anything prestigious about it because he was from Eretz Yisroel and as far as he knew, my seminary was housed in the Bais Yaakov and that meant that I learned in the zoo. Literally. Because in my days, the Bais Yaakov building was adjacent to the Biblical Zoo (which …
What Your Therapist Knows Even When You Don't Say a Word! the here-and-now of therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-12-18 09:18:20
My sister-in-law, who I love dearly, meets me on the street. “We were just talking about you,” she tells me, “and this is what we want to know. Do you analyze people? I mean, like when you meet friends, or me, on the street?” I laughed. And I told her the truth. No, I don't do that. And I also told her the absolute truth about me. That I am seriously the worst person to be a social worker. Because therapy is all about rea …
Stuff I Don't Know About Teens But Need to Say Anyway
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-12-11 13:14:49
Today I am just talking out loud. I do not have answers, only questions. I have no statistics, no research, no hard core data. I am not part of a fact-finding team, nor an expert in this field. I am simply a therapist who is working with teens and I am sad. Really, really sad. I wish I can blame someone for what is happening. Parents would be perfect. Rebbeim or teachers. Principals or menahalim of schools and yeshivas. It would be so convenient …
The Bipolar Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-12-05 08:16:34
There are no easy answers. But what I try to do in these columns about therapy is to at least raise the questions. To build awareness. So that readers can make educated choices instead of experiencing panicked reactions. Sometimes, parents bring a teen into therapy with symptoms like decreased need for sleep, risk-taking behaviors, and racing thoughts. It is important, when a teen's behavior changes drastically—or appears to change drastic …
Bad Parenting: why you need to stop generational abuse and neglect
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-28 07:40:06
Question: I grew up with a very critical father and I promised myself that I would never do that to my children. But here I am acting the same way. My children are doing well in school and I love them very much, so I am wondering if they are affected by my behavior. I know that it has affected me even though on the outside I look like a very successful teacher and parent. As a teacher, I also notice kids who seem unhappy but I don’t know i …
The Tiger, My Cousin Esti, and a Ring: What is Resourcing?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-20 10:49:06
The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation t …
A Couple of Things to Know About Couple Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-12 20:34:05
Couple counseling is fascinating work! If sitting in a room with one client is dynamic, imagine what it is like with two. The interesting part about couples work is that the couple, not the individuals, is the client. Sounds weird? It is a novel concept, but one that every therapist needs to bear in mind. Say I am seeing a woman for therapy and after a time, she decides she wants to bring in her husband for therapy. To work on her marriage. Soun …
Grief, Mourning, and How Your Body Lets You Know That Things Are Not Okay
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-05 20:22:23
Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …
How Attached Are You? attachment styles and how they impact us
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-30 22:30:51
I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-09 12:01:08
You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-05 10:36:12
Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
Memory Magic or Mania?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-25 17:34:25
Take my daughter for example. I spent ten years listening to the trauma she endured when I missed her Chanukah play in second grade. She does not remember how I rearranged my whole life practically to take my first ever vacation to Eretz Yisroel since I am married so that my flight would leave only the afternoon after her play. She does not remember how her Chanukah play was cancelled because of a random snowstorm. She does not remember how I fr …
Things Parents Want to Know About Their Teens in Therapy Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-18 22:20:00
Hello Mother. Hello Father. So you read Hello Muddder, Hello Fadder and now you want to know more. Glad you are back. As a therapist for teens, it's always important when parents collaborate in a teen client's treatment. But it's a confusing situation. For the teenager who is unhappy. For the parents who often have no idea what is going on, what went wrong, or how to help their child. There are no magic answers. But the role of the therapist is …
Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder: a therapist speaks the parents of her teen client
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-12 10:20:39
Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
Writing as a tool in therapy: another List poem idea
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-04 10:25:57
Note: This article was originally written in Twirl, the teen publication in Binah Magazine. Another way to engage client writers to examine their behavior--I actually find many writers finding their way to me for therapy because they connect to my writing and use writing as part of their therapy naturally....so here's another: You know how people talk about dirt or stains like they have personality? Something like, “That stain on my …
Writing in Grief Work: an exercise for teens (and adults)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-04 10:20:40
This article was originally used as a teleconference on the LINKS hotline, an organization that runs programs and support for teens whose parent(s) had died Did I ever mention that my best pieces of writing come out when I am dealing with something really hard? Well, it’s true. there’s this famous writer who once wrote something like how writing needs to be as strong as a hammer against the skull to wake us up. If all …
Here's a link to an interview on Kol-Isha Website
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-30 17:42:43
For those of you who are interested in a beautiful website geared to women and navigating a successful marriage--and divorce--here's a link. COUPLES THERAPY: WHEN SHOULD I SEEK HELP in an interview I gave that you will find on the website. http://kol-isha.org/ …
When Your Kid Loses a Friend: Social Trauma
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-28 14:29:38
Sometimes, I cannot breathe with their pain. When I was a teenager, I lived the social misery of worrying about friends. If I had them. If I lost them. What to do at any given second of time to keep them. So I am no stranger to the social drama that makes up high school. But I absolutely do not remember ever feeling the complete feeling of annihilation my clients are describing in the drama of their social lives. And I do not say this flip …
The Borderline Mother Responds: and I apologize
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-21 22:34:59
Of all my columns, my article on mothers with borderline personality disorder has evoked the most passionate responses. Teens and adult children of mothers BPD thanked me for validating their experiences and giving them a voice. Mothers, recognizing for the first time their behavior in terms of a possible BPD diagnosis, reached out for help. And then I received two more emails from mothers with BPD. And I owe them a public apology. Because in my …
The Borderline Mother: Can we save her children?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-16 00:11:39
I write this column to teachers and rebbes, principals and menahalim, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and family friends, and especially for the rav and rebbetzin. This column is about the borderline mother and to give her child a voice so we may hear and do. I will not talk of the borderline mother who is so dysfunctional that her dress disorderly, always in conflict with some one or another, alienating her family, her friends, often div …
Getting My Kids into School Again: Ask the Therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-06 23:59:14
Question: Every year when we return from the country,I have a lot of trouble getting my children back into normal routine. Do you have any advice on how to make this transition easier? Answer: This problem is the bane of all teachers and principals. As I was once an elementary school teacher, I can attest to the work I put in all year into my students, how engaged and committed they were to school, and how much information and skills th …
Sandtray Secrets: When my clients play with sand and stuff
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-31 10:25:25
A few years ago, I walked into a colleague's therapy office, and I didn't want to leave. From floor to ceiling, her shelves were lined with hundreds of miniatures. Miniature people, objects, and landscapes; realistic, fantastical, magical, and mythical. And in the center of her room was a sandbox. “Sandtray therapy,” she said, noticing my reaction. “I do sandtray with my clients.” Her clients were adults, not children. Wh …
Hoopla About the Hug: May My Therapist Hug Me?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-24 22:23:03
Okay, so you want to know what's with the hug. The hug? Yep, the hug. The hug most clients want from their therapists whether or not they dare ask for it. Oh, that hug. It's a taboo subject, you know. It's not a something I would ask another therapist. Like, “Do you hug your clients?” because we are not supposed to be hugging clients. That's all in the literature. Go on line and try to find stuff on therapist hugging clients. It …
Who's Who in Therapy: those confusing initials demystified
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-18 00:54:20
So I just came back from the Nefesh Conference this week. Whew. Lots of fun. Lots of new information. Lots of new people! Nefesh International is a Jewish Orthodox organization for mental people—oops! I mean for professionals in the field of mental health (like me), and rabbis who are involved with the issues our communities are confronted with daily. Believe it or not, Nefesh spans the world and has branches not only in the USA but also i …
Old? Old! (Not me!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-10 00:00:00
So sue me. I don't feel old. I don't mind growing old. At every older stage, I actually enjoy myself even more. I can't even imagine being five years younger. That would be pre-grandchildren. Awful to even contemplate. I look forward to being five years older. So many more rich experiences waiting for me. Maybe I will get to that African Safari I have been dying to explore. Maybe by then my youngest will be engaged (married is pushing it...) and …
Dumb Things Teachers Say to Our Kids in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-03 00:00:00
Just for the record let me say that I am awed by our religious community. I should say communities, plural, but that would imply divisiveness and I am loath to put to paper any indication of that. Although we have our issues, I applaud our wonderful schools, menahalim and menahalos, principals and teachers who are dedicated, invested, and involved in their students' lives. I met a menahel of a yeshiva who told me how he keeps his eyes out for st …
Quality Time in the Catskills? a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-26 00:00:00
Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer? Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question puzzles me. I do not quite understand how going to the bungalow colony interferes in your family time. If …
Selfish! Or: Selfish?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-19 00:00:00
What would you do if your daughter kvetches that she has to load the dishwasher every night after supper? Or if your son complains that he doesn't want to do the Erev Shabbos errands anymore? How would you respond to yet another child who balks at visiting his grandfather motzai Shabbos, or yet another who refuses to babysit when you need to leave to a wedding or levaya? What would your reaction be to the mother who cries that she is sick of doi …
Mindfulness is the New Black
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-15 00:00:00
NOTE: originally published by Binah Magazine Here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I wake up every morning excited to start my day. I love what I do, who I meet (yes, I mean you, my wonderful, interesting, and hard-working client!), and what I accomplish. I love babysitting my grandchildren (even the one who shrugs her little one-year old shoulder at me and totally snubs me out), and I love having my married children over for Shabbos meals …
Parts 5 & 6 Baby Blues: The End
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-05 00:00:00
Recap: Chava has returned for third session with husband’s support and has identified her goals and objective to alleviate symptoms of her post partum anxiety and depression. Her therapist assigned homework to establish baseline functioning in order to assess throughout therapy improvement in functioning. Session Four “I don’t know why I feel so much better,” Chava says. “It’s not like we did an …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-30 00:00:00
This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Baby Blues Part 3: a fictionalized account of post partum therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-22 00:00:00
Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning. I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
Baby Blues Part 2: a fictionalized account of post partum depression in therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-15 00:00:00
NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
Baby Blues Part I: a fictionalized account of post partum depression
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-08 00:00:00
NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-01 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
When Cockroaches are Guests and Guests Feel Like Cockroaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-26 00:00:00
Note: This article was originally published in LINKS Magazine, published by LINKS, an organization that offers support, retreats, teleconferences, Shabbatons/get-together and other services for teens who have lost a parent(s). I am totally not interested in your kvetching about your Yom Tov horror stories being guests in other people's homes, because right now I am going to tell you MY horror stories being a guest every single, bingle Shabbos an …