Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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Showing Results 40 - 80 (131 total)
Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-27 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
Should My Daughter Work in an Office?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-02-03 22:31:54
Question: A while back you wrote a column about going to work in an office versus teaching. Can you address the issues that can occur in an office? If my daughter doesn’t care where she works, in an office or in a school, is there a reason to guide her towards teaching rather than an office that may not be a good place for a frum girl? I am asking this question because we live in a community where the girls are not encouraged to go on to s …
Should I Buy A Summer Home? ask the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-19 09:04:58
Question: I know this is a funny question to ask now when it's in the middle of the winter, but I need to make a decision now about the summer. We want to buy a summer home in a new bungalow colony that is opening up in the Catskills, but I am worried. In general, I do not have friends, and I had a hard time making friends in high school. My children are outgoing, like my husband, and are begging me to go. I do not have sisters and my mother, wh …
Selfish! Or: Selfish?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-19 00:00:00
What would you do if your daughter kvetches that she has to load the dishwasher every night after supper? Or if your son complains that he doesn't want to do the Erev Shabbos errands anymore? How would you respond to yet another child who balks at visiting his grandfather motzai Shabbos, or yet another who refuses to babysit when you need to leave to a wedding or levaya? What would your reaction be to the mother who cries that she is sick of doi …
Saying Hello, Saying Goodbye: Transitioning to Change
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-21 11:00:17
At my twelfth grade graduation, I was sandwiched in between two very funny and fun girls. And we clowned around a whole night, laughing, poking fun at the graduation, shmoozing, and generally waiting for this king of all the boring classes we had to sit through in high school finally come to an end, releasing us to the freedom of---hmmm. Releasing us to the freedom of what? But forget about that for now. It's the fact that graduation was pretty …
Sandtray Secrets: When my clients play with sand and stuff
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-31 10:25:25
A few years ago, I walked into a colleague's therapy office, and I didn't want to leave. From floor to ceiling, her shelves were lined with hundreds of miniatures. Miniature people, objects, and landscapes; realistic, fantastical, magical, and mythical. And in the center of her room was a sandbox. “Sandtray therapy,” she said, noticing my reaction. “I do sandtray with my clients.” Her clients were adults, not children. Wh …
Running Interference: Why don't we say something when we see something?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-10 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE So this is me. I am on my way to meet my sister-in-law for a morning out and as I am meandering along Sixteenth Avenue in Brooklyn, I see a school bus pull over to pick up some children. Although all drivers are patiently waiting in their cars until the children are safely in, I realize with horror (yes! Horror!) that the school bus does not use its flashing lights or open its STOP sign. I am …
Rude Trading Cards: an angry grandparent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-13 10:49:39
Question: I am extremely annoyed at my daughter, my oldest married child. Lately, her boys have been coming home from cheder with these trading cards that basically preach against having a smart phone. Each card has a cartoon on it, words, or otherwise indicate reasons why not to have a smart phone. First of all, I find these cards extremely disrespectful. Some pictures, for example, have white-bearded religious looking men using a smart phone, …
Rosh Hashonah Again: Didn't we do this last year?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-16 21:22:03
People stop me all the time. Like, I am minding my own business while picking out tomatoes at the fruit store, and I meet a friend. She launches into a whole story about her sister's friend's mother's eighteen year old daughter who is having problems in hashkafah and she desperately needs my advice how to get that girl to agree to therapy. Now, how am I going to do that while I am trying to choose tomatoes for tonight's salad? I wish I can creat …
Religious or Obsessive: and other stuff about OCD
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-05-07 17:47:20
It's horrible. It's frustrating, crippling, disabling, devastating, incapacitating, life-impairing. Should I go to the thesaurus to find more adjectives, or have I gotten my message across adequately? I am talking about OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. We joke about it cavalierly. As if we mean it, but we really don't. “I am OCD about making supper every night for my kids.” “Her house is OCD clean.” “I am …
Relationships Matter: Meet Tante Reitzu
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-06-09 21:49:23
Ready to talk about a relationship that is pretty neat — if only you let it happen? Great. Here goes. So first of all, in the olden days, before indoor plumbing and cars, when I was a little kid (just kidding! But it was a pretty long time ago when I was a kid!), aunts and uncles were really special. I was born about 20 years after the Holocaust ended and family was really important. Most of my friends came from small families that origi …
Rabbis in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-02-12 10:59:05
I am warning you right off that I am going to sound real religious in this column. So if you are totally not interested, you can skip this article right now. It's fine. I will wait for you to leave so I can get on with writing this for other girls who are not scared off by religious stuff. Or religious people. Especially therapists (gasp!). Are you gone yet? What are you still doing here? Hanging around pretending you are reading something else? …
Quality Time in the Catskills? a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-26 00:00:00
Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer? Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question puzzles me. I do not quite understand how going to the bungalow colony interferes in your family time. If …
Please join our Mrs. Sokol fan club chat
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-02-10 22:24:16
To all of you who were students or colleagues or friends of Mrs. Sokol, I am reaching out to you to give back to Mrs. Shirley Sokol only a fraction of what she gave to us. Mrs. Sokol, as interesting and intelligent as ever, unfortunately has retired from teaching because of her health. She has impaired vision today and can no longer read. For someone used to learning every second of her life, not being able to read is devastating. We are putting …
Parts 5 & 6 Baby Blues: The End
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-05 00:00:00
Recap: Chava has returned for third session with husband’s support and has identified her goals and objective to alleviate symptoms of her post partum anxiety and depression. Her therapist assigned homework to establish baseline functioning in order to assess throughout therapy improvement in functioning. Session Four “I don’t know why I feel so much better,” Chava says. “It’s not like we did an …
Part 2: Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-11-26 16:52:14
Mistakes happen. Therapists mess up. If you are asking me if it’s okay for a therapist to make a mistake, to mess up; my answer may get you angry. So before I write the answer, I ask you to hang on until the end of this article so you can understand. Ready? The answer? Yes. It is okay for a therapist to make a mistake. Hold on! You promised you would give me until the end of this column before getting angry! And here’s why. …
Part 4 Baby Blues
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-30 00:00:00
This is a series of columns depicting a fictionalized account of how a PPD case may manifest itself and be handled in therapy Recap: In the previous session, Chava informs the therapist that her husband does not want her to return to therapy; and the therapist explores ways to bring husband on board to be supportive of therapy for post partum depression and anxiety; and uses psychoeducation to inform Chava about the possibility of using medicati …
Old? Old! (Not me!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-10 00:00:00
So sue me. I don't feel old. I don't mind growing old. At every older stage, I actually enjoy myself even more. I can't even imagine being five years younger. That would be pre-grandchildren. Awful to even contemplate. I look forward to being five years older. So many more rich experiences waiting for me. Maybe I will get to that African Safari I have been dying to explore. Maybe by then my youngest will be engaged (married is pushing it...) and …
Nothing Changed! When the family complains about the client (or therapy!)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-23 10:59:11
“Nothing changed,” complains the wife, the husband, the parent, the teacher, the friend, the sibling. It didn't? Because the nothing-changed—client is sitting slumped in his chair in my room wondering how on earth he can ever convince anyone that he did—that he still is—when his gargantuan efforts have gone so spectacularly unnoticed. In response to reaching out to my listserv at Nefesh International about chan …
Not Missing My Mother: Good Grief!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-22 16:17:17
Originally written for LINKS MAGAZINE, published by LINKS, and organization that supports orphans in our community: Dear Links, As I laugh at some of your stories and as I tear at some others, I think. I find them amusing. I also find them angering and hurtful. Every story is about how you miss your deceased parent. I don't miss my mother. Sometimes I do. When there's a simcha or on her Yahrtzeit. But otherwise, there's no sad feel …
My Wife the Pesach Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-03-11 23:02:53
Question: My wife and I have a fairly good marriage, with the normal ups and downs of life. Our first (and only) newly married couple is coming for the first days of Pesach and I am dreading it. My wife is extremely stressed out every yom tov and I hate the tension of her frantic cleaning and endless attention to detail. She also insists on keeping the minhagim of her parents' home even though my parents are much more lax in their Pesach minhagi …
He's Not As Religious as I Am (but I'm married to him)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-30 09:19:11
Question: I've seen this question asked in many different ways in different magazines, but I really have not heard a satisfactory response, so I am trying you now. My husband, who is an excellent father and husband, is just not as religous as I would want him to be. He also want me to change my standards. Skirts shorter than the four inches below the knee and longer wigs than either my or his siblings wear. He wants to know what is wrong w …
My Sister's Oven and The Challenge of Change: A Shabbos Nachamu thought
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-30 23:26:33
Did I ever tell you about my sister's oven? There's not much to tell except that her oven is about a hundred years old, inherited from the previous owners of her bungalow upstate, and the only way to close the oven is by closing the metal latch. You know which latch I mean. The same hook and eye that is used in the …
My Parents Favor My Siblings: an adult child asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-03-05 13:58:35
Question: I always felt my mother favored my other siblings over me This sounds so silly, especially because I am now married with my own children who I love very, very much,. I just felt she loved me less than everyone else. She didn't seem so interested in my life, I felt criticized often, and even today, I feel she gives my children less attention than their cousins. I feel very hurt and I wonder why it's like this and if I can change anythin …
My Kid Wants to Be a Superhero for Purim
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-13 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST Question: One of my children wants to dress up as a superhero this Purim.I personally feel that I don't want my child dressing up as a superhero especially on a holy day like Purim, yet some of his friends are dressing up as superheroes, and I know a parent is supposed to "pick his battles." Do you think this is a battle worth fighting? …
My Husband Wants to Become a Social Worker: ask the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-08-12 08:33:38
Question: My husband was in Kollel for nine years and then in the classroom for 3. He's thinking about getting a degree in social work and I'm really scared it will change the wonderful person I know. Not to put you down, Mindy, and I don't know you at all-- do you think that social work school can change a person's Yiddishkeit level? What about his interactions with family? He is the kind of person people feel drawn to and talk to etc and he fe …
My Final Response About Life Coaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-04-14 20:50:34
My response: I am glad that one reader who insists that people should be able to choose a nurse or doctor as needed chooses from 2 licensed practitioners and not between a nurse or, say, a healer. I am also glad that that the writer who insists that one's personal ethics is all that matters, when we live in times where personal ethics and morals have been changing with alarming frequency and results, I would not advocate relying on personal ethi …
My Daughters Hate Each Other: a parent asks a therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-29 13:02:21
Q. My fifteen year old is driving my twelve year daughter crazy (let me call them Esti and Faige, respectively). Although they never got along, this year has been the worst. Faige is a very easy going, sweet girl and Esti is demanding and always complaining. Esti complains that Faige doesn't help at home, or that Faige is bothering her (which is hard to believe especially when I don't see Faige doing anything), or any number of things she can th …
My Daughter is Coming Home from Seminary in Israel: Help!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-06-03 07:11:40
Question: My oldest daughter is coming back from seminary and I am feeling a huge amount of anxiety about it. She doesn't know what she wants to do and I don't know what she should do. I really think she should go to one of the colleges where she can get a degree in one year and had tried to convince her to take those tests for credits when she was in high school but she refused. Now she is undecided and seems paralyzed (like me) about her choic …
My Daughter Hates Helping: Nu, what else is new in parenting?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-23 21:36:48
Question: I am tearing my hair out from my youngest, teenage daughter. She is the only daughter left at home except for two younger brothers and another away at yeshiva. She does well in school socially and academically, and we are a close family. Lately she is giving me a hard time that she doesn’t want my married children to move in for Shabbos. This girl does not do a thing throughout the week. I rarely ask for her help with household c …
My Daughter Hates Helping!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-12-25 21:20:49
Question: I am tearing my hair out from my youngest, teenage daughter. She is the only daughter left at home except for two younger brothers and another away at yeshiva. She does well in school socially and academically, and we are a close family. Lately she is giving me a hard time that she doesn’t want my married children to move in for Shabbos. This girl does not do a thing throughout the week. I rarely ask for her help with household c …
My Daughter Doesn't Want to Date: a parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-23 08:46:04
Question: Our daughter finished seminary and she says she does not want to meet any prospective shidduchim yet. We have never had an easy time with her. She doesn't communicate to us and is often in a bad mood, although she does have friends and seems fine with them. We have two daughters directly underneath her and we don't have the luxury of waiting until she claims she will be ready, which we are afraid may be never. She doesn't seem to have …
Mrs. Shirley Sokol: My Second Grade Teacher
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-02-10 22:22:51
If you happen to be in Mrs. Sokol's house, and want to poke around, I will bet the letter I sent her over forty years is somewhere there still. And the note I left on her desk will be hanging in her kitchen. And if you tell her I send my regards, she will know exactly who I am, even if I write under a pseudonym. Mrs. Sokol was my second grade teacher in Rabbi Balkany's school over forty years ago, in the building on 14th Avenue, that now b …
Mourn Until Morn (or even longer): Grieving the first year after a loss
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-07-19 06:16:24
Blah, blah, blah. Everyone is driving you crazy. Or you are doing a pretty good job making yourself crazy. Your parent died yesterday. Two months ago. Two years ago. Even twenty years ago, and everyone gives your their dumb opinions (notice how later on I assume my opinion to be the only smart one, ha!) about how you should be feeling, how you should be grieving. And either you—or somebody else—thinks that you are not grievi …
Money, Money, Money
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-01-10 23:09:51
You know what is the hardest thing to talk about in therapy? Money. Weird, no? But true. Clients will talk about anything, and I mean anything, but when it comes to money, they suddenly clam up. As a therapist, I need to look out for those money secrets. Because not always do I read minds and when I do not read my client's mind, I do not realize that when is happening in front of me is all about money. You want to know what I am talking about? T …
Mindfulness is the New Black
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-06-15 00:00:00
NOTE: originally published by Binah Magazine Here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I wake up every morning excited to start my day. I love what I do, who I meet (yes, I mean you, my wonderful, interesting, and hard-working client!), and what I accomplish. I love babysitting my grandchildren (even the one who shrugs her little one-year old shoulder at me and totally snubs me out), and I love having my married children over for Shabbos meals …
Middle Sister, Monkey in the Middle: another article for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-11 17:25:26
I'm assuming that because you read my first column about sister relationships, you and your sister have worked everything out by now. Gasp! You didn't? So let's talk some more about that. And the reason I can talk about it is because I have two sisters. That makes me an expert on sisters. One of my sisters is seven years younger than me and one of them is seven years older. I also have a brother stuck in someplace, but this article is about sist …
Memory Magic or Mania?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-25 17:34:25
Take my daughter for example. I spent ten years listening to the trauma she endured when I missed her Chanukah play in second grade. She does not remember how I rearranged my whole life practically to take my first ever vacation to Eretz Yisroel since I am married so that my flight would leave only the afternoon after her play. She does not remember how her Chanukah play was cancelled because of a random snowstorm. She does not remember how I fr …
Love Addiction, Love Obsession: a short story
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-07-01 07:58:50
“Oh my goodness!” Chava exclaimed when she chanced upon Eva in the supermarket aisle, their overloaded carts bumping into each other between the cereals and cornflake crumbs. “How have you been?” “What's it been?” asked Eva, conveying her delight in meeting Chava. “Nine years since I graduated high school?” “More like forever!” joked Chava. “Where have been at all these years …
Life Coaching? Not on your life!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-03-25 16:39:02
I will say it straight out. Today's column is to explain why you should choose a therapist over a life coach except for in a few very specific situations (which you will find more to the end of this page). Yes, I am a therapist. Yes, I have very strong feelings about this. Yes, I know some excellent life coaches. Yes, I know some lousy therapists. And yes, I will say it again, and again, and again. If you need a therapist, choose to work with …
Language of Your Loving: what's the 5 love languages about?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-10-07 09:59:33
Question: I have twin daughters who are just finishing ninth grade high school. For the older twin (who is my oldest daughter after 2 sons), it was a great year. She had a significant part in her school production and did very well academically. I actually enjoyed being involved in her production as it reminded me of my years in high school busy with practice. My younger twin is a wonderful girl who loves doing chessed (she is the one I co …
Keeping Up the Reputation (even if you don't have one)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-12-25 07:10:14
When I was in the parshah of shidduchim, you would think that my chosson would be impressed with my credentials as being a BJJ graduate. But he was not. He had no idea that there was anything prestigious about it because he was from Eretz Yisroel and as far as he knew, my seminary was housed in the Bais Yaakov and that meant that I learned in the zoo. Literally. Because in my days, the Bais Yaakov building was adjacent to the Biblical Zoo (which …
Keeping Cancer a Secret
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-05-06 15:06:07
QUESTION: My mother was just diagnosed with cancer. She wants me to keep it a secret from everyone except my husband, who she trusts won't say anything if he is sworn to secrecy. She says that she doesn't want to become a pity case, and that for Hashem to make the miracle of her cure happen, nobody is allowed to know about it (because Hashem does not make open miracles). Of course, my father knows, too. This is creating a terrible burden on me. …
Jokes or Judgment (something a little different this time)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-04-21 22:45:35
“Being a teenager is like the chicken pox,” my teenage son observed watching his teenage sister's theatrics in the days before the chicken pox vaccine; and the way to become inoculated was to actually catch it; “everyone has to go through it.” *** A friend stood in front of the mirror before her date was coming to pick her up, applying lipstick to her cheeks because she realized she had run out of blusher and needed somet …
It's NOT About You: a parent asks about her child's social life
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-03-04 20:40:58
Question: My daughter is twelve. She is one of three classmates on the block who have always played together. Two years ago, Girl A started convincing Girl B not to play with my daughter. They started sneaking away from her, or suddenly having to go in when she tried to join them. The advice I got made me dizzy. One person told me she should foster a relationship with Girl B, but she was only getting hurt. Another advised me to ignore them, but …
Is It Okay to Give My Therapist a Gift?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-04-29 16:39:30
Exposure therapy here. At least, I will be exposing myself to all my readers. But hey, it's the least I can do when all the other times I am exposing other therapists, therapy itself, and other stuff to my loyal (and not-so-loyal) public. What's this about, you want to know? Gift-giving. And gift-getting. Now that the end of the year is upon us, and clients all over the world are pondering whether or not they should be giving their therapists …
Is It Okay for My Therapist to Give ME a Gift? Part 2 about Gifting
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-07-07 22:15:21
So I am writing my column on the ethics of a therapist accepting gifts from clients. And like I had written, I was really sure that it is unethical to accept gifts. Until I did some research for my column, and unbelievably, not only is it not unethical to accept gifts from clients (of course under the right circumstances as explained in my article), but not accepting gifts can be really bad therapy. And that is unethical. And because I l …
I'm So Depressed (or am I just sad?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-04-09 22:43:16
Hang around some teenage girls and this is what you often hear: “I’m so depressed!” And that statement is usually followed by: “I just found another pimple,” or “I hate studying for tests,” or “The ice cream store didn’t have any more pistachio left.” Hang around some teenage girls at a Links Shabbos (Links is an organization that reaches out to children whose parent(s) has died) …
I'm in Therapy: How Do I Honor My Parents (and do I even want to?)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-07-03 10:26:47
Dear Mindy, Your weekly insights brought forth a question which has been niggling me for a while. Several of your articles, including the ones regarding BPD mothers and the one on attachment have left me wondering Does the topic of Kibbud Horim (the commandment of honoring one's parents) ever reach the therapy room? It appears as if most, if not all, adults who enter therapy have some sort of childhood scar/issue which comes up through the course …
If You Are Leader or Follower
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-06-18 08:41:44
Let me tell you about a terrible thing I once did as a teacher. I worked for a kiruv school at one point, teaching junior high school to students who were mostly first and second generation immigrants of various countries. There was a silent hierarchy that had evolved in which second generation immigrant students held first generation immigrants in contempt. Worst off were the children who themselves were immigrants. The children had absolutely …
If Life is Better, Why Am I Feeling Worse?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-29 17:03:33
So here is the deal. Your mother was sick. Stuff was tough. The house was upside down, your house was a hospital, take-out food was lousy. Everyone snapping all day at each other. Or it was different. Still terrible, but a different kind of terrible. Your father died suddenly. A car accident or a heart attack or an aneurysm. And the house was nuts even if the food at shiva was delicious. Thousands of people suffocating you, your friends mute and …
I Am Back
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-09-16 21:20:04
To all my readers, My apologies to all of you who emailed to me and contacted me one way or another to let me know how much you missed my blog and wondered when I would post again. Due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to post consistently and so did not. However, as of this week, my blog will be attended to weekly as in the past. Thank you all for letting me know how much you cared it went AWOL. It won't happen again. Mindy …
How Attached Are You? attachment styles and how they impact us
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-10-30 22:30:51
I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
Hoopla About the Hug: May My Therapist Hug Me?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-24 22:23:03
Okay, so you want to know what's with the hug. The hug? Yep, the hug. The hug most clients want from their therapists whether or not they dare ask for it. Oh, that hug. It's a taboo subject, you know. It's not a something I would ask another therapist. Like, “Do you hug your clients?” because we are not supposed to be hugging clients. That's all in the literature. Go on line and try to find stuff on therapist hugging clients. It …
Holiday Brat: for my teen fans!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-03-18 12:05:11
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN'S TWIRL Because you are stuck here listening to me, I am going to tell you all about my niece who was the most absolutely adorable baby you have ever met in your whole entire life (no, I am not interested in your niece because there is no way anyone can ever compare with mine). She was deliciously fat, honey curls on her head, and a button nose perfect for kissing. I shlepped her …
Here's a link to an interview on Kol-Isha Website
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-30 17:42:43
For those of you who are interested in a beautiful website geared to women and navigating a successful marriage--and divorce--here's a link. COUPLES THERAPY: WHEN SHOULD I SEEK HELP in an interview I gave that you will find on the website. http://kol-isha.org/ …
Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder: a therapist speaks the parents of her teen client
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-09-12 10:20:39
Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
Grief, Mourning, and How Your Body Lets You Know That Things Are Not Okay
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-11-05 20:22:23
Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …
Green Grass, Green Envy: The nature of people
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-07-14 22:00:36
Question: Every Shabbos Nachamu, my entire neighborhood leaves to the Catskill Mountains. They go to family or friends who have bungalows or summer homes there. It’s very hard for me to stay home with my family when I know that my sister-in-law has a large summer home that has plenty of room for all of us but can’t be bothered to invite us. In general I feel that she disdains our family for not being of her social (rich) calibe …
Grandfathers are NOT Chopped Liver: another one for my teen readers
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-05-13 09:55:56
Grandfathers have been really annoyed at me since my last column in Binah's Twirl Magazine where I write my quarterly column of “Relationships Matter.” Some have said, “Hey, Mindy, you spent a whole column writing about grandmothers. What are we, chopped liver?” I have no idea how my column about grandparents, ended up being only about grandmothers, because the truth is, I adored both my grandfathers to pieces (although t …
Going To Prison: How Can I Forgive?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-08-27 06:24:33
My husband's brother is going to jail for eighteen months and with good behavior will be out in about a year. This is devastating to our family. We are a very close family, and we had no idea that he was involved in some illegal, white-collar activities. When he was first arrested, the family raised money for his defense lawyer and did everything they could to help him. At this point, I am sick of everyone feeling sorry for him and being p …
Getting My Kids into School Again: Ask the Therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-06 23:59:14
Question: Every year when we return from the country,I have a lot of trouble getting my children back into normal routine. Do you have any advice on how to make this transition easier? Answer: This problem is the bane of all teachers and principals. As I was once an elementary school teacher, I can attest to the work I put in all year into my students, how engaged and committed they were to school, and how much information and skills th …
Forgiveness: Favor or Responsibility?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
“I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
Forgiveness: Favor or Responsibility?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-09-11 20:59:15
“I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
EMDR: Some New Initials to Make You Crazy--or Not?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-03-20 00:00:00
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN "THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE" It sounds so voodoo, so New Age, so really, really weird. But hey, everyone is doing it now and any therapist who works with trauma has gotta know this stuff, and anyway I could always use the CE's (continuing education credits needed for periodic re-certification for social workers), so I figured, “Why not?” So I …
Egocentricism: Part 2 Because there is so much more to say!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-01-28 12:11:35
In Part 1 of my column on egocentrism in relationships, I had written that when people have difficulties in relationships, I assess for egocentrism in either of the two people involved in the relationship (whether in my client or the other) in order to help my client manage this difficult relationship successfully. Do you know how easily I can assess that? Here's the secret. If a person says, “I don't understand my rebellious son/unfriendly …
Dumb Things Teachers Say to Our Kids in Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-07-03 00:00:00
Just for the record let me say that I am awed by our religious community. I should say communities, plural, but that would imply divisiveness and I am loath to put to paper any indication of that. Although we have our issues, I applaud our wonderful schools, menahalim and menahalos, principals and teachers who are dedicated, invested, and involved in their students' lives. I met a menahel of a yeshiva who told me how he keeps his eyes out for st …
Dreams and Dreamers: Is that you?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-12-31 17:20:29
Confession here. Usually when I write a column, it is about therapy stuff that I know. And know well. Stuff that I have studied, stuff that I practice, things that I am seriously invested in. Today, I am going to talk about something I know nothing about. To be perfectly honest, the subject fascinates me, intrigues me, entices me. But yet, even though I three books on dreams in my office, including Sigmund Freud's epic work, The Interpretation o …
Dodging the Dangers of Therapy!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-04-18 00:00:00
NOTE: A VARIATION OF THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST I am so glad a reader sent me an email telling me I should write an article warning people about therapists. I am sure if a parent would send an email to the principal of her child's school informing him that he should broadcast the dangers of allowing children to attend school, or persuade her dentist to warn customers about the …
Desperate But Not Mentally Ill: a shidduch question for the shidduch season
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-08-06 07:17:38
Question: Dear Mindy, I know this is not a question that can be really answered in a column, but I feel whatever light you can shed on this issue will benefit not only me but many of my single friends. I am a divorced 28 years old in shidduchim. As you can imagine, I am being redt the strangest suggestions. Even though I am a fairly mainstream Bais Yaakov-type of girl, teaching in a local high school, it's not only my age and divorce statu …
Costume Clashes! Parenting Problems on Purim
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-02-27 16:15:59
Question: We have three sons and then three daughters ranging in ages ten years to ten months. Our middle son who is eight wants to choose a costume with a secular theme for Purim. My husband and I feel that contradicts the message of Purim, which is not to assimilate with the non-Jewish culture. This child is a strong-minded, opinionated child and we do not want to necessarily begin a battle over this, but we feel it will be the first of many s …
Co-Dependency: what it is, what it is not
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-08-19 23:18:30
Co-dependent. Everyone uses the word without knowing what it really means. If somebody does not like the brother-in-law married to their sister, and miracles of miracles, their sister likes him anyway, the family is already labeling her co-dependent. And sometimes they may be right and sometimes they may be wrong. But what is certain is that nobody I know that has used this word to describe family members, their neighbors, or even themselv …
Choosing a Kallah Teacher for Your Daughter: a former kallah teacher speaks
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-12-09 23:13:22
I used to be a Kallah teacher, before I became a therapist. I found this article in my files, never published. I know that I tried to publish it in many venues only to have it turned down repeatedly. I assume that it is because no publication felt comfortable with such information in a public forum. This article is a little rough around the edges, but the content remains relevant today as it was ten years ago when I wrote it. So here it is: …
The Borderline Mother: Can we save her children?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-08-16 00:11:39
I write this column to teachers and rebbes, principals and menahalim, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and family friends, and especially for the rav and rebbetzin. This column is about the borderline mother and to give her child a voice so we may hear and do. I will not talk of the borderline mother who is so dysfunctional that her dress disorderly, always in conflict with some one or another, alienating her family, her friends, often div …
Back to School: Teenage Angst
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2017-10-15 05:28:42
I don’t know about you, but I was always excited to start the first day of school. I loved my new shoes and new bag and new uniform (yep, I always loved uniforms because I did not have to think about what I had to wear. I personally hate shopping and would think it great if I could wear a mommy-uniform every day. Well, actually I do. Because my married daughter says, “Ma! You are still wearing that outfit from a hundred years ago? Yo …
Baby Blues Part I: a fictionalized account of post partum depression
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-08 00:00:00
NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
Baby Blues Part 3: a fictionalized account of post partum therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-22 00:00:00
Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning. I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
Baby Blues Part 2: a fictionalized account of post partum depression in therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2016-05-15 00:00:00
NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
Apology Power: Just in time for the High Holidays!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-09-02 10:07:49
When I reminded my married son about the incident, he said, “I was six, Ma!” “But you apologized,” I said. “I did,” he said, laughing. “We became best friends.” My daughter-in-law looked at me quizzically. I explained. A mother in my son's class called to tell me that he and a bunch of other boys were teasing another boy about his weight. My son allegedly called him fatso. Of course I did not …
Angry Responses to My Response of the Screaming Sister-in-Law
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
2018-01-14 17:21:55
My column on the screaming sister in law garnered a heated response. Here is the one that was furious at me, and the rest who were furious at the letter writer for not understanding the pain of a child. Any comments from you? Dear Mindy
Your articles are always informative, interesting , edifying , enlightening ,and self effacing . I've seen you write so many wise observations , you are obviously accomplished and very talented -both …