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Dear Brave One
Author:
Dear Brave One, Before you come to your first appointment, I think it’s only fair that I share with you how stepping foot into my office could potentially impact you for the rest of your life. There will be some real consequences to borrowing the name of “client.” And I know you’re not thinking about that now. You just want to feel better. But it’s only right that I be transparent about …
Dear Brave One
Author:
Dear Brave One, Before you come to your first appointment, I think it’s only fair that I share with you how stepping foot into my office could potentially impact you for the rest of your life. There will be some real consequences to borrowing the name of “client.” And I know you’re not thinking about that now. You just want to feel better. But it’s only right that I be transparent about …
Couples Counseling in a Pasuk
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R
The Recent daf Yomi, daily Talmud reading, (Yoma 23) discusses the prohibition of revenge and grudge bearing: What is revenge and what is bearing a grudge? Revenge is illustrated by the following example: One said to his fellow: “Lend me your sickle”, and he said: “No”. The next day he, the one who had refused to lend the sickle, said to the other person: “Lend me your ax.” If he said to him: “I …
Scared
Author:
Is your child a real scaredy cat? With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Debunking the Soul Partner Myth
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My interest in this topic dates back to 2001 when the renowned National Marriage Project published its study of 1003 married and single young adults titled, “Who Wants to Marry A Soulmate?” Three findings were enlightening: Ninety-four percent of never-married singles agree that when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soulmate - first and foremost. Secondly, eighty-two percent of young adults agree that it is unwise for a woma …
The Mean Girls
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It’s not just in the movies: The mean girls phenomenon is real and very much a subject of discussion today among professionals and parents alike. Unlike the boys who may be openly – and even physically – aggressive, mean girls use their words. They typically operate under the radar, far from adult view. And, no matter how many complaints there are from the other students, the mean girls continue to exclude, mock and/or tease, an …
How and why community safety matters
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Dear Readers Welcome to the August edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Safe families; safe communities. In this issue we consider the various opportunities that present themselves, to create safety within ourselves, our families and our communities. In particular, Menachem Hojda advises the larger community how to aim for security, especially when some of its members are at risk. Chana Mark guides individuals toward …
A Glance at Integrative Mental Health at Hope Street
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The pressure is on:
Author:
In today’s fast paced modern world, the experience of life is assaulted upon by a relentless barrage of stress and pressure. Mommy is rushing to get everyone out of the house. Mommy and daddy are getting ready for work and I am hurriedly escorted out of my home onto the school bus. I arrive at school and spend the next seven to eight hours jumping from one subject to another. I have to keep my finger on the place and I am expected to …
Just in Time
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-11-30 19:16:40
Mordy, a 40-something father of three, has been meeting with me for about a year. We focus on issues of intimacy, productivity, and accountability. His wife, Leah, works downtown, in an
executive position. Mordy’s graphic design job allows him to work part-time from home. He is present for their children, and manages assorted household responsibilities.
Mordy struggles, though, to follow through on tasks. The work-projects he unde …
When Compassion Heals
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-11-29 22:59:10
Dear Readers
Welcome to the November edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Is there more than one way to heal?” Interestingly, most of the articles submitted focus less on the differences between treatment modalities and more on the common threads of effective, healing treatment. Also, several articles challenge the notion that emotional healing must eradicate any and all vestiges of illness. In particular, Douglas Balin d …
Resilience for Healthy Living
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-11-29 22:17:58
Resilience can be thought of as G-ds natural medication for a healthier and thriving life. We can learn a great deal from resilient people and each one of us can take advantage of this wonderful and holistic tool to stay physically and emotionally healthy. Some have it innately; most of us must learn the secrets. The best part is, we can all learn to become resilient. We can train ourselves to improve our lives and obtain the skills and knowledge …
Approaching Healing with Realistic Expectations
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-11-29 21:49:48
Please don't be disappointed if this essay approaches the topic of healing with a measure of skepticism. From my professional point of view, there may not exist the concept of “complete emotional healing”. When discussing trauma with my MSW students at the Touro University Graduate School of Social Work, I begin the semester by quoting Dr. Sue Johnson (creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy) who states that our role as therapists is t …
Compassion
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-11-29 21:34:10
Dear Readers
Welcome to the November edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Is there more than one way to heal?” Interestingly, most of the articles submitted focus less on the differences between treatment modalities and more on the common threads of effective, healing treatment. Also, several articles challenge the notion that emotional healing must eradicate any and all vestiges of illness. In particular, Douglas …
Putting the Jew in Jewelry
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-11-29 20:42:44
On a recent daf yomi (Kesuvos 63) we heard about the great sacrifices that Rochel made to support her husband, the famous Rabbi Akiva, in his study of Torah. As the well-known story goes, Rabbi Akiva was unlettered and unlearned, but Rochel saw great character and potential in him. She married him even though her wealthy father disowned her, and she endured 24 years of poverty while her husband studied Torah abroad.
When she finally sees he …
Resistant to Change: Can a Treatment- Resistant Client Be Helped?
Author: Chaya Rubin, Ph.D.
2022-11-29 20:02:47
There used to be a popular joke about psychologists that went as follows: Q: How many
psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? A: That depends on if the light bulb
wants to change.
The mutative process in therapy is no laughing matter, though, and mental health
professionals differ in their understanding of these mechanisms. The most popular
therapeutic methods, namely behavioral therapies, hum …
How and why community safety matters
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-08-31 17:41:53
Dear Readers Welcome to the August edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Safe families; safe communities. In this issue we consider the various opportunities that present themselves, to create safety within ourselves, our families and our communities. In particular, Menachem Hojda advises the larger community how to aim for security, especially when some of its members are at risk. Chana Mark guides individuals toward …
How and why community safety matters
Author:
2022-08-31 15:52:54
Dear Readers
Welcome to the August edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Safe families;
safe communities. In this issue we consider the various opportunities that
present themselves, to create safety within ourselves, our families and our
communities.
In particular, Menachem Hojda advises the larger community how to aim
for security, especially when some of its members are at risk. Chana Mark
guides indivi …
Dealing With Anger, The Advanced Course
Author: Chana Mark, LCSW
2022-08-31 17:36:42
Does feeling angry at someone always have to end in angry words, sore feelings and helpless frustration? Maybe not. In Pirkei Avos 5:11 we learn, “A person who seldom gets angry and is quick to be mollified is a tzaddik.” Tosfos Yom Tov and Rabbeinu Yona both point out that the Mishna is telling us that it is not humanly expectable to never get angry. Rabbeinu Yona notes that there are times when Kavod Shamayim requires it. Anot …
Safety or Security?
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW
2022-08-31 17:31:06
Like so many others, I watched the videos of the police response in Uvalde, Texas with shock and disappointment. The scene brought me back to the afternoon just months earlier when a shooter attacked Oxford High School just 30 miles north of my home. As President of my local public-school board, and a mental health professional on the county’s crisis response team, I found myself at the intersection of school governance and community respon …
Years and Tears Later: The Price of Deception in Shidduchim
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-08-31 17:25:24
(Simcha Feuerman maintains a private practice specializing in high conflict and couples . His practice is in Brooklyn, Queens and Boca Raton.) The following ideas are based on his daily blog, Psychology of the Daf. The Gemara in Kesuvos dappim 12-13 deal extensively with the halakhic consequences and nuances of misrepresentation of facts in Shidduchim. How much exaggeration is normal when describing a Shidduch? How much should the pe …
Safe Relationships Facilitate Family Well-Being
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-08-31 15:54:46
Hollywood has led us to believe that the fundamentals of a good marriage are: love, passion, infatuation, romance, and chemistry. In my professional opinion, those are the tier two fundamentals. The vital tier one fundamentals are: respect, empathy, friendship, forgiveness, trust, and safety, which is the focus of this essay. www.Shalomtaskforce.org Back in the early days of domestic violence awareness and prevention, safety in relationshi …
What are the dangers of vaping nicotine and marijuana to the Jewish community? Here is the unvarnished truth.
Author: Dr. Eric Bornstein
2022-07-22 09:21:55
In the last 18 months, I have given multiple seminars on behalf of MASK (Mothers & Fathers Aligned Saving Kids) to many NY Yeshivas, Jewish drug rehab and counseling groups, and parents on the subjects of vaping, nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, and opioid addiction. In the last four years, I have given similar seminars to over 125,000 medical professionals throughout the United States. During this time, I have listened to numerous horror storie …
Finding the Balance
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-06-02 19:51:28
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Finding the Balance”. For some of us, balance is as easy as riding a bike; for others, balance can be elusive. This is particularly the case for those of us whose lives encompass extremes. We may be up, we may be down. We may love some politicians and commentators; we may hate others. Some of us might even experience our religious lives in ext …
Achieving Balance: The Dialectic as Found in Jewish Sources
Author: by Yitzchok Kahn LMSW, CASAC-T
2022-06-02 18:24:25
When it comes to the topic of balance, therapists often talk about the concept of the dialectic. Popularized by Marsha Linehan, originator of Dialectic Behavioral Therapy or DBT, the dialectic is the ability to hold opposite ideas at one time. In DBT therapy, a person can be doing their best and can have the ability to do better. A person can be angry at someone and still love them. Life can be confusing and people can experience ambivalence. We …
A Fragile Process
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-06-02 18:19:59
The fast-approaching holiday of Shavuos marks, among other things, the moment we experienced the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Commandments). The Aseres Hadibros set in motion a process that led to Moshe Rabeinu receiving two sets of Luchos (tablets), each of which was ultimately housed in the Aron (ark). If we pay close attention to the Aron, the Luchos, and the Aseres Hadibros, we can learn a valuable lesson about balance and, in particular, the t …
A Balanced Look at Aging
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-06-02 17:52:14
Gene D Cohen, a psychologist and author of The Mature Mind; The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, says it best, “Psychology has severely underestimated the positive potential of the second half of life.” Until recently, the fields of psychology, medicine, social work and business have been dominated by Erikson’s theory that older adults are challenged not by growth but by the challenge of integrity versus despair. That &l …
Finding the Balance
Author:
2022-06-02 17:50:11
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Finding the Balance”. For some of us, balance is as easy as riding a bike; for others, balance can be elusive. This is particularly the case for those of us whose lives encompass extremes. We may be up, we may be down. We may love some politicians and commentators; we may hate others. Some of us might even experience our religious lives in ext …
The Dangers of Over Intellectualization
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-06-02 17:48:29
The recent Daf Yomi (Gemara Yevamos 14a) tells us that prior to the decision to universally follow the School of Hillel, there was a period of time where the School of Shammai followed their rulings independently. The Gemara wonders how the School of Shammai rationalized this when the general principle is that the halacha (law) is decided in accordance with the numerical majority. Since the School of Hillel was the majority, even the School of Sh …
Why Hasn’t My Therapist Called?
Author: By Moshe Norman
2022-06-02 17:45:11
If you are a former therapy client or patient you may likely have built a deep, intimate relationship with your therapist. Clients tell us their innermost challenges, dreams and aspirations. Then, they move on. Have you ever wondered why your therapist hasn't called to see how you have been? Often, therapists would love to know more about the developmental trajectory of former clients. We are, of course, human. We care about our …
Does 90-10 Sound Balanced to You? Male Resistance in Couple’s Therapy
Author: By Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-06-02 17:33:36
Ninety percent of the therapists in the United States are women. The reason men shy away from becoming therapists is not the central issue of this essay. The dearth of male therapists however, plays a significant role in male resistance to couples therapy, and that is the topic of this essay. Traditional couple’s therapy is biased towards women, as they tend to be the caretakers of relationships. Conversation, thoughts, feelings, and …
It Is Not Just About The Books
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-03-08 15:50:05
Dear readers, Welcome to the February edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Relationships in Crisis. This issue examines crises - situations that threaten the status quo - through the lenses of multiple relationships, ranging from marriage, to caregiving, to sober living. In addition, it pays special attention to a crisis that recently erupted into the consciousness of the Jewish community – that of child sexual abuse. …
Protecting Our Children from Abuse
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2022-03-08 15:46:52
With all the recent press about the latest abuse scandal, parents have abuse on their mind. They worry- How would I know that my child is a victim? They feel powerless- How can I make sure my child is not abused? Because most abuse is done behind closed doors, detection is a challenge. It is typical that a child does not tell, particularly about sexual abuse, on his own. He may be afraid [‘I’ll kill your father if you tel …
In the Trenches with Covid-Destabilized Marriages
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-03-08 15:44:22
The research on the impact of Covid-19 on marital well-being is just now coming to the fore. The goal of this essay is to provide the reader with some initial findings as it can help to explain comments made by couple’s therapy clients of this author. A remarkable thing about the pandemic is that therapists do not usually experience the same concerns and traumas at the same time as their clients do. “But during the pandemic, ev …
Family Caregiving, Conflict or Harmony
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-03-08 15:42:59
When we hear the phrase crisis in relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is marital strife and problems between parents and teen-aged children. There is, however, another crisis that is facing numerous families; when an older adult parent is experiencing a health or mental health situation that requires family caregiving. One person usually becomes the caregiver. The ensuing crisis can literally tear a family apart! The Fam …
Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-03-08 15:39:09
A recent Gemara from the Daf Yomi (Moded Kattan 7b) discusses in what situations a Cohen would inspect a metzora on Chol Hamoed. The deciding factor is will it result in an improvement of his situation instead of a worsening. When a metzora is declared definitely afflicted with Tzoraas by the Cohen, he must leave the Jewish camp and be in isolation, however he is still permitted to engage in marital relations. Once he is declared by the Cohen tha …
Unfinished Business
Author:
2022-03-08 15:37:34
“It’s so interesting. There are so many aspects of my wife that remind me of my mother. What’s so weird is that I promised myself I would never marry someone like her, and then I did. “I find it immensely frustrating that my wife doesn’t seem to be interested in me. My parents had many children, and my mother was constantly overwhelmed. She was also raised by Holocaust survivors and did not seem to have the emotional …
Prevention is so much more
Author: Dr. Shani Zoldan-Verschleiser, AuD., LCSW
2022-03-08 15:30:10
The sexual abuse of children is very different than adult sexual abuse and needs to be handled in very different ways. With Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), physical force or violence is rarely used. The perpetrators more often try to manipulate a child’s trust and hide the abuse. The perpetrator, most of the time, is known and trusted to the child. The abuse often occurs over many weeks or even years and is typically repeated, becoming more invas …
Staying The Course of Parenting
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-11-28 19:32:32
Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, titled “staying the course”. The term “staying the course” may not be familiar to everyone. Staying the course, in its most literal sense, refers to those on a sea journey, facing forces – be they powerful storms, loss of power, or even pirates – that jeopardize their reaching an intended destination. A skilled traveler calmly adjusts in a mann …
Change Is Essential To Mental Health
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2021-11-28 19:27:49
"Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change." (Jim Rohn) I am not trying to be a contrarian, but when I saw that the theme for this Mind-Body-Soul is Staying the Course, I thought to myself that one foundation of our field of mental health is to NOT stay the course. The founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson explains it this way: clients come into our offices with one story, and we help them leave with …