Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
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Anxiety & the Yomim Noraim
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
September 2nd, 2018
Question: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is regarding the upcoming Yemei Hadin I wonder if the paralyzing Yirah that I used to feel is the proper avodah for me or, given my predisposition, not a good idea to focus on. Perhaps precisely the opposite I should work on remaining cal …
My Spouse's Therapist is Getting The Wrong Picture
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
September 28th, 2022
Question: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture of real …
Can I become happier?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
September 17th, 2021
Question: I am not a happy person, is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy frum kids, a decent job, we have decent parnassah, are part of a nice kehilla etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every frum family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been. I som …
Behavior (Chain) Analysis
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
September 17th, 2018
Question: I am a young adult with anxiety and constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. For example, I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thou …
Is it G.A.D.?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
September 11th, 2017
Question: I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed. In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to …
Should I become a psychotherapist?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
October 16th, 2017
Question: I am 33 years old and not finding fulfillment in my current occupation. I am considering going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. I have always been interested in helping people and people seem to gravitate to me when they need help solving a problem. I am curious as to what type of person you think makes a good therapist? What personal qualities would indicate that someone might make a good therapist? Are th …
Night terrors
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
October 15th, 2018
Question: My very bright, mature, lovable, happy 5-year-old son has begun to experience what I have been told is called "night terror". He is a very happy child during the day, definitely with a more intense personality, but very healthy and well-adjusted and extremely bright. At night, he will wake up in terror, screaming, cowering in the corner, looking at me or my husband with terror, eyes opened wide, with real fear, and then a few minut …
Kibbud Av Vaeim for abusive parents?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 5th, 2018
Question: My parents are very controlling, critical, self-centered and emotionally unstable (they may possibly have personality disorders). One of my sisters recently started disconnecting by minimizing her interactions with my parents. My parents are very hurt and angry and are trying many tactics to change my sister's behaviors (which includes badmouthing her to rabbanim). I come from a large family and all of the children are m …
Psychology and Torah: Are they compatible?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 4th, 2017
Wanted to invite all to a unique conference designed to address this very issue on various levels. See the attached photo for the full program as well as the letter below. Dear Colleagues, We would like to take this opportunity to invite you to a unique conference that will iy"H take place on November 23-24 at the Agudah Convention in Stamford, Connecticut. The overall goal of this conference is to …
Rav Yerucham Olshin at the recent Agudah MHP conference
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 30th, 2018
Words of Chizuk from Rav Yeruchem Olshin Shlita Publicized with permission ברשות the חשובע עולם: First, I understand that you all take care of Jewish patients. Your work is about helping our brothers as the רמב"ם writes (Matnas Aniyim 10:2) כל ישראל כאחים הם. This concept is not just an isolated רמב"ם. It is also a גמרא in Daf Bais of מגילה: The Chachamim made it easy for the villa …
Do all chutzpadig children need a professional?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 30th, 2016
Question: My son's Menahel called us in for a meeting. He said that while our 7th grade son is smart and has friends, he acts chutzpadig and doesn't listen to authority. The menahel said that he thinks our son has ODD and gave us the number to a (costly) therapist. Do we really need a therapist for this? Isn't this a regular kid who misbehaves that for generations parents and schools found some way to deal with? Must everything become a la …
He needs therapy! Can I tell him?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 28th, 2017
Question: I know someone who had a sibling that is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
Am I Bipolar?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 23rd, 2016
Question: I am in my 30s married with kids and work part time. Since before my marriage (about 15 years ago) I have always been somewhat moody, but I am not exactly sure why. At times I just want to go under the covers and don't want to have anything to do with anyone. Other times I am full of energy. Winters are particularly hard. A friend said that I might have bipolar disorder, but I am doing ok as a wife and as a mother and holding down …
Shidduchim and disclosing sensitive infomration
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 17th, 2024
Question: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/slash depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim …
Why do teenagers sleep late?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
November 13th, 2017
Question: I am an older teenager. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbiem. I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have friends who go to sleep really late and sti …
13 Reasons Why: Teen Suicide and Judaism
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 7th, 2017
This article originally appeared on Aish.com I am not a typical Netflix viewer; I'm just not the movie type. Besides, as a father of 8, a practicing Jew, and a super-busy psychologist, I simply don’t have the time. Yet, when asked my professional opinion amidst the recent controversy surrounding the popular series 13 Reasons Why, I signed up for a 30-day free trial subscription and binge-watched most of the series. Based on Ja …
Shidduchim & Medication
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 6th, 2021
Question: My son has struggled with a kind of constant but not so severe depression for a while. He has a lot of trouble moving forward, being productive, and is often just down. He is at the age where he should be starting shidduchim and many of his friends are dating. He has been working with a therapist and had been getting better but recently is not doing as well. His therapist has suggested that he see a psychiatrist to possib …
Scared of the Sacred
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 29th, 2018
Question: I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagba (lifting the Torah scroll). I have only done it once in my life ( with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop it. I will usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the Gabbai won’t approach me for it and if I do get asked I always r …
Bad Therapy or Misunderstood Therapy?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 24th, 2024
Bad Therapy or Misunderstood Therapy? Chaim Neuhoff, PhD (with input from many colleagues) While reading Ami magazine's interview with Abigail Shrier, author of the recent book, Bad Therapy, I found myself nodding in agreement with many points that were made. However, I was left disappointed that the non-professional opinions of a secular journalist were featured center-stage in a frum magazine on the topic of frum menta …
My son terrorizes my other kids
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 24th, 2023
Question: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He do …
Which career is right for me?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 22nd, 2018
Question: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person that has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so …
LGBTQ inclusion in the Orthodox community?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 15th, 2018
A colleague recently shared the following video with me. https://youtu.be/xrFyW9MITxs This is a video of young Orthodox men and women who self identify as homosexual. I found the clip, by and large, to be evocative and poignant. These are people who I identified and empathized with. The communities, schools, and types of families discussed were my own; they could have been me, my neighbors, or even my children. At the s …
Why is therapy so in?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
May 14th, 2017
Question: I am wondering if you can help with the following question that I frequently wonder about. Why is there more of a need for therapists today than a generation or two ago? Somehow we managed fine in the past. I am not, chas v'shalom, against therapists, especially those who follow Da'as Torah. I am just seeking to understand.
Very intriguing question, one that deserves serious coverage. For the purpose …
Trichotillomania & Therapy
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 9th, 2018
Question: I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for her; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those that don't know would not be able to tell, My friends know and really don't think it to it, it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to go for therapy or do whatever it ta …
Why do frum people pursue alternative treatments?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 8th, 2021
Question: My sister has a difficult time with her 2 of her children. They are socially awkward, struggle in school and seem to me to be very anxious. Whenever they go through something difficult, she seems to quickly find a "medical" related reason why whatever is happening is happening. One time it's strep, one time PANDAS, or Lyme disease or whatever else. She runs around from doctor to doctor getting all sorts of treatments for them. Non …
A Purim thought
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 7th, 2017
The thought I'd like to share was said during the holocaust by the Piazeczna Rebbe hy'd who uplifted others amidst the depressing conditions of the Warsaw ghetto. It is written in the Sefer Aish Kodesh, which was compiled from the notes that he hid before he perished. The Tikunei Zohar teaches that Purim is similar to Yom Hakipurim. The Piazeczna explained this parallelism in the following manner. The essence o …
Corona 3; Dealing with Pesach
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 31st, 2020
Question: We live out of town and do not get a chance to see much of our extended family that often. A highlight of our year is the Yomim Tovim where we travel to our children. The thought of being home all alone for Yom Tov is just so sad for me. Baruch Hashem I get along with my husband but I was so looking forward to Yom Tov with the delicious grandchildren. I know that there are people that are sick and that in comparison this is not su …
Corona 2: Dealing with Isolation
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 31st, 2020
Question: I am currently in self isolation on my doctors recommendation due to being exposed to covid19. Unfortunately, many others are currently in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room ( so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and others l …
Corona 1: Dealing with Worries
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 31st, 2020
Question: Any suggestions for coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life. Any recommendations ? Much has already been written on this topic. I will attemp …
ADHD in kids
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 2nd, 2017
Question: My daughter is 6 1/2. Last year the school brought to our attention that she is displaying possible signs of ADHD and they recommended an evaluation. Our pediatrician suggested that we can wait to evaluate and also recommended not to start medication at this young age. However, I am concerned that if she needs help why not be proactive and get her the help now. She has a very healthy self-esteem and I don't want she should lose it if s …
Should I quit smoking?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 26th, 2018
Question: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy. My question is 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit? 2. Are there any specific methods th …
He called me a stupidhead!
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 21st, 2017
Sibling Conflict: Tips for Prevention and Intervention "Ma, he's in my room and he’s using my stuff again!" "It’s her turn to set the table and she wants me to do it!" "He called me a stupidhead." Do these statements sound familiar? If you have more than one child, they probably do because these are common examples of sibling conflict. Arguing and bickering among children often cause frustration and concern in parents. However, …
Purim: Simcha or Stress?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 14th, 2022
Question: Purim in my family is always a struggle. It is a very short day and everyone has their things that they want (need?) to do. My husband has his Rov, his family, his friends, and his boss that he needs to stop by. I have my family which requires a few different stops and of course the kids have rebbiem and morahs and friends that they want to see. Last year the day turned really stressful with a big fight between my hu …
The Novominsker Rebbe's address
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
March 14th, 2018
בס"ד Remarks of the Novominsker Rebbe (Rabbi Yaakov Perlow) at the recent MHP Agudah conference, November 2017. Words of introduction from Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwiebel ברשות the Rebbe שליט"א and ברשות the wonderful people who have gathered today. You are dedicated professionals who continue on a daily basis to make such a tremendous difference on our communities and on the world around us. When I was growing up, this idea of Mental …
Are Adolescents and Young Adults Extreme?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 9th, 2022
Question: Our 20-year-old son recently returned home from a year learning in Israel. He is boy who struggled a lot in his teens both academically and religiously. Baruch Hashem, he seems to have had an excellent year of growth, he likes his Rabbiem and has learned a lot about being a mentsch , though he still has a way to go. He is very proud of his year and some new concepts and ideas he has learned. The yeshiva has an emphasis on emotional heal …
Why is therapy so expensive?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 3rd, 2021
Question: I have a question which I hope you can help me with. I'm looking for a new therapist, one that is in-network and takes my insurance. I am doing a ton of research, calling up therapists and clinics, but I keep bumping into the money issue. I just hung up with yet another therapist that didn't work out, and I'm honestly feeling helpless, hopeless and demoralized. Is this how the system is going to work? Is mo …
Can therapy put you to sleep?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 2nd, 2017
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, or cause you to wake up too early and not be able to get back to sleep. Stress as well as anxiety symptoms (such as tension, excessive worrying, and feeling overwhelmed) can also lead to insomnia. Anxiety and insomnia can feed off each other, leading to a cycle of sleep deprivation. This may surprise you, but within the past year the American Coll …
Footsteps: II
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 29th, 2017
This post is a follow-up to my previous post regarding the organization Footsteps. Footsteps is an organization ostensibly geared to helping a growing number of young adults who are disenchanted with their current lifestyle and place in Judaism. This is most likely related to emotional pain, mental illness, backgrounds of trauma, LGBT related struggles, as well as theological questions. Footsteps seeks to work with this community by …
My child is becoming obese
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 18th, 2018
Question: We b'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved. bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem, he likes to eat and has been steadily gaining since 5 years old. First, it was ten pounds, then 20, and now more each passing year. At almost 10 years old, he is 130 lbs. …
Footsteps, Judaism, and Mental Health
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
June 15th, 2017
Written correspondence with a Footsteps defender. I question the motives of the Footsteps Organization. If, as they state in their promotional materials, it is an opportunity to provide young adults with opportunities for emotional support, financial assistance, and the right of self-determination, there are many opportunities to strive towards these goals within the Orthodox community. Taking the total "break off ties" …