Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
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Anxious Children & Holocaust Education
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-04-16 17:26:30
Question: My 5th grade son recently came home from a friend’s house frightened and in tears. He was literally shaking. When I finally managed to calm him down he told me that his friend had been showing him books with pictures of the Holocaust. There were pictures of the mass graves, crematoria, and people being shot and hung. Including little children. My husband and I sat with him for a long time trying to reassure him and calm him down. …
Should I quit smoking?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-03-26 17:59:47
Question: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy. My question is 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit? 2. Are there any specific methods th …
The Novominsker Rebbe's address
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-03-14 20:57:59
בס"ד Remarks of the Novominsker Rebbe (Rabbi Yaakov Perlow) at the recent MHP Agudah conference, November 2017. Words of introduction from Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwiebel ברשות the Rebbe שליט"א and ברשות the wonderful people who have gathered today. You are dedicated professionals who continue on a daily basis to make such a tremendous difference on our communities and on the world around us. When I was growing up, this idea of Mental …
Trichotillomania & Therapy
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-03-09 09:13:53
Question: I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for her; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those that don't know would not be able to tell, My friends know and really don't think it to it, it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to go for therapy or do whatever it ta …
Talking to children about death
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-02-21 18:29:15
Question: My mother-in-law has been fighting a very serious illness for the last few years. At this time the doctors say that they have no more treatments to offer her. I don't think my husband really accepts the implications of this. My children have always had a close relationship with their grandmother and are always asking when she is going to get better. We have been very positive throughout this but now I am not sure how to approach it with …
Aging, Loss, and Kibud Av V'eim
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-01-30 17:57:51
Question: I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married an there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be advancing in his company while his career seems to be stalled. I am not sur …
Struggling teenagers, Judaism, and psychotherapy
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2018-01-03 10:01:04
Remarks of Rav Yehoshua Eichenstein at the recent MHP Agudah conference, November 2017. Words of introduction by Rav Elya Brudny I would like to introduce Rav Yehoshua Eichenstein who you soon will have the זכות of interacting with. I was first introduced to Rav Eichenstein as a 15-year-old 12th grader. At that time, I was learning פרק מרובה in Rav Pam’s Shiur at Torah Vodaas. In those years, Yeshiva ended in June and we …
Spanking children?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-12-24 22:53:47
Question: I am worried about how my husband interacts with our children. Most of the time he is great but when he is stressed out he can really be difficult. He yells a lot and on occasion hits (potches) the children. He says there is nothing wrong with that and that it was never considered wrong for a father to potch and is part of chinuch. I think it's horrible and will ruin the children emotionally. Can you please settle this issue for us.&nbs …
He needs therapy! Can I tell him?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-11-28 11:16:07
Question: I know someone who had a sibling that is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
Why do teenagers sleep late?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-11-13 11:55:51
Question: I am an older teenager. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbiem. I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have friends who go to sleep really late and sti …
Psychology and Torah: Are they compatible?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-11-04 20:27:37
Wanted to invite all to a unique conference designed to address this very issue on various levels. See the attached photo for the full program as well as the letter below. Dear Colleagues, We would like to take this opportunity to invite you to a unique conference that will iy"H take place on November 23-24 at the Agudah Convention in Stamford, Connecticut. The overall goal of this conference is to …
Should I become a psychotherapist?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-10-16 11:05:51
Question: I am 33 years old and not finding fulfillment in my current occupation. I am considering going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. I have always been interested in helping people and people seem to gravitate to me when they need help solving a problem. I am curious as to what type of person you think makes a good therapist? What personal qualities would indicate that someone might make a good therapist? Are th …
Is it G.A.D.?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-09-11 16:15:12
Question: I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed. In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to …
Rav Aharon Feldman's address
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-08-23 19:02:45
בס"ד Below are my notes of Rav Feldman's lecture to Orthodox Mental Health Professionals which took place in New York City during the summer of 2016. Rav Feldman has approved this version. All rights reserved. The lecture and subsequent Q and A covered the following topics: A Torah approach to Psychology, Validating feelings, Homosexuality, Kibud Av Vaeim, Families in distress, and Hitting children. A Torah Approach to Psycho …
Dealing with rejection from the school system
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-08-17 15:19:49
Question: I am writing about a very painful matter that unfortunately other parents are struggling with as well. As I write this letter at the end of July my daughter does not yet have a high school for next year. I will leave aside the larger communal issue of children not getting into schools because I don’t think this is the forum for it but suffice it to say that she is an excellent girl with middos tovos and has had good grades t …
I have no friends!
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-08-02 17:21:32
Please picture the following two scenarios, and consider how you would handle it: a) Your child comes home from school saying “I have no friends”; b) Child stays at home every Shabbos, never playing with classmates or neighbors. These situations are painful for parents to deal with. Dealing with a rejection of one’s child or watching him spend all his time alone in his room can break a parent’s heart. This often evok …
Is Mindfulness Jewish?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-07-17 13:13:03
Question: I am a working mother of 6 beautiful children bh, and I am dealing with the regular life stresses that come from parnassah, shalom bayis, and running a family etc. A friend of mine suggested something called "mindfulness" as a way to help me ease the stress. I have looked into it and am wondering if this is something that is used by the frum therapists? Also, do I need to actually see a therapist who is trained in this (which …
Footsteps: II
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-06-29 15:23:45
This post is a follow-up to my previous post regarding the organization Footsteps. Footsteps is an organization ostensibly geared to helping a growing number of young adults who are disenchanted with their current lifestyle and place in Judaism. This is most likely related to emotional pain, mental illness, backgrounds of trauma, LGBT related struggles, as well as theological questions. Footsteps seeks to work with this community by …
Footsteps, Judaism, and Mental Health
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-06-15 14:27:50
Written correspondence with a Footsteps defender. I question the motives of the Footsteps Organization. If, as they state in their promotional materials, it is an opportunity to provide young adults with opportunities for emotional support, financial assistance, and the right of self-determination, there are many opportunities to strive towards these goals within the Orthodox community. Taking the total "break off ties" …
Can therapy put you to sleep?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-06-02 18:01:20
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, or cause you to wake up too early and not be able to get back to sleep. Stress as well as anxiety symptoms (such as tension, excessive worrying, and feeling overwhelmed) can also lead to insomnia. Anxiety and insomnia can feed off each other, leading to a cycle of sleep deprivation. This may surprise you, but within the past year the American Coll …
Why is therapy so in?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-05-14 13:01:16
Question: I am wondering if you can help with the following question that I frequently wonder about. Why is there more of a need for therapists today than a generation or two ago? Somehow we managed fine in the past. I am not, chas v'shalom, against therapists, especially those who follow Da'as Torah. I am just seeking to understand.
Very intriguing question, one that deserves serious coverage. For the purpose …
13 Reasons Why: Teen Suicide and Judaism
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-05-07 09:13:10
This article originally appeared on Aish.com I am not a typical Netflix viewer; I'm just not the movie type. Besides, as a father of 8, a practicing Jew, and a super-busy psychologist, I simply don’t have the time. Yet, when asked my professional opinion amidst the recent controversy surrounding the popular series 13 Reasons Why, I signed up for a 30-day free trial subscription and binge-watched most of the series. Based on Ja …
Shyness & Social Anxiety: When is it a problem?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-04-30 16:06:58
Social Anxiety and Shyness in children: When is it a problem? When observing children, what often appears as social anxiety, is, in fact, age-appropriate behavior without necessitating too much concern from parents. See below for some distinctions between ordinary shyness and social anxiety. Leah Stern is concerned about her 6-year-old daughter, Chanala. When Mrs. Stern meets a friend in public, Chanala hides behin …
Rav Reuvein Feinstein's address
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-04-21 16:56:22
בס"ד These notes are an attempt to summarize the remarks of Rav Reuven Feinstein during a question-and answer session with mental health professionals. This meeting took place ב ניסן תשע"ז in Staten Island. Please consider any mistakes to be mine. Before answering the specific שאלות, I’d like to make an introductory comment. There is a fundamental distinction between the work of a secular mental health profess …
He called me a stupidhead!
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-03-21 17:46:08
Sibling Conflict: Tips for Prevention and Intervention "Ma, he's in my room and he’s using my stuff again!" "It’s her turn to set the table and she wants me to do it!" "He called me a stupidhead." Do these statements sound familiar? If you have more than one child, they probably do because these are common examples of sibling conflict. Arguing and bickering among children often cause frustration and concern in parents. However, …
A Purim thought
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-03-07 23:34:39
The thought I'd like to share was said during the holocaust by the Piazeczna Rebbe hy'd who uplifted others amidst the depressing conditions of the Warsaw ghetto. It is written in the Sefer Aish Kodesh, which was compiled from the notes that he hid before he perished. The Tikunei Zohar teaches that Purim is similar to Yom Hakipurim. The Piazeczna explained this parallelism in the following manner. The essence o …
ADHD in kids
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-03-02 17:46:49
Question: My daughter is 6 1/2. Last year the school brought to our attention that she is displaying possible signs of ADHD and they recommended an evaluation. Our pediatrician suggested that we can wait to evaluate and also recommended not to start medication at this young age. However, I am concerned that if she needs help why not be proactive and get her the help now. She has a very healthy self-esteem and I don't want she should lose it if s …
Parnassa pressure
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-02-15 19:59:10
Question: I am the mother of a growing family, kh, and like most women today, my income is essential. Perhaps my husband is learning and I am the primary breadwinner. Or perhaps my husband is working, but his income covers basics while mine pays the tuition. Either way, the pressure that I am feeling to increase my income as more of my children enter school is crushing. The truth is that I am not cut out to be a working mother. Far fro …
How shy is TOO shy?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-02-08 19:03:11
Question: I am a pre-school Morah in the local Yeshiva. There is a boy in my class who never talks above a whisper. This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. While the parents insist that the child is just shy, I am convinced that this is more serious than shyness. Can you please give me an idea of where the line is between shyness and a more serious problem? I would also appreciate any strategies you can suggest for con …
Rav Elya Brudny's address
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-02-01 14:12:22
These notes are based on Rav Brudny’s remarks at the recent Agudah conference for Mental Health Professionals. Please consider any mistakes to be mine. I was officially invited to this conference to teach, as a הבאה ללמד. But when speaking to such an audience it is הבאה ללמד ונמצא למד. This Chabura deals with the tremendous pain and dysfunction out there. It is always an opportunity for gro …
How does CBT work?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-01-25 16:22:16
Question: I’m married in my twenties with some kids and have been struggling with general anxiety. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now and she’s really helped me a lot on the “uncovering” aspect through looking at my childhood. I now know that it’s not a surprise that I have insecurities as an adult. But how do I get to the healing aspect? She says that talking over and over about thos …
How can I stop her from going OTD?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-01-18 18:36:41
Question: My 18-year-old daughter has been having issues with yiddishkeit, and seems to be moving in the wrong direction. She has had trouble with anxiety and trust issues in the past and seems generally unhappy. My other kids are being affected by her constant anger and comments. My husband and I find ourselves constantly arguing over the proper way to handle the situation, and we feel that there’s no one to whom we can turn for help …
I have anxiety & OCD. Who should I marry?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-01-11 15:14:07
Question: I am in my low 20's and have OCD and Anxiety. Baruch Hashem, I am more or less stable as I am in college, and holding down a job at the same time. My question is: In a Shidduch, do you think I should look for someone who’s similar to me- someone who also has Anxiety or some other disorder, or should I rather look for someone who’s "regular" without those kinds of challenges? (Honestly, I would prefer someone who doesn't have …
Something terrible happened. Do I need professional help?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2017-01-04 13:33:31
Question: I was involved in a car accident two months ago. Although I fractured my arm I am boruch hashem okay. The driver of the other car was more seriously hurt and needed surgery. My friends tell me I am “traumatized” and that I talk about the accident too much. I think it's normal to be shaken up by going through such an experience. I do have trouble falling asleep at night but I don't know if it's related to …
Yiras Shomayim or OCD?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-12-28 11:58:54
Question: I am a tenth grade Rebbe in a local mesivta. I am concerned that one of the bochurim in my shiur may have OCD. He is a very good bochur and does very well, but is shy and seems very anxious about his grades. I noticed recently that he spends a very long time putting on ( and taking off) his teffilin. At least 10 minutes. He is constantly adjusting them during davening. He also takes a very long time davening. How do I know the differenc …
Panic attack
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-12-22 19:35:24
Question: This past summer I had an anxiety attack. It came as a surprise because last year I was depressed but at the beginning of the summer I made it my business to get out of the rut. And since then I’ve been very busy going to classes and having a very small business which allows me to express myself. I’ve been in therapy for about a year now and I really feel like I’m on the road to recovery, being emotionally aware and st …
I am afraid to fly.
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-12-14 18:50:30
Question: My wife has always been afraid of flying. The last time she flew, around a year and a half ago, there was some turbulence mid-flight and she got hysterical and wasn't able to calm down until we landed (thankfully this was on the way home). We have a family bar mitzvah on the west coast at the end of the month and she is already very apprehensive about going. I have tried to talk with her about the safety of flying but that just gets her …
Help! My parents are getting divorced.
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-12-07 15:49:13
Question: I am a regular frum girl, 15 years old and in high school. My parents never got along well and recently told my siblings and me that they are getting divorced. Is my life finished? Will everyone look at me with pity? Will I be able to find a good shidduch? Does the fact that my parents divorced make it more likely that I might get divorced? Any information or chizuk that you can give me is appreciated. That is very brave of you t …
Do all chutzpadig children need a professional?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-11-30 09:44:06
Question: My son's Menahel called us in for a meeting. He said that while our 7th grade son is smart and has friends, he acts chutzpadig and doesn't listen to authority. The menahel said that he thinks our son has ODD and gave us the number to a (costly) therapist. Do we really need a therapist for this? Isn't this a regular kid who misbehaves that for generations parents and schools found some way to deal with? Must everything become a la …
Am I Bipolar?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-11-23 16:29:05
Question: I am in my 30s married with kids and work part time. Since before my marriage (about 15 years ago) I have always been somewhat moody, but I am not exactly sure why. At times I just want to go under the covers and don't want to have anything to do with anyone. Other times I am full of energy. Winters are particularly hard. A friend said that I might have bipolar disorder, but I am doing ok as a wife and as a mother and holding down …
Askanim and cultural values
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-08-24 15:38:44
Re: http://narrative.ly/healing-hasidic-masturbators-and-adulterers-with-psychiatric-drugs/ Dear Ms. Ungar-Sargon, Thank you for a well-researched article highlighting unethical practices in the Chassidic community. Although not Chassidic myself, I have maintained a Psychology practice for over a decade in this community and have heard that such practices indeed exist. I refer specifically to those addressing religious struggles via medication an …
Journalists, Vice, and Hassidim
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-08-16 15:56:10
Re: http://www.vice.com/read/how-mentally-ill-hasidic-women-slip-though-cracks-in-the-system Dear Ms. Conti, As my Psychology practice is based in the Orthodox Borough Park community, I read your article with much interest. Your central point is sadly correct: there are unlicensed and untrained therapists serving a vulnerable population. You effectively tell the tragic story of two individuals from their own perspective. Reporting on an entire co …
Journalists, Vice, and Hassidim
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
2016-08-16 00:00:00
Sleep terrors
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.
Psychology and Torah: Are they compatible?
Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.