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The Mean Girls
Author:

It’s not just in the movies: The mean girls phenomenon is real and very much a subject of discussion today among professionals and parents alike. Unlike the boys who may be openly – and even physically – aggressive, mean girls use their words. They typically operate under the radar, far from adult view. And, no matter how many complaints there are from the other students, the mean girls continue to exclude, mock and/or tease, an …
The Mean Girls
Author: Dr. Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
2016-05-25 00:00:00

It’s not just in the movies: The mean girls phenomenon is real and very much a subject of discussion today among professionals and parents alike. Unlike the boys who may be openly – and even physically – aggressive, mean girls use their words. They typically operate under the radar, far from adult view. And, no matter how many complaints there are from the other students, the mean girls continue to exclude, mock and/or tease, an …
The Gift of Not-Knowing
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
2020-06-01 22:24:28

Getting to know our children is a very gradual process and an imperfect one as well. Though parents vary in their ability to read their children—some of us do better than others—there is no fool-proof way to know what another is thinking or feeling, even if that someone is our child. In general, a parent who has a high EQ (Emotional Intelligence) who is self-aware and attuned to their own thoughts, feelings, motivation, and behavior h …
The First Step Toward Change
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-09-01 20:52:12

Dear Readers, Welcome to the August edition of Mind, Body & Soul, themed “Taking the first step”.  I’d like you to consider the many and varied ways that people take their first steps. A baby, transitioning from crawling and cruising to walking, is literally taking his first step. Until now he did not even have the capacity to walk. Children and adults, who can already walk, sometimes feel as though they are stuck in a …
The Face Behind the Mask
Author: Rachel Slochowsky LMFT, CSAT
2020-08-31 20:10:49

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that wearing masks have been proven to help protect us from Covid-19. In a world that feels so chaotic, unstable and unknown, many of us have been holding on to this theory. Just wear the mask and you’ll be safer, wear the mask and you won’t be exposed. As difficult and painful as this pandemic has been, it has brought to the surface something profound. Masks seem to be for the …
The Effects of Teasing
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
2016-11-23 12:38:52

Teasing has many faces. It can be used to make jokes, it can be used to play tricks, or it can be used to hurt someone as offense or defense, to suggest a few applications. When children do it to each other, teasing can lead to bullying. In fact, teasing is really steps away from bullying, if the behavior continues and if it is becoming hurtful. When adults tease children who do not know how to respond, teasing can be very detrimental. When a chi …
The Dangers of Over Intellectualization
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-06-02 17:48:29

The recent Daf Yomi (Gemara Yevamos 14a) tells us that prior to the decision to universally follow the School of Hillel, there was a period of time where the School of Shammai followed their rulings independently. The Gemara wonders how the School of Shammai rationalized this when the general principle is that the halacha (law) is decided in accordance with the numerical majority. Since the School of Hillel was the majority, even the School of Sh …
The Change From Within
Author:
2018-09-04 10:37:35

By Lisa Twerski, LCSW When we are children, our parents can imbue us with a healthy sense of self. They love us and we feel loved, they show confidence in us and we feel self-confident, they esteem us and we feel self-esteem. They may do this by expressing these things directly. They may do this by giving us the opportunity to try and succeed or fail, showing us that we have them by our side no matter what. There are many ways parents can seek to …
The Cell Phone Parent
Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICPP
2015-05-31 00:00:00

An earlier version of this article appeared on the Times of Israel. When parents ask me directly at what age they should get their children a cell phone, I generally do not answer. Despite the specificity of the question and regardless of what I say, parents make their own decisions, and these decisions usually fall into reasonably well-defined categories. Overprotective parents justify purchasing cell phones for their children while they are st …
Staying The Course - The Big Picture
Author: Esther Gendelman, MS, LPC, CPC
2021-11-28 11:10:46

One word encapsulates the theme of staying the course. That word is LIFE.  If we want to choose life, we choose to stay the course no matter what happens. Sometimes, the course is filled with pain and grief while at others, there are experiences that elicit intense joy and we savor each moment.  I might be a young child whose world changed when a parent died, or a special needs sibling was born, or my parents divorced, or I experienced …
The Anatomy of Bad Middos
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-03 14:27:30

Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed The Soul and the Psyche. “Soul” and “psyche” represent, respectively, the spiritual and psychological dimensions of a person. Interestingly, the two terms didn’t always have different meanings. When the term psyche was first introduced, it, too, was understood to be primarily a spiritual force, one that outlasts and outlives the body.  In pa …
The Anatomy of Bad Middos
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-02 12:01:25

Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed The Soul and the Psyche. “Soul” and “psyche” represent, respectively, the spiritual and psychological dimensions of a person. Interestingly, the two terms didn’t always have different meanings. When the term psyche was first introduced, it, too, was understood to be primarily a spiritual force, one that outlasts and outlives the body.  In pa …
Teenagers: Mission Impossible
Author: Alexander Rand, LCSW-R CASAC
2015-08-26 00:00:00

Raising teenagers in 2015 requires education, skill, luck, practice, and of course, prayer and God. Even with all that, it’s still not enough. We need more prayer and more God, and if you’ve ever raised a teenager, you’ll understand exactly why. Adolescence is a time when a child naturally starts to experiment with rules, challenging authority, and beginning to form his/her own identity. While that can be terrifying for parents, …
Tall Guys Don’t Jump
Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LMSW
2015-05-31 00:00:00

No disrespect to sports fans, but sports discussions are not known for their wealth of theoretic wisdom. Certainly, sports are great fun, and the pull of professional sports has even the attention of the Wall Street Journal. Articles on sports are full of analysis and postgame hindsight, but rarely philosophical insight.
And so it was to my great surprise that an innocuous conversation about basketball turned up a philosophical gem. A child …
Taking Responsibility
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2019-11-30 22:43:47

Taking responsibility—for our attitudes, actions, and behavior—is a sign of maturity and good mental health. So, while we can understand that a five-year-old denies taking a cookie when his face is covered with crumbs, we are less forgiving of the adolescent who cheats on a test because “all his friends do.” As we mature, we develop more of an internal locus of control, (i.e. the understanding that our behavior is the resu …
Survive versus Thrive
Author: Pamela Siller, MD
2020-02-27 20:20:43

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines survival as “to remain alive or in existence.” This requires the very basic necessities of life, such as food, water, oxygen, shelter, and sleep. However, humans are quite complex beings; they may be able to survive with when their fundamental needs are met, but they require far more in order to thrive. Thrive, as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, encompasses “flourish, prosper, an …
SUCCESSFUL “EMOTIONAL” RETIREMENT
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA.
2020-02-27 19:45:13

Google retirement and you will receive literally thousands of sites focusing on the financial issues facing retirees. Financial security is definitely a very important aspect of retirement but not the only one and perhaps not even the most critical for a happy retirement. For the person who is either preparing for retirement or who is already retired, the emotional and mental health of the golden years can define the success or failure of th …
SUCCESS!!! How to help your child survive and thrive in challenging situations
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R
2020-02-27 20:05:47

“I can’t do it!” “Sure you can, honey; you’re great at this.”  “I’m so dumb.” “No, you’re not. You’re one of the smartest kids in your class, your teacher even told me so.”             Sound familiar?             Have you ever wondered, “Why does my c …
Stopping the Stigma
Author: Bin Goldman, PsyD
2016-05-25 00:00:00

Mental illness hurts, but it is something acceptable, a decree from God that we can’t control, but that we can usually treat. Stigma also hurts, but it is not acceptable. The suffering that people experience from mental health problems is not limited to the symptoms of their particular disorder, but is multiplied and expanded by stigma. Our community can and must understand the stigma of mental illness and its effects, and mobilize to reduc …
Staying The Course of Therapy
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
2021-11-27 23:37:16

Patients frequently question their mental health professionals as to what action they should take in any given circumstance.  Most want advice about marriage, children, jobs and coworkers, while others have concerns about other relationships.  One of the most complicated of these, which can cause the most angst, and possible detriment, is the therapeutic relationship.  ______________________________________ Miri is an 18-year-old g …
Staying The Course of Parenting
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-11-28 19:32:32

Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, titled “staying the course”. The term “staying the course” may not be familiar to everyone. Staying the course, in its most literal sense, refers to those on a sea journey, facing forces – be they powerful storms, loss of power, or even pirates – that jeopardize their reaching an intended destination. A skilled traveler calmly adjusts in a mann …
Standing Your Ground
Author: Zahavah Selinger, LMHC
2016-05-25 00:00:00

What do you do when you have a friend going through a difficult time and is relying on you too much for support? It could be difficult letting them know this because you want to be there for them, yet your tolerance slowly dwindles until you get to the point where you are so frustrated, you remove yourself completely from the situation. Being on either side is not comfortable. Someone who needs so much support is likely not getting it from the ri …
Standing in Silence
Author:
2018-05-31 09:58:00

 By Dvora Entin, LCSW  Several years ago, I had the privilege of accompanying a couple on a very painful path of medical care and difficult choices for their newly delivered child. This family had reached out to rabbonim months before the due date to plan a halachicly guided course of decision making and spent many hours devoted to preparatory palliative care and planning for the many outcomes both expected and unexpected. When that bab …
Sparks of Light
Author: Shaindy Urman
2015-05-31 00:00:00

You should hear the stories. My G-d, if only you heard some of the stories. The mother who punched her small child in the chest. The father who threw his daughter down a flight of stairs. The man who has nightmares, decades later, about the counselor in camp who violated him. Women who are afraid the moment their husband comes home from work. Newborn babies in intensive care, detoxing from their mother’s drug use. Toddlers left home alone f …
Sober Kiddushes and Sober-Brengens
Author:
2017-11-28 12:12:45

 By Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D. Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative was safeguarded, by modifying identifying details.      Our session began, as scheduled, the Sunday after Simchas Torah. I waited for Moe to choose a starting point.  He opened with “Well, Yom Tov was fine.  It was really draining, though.”  I thought I knew what Moe meant:  There …
Shifra, Puah and PMADs
Author:
2019-02-26 11:59:03

By Michael Bleicher, LCSW From the time we read Parshas Shemos until we read Parshas Tetzaveh, we find ourselves in a period of the Jewish calendar known as “Shovavim Tat,” an acronym made of the first letter of Parshios Shemos through Tetzaveh. During this time in Jewish communities across the world, husbands and wives dedicate extra energy and time to fortifying their marriages. From reviewing the technical laws of family purit …
School: Throw a Fit, Grin and Bear it or Hey, Let's See How we Can Benefit! How to end the daily power struggle over school and help your child thrive.
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R
2018-12-04 12:30:02

Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press “Why do I have to do all this dumb work? It's so boring. How is this going to help me anyway?” “Jake, for the 20th time, go do your homework!” “I'm not going to school, you can't make me.”   Does this sound familiar?   This is a picture of a child resisting and avoiding something in life that makes him miserable. A perfectly natural re …
Scared
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 Is your child a real scaredy cat?  With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Scared
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2021-06-02 12:07:13

 Is your child a real scaredy cat?  With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Scare
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2021-06-03 11:23:41

 Is your child a real scaredy cat?  With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Safety or Security?
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW
2022-08-31 17:31:06

Like so many others, I watched the videos of the police response in Uvalde, Texas with shock and disappointment. The scene brought me back to the afternoon just months earlier when a shooter attacked Oxford High School just 30 miles north of my home. As President of my local public-school board, and a mental health professional on the county’s crisis response team, I found myself at the intersection of school governance and community respon …
Safe Relationships Facilitate Family Well-Being
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-08-31 15:54:46

Hollywood has led us to believe that the fundamentals of a good marriage are: love, passion, infatuation, romance, and chemistry. In my professional opinion, those are the tier two fundamentals. The vital tier one fundamentals are: respect, empathy, friendship, forgiveness, trust, and safety, which is the focus of this essay. www.Shalomtaskforce.org   Back in the early days of domestic violence awareness and prevention, safety in relationshi …
Rising to Meet New Motherhood: SELF care in the Postpartum Period
Author: Dr. Sarah J. Miller
2018-12-04 12:26:50

Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press Angry cries pierce the silence of a still house in the dead of night. It’s time for that 3 a.m. feeding again. Or is it? Blearily wiping your eyes, you glance at the clock. Actually it’s 1:52, and the baby has been up three times already since midnight. Sighing, you fumble for a pacifier. It’s going to be a long night. Becoming a new mother, even for the second, …
Rising Above Pittsburg
Author: By Yehuda Krohn Psy.D
2018-12-04 11:49:06

By Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D Text and Image published in collaboration with the Jewish Press. There are situations in life that hold us back from reaching our fullest potential. They essentially keep us down. Some situations derive from our environment. They are about transitions, related to work, school, or even the change of seasons. Some hit closer to home, as with the experience of trauma or even the recent birth of a child, yet others are harder t …
Rising above
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
2018-12-04 12:32:32

By Pamella Siller, MD Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press 2002 Rochel pulled the covers even more tightly over her head in a futile attempt to drown out the sounds. She knew, without looking, that her father had been drinking too much at the Weinstein’s L’Chaim, and he would be mean tonight. She was dreading the next day, knowing that she would not be able to hide the dark circles under her eyes after a …
Reward and Punishment when Raising Children – A Second Look
Author: Chana Mark, LCSW
2014-11-25 00:00:00

  Many parents use a system of rewards and punishments to help change children’s behavior. This idea has come down to us from behavioral psychology as part of what is known as “operant conditioning.” This phrase is simply the following: Reinforcement means increasing the frequency or duration of desirable behavior. “If you go to bed on time for the whole week, I will give you a prize at the end of the week.” Pun …
Reward and Punishment
Author: Rabbi Dr. Joel Rosenshein, Ph.D.
2017-08-28 15:36:41

In today's day and age, there seems to be a popular belief that children should not be raised in the old method of reward or punishment. When we look around, however, it is apparent that many of our present problems with our children come down to our spoiling them, perhaps more so than in any previous generation. Although there is a need to praise more than to discipline, to reward more than to discipline, it is still essential to provide consequ …
RESOURCES ON COVID19
Author: NEFESH
2020-03-08 15:42:08

Dear NEFESH Community, There are many resources available to help navigate the coronavirus.  Below are links to a number of them which you may find useful.  PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY RESOURCES IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. We wish a refuah shelaima to all those who are ill, refuas Hanefesh and refuas Haguf. Rabbi Dr. Fox Lecture Rabbi Dr. Fox Lecture 2 Dr. Aaron Glatt and Dr. Norman Blumenthal (Ohel) https://www.yutorah.org/lectur …
Resistant to Change: Can a Treatment- Resistant Client Be Helped?
Author: Chaya Rubin, Ph.D.
2022-11-29 20:02:47

There used to be a popular joke about psychologists that went as follows:  Q: How many
psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? A: That depends on if the light bulb
wants to change.  
The mutative process in therapy is no laughing matter, though, and mental health
professionals differ in their understanding of these mechanisms. The most popular
therapeutic methods, namely behavioral therapies, hum …
Resilient Parents Increase Time with Children Despite Work Pressures
Author: Alan M. Singer PhD
2020-08-31 19:38:27

            The “latest research” gets copious amounts of media attention as trends come and go. Remember way back in the 90’s when parents used to put their infants to sleep on their stomachs? Now, in 2020, you wouldn’t dare do such a thing! How about some years ago when large amounts of beta-carotene could supposedly prevent cancer? Now, in 2020, it’s beta-what …
Resilience for Healthy Living
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-11-29 22:17:58

Resilience can be thought of as G-ds natural medication for a healthier and thriving life. We can learn a great deal from resilient people and each one of us can take advantage of this wonderful and holistic tool to stay physically and emotionally healthy. Some have it innately; most of us must learn the secrets. The best part is, we can all learn to become resilient. We can train ourselves to improve our lives and obtain the skills and knowledge …
Resilience and its Pitfalls
Author: Fraidy Zeidman M.S. Ed, LMHC
2020-08-31 20:33:50

Resilience is touted by scientists as one of the prime ingredients necessary to navigate life’s challenges. Merriam Webster dictionary defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change."  We often look towards children, with their positive outlooks on life, as a great example of resilience, to understand its benefits. While the advantages of resilience are numerous, let’s look at the …
Relative Connections
Author:
2017-06-29 13:25:44

By Marlene Greenspan, MA, LP Relatives come in all different ways. Some are closer and others are farther, both geographically and emotionally. No matter how mature some people may be, when they find themselves close to their parents, they may regress in behavior, attitude, and speech. Relationships reflect these connections and present as problems on many levels when grown-ups, without even realizing it, relapse into their adolescent roles …
Relationship Rules: A Primer
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-02-22 13:13:11

In my practice, I’ve found that there are two aspects of relationships that clients consistently want to discuss. One aspect generally pertains to those who are considering a relationship and those who are in the beginning phase of a new relationship. The other aspect is usually brought up later on in the relationship—sometimes relatively early on, and sometimes after years of marriage.   People interested in forming a relationsh …
Reassurance: An Anxiety Management Tool with Rona Novick's New Children's Book, "Mommy Can You Stop the Rain?"
Author: Rona Milch Novick, PhD
2021-02-25 17:49:51

Children are scaredy cats!  They are anxious in the dark, may shrink from costumed characters at birthday parties, and even in their school and teen years have numerous worries about their academic performance and social standing.  How do children conquer their normal or potentially debilitating fears?  Sometimes, they outgrow them and sometimes the efforts of caring, reassuring adults are needed to help them move past the fear. &n …
Raising Resilient Children: Rising to the Challenges of Today and Tomorrow
Author: Chaya Drucker, MSW, LCSW, ACSW
2015-08-26 00:00:00

As loving parents, we understandably long to protect our precious children from all suffering, risks, hardships, and adversity. Yet we recognize that this is neither possible nor ultimately desirable, since we will not be permanently available to serve as their shield against the demands and difficulties of life.  Furthermore, we realize that each person’s challenges constitute a customized crucible, divinely ordained to actualize his …
Putting the Jew in Jewelry
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-11-29 20:42:44

On a recent daf yomi (Kesuvos 63) we heard about the great sacrifices that Rochel made to support her husband, the famous Rabbi Akiva, in his study of Torah. As the well-known story goes, Rabbi Akiva was unlettered and unlearned, but Rochel saw great character and potential in him. She married him even though her wealthy father disowned her, and she endured 24 years of poverty while her husband studied Torah abroad.
When she finally sees he …
Protecting Our Children from Abuse
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2022-03-08 15:46:52

With all the recent press about the latest abuse scandal,  parents have abuse on their mind. They worry- How would I know that my child is a victim? They feel powerless- How can I make sure my child is not abused?   Because most abuse is done behind closed doors, detection is a challenge. It is typical that a child does not tell, particularly about sexual abuse, on his own. He may be afraid [‘I’ll kill your father if you tel …
Prevention is so much more
Author: Dr. Shani Zoldan-Verschleiser, AuD., LCSW
2022-03-08 15:30:10

The sexual abuse of children is very different than adult sexual abuse and needs to be handled in very different ways. With Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), physical force or violence is rarely used. The perpetrators more often try to manipulate a child’s trust and hide the abuse. The perpetrator, most of the time, is known and trusted to the child. The abuse often occurs over many weeks or even years and is typically repeated, becoming more invas …
Preparing to Reopen a Post-trauma World
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-31 19:35:51

Well, it seems like it's finally happening; after all of these surreal days and weeks and months, we are starting to reopen. But how do we prepare for a post-traumatic stress-flavored world? With all the talk about reopening, we still find ourselves just as torn and conflicted as we’ve been for the past three months. Along with an ideological civil war acting as the icing on the pandemic cake. The only consistent theme of this COVID-19 era …
Precious Memories
Author: Rabbi Joshua Marder, MA, LMFT
2019-08-30 14:28:04

Relationship Insight: Research and experience teach us that children need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable within themselves and the environment around them. To accomplish this security, they seek proximity to their parents or other caregivers. As adults, we also need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable in our environment and within ourselves.  And we also seek out safety, security, and comfort from our loved ones. As adults, we learn …
Praiseworthy Children
Author: Shaya Hecht, LMSW, CASAC-T
2015-08-26 00:00:00

Praise can be a very effective tool in reinforcing your child’s actions. Many parents seem to be resistant to praising their child, arguing that: “Praise doesn’t work… I don’t want to praise him too much because then he/she will get spoiled… I sound like a broken record when I tell my child “good job” every few minutes…” and similar excuses.  It is important to note that although …
The Power of Apology
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
2016-08-24 09:56:07

We’ve all been there. A loved one says “sorry” and we feel uneasy and confused. On one hand, it seems ungracious to refuse an apology; on the other, the apology feels empty and insincere. Because the other person has apologized, he feels that the matter is closed. So, unsettled as we may feel, we let it go… and the resentment begins to build. For those readers who have trouble recognizing this pattern, visit any schoolyar …
Pedaling with a Purpose
Author: Tzipora Shub, LCSW
2020-06-01 22:13:56

It’s a well-known fact that the sorry fate of most eagerly purchased exercise bikes is to end up as a glorified clothing hanger—and not just for the clean clothing. In having pondered this life’s mystery at length, I have come to the conclusion that one potential reason for this is the futility of the activity of pedaling on a stationary bike. The idea of working so hard and getting nowhere fast, seems to go against the nature o …
Parenting Your Anxious Child
Author: Rachel Factor, MSW
2014-11-25 00:00:00

  You have your sweet, intelligent, imaginative and creative child. A child who has clearly been blessed with endless potential and depth, a child that can blow your mind away with the most interesting questions you’ve ever been asked (which you only wished you could answer). The problem, or better said, the challenge, is that your child also has anxiety. You see, it’s part of this package deal. But there is good news; anxiety re …
Parenting a Child with Mental Illness
Author: Sarah Kahan, LCSW
2015-08-26 00:00:00

“Hello Yehudis, how can I help you?” “I heard you have a residence for adults with mental illness. My son, who just turned 20, is in the psych ward for the third time this year. I am no longer able to care for him at home and I am imploring you for help. Do you know what it’s like to have a child who doesn’t want to take his medication and doesn’t come out of his room for days, doesn’t shower, and on …
Parental Approval and the Adult Child
Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC
2016-02-29 00:00:00

“I don’t know why I cry... I cry because for the first time since I hated you, I remember that I loved you…” (Lyrics by Gwen Stefani). Adolescents and adult children often openly defy their parents’ wishes. Be it religious differences, career issues, or lifestyle matters, adult children make different choices than their parents, hoping that their parents will someday agree with the decisions they’ve made. When …
Parent Child Relationship Building: The Power of Praise
Author:
2017-11-28 12:12:31

By Regine Galanti, Ph.D. A parent was recently in my office to discuss her young daughter’s defiant behavior. She described noticing that, in her relationship with her children, she’s constantly busy with them, but rarely gives them her full attention, especially if they’re not misbehaving. As a parent, I can relate. My children take up almost all of my time, cooking their dinners, supervising homework, shepherding them between …
Overview of Addictions
Author:
2015-03-01 00:00:00

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski We know that people may become addicted to alcohol or drugs. There are a number of other common addictions: cigarettes, food, gambling, sex, shopping, the internet. Although addiction cannot be precisely defined, we may say that anytime a person loses control over a behavior that he wishes to control (or should wish to control), that is addiction. We do not know what causes addiction.In addition to psychological/emoti …
“Overstanding” Your Child
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
2016-02-29 00:00:00

Is your daughter a drama queen who holds you hostage with her tales of woe? Does your son want you to fight his battles with the hanhala of his yeshiva? Do your kids expect you to provide entertainment when they bleat “Maaa, I’m so bored…”? Do you sometimes long for the days when kids were “seen but not heard”? In our rational moments, we know that we do not want to go back to that old mentality. We do want ou …
On Choosing a Spouse: Looking for Love in All the Right Places
Author:
2017-06-29 13:26:46

By Elisheva Liss, MA, LMFT Selecting a spouse is possibly the most momentous decision that we humans make over the course of a lifetime. We are choosing our roommate, co-parent, romantic partner, teammate, and closest companion – ideally, for life. We live in an era in which we have more autonomy and opportunity than ever before in history, we seem to be more emotionally complex, and we demand more of our love relationships than in any othe …
NEFESH INTERNATIONAL 18th Annual Conference
Author: Yeta Solomon, LCSW
2014-11-25 00:00:00

  What does a highly successful, international mental health organization do after it has attracted many hundreds of members worldwide, and coordinated 17 outstanding conferences? It does what NEFESH International is about to do. It does it again, of course. NEFESH is proud and very excited to announce the Eighteenth Annual Conference to take place on Sunday and Monday, December 28th and 29th, 2014, at the Hyatt Regency in Hauppauge, New Yor …
Nature versus Nurture: An Age-Old Debate
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
2015-11-25 00:00:00

Part of the great debate of nurture versus nature includes the question of: who influences the student more, the family or the school? How important is it for children to be coddled and guided both at home and at school? Nowadays, children attend school almost as soon as they can walk, starting with a toddler program at just two years old (or younger). Some families prefer to have small groups of children rotating houses with parents serving as & …
Narcissism: Self Love Disordered
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
2019-11-30 22:05:17

In the last edition of The Jewish Press’s Mind, Body and Soul, I published an article on attachment templates. In my article, I described a woman struggling to heal from a narcissistic relationship with her ex-husband only to find herself drawn to narcissists when she began dating again. In response, multiple individuals reached out to me wanting to talk about their relationship with a narcissist. Due to the interest this sparked, I thought …
My Fear That You Won’t Seek Help for Estrangement
Author: Alan M. Singer, PhD
2021-02-25 17:45:02

Estrangement is commonly defined as the intentional choice by one or more relatives to end contact because of an ongoing negative relationship. Primarily based on emotions, not facts, estrangement can bring unimaginable heartbreak to families.  I implore you to seek help if the above describes you, as the numbers are staggering. Twenty-seven percent of Americans eighteen and older have cut off contact with a family member: 10% parent/child, …
Mussar or Marriage Counseling?
Author:
2015-03-01 00:00:00

Chaya Feuerman LCSW-R Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R   The frustrations people experience in marriage are actually opportunities. According to Chazal, when Man was first created, he was a double being, with two faces and two sides. One side was male and the other was female (Rashi, Bereishis 1:27). This suggests that a human being is not complete unless he or she has successfully integrated both the male and female aspects of his or her perso …
Mothers and Daughters: Open Communication
Author: Sarah Lewis-Levy, PhD
2015-05-31 00:00:00

In my generation, many girls found out–not from their mothers, but from talking to friends–about what to anticipate when their body changes. In the backs of buses, during private moments with friends, whispers, giggles, sleepovers, sleep-away camp–that’s where much of the education still takes place today. As Jewish mothers, don’t we want to be the one to impart the joy and holiness of our femininity to our daughters …
Misdiagnosed: Overlooked medical issues and their effects on children’s behaviors
Author:
2017-11-28 12:12:48

By Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW   *Names and circumstances have been altered to protect client privacy   He’s out of control. David is constantly fighting with kids in his class and taking things from them, often unprovoked. He has been this way since he entered preschool a year ago. He is defiant at school and aggressive at home.        Leah has a difficult time focusing and following instructions. She often appear …
Mirrors and Therapeutic Listening
Author: Kalman Canant, LCSW, CSAT
2017-02-22 13:13:15

Exactly who are you? You are indeed unique, and no one else is quite the same. But what makes you you? Well, part of the answer is your appearance. Other people spot you in a crowd and recognize your likeness. They know it’s you. The way you look identifies you to others, and your appearance is part of your self-identity as well. How do you know what you look like, though? As part of the human condition, your eyes can only look outwards, an …
METHODOLOGIES FOR CHANGE WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF A DATING/MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
Author:
2018-09-04 12:03:46

By: Marcy Davidovics, LCSW   The couple sitting before me were dating for 6 months. After ups and downs and working through the logistical, emotional, and practical components of their relationship, they seemed to be making headway. It was now down to one perception that one of them labeled as seemingly “non-negotiable.” They felt stuck. The concern had nothing to do with character traits or negative behavior, for those are not f …
Marital Compatibility and Communication and Why They Are Overrated
Author: Alan M. Singer, Ph.D., LMSW
2017-08-28 15:42:12

 When one thinks of marital problems, two primary issues generally come to mind: compatibility and communication. Contrary to popular belief, compatibility is not something you have–it is something you create. It is about how you speak to each other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together. Rarely do couples call me for a counseling appointment and mention a lack of compatibility as their primary issue, even thou …
Managing Mood Disorders
Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.
2016-02-29 00:00:00

Moods are a psychological state of mind, and are different from personality. Personality traits linger, varying very little over decades, while moods tend to not remain rigid. A mood is best described as both a general and an internal state of feeling. People have good moods and bad moods, and these moods can and should change. Everyone experiences variations in their mood. If a person has mood shifts that are mild and the shifts occur only on oc …
Lowering the Temperature
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2016-11-23 12:38:47

When you look into your children’s eyes, do you sometimes shudder to think of the parent you have become? Here’s what I mean: You wake up every morning with the best of intentions, determined to keep your cool and be positive with your children. But, like failed dieting, your resolve melts sooner or later in the day, when a child spills a drink, or you are late again, or there is just too much stuff for one set of parents to deal with …
Love in the Face of Pain
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
2016-08-24 09:56:17

They may not want it. They may not know they need it. But you need to know better. Discipline. Boundaries. The foundation of knowing how to navigate through society. You may not think that this applies to children with mental illness. However, structure is paramount for children, including those struggling with issues such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Behaviors, Mood Disorders... t …
Looking Forward To the New School Year
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW
2017-08-28 15:34:29

What is that deep feeling of relief washing over parents across the globe? Oh yes, school is almost here!  As happy as parents were for the much needed break of summer, parents are just as happy at this point to wave goodbye as their children cruise down the road in the big yellow school bus.  You are looking forward–but maybe your child is not. As the first day of school approaches, maybe you notice subtle differences in your chi …
Living in Real Time
Author: Eitan Zerykier
2019-11-29 11:49:45

What is it like when you cannot find an item that you need, your child whines, or you see someone toss an entire meal’s worth of McDonald’s wrappers and soda bottles out their window? Frustrating, annoying, and disgusting? Our brain automatically sends us messages in response to what we see, hear, or experience around us. What we do next defines how we live our lives. No one will remember what you were thinking, only how you behaved. …
LChaim To Life
Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICCP
2017-08-28 15:29:48

I recently saw a 12-year-old boy drinking bourbon at a party. He was making faces as he absorbed the burn of the liquid. I asked him who gave him the drink. “A friend,” he replied. “Do you like it?” I asked. “It’s uchy.” “So why drink it?” “I drink it so I can be part of their group,” was his honest, and very naïve, response. I followed him around for a few minutes and saw tha …
Laugh With Me
Author: Michael J. Salamon, PhD
2017-02-22 13:13:19

There are a slew of variables that have been assessed to determine what predicts marital satisfaction: Attitudes, personality, temperament, interests, life goals, and intimacy are but a few of the ones shown to contribute to marital happiness. One variable, however, is not often included, but has been proven to impact marital contentment: humor. Apparently, the use of humor, which things a couple finds funny, how jokes are told to one another and …
Kids in Isolation
Author: Sarah Levy, PhD
2020-08-31 20:22:04

It started to spread like wildfire in Israel. No, I’m not referring to the coronavirus itself, but to the phenomenon of kids in isolation, or what is known in Hebrew as “bidud.” My daughters’ friends who lived in another city called to inform them of how they were preparing for a 14-day bidud after some classmates had tested positive for coronavirus. Some of these friends sounded excited as they described the mini fridge t …
Just in Time
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-03 11:25:43

Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative was safeguarded, by modifying identifying details.      Mordy, a 40-something father of three, has been meeting with me for about a year. We focus on issues of intimacy, productivity, and accountability. His wife, Leah, works downtown, in an executive position. Mordy’s graphic design job allows him to work part-time from home. He …
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