Elisheva Liss, LMFT
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Showing Results 80 - 120 (141 total)
How to Run Family Meetings
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-22 12:14:01
Family Think Tank Meetings So we find ourselves suddenly spending more time at home with our families than we ever have before. Trying to juggle parenting, schooling, extra meal prep and housework, working from home, and managing the ever-changing health crisis, with little knowledge or preparation. As parents, we often feel like we need to have clear answers and a definite plan when we’re honestly all learning as we go along. One tool that …
Struggling With G-d in Turbulent Times
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-20 11:01:45
“These are the times that try men’s souls.” – Thomas Paine One of the many ripple effects of the current health crisis, is the challenge of faith. Many religious individuals are saying and writing sentiments to the effects of: “Now is when our love of G-d and His goodness will carry us through.” It’s where the more secularly inclined will take comfort in other ways. But what we are hearing from many who d …
Spiritual Encouragement For the Home Bound
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-18 10:06:16
A Homeschooling Thought For the Homebound at This Time Every year, around this time, I wonder why these two parshas are necessary. As it is, the amount of technical detail described in Terumah and Tetzaveh regarding the construction of the temporary sanctuary are difficult to relate to our personal lives. But then to rehash for another two sedras, could seem excessive.. At the moment, we are experiencing an unprecedented shut-down of commu …
The Benefits of Virtual Sessions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-16 18:35:39
One of the many ripple effects of the coronavirus is that at this time when people need more emotional support than usual, mental health professionals have been advised to try and do our therapy sessions virtually, on video or phone, rather than live. This is causing some distress for clinicians and clients alike. Live sessions offer obvious advantages, such as the intangible energy in the room between two real humans, and the ambience of a profe …
A Simple Sexuality Education Message from The Megila
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-09 11:05:06
One year, when I went to shul for megila reading, I was a few minutes early, so I stopped to watch the adorable costumed children running around. I saw many little girls dressed up as princesses, fairies and brides, and most of the little boys were pirates, robbers, and ninjas. Not a prince in sight. A preschool version of the “shidduch crisis.” Of course, that was a joke, but the metaphor might fit… If you ask any Yeshiva grad …
Better Prep for Wedding Night and Beyond
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-02-09 11:09:47
More Shovevim thoughts on enhancing marital intimacy: Something I have struggled with for a few years now is wanting to create and share more information for religious brides and grooms, more publicly than just with my private groups and clients. I actually have a document script for kallah teachers, that I have been editing slowly over the years, and sharing judiciously. But something held me back from posting it publicly- it's delicate, so cult …
Totally Grossed Out by Private Parts
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-02-03 17:33:41
Please Note: This post contains explicit content, is for mature readers only, and may be triggering for survivors of trauma. Fay and her husband, Alex, have a nice relationship- for the most part. They can share deeply and laugh together, support one another, and work out differences that arise respectfully and amicably. In the bedroom too, they enjoy cuddling and kissing. But when the foreplay gets more erotic, and especially when they become mo …
The Problem of Religious Sexuality Education
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-02-02 13:28:33
As many of you know, one of the most important aspects of the work we do with couples and individuals, is treating the results and consequences of poor sexual education, as they manifest in adulthood. I don't treat kids or teens, but I've always wished parents had better resources for educating children in ways that would reduce some of the problems I see in my practice. I've lectured here and there on this topic, but I really wanted to create a …
Calling New Private Practice Therapists and Hopefuls
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-12-29 14:18:55
Therapists: This One’s For You… Are you a therapist who is hoping or trying to build a private practice? Therapists tend to be people who deeply want to help others. It’s literally called a “helping profession.” It’s a way to make a living while making a difference. And while most of us choose this line of work for primarily idealistic reasons, it’s not easy work. It’s gratifying, but often drainin …
Why It's Important to Teach Kids Accurate Names of Body Parts
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-12-05 06:40:13
Tzivi came home from preschool and told her mom that her Morah had gotten upset at her that day. “Morah said I used a bad word. But I didn’t know it was a bad word. We were playing a game and I sat down too fast. I yelled out: ‘ow! I hurt my tushy!’ and Morah called me out of the game and told everyone we’re not allowed to say bad words in school. But I told her in our house tushy isn’t a bad word.” Many …
"My Wife HATES Sex- What Should I do?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-10-16 10:53:35
My Wife Hates Sex- What Should I Do? Really glad you asked. It’s very painful for a man with a healthy libido to be in a marriage where he feels undesired and constantly rejected. Desire discrepancy can be an issue for any relationship, but when your partner never wants touch, there is often cumulative frustration and resentment on both ends. For many couples, sexual activity dates are few and far between, or even when the wives “agre …
"Why Should I Pray for Life When I Would Actually Prefer to Die?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-10-06 15:33:00
“This time of year is especially hard for me, but it’s actually always like this. I wake up in the morning, and I’m supposed to say ‘modeh ani’- thank you G-d, for giving me another day of life. And each day, when I open my eyes, that first short prayer is a struggle for me. I never asked to be born, and I don’t enjoy living. I try to do what I need to do, because I have responsibilities and people rely on me. …
When G-d as "Our Father" Conjures Nightmares Instead of Comfort
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-09-25 10:57:59
“I appreciate my Rabbi so much, and I wanted to be inspired by the drasha, but I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. All I kept hearing was the father analogy: ‘G-d is our Father. Every father loves his children! Fathers want to see their children succeed!’ He meant to imply that Hashem is close to us, and operates in our best interest, but for me, it just brought up the flashbacks and pain of my past that I’ …
Ballad of the Secretly Burnt Out Kollel Wife
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-09-18 09:12:53
“I’m so happy and grateful- his Rebbe said he’s a meyuchad, a lamdan, really something special.” “I just want to do whatever is best for my husband’s learning.” “This is a good job for a working mom- it’s my privilege to support my husband’s Torah.” “As long as we can, we’re hoping long term.” “It’s a zechus for me, for our future children to have a ch …
Hey, Teachers- Your Students Have Issues...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-08-29 13:25:17
A teacher in my neighborhood once called me to talk about some frustrating feedback she had gotten at work. Apparently, a parent had called the school to complain that this teacher had made a couple of comments that were insensitive to the fact that one student was going through an extenuatingly difficult life event. The teacher felt bad- she hadn’t realized this child was suffering. She told me that in trying to defend herself, she respond …
When Av and Elul Trigger Depression and Anxiety and What We Can Do About It
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-08-23 11:54:26
Something I've been thinking about for awhile (like years) is how this time of year in the Jewish calendar, the months of Av and Elul, can be emotionally triggering for a lot of people. There is a two month emphasis on the heavier side of religious experience- loss, destruction, suffering, and then examining our deeds, reviewing our behavior, confessions, and doing repentance. The healthy version of this spiritual process, involves honoring the p …
Consent for Touch- Even With a Spouse
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-08-12 04:46:40
You know that feeling where you finish a conversation, and then a little later, mentally review it and wish you could go back and change your answer? I had one of those., recently. I was speaking at an event where the audience was invited to submit anonymous questions. One of the questions that was written in was one I’d heard before: “I would like to observe the niddah laws the way I was taught them- not touching at all during the ni …
Please DON'T Fake It Til You Make It
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-07-09 10:11:07
Several years ago, I had been invited to an event that also featured a talk for kallah teachers, giving by a woman who trains them. At the end, she entertained some questions from the audience. One young Rebbetzin raised her hand: “What should I tell a girl, who after 7-8 months of marriage is feeling no physical pleasure with her husband at all? She even finds the whole thing unpleasant..” A few other women looked up and nodded, thei …
More Attempts to Reduce Abuse this Summer
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-06-20 11:37:17
Another Short but Critical Pre-camp Parental Safety Talk
By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT As we label the socks and pack up the duffels, we scan the emails about the “pre-camp safety talks” and try to arm our kids with a specific type of personal awareness. Our communities have, thankfully, been making progress in the area of educating children towards body boundaries, good vs inappropriate touch, reporting to safe adults, and ge …
"Do You Ever Just Cuddle?" A Powerful Tip for Marital Inimacy Improvement
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-06-14 01:45:37
“Do You Ever Just Cuddle?” Yael’s arms are folded across her chest, and her legs tightly crossed as she describes her frustration: “I guess I’m just turned off from any kind of touch at this point- I don't trust it. Most days, it’s just business as usual, except on the nights when he wants sex. That’s when he’ll start trying to be all warm and cuddly, but it’s so obvious that he’s …
How Do You Take Your Torah?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-06-06 21:27:54
“I’m not sure if you’re interested or ready to hear this, but there is something I’d like to suggest, with your permission,” is something my clients hear often sessions. Advice is tricky. No matter how theoretically useful the recommendation I have might be, it is only of value if the listener is ready and interested in receiving it. If not, it is not only effectively worthless, but potentially harmful to the …
When Talmud Torah Becomes Avoda Zara
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-05-30 18:59:35
There are certain memorable moments from sessions past that stay with me in vivid detail. It was a couple’s intake session years ago, and the husband (who I quickly learned was abusive) turned to his wife, and calmly explained his perspective: “Even the Gemara backs me up on this: You have to do what I say because you are my property. I bought and own you- like a slave or an animal. You don’t have a will of your own.” With …
"My High School Principal Nearly Destroyed Me"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-05-22 18:06:34
“My Principal Wouldn’t Let the Other Girls Talk to Me” A courageous letter from a girl who was deliberately ostracized, to the principal who nearly ruined her This post is being published on behalf of a specific client, at her request. This emotionally powerful, raw and honest note was written by a thoughtful, intelligent woman to her former high school principal. She wanted to share her feelings with this educator …
Find Your Horizon of Healthy Thinking: A Powerful Narrative Therapy Technique
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-05-13 14:50:08
Find Your Horizon of Healthy Thinking: A Transformative Three-Step Therapy Method for Addressing Inner Negativity Based on the book with this title Do you ever struggle with bad moods or low feelings? To some extent, negative emotions are a just part of being human. Almost everyone feels down sometimes- I know I do. Sometimes it can be mild or brief. Other times, when we wake up “on the wrong side of the bed” or encounter diffi …
Is Good Therapy Only for the Rich?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-05-09 04:50:32
An acquaintance recently asked me to recommend a suitable marriage counselor for her. I gave her the names of some trusted colleagues but warned her that they work in private practice, so it was going to cost. I also offered to look at the list of those who accept her insurance, to let her know if any names looked familiar. She opted to call the private names first. This friend and her husband are hard-working professionals, but they have signifi …
Spousal Hygiene- An Awkward Problem
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-04-28 13:44:22
Spousal Hygiene… An Awkward Problem Shani prefaces her disclosure with discomfort: “This is not an easy thing to discuss. But it’s an issue for me. It has to do with cleanliness. I grew up in a home where we were expected to shower daily, brush our teeth morning and night, and generally clear up after ourselves. Besides that, we were taught to be aware of our natural body odors and use deodorant and mouthwash at least daily and …
Hang in There Young Mamas- It Gets Easier
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-04-15 21:19:19
“Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. Just you wait!” warned the more experienced moms; their condescending tones wagging fingers of dread in my peaked, sleep-deprived face. Sheesh! I heard a lot of that when my children were young. Now, however, with the older ones launching and the youngest one already in middle school, and as someone who treats moms of all ages, I can confidently challenge that unintentionally obno …
Choosing a Career: (Including My Own Story of How I Became a Therapist)
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-04-02 21:58:01
By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT In some ways, choosing a career path can be more confusing and overwhelming than ever before in human history. There are more options and access, and ever-evolving specialties, and subspecialties. But those options and the programs that train for them, are rapidly changing, often rendering previously secure and lucrative jobs obsolete, replaced by software, or outsourced to underpaid workers overseas. There is a col …
National Trauma: A Message from Zachor and Amalek
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-03-14 22:11:46
Trauma, Repression, and Obsession: A Lesson from Zachor and Amalek When terrible things happen, it’s natural to react intensely. It can be a tremendous challenge to move beyond the event and forward into “regular life”. Two extreme coping mechanisms include obsession and repression. Obsession is when our minds become preoccupied with the experience to the point where it takes up more brain space than we want it to, and in …
Not Attracted to her Spouse: Part 2 Some Answers to Your Questions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-02-19 10:38:36
Not Attracted to Her Spouse Part 2: Some Answers to Your Questions My recent blog post “I’m Not Attracted to my Spouse” has attracted significantly more views, shares, and responses in its first week than any of my other posts here so far. I am grateful to those who emailed or commented to say that it resonated as true and/or validated feelings for them. And I would like to address those who disagreed or raised other poi …
"I'm Not Attracted to my Spouse"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-02-11 04:01:54
“I’m Not Attracted to my Spouse” Raizy, a soft-spoken 24 year old graphic designer, shifted in her seat, hesitant to share her next words. I waited, while she formulated her thoughts. They eventually tumbled out as a poignant monologue: “My husband is a really good person. He does the right things for us to have a nice marriage- in bed and out. But the sad truth is, I’m just not so attracted to him. It’s …
Trouble in the Bedroom: Marital Sexual Problems and How We Can Help
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-01-06 12:29:16
Trouble in the Bedroom: Marital Sexual Problems and How We Can Help Every year around this time, I wonder if this will be the year I try and “do something about it.” These are the weeks we call Shovevim Tat, the weeks that some communities choose to focus on the area of sexual holiness and holy sexuality. Some will take the opportunity to discuss the pornography epidemic, others to double down on the nidda laws, and still other …
What If My B'show Was Wrong?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-01-03 03:11:42
What if my b’show didn’t work? This post will undoubtedly elicit strong reactions from readers on both sides of this issue. I want to preempt that I realize some, even many couples successfully meet, marry, and build families using the b’show system of mate selection, and go on to live happily ever after. When that happens, it is very fortunate. The following piece is a reflection of and a message to those individuals for whom i …
Could we please stop telling girls that marrying a Yeshiva guy is the only way to get a good husband?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-11-26 11:05:56
Could We Please Stop Telling Girls that Marrying a Yeshiva Guy Is the Only Way to Get a Good Husband? This will be a short, not-so-sweet, but to-the-point post (bordering on rant). To some, what I’m about to say might be obvious, but to me, it seems like it needs to be said*: Yeshivas do not have a monopoly on good husbands. They also cannot guarantee good husbands. Not every girl will do well married to a Yeshiva student. Not every …
Humbled and Slightly Caffeinated Reflections of a Newly-Minted Writer
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-10-31 07:40:14
Humbled and Slightly Caffeinated Reflections of a Newly-Minted Writer by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Hi, folks. I’m going to deviate from my usual blogging style in today’s post. I generally open with a hypothetical or well-disguised case, and use the story as a springboard to highlight a relevant point. But today, I’m going to address you, my readers, directly, and speak about myself, kind of from deep in my soul-ish. I’m so gra …
Powerful Judges Raping Women in this Week's Parsha
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-10-05 15:43:24
Powerful Judges Raping Women in this Week’s Parsha There is so much kid-friendly content in this week’s parsha, and such an abbreviated week for studying it, that we often just gloss over this nasty incident. The verse tells us that “the sons of leaders/judges/celestial emissaries saw the daughters of humans,” and that they were “good” and they “took for themselves whomever they chose.” Rashi …
Confronting Happiness-Anxiety
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-09-27 16:52:15
Have you ever found that happiness sometimes brings fear? That often when we find, receive, or achieve something good, it’s almost like: “Wait- this is too good to be true… when does the other shoe drop?” Or maybe a questioning of “Do I really deserve this? What did I have to forfeit in order to luck out like this?” I’ve always struggled to understand the notion of happiness. I remember (probably) …
testing
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-09-27 16:49:58
test …
Embarrasing Confessions of an Almost Author
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-08-27 09:41:16
Yesterday, I was supposed to be correcting the formatting work for the manuscript of my first and upcoming book. But I got bored, and instead started journaling about how nervous I feel about publishing it. Using my well-established, questionable judgement, I opted to share this "rant" on my facebook page.. not exactly sure why, I guess because interacting with facebook friends is also way more fun than tedious paperwork. And I was also hoping …
Parental Plane Letter to My Child Going Off to Israel
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-08-09 17:20:40
In preparation for Rosh Chodesh Elul, I am deviating from my usual blogging style to share something a bit more personal. The following is adapted from a letter I wrote my son a year ago as he went off to study in Yeshiva in Israel. At the time, it was just between me and him. But a year later, I've removed the parts that were privately for him, and adapted the sentiments for use by any parents who may feel the same way, and want to share or adap …
Pros and Cons of Scheduled Sex Dates
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-26 07:40:37
The Pros and Cons of Scheduled Sex Dates By: Elisheva Liss LMFT “About how often would you guys say you are physically intimate?” This question is part of my standard couple intake session, even if the clients have not specifically said they ware coming to work on their sexual relationship. The answer helps me understand a little about what is percolating beneath the surface of the stuff that is easier to discuss, or seems more pressi …
Suicide Trend: When Great People Want to Die
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-12 08:21:10
The Suicide Trend: When Great People Want to Die By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Suicide has been getting a lot of attention in the news lately, due to some high profile cases. Shortly before that, the second season of the controversial teen drama 13 Reasons Why was recently released on Netflix. The show spotlights some heavy issues like violence, suicide contagion, mandated reporting, bullying, sexual harassment, assault and rape, institutional e …
"My Kid 'Frummed Out' in Israel- Should I Be Glad or Concerned?" 7 Talking Points for Parents
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-07 07:14:49
My Kid “Frummed out” in Israel: Should We be Glad or Concerned? Seven Talking Points for Parents By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT “It’s not that I mind Rachel becoming more religious; we expected that to a degree, when we allowed her to go to Israel for the year. It’s the way she now relates to her family, her old friends, and how her personality seems to have changed. She just doesn’t seem like herself anymore, …
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-29 17:15:36
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws… by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Sima had ostensibly done everything “right”. She was a prototypical “aidel maidel”- a respectful daughter, a helpful sister, a caring friend, an obedient student, and then married “the right guy”. She said, and often believed, all the lovely comments that “good girls” were supposed to modestly opine. But in my office, the confidential te …
On Choosing to Remain in an Imperfect Marriage
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-24 19:27:14
Choosing to Remain in an Imperfect Marriage By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Leah closes her eyes and pauses for a moment, then swallows. I’ve come to recognize this subtlety as a cue that something deeply personal and profound will follow. I cross my legs, trying to be patient and open, and refocus on her face. I didn’t record her exact words, and I wish I had, because she was honest, wise, clear, and calm, but below is my paraphrase o …
Orthodox Women and Sexual Self-Pleasuring
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-13 12:26:09
Orthodox Women and Sexual Self-Pleasuring by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Kayla (pseudonym) was referred to me a number of years ago, by her caring Rebbetzen and mentor, for what she described as a “very sensitive, urgent problem, of a sexual nature.” The following week, the poised, pleasant, 20 year old young woman showed up for intake and described her presenting problem as follows: “I know I look and sound like a normal person. But I …
Intimacy vs. Sex
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-06 17:51:26
Intimacy vs. Sexual Activity By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT The well-groomed young couple settled into the matching navy, velvet club chairs in my office, and glanced at one another. After a beat, the young woman turned to me, and gingerly proffered: “We’re here because we need to work on our intimacy.” “General intimacy, emotional intimacy, or physical intimacy? Or all of the above?” I inquire. They look at each other, and …
she secretly wished her husband would die...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-01 08:48:52
She secretly wished her husband would die…. By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Shaindy’s eyes filled before she lowered them to examine her lap. She had been feeling stuck and hopeless in her marriage for several years. She had carefully and deliberately chosen to remain for the sake of her children; her husband wasn’t dangerous or malicious. But she often found Mutty’s behavior toward her selfish, thoughtless, lazy, and dise …
Does my anxiety mean I Lack Emunah?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-04-24 07:37:21
“Does My Anxiety Mean I Lack Emunah?” By: Elisheva Liss Tzivi is a deeply devout 24 year old mother and wife. She prays twice daily, while raising her toddler and baby, and working 30 hours a week, while her husband pursues Rabbinical studies in Yeshiva. She has suffered from an anxiety disorder since middle school, but you would never know it to speak to her; she presents as calm, soft-spoken, and content. In therapy, she describes w …
On touching your wife: a guide for perplexed husbands
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-04-17 17:43:58
How to Touch Your Wife: A Guide for Perplexed Husbands Affectionate Touch vs. Erotic Touch Elisha and Ariella are a charismatic couple in their early 30s, with a frisky toddler, and a baby on the way. They generally treat each other well, and enjoy a strong marital friendship. But there has been some tension between them lately, that we’re trying to sort through. “I just feel pushed away a lot of the time,” Elisha …
She was told: never say no to your husband
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-13 09:05:10
She Was Taught: “You Should Never Say ‘No’ to Your Husband…” by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Miriam had been married for just over ten years, and was happily and busily raising their brood of five healthy children, when she and her husband, Chaim, finally came in seeking help for “her desire problem”. They describe a loving partnership, one in which there is mutual respect, generosity, kindness, and connection. …
Sexual Assault Allegations in this Week's Parsha
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-07 22:39:59
Sexual Assault Allegations in this Week’s Parsha By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT It seems that every time we click on a newsfeed, there are more accusations of sexual assault against high profile personalities. In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and the #metoo movement, it can begin to feel that we have entered an epidemic of sexual corruption. Yet “There is nothing new under the sun,” teaches King Shlomo, wisest of men. …
Why are there so many divorces these days?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-02 19:29:37
"Why Are There So Many More Divorces Nowadays?" By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT It’s a magnificent summer night- 75 perfect degrees, and I’m on a delightful walk over a nearby bridge to the beach, with a dear friend from high school, reconnecting the way we wish we did more often. Catching up on each other’s’ lives, careers, kids, stresses, hopes and dreams, she mentions an old mutual friend who’s on her mind, because she ha …
sexual abuse with no abuser
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-13 14:19:12
Sexual Abuse with No Abuser By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Beila and Sruly (pseudonyms) are a handsome and charming couple in their 20’s. They were referred by Beila’s private therapist, for an unconsummated marriage, though they’ve been married for over a year. Beila’s severe case of genophobia and vaginismus had prevented any physical penetration or intercourse. In their first couple’s session they present as a ple …
Rethinking the phrase "off the derech"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-02 10:25:25
Rethinking the Phrase: “Off the Derech” Have you ever heard another Jew described as going “off the derech”? What did that mean to you? How did that make you feel? I’m having a hard time with it. One occupational hazard of being part of a broad group of communities that identify strongly with religious observance, is a tendency to see people through the glaringly harsh lens of affiliation. For the purpos …
Rethinking "off the dereck"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-02 10:17:27
Rethinking the Phrase: “Off the Derech” Have you ever heard another Jew described as going “off the derech”? What did that mean to you? How did that make you feel? I’m having a hard time with it. One occupational hazard of being part of a broad group of communities that identify strongly with religious observance, is a tendency to see people through the glaringly harsh lens of affiliation. For the purpos …
Flavors of Forgiveness
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-09-27 13:14:07
Flavors of Forgiveness: What to Do When It’s not “All Good”
A Simple Thought from Elisheva Liss, LMFT Welcome to the season of begging forgiveness. We run around apologizing, trying to let go of past resentments and obtain pardons for our own transgressions. For many of us, much of the time, this can be a simple, annual interpersonal cleansing, an apology-acceptance social ritual. It can feel great to dissipate some of th …
On Teaching Kids about the Birds and the Bees
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-07-28 13:49:17
Teaching Children about “The Birds and the Bees” By: Elisheva Liss LMFT There are, essentially, only two ways for kids to hear about sex: their parents, and Someplace Else. While that “someplace else” may be any one of a number of sources, what those sources tend to share is a lack of parental input. Whether it’s the school bus, sleepaway camp, a dirty joke, a teacher, or a predator- chances are, if it doesn’t …
Moving Forward and Moving up
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-04-26 18:54:58
Originally, this post was to be titled: "Raising Thighs and Waving Breasts" but then I chickened out and opted for a more neutral, if less evocative name. But before you click away in horror, I want to add that this appellation was actually taken verbatim from a verse in yesterday's parsha- I promise! Chapter 10 verse 15... Ok, so if you went to look it up, you may have noticed that it technically refers to the anatomy of sacrificial animal …
Educational Psychology in Parshas Mishpatim
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-02-23 12:54:39
Leah [pseudonym] is a 21 year old assistant preschool teacher in a beis yaakov school and part time college student. Sweet, social, and sincere, she gets along well with her family, spends time daily with friends, dates regularly, and enjoys her work. But underneath her orthodontic smile, she's feeling personally under-stimulated. She describes a chronic lack of excitement, bordering on apathy, about her life, some of which she traces back to her …
Assessing Your Relationship
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-02-09 13:52:14
On Choosing a Spouse: Looking for Love in all the Right Places By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Selecting a spouse is possibly the most momentous decision that we humans make over the course of a lifetime. We are choosing our roommate, co-parent, romantic partner, teammate, and closest companion- ideally, for life. We live in times in which we have more autonomy and opportunity than ever before in history, we seem to be more emotionally complex, and deman …