Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Subscribe to this blog to get the latest updates emailed to you
Subscription complete
Showing Results 120 - 141 (141 total)
Validation and Motivation: A Self-Help Sefira Thought
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-04-14 13:49:34
Validation and Motivation: From Tension to Intension When it comes to the self-help messages, I’ve noticed a split between two streams of thinking. One approach takes the tone of validation and grace: “It’s ok to not be ok. Just accept your feelings and allow things to just be. If all you did today was survive, that’s good enough.” The other takes the tone of a coach, or motivator: “We can do hard things. Chall …
Was My Kid Brainwashed in Seminary?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-20 07:42:56
*This originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times Dear Elisheva, Our oldest daughter just returned home from her year in Israel. It’s not that I mind her becoming more religious. We expected that to a degree, when we allowed her to go to seminary. It’s the way she now relates to her family, her old friends, and how her personality seems to have changed. Sh …
We feel more like roommates than like spouses
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
What if I Can't Climax?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-07 16:39:59
The phone rang, and a shy-sounding young woman introduced herself. “Hi. I’m not really sure if I need therapy. Could I tell you my issue, and you tell me if it’s ‘normal’?” (Too many people are worried about being ‘normal’ which is overrated, but that’s for another post.) “Sure,” I say. (I can be agreeable like that sometimes.) “Well, I got married a few months ago. We …
What If My B'show Was Wrong?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-01-03 03:11:42
What if my b’show didn’t work? This post will undoubtedly elicit strong reactions from readers on both sides of this issue. I want to preempt that I realize some, even many couples successfully meet, marry, and build families using the b’show system of mate selection, and go on to live happily ever after. When that happens, it is very fortunate. The following piece is a reflection of and a message to those individuals for whom i …
What if You Cheated on Your Spouse?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-06-04 19:53:37
Infidelity Dilemma The following story was shared with me by an acquaintance who: Is not a therapy client of mine Specifically asked me to publicize the story, for reasons that will become clear Is not identifiable due to changed details Aviva finds herself in a painfully difficult situation. She did something wrong and she’s feeling awful. First: some background: Aviva is a 32 year old wife, mom, and teacher. She loves her husband and ch …
What To Teach Kids Right Now (and Always)
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-03-23 11:47:29
What if we covered a little less math, and instead teach kids what really counts. Less social studies, and more social skills. Less biology, and more health and wellness. Less chemistry and more communication. Less physics and more physical activity. Less literature and more loving kindness. Less political science, more personal growth. Less civics and government, and more social responsibility. Less computing and more compassion. Less language, …
"What's the point of sex anyway?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-27 13:12:28
It usually happens some time in the middle of a session. We’ll be discussing a couple’s intimate life, and I can see the consternation building on the woman’s face. Eventually, she’ll just say something like: “Can I ask a funny question? Like… what’s the point of sex anyway?” When working with clients who are dealing with sexual aversion, the question of: & …
When Av and Elul Trigger Depression and Anxiety and What We Can Do About It
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-08-23 11:54:26
Something I've been thinking about for awhile (like years) is how this time of year in the Jewish calendar, the months of Av and Elul, can be emotionally triggering for a lot of people. There is a two month emphasis on the heavier side of religious experience- loss, destruction, suffering, and then examining our deeds, reviewing our behavior, confessions, and doing repentance. The healthy version of this spiritual process, involves honoring the p …
When G-d as "Our Father" Conjures Nightmares Instead of Comfort
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-09-25 10:57:59
“I appreciate my Rabbi so much, and I wanted to be inspired by the drasha, but I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. All I kept hearing was the father analogy: ‘G-d is our Father. Every father loves his children! Fathers want to see their children succeed!’ He meant to imply that Hashem is close to us, and operates in our best interest, but for me, it just brought up the flashbacks and pain of my past that I’ …
When Talmud Torah Becomes Avoda Zara
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-05-30 18:59:35
There are certain memorable moments from sessions past that stay with me in vivid detail. It was a couple’s intake session years ago, and the husband (who I quickly learned was abusive) turned to his wife, and calmly explained his perspective: “Even the Gemara backs me up on this: You have to do what I say because you are my property. I bought and own you- like a slave or an animal. You don’t have a will of your own.” With …
When Therapists Want to Share Personal Stuff
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-31 06:47:36
For those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, you may have noticed that while I occasionally share examples from my own experiences, there is very little here about the personal details of my life. Part of the professional training that we undergo as part of our education, is the importance of boundaries. In a therapy session, the dialogue is supposed to be focused solely on the client and for the client. Any self-disclosure on th …
Why are there so many divorces these days?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-02 19:29:37
"Why Are There So Many More Divorces Nowadays?" By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT It’s a magnificent summer night- 75 perfect degrees, and I’m on a delightful walk over a nearby bridge to the beach, with a dear friend from high school, reconnecting the way we wish we did more often. Catching up on each other’s’ lives, careers, kids, stresses, hopes and dreams, she mentions an old mutual friend who’s on her mind, because she ha …
"Why are they doing this to me?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-04-03 06:16:39
*This was originally a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My problem comes up mostly around Shabbos and Yom Tov family get-togethers. We are blessed with seven kids, mostly adults now; the youngest are 17 and 19, still living at home. We also have a growing number of grandchildren, and love to see them as often as possible. We worked hard to give our childr …
Why Do Some Clients "Do Better" in Therapy than Others? Seven Factors Satiisfied Clients Share
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-12-09 11:08:25
Have you ever noticed that some people will swear that therapy totally changed their lives for the better, and others will say they’ve tried repeatedly and gotten nowhere? Still others will say they don’t even believe in the idea of it- that it’s just a waste of time and money. It could be just a case of “strokes and folks,” but I think there might be a little more to it than that in some cases. &nbs …
Why Saying "Divorce is Not an Option" Can Hurt Marriages
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-04-30 07:44:48
Were you taught to believe that “divorce” is a curse word? That we don’t even say the “d” word? When I was a young, idealistic grad school student, a professor told us: “We are not in the business of saving marriages. We’re in the business of helping people.” At the time, I (arrogantly) thought: “Well, maybe those are your values. I want to save marriages.” I stil …
"Why Should I Pray for Life When I Would Actually Prefer to Die?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-10-06 15:33:00
“This time of year is especially hard for me, but it’s actually always like this. I wake up in the morning, and I’m supposed to say ‘modeh ani’- thank you G-d, for giving me another day of life. And each day, when I open my eyes, that first short prayer is a struggle for me. I never asked to be born, and I don’t enjoy living. I try to do what I need to do, because I have responsibilities and people rely on me. …
Why It's Important to Teach Kids Accurate Names of Body Parts
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-12-05 06:40:13
Tzivi came home from preschool and told her mom that her Morah had gotten upset at her that day. “Morah said I used a bad word. But I didn’t know it was a bad word. We were playing a game and I sat down too fast. I yelled out: ‘ow! I hurt my tushy!’ and Morah called me out of the game and told everyone we’re not allowed to say bad words in school. But I told her in our house tushy isn’t a bad word.” Many …
"Why won't my in-laws support us?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-03-08 13:36:59
*This post originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My wife and I have been married for almost three years, and this issue has only gotten worse over that time. Baruch Hashem we get along really well when it comes to most things. But there’s one area where we disagree strongly, and I was hoping we could get your opinion. Both of our parents are good people, and we have great relationships with th …
"Why Won't My Wife Dress Up For Me?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-03-09 16:27:21
Some men say it with embarrassment, others with indignation or frustration, and still others in defeat: “I’m not trying to be demanding or controlling. But I really wish my wife would dress up for me once in a while. When we go out, in our bedroom, or just the way she presents herself in general. It’s not that I don’t think she’s naturally pretty- she really is and I tell her so. But I know a lot of women …
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-29 17:15:36
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws… by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Sima had ostensibly done everything “right”. She was a prototypical “aidel maidel”- a respectful daughter, a helpful sister, a caring friend, an obedient student, and then married “the right guy”. She said, and often believed, all the lovely comments that “good girls” were supposed to modestly opine. But in my office, the confidential te …