Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW Weekly Q&A As Published In Yated Ne'eman
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Showing Results 160 - 200 (373 total)
You Need to be in Therapy FOREVER!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:13:44
Dear Therapist: I have gone through a lot the past few months and after reading this column thought that it would be a good idea to see a therapist to help me deal with my issues. I thought it would be a simple process but when I contacted a respected local therapist, she told me that I would need to see her twice a week and she also recommended that my family go through a regimen of weekly therapy sessions. That’s quite a lot, not to menti …
COVID Killed the Summer
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:15:38
Dear Therapist: We have just been informed that my daughter's (13) sleep-away camp will not be opening this summer. She had a miserable few months because of the quarantine and lock-down and was so hoping for camp. Our family is in the city and there may be day-camps open, but the experience is not close to comparable. She is now devastated. What can we tell her? How will she get past this? Response: I know that your concerns a …
Religious Obsessions
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:22:11
Dear Therapist: One of my teenagers is busy with "streaks." It seems that that is the only way he feels he shteigs. He will be very occupied, lemoshol, that he hasn't missed davening in “x” amount of days. Then when he misses he will completely fall apart and miss minyan for days at a time. It seems to be all or nothing for him. It is unclear to me exactly how much, but this mehalech does seem t …
Angry, Defiant Child
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:23:15
Dear Therapist: We had been having some difficulties with our 7 year old son through the beginning of the school year. He had just been very angry and chutpahdik. In general he seems to have trouble expressing what is bothering him and seems to act out instead. Over the 3 months in which he was not going to school there was a noticeable change in his behavior for the better. My husband and I looked at each other one day and it hit us how well he …
Can I Convince My Sister to Seek Help?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:26:46
Dear Therapist: I have a younger sister (age 24) who I care about very much. She had a rough childhood as far as being picked on in school and since she is a nonconformist got in a lot of trouble. Her relationship with my parents has also been very up and down with a lot of negativity and hurt feelings. She has a small part-time job that she gets no satisfaction from. To me she is clearly depressed and she admits as much. She is very smart and no …
Can Therapy Help Me?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:28:46
Dear Therapist: I’m wondering if therapy can help a person who is in a difficult situation that can’t be changed. I understand if someone is depressed with life therapy can help them feel better but if someone is dealing with a reality that is bad is there a point of going to therapy? I understand the question is broad but I would prefer not to go into my own personal details. Either way there are many such examples, financial, famili …
Shiva House Etiquette
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:30:30
Dear Therapist: A friend of mine who recently sat shiva made a comment to me about how some people were so helpful and supportive and others not so much. As professionals I was wondering if you could give your suggestions on how to properly be menachem avel and be supportive of those who have suffered a loss? Response: Every person mourns differently. According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are official …
Should My Daughter Pay for Her Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:34:34
Dear Therapist: A year ago, my 20-year-old daughter told me she wants to speak to psychologist because she’s feeling anxiety. She insisted on speaking only to the top and most expensive ones. My husband is in chinuch and we don’t have an extra dollar but I don’t let money get in the way of necessities and over the past year and a half shelled out over 10 grand. My daughter never had any trauma and she doesn’t dis …
Am I being Bullied?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:36:44
Dear Therapist: I am a 15-year-old bochur in what many consider a choshuve mesivta. I consider myself a nice person. Perhaps I am a bit shy. I am often the subject of “sharfe” lines by the bochurim in yeshiva. There is a mehalech in the yeshiva of everyone trying to show how sharf and quick and smart they are, and for whatever reason I am the punching bag. Maybe cuz I’m an out of town …
Summer to School COVID Transition
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:04:15
Dear Therapist: As the school year hopefully begins, I am somewhat concerned about my elementary school children who have not been on a regular structure/schedule since Purim. I wonder if there is any advice you can give us on how to manage the transition back to normalcy? Or maybe it's nothing and the kids will bounce right back into it? Also, are there any signs we should look out for that would indicate an issue? Response: I&r …
Do I Need a Therapist or a Coach?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:08:48
Dear Therapist: I am considering hiring a therapist for work purposes. I bh don't feel the need for therapy in my personal life but someone suggested seeing a therapist to help me/coach me in my management position. Basically, even if I am doing well can this help me perform even better? Perhaps it would be a good idea for our bottom line if we hired someone for the company to motivate employees and help manage workplace issues. What ca …
Psychiatric Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:12:44
Dear Therapist: My son has struggled with a kind of constant but not so severe depression for a while. He has a lot of trouble moving forward, being productive, and is often just down. He is at the age where he should be starting shidduchim and many of his friends are dating. He has been working with a therapist and had been getting better but recently is not doing as well. His therapist has suggested that he see a psychiatrist to possi …
Who is a Narcissist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:18:21
Dear Therapist: I find the letters and responses to the Couch very informative. Would it be possible for the panelists to share advice on how to detect narcissistic behaviors? I had an awful experience with a narcissistic individual and tried so hard to make it work. However, if I would have been aware of the classic signs of narcissists, I would have realized early on that it would not work. Narcissists are very charismatic people that are …
Classroom Orphans
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:20:40
Dear Therapist: As a 3rd grade rebbe sometimes I have children in my class who have lost a parent r’l. I wonder if in such cases I should avoid using the word totty or mommy during class to avoid hurting the child. Is this something that is helpful or perhaps avoiding it is just something that is not realistic and unfortunately it is something they will live with all their lives? Response: Your sensitivity to oth …
Headaches--Physical or Psychological?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:25:02
Dear Therapist: I am writing to ask for some clarification as to the extent that stress or other psychological issues can cause physical problems. Basically, I have not been feeling well for a while, mostly with very bad headaches. I have been to a doctor and a specialist who both are saying that there is nothing they can see that is wrong and it must be that I am stressed out. They suggested I go to counseling which I am looking into. I guess my …
Is My Husband COVID-Phobic?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:27:56
Dear Therapist: My husband has been taking COVID very seriously. Although he is young and has no health conditions, he basically isolated completely for the first few months of the pandemic. He spends a lot of time online "researching" the illness and spends a lot of time discussing and analyzing it. At the end of the summer, when we had gone so long without seeing any serious illness, he started relaxing a little and going out (with a mask). He …
Affordable Quality Orthodox Therapists--Myth or Reality?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:34:13
Dear Therapist: I have a question which I hope you can help me with: I'm looking for a new therapist, one that is in-network and takes my insurance. I'm doing a ton of research, calling up therapists, clinics etc...but I keep bumping into the money issue. I just hung up with yet another therapist that didn't work out, and I'm honestly feeling helpless, hopeless and demoralized. Is this how the system is g …
The Mental Health Impact of COVID
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 12:50:50
Dear Therapist: I have heard that COVID-19 illness can have effects on mental health. Based on your knowledge and experience is there any truth to this? If yes, how can someone prevent and/or deal with this appropriately? Response: Your question is a bit unclear. I don’t know whether you are referring to possible physical side effects that can medically adversely affect the brain, or if you are referring to the psychological ef …
Eating Disorders in Men
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 12:55:47
Dear Therapist: Is an eating disorder something that primarily is an issue for women/girls? I am concerned about my teenage son’s eating habits. I try and get him to eat more but he doesn't want to. When is there a cause for concern and how can I get him to eat more? Response: Treatment centers and resources for eating disorders do seem to cater more to women than to men. This may be due to various factors. Traditionally, social cult …
Medication and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 12:57:35
Dear Therapist: I’m on medication (citolophram) for minor depression, so minor that I “lived” for 20 years with it always wanting to go for help, but never being desperate. My parents put me on meds with the guidance of a qualified top psychiatrist although I was going into shidduchim. It wasn’t even a discussion; medication was the best option for me along with regular therapy and that’s what we did. I could have st …
Gaming and Addiction
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:01:33
Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …
I Lost My Ambition
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:03:43
Dear Therapist: I have never been the most ambitious guy but I have a decent job and make a living. What I find recently is that it is really hard for me to stay motivated. I’ll do ok for a few days and then (usually mid-week) I hit a wall and just can’t seem to push myself to get anything done. Initially I thought it would pass but it’s becoming a pattern that repeats itself. My life is actually pretty full so it’s not li …
Discussing Drug Use with Kids
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:05:46
Dear Therapist: The unfortunate reality is that marijuana use is becoming increasingly less taboo in society. This has been driven home by the recent vote in NJ to legalize its use. Until recently it never would have crossed my mind as something I need to worry about with my children. However, with its increased prevalence in society, I am starting to wonder if this is something I need to discuss with my kids? Do you think this is something I sho …
I Don't Get No Validation!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:07:45
Dear Therapist: I live in a home that is not a healthy happy environment. I feel my parents have trouble providing for me emotionally. They are not abusive in any way, but I never received any validation, affection, healthy communication etc. growing up. I recently hit this stage where I woke up from a “bubble” and started realizing and processing how difficult the situation really is and how much I am lacking in my life as a result. …
Psychiatrist Knows Best?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:10:39
Dear Therapist: My daughter, who is a young adult and therefore has the autonomy to make her own decisions regarding medication, opted to take medication for depression. This in spite of the fact that as her mother I know her better than a doctor who spent 10-12 minutes interviewing her and over 40 minutes interviewing me at the initial appointment (after having been told the opposite is what would happen). Said doctor diagnosed my da …
Choosing a Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:15:18
Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
Decision-Making...I Mean Decisiveness
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:20:26
Dear Therapist: My husband and I are struggling with our 23-year-old son. There is a certain amount of instability to him where he is constantly changing his mind. For example, one day he is all into learning and is talking about staying in learning for a long time after he gets married and a few weeks later he is talking about leaving yeshiva now and going to work. When it comes to shidduchim he changes significant pieces of what he is …
My Son's School Wants Him in Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:24:46
Dear Therapist: My son’s yeshiva has been putting some pressure on me and my wife to send him for therapy. The primary reason for this seems to be because he has been getting in trouble at school. Not serious trouble but being disruptive in class. My son has a great personality and is a leader, so I am sure that this is partly why the focus is on him. The yeshiva is insistent that he should be seen by a therapist because they assume that th …
Here a Diagnosis, There a Diagnosis, Everywhere a Diagnosis...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:27:36
Dear Therapist: As there has been an increase in mental health awareness in the community I am noticing that people can be somewhat quick to point out what they believe are mental health issues in others. I see this particularly when it comes to personality disorders, more specifically Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality. I see these terms get thrown about and I am hoping you can clarify for the readership. Are personality disorde …
Do Not Remove This Label...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:30:06
Dear Therapist: A well-known educator recently spoke out strongly against "labeling" a child. Even if a child has a mental health issue and is receiving services, we must make sure he/she is not labeled. The remark struck a chord with me as 2 of my children are currently in therapy one for behavioral issues and one for anxiety. While the idea of not labeling a child sounds nice in theory, I am not sure how to put it in practice. At the end of the …
Diagnosis Withholding
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:32:48
Dear Therapist: Our 26-year-old daughter recently went through a time where she was down. We didn’t think much of it and she appeared to get better but then showed some troubling behaviors. On the advice of our rov, we brought her to a psychiatrist. We are also still on a waiting list to see a therapist. The psychiatrist believes that she has bipolar disorder and is giving her medication for that. Our question is, does it make a difference …
Parent's Verbal Abuse
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:35:21
Dear Therapist: I am aware of someone who is emotionally unhealthy and demonstrates real negative verbal abuse such as constantly putting others down/bad name calling, explosive reactions, and ignoring and not caring about others’ needs. This person is completely incapable of raising children and constantly lashing out at them and destroying them to pieces.
I am very concerned for these children and the negative effects th …
Dealing with a Bully
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:38:56
Dear Therapist: I am looking for advice on how to deal with bullying in school on the elementary school level. I have found a lot of conflicting opinions on it. There are those that emphasize standing up to the bully, others ignoring the bully, and those that say neither works. A lot of warnings about how having the child who is being bullied change his/her behavior is "blaming the victim" and that how can you really expect a young kid to stick u …
Is Everything an Addiction?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:21:32
Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …
Choosing the Right Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:24:05
Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
Does Mental Illness Exist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:26:32
Dear Therapist: My sister has a difficult time with her 2 of her children. They are socially awkward, struggle in school and seem to me to be very anxious. Whenever they go through something difficult, she seems to quickly find a "medical" related reason why whatever is happening is happening. One time it's strep, one time PANDAS, or Lyme disease or whatever else. She runs around from doctor to doctor getting all sorts of treatments for them.&nbs …
Call Me Stonewall Husband
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:28:55
Dear Therapist: Overall, my husband and I—married for ten years with five wonderful children—have beautiful shalom bayis,. We have a loving relationship and bring harmony and happiness into our home on a day-to-day basis. The problem is when we have something to work through. When I do something or say something that upsets my husband he totally shuts down and becomes handicapped at communicating. He is not overall an emotio …
Differing Parenting Styles...Harmful or Helpful?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:31:44
Dear Therapist: We live in a duplex and are friendly with our neighbors. We do however have different parenting styles. Recently our 9-year-old daughter has become very friendly with the young girl next door. She spends hours on end there and seems to enjoy being there much more than home. I kind of see where she is coming from as there are practically no rules and not much in the way of supervision either. There is no moderation and things that …
Does Teenage Grieving Require Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:23:01
Dear Therapist: My daughter was encouraged by her principal to see a therapist. She has been misbehaving in school recently, nothing serious really, but the principal suggested it. She has gone through a lot as my wife was niftar 4 years ago, though she says she is fine and doesn't really seem different than the other girls in her class. They are all a tough bunch. I mean she is a teenage girl so who can really tell what sta …
Mental Health and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:26:57
Dear Therapist: I recently went out with a boy who disclosed on the 3rd date that he was seeing a therapist for depression. He said he had struggled on an off with depression since he was a teen and had sometimes taken medication for it. It turned out that the shidduch didn’t work out for other reasons, but I was really confused as to how to deal with that information. I liked him and he seemed like a perfectly normal boy, wh …
Why Doesn't My Daughter Want to go to Camp?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:31:17
Dear Therapist: My 13-year-old daughter is an intense child. She puts a lot of pressure of herself academically and school is a big deal for her. All of her friends are going to (overnight) camp this summer and initially she had us register her as well. She is now insisting that she wants to stay home for the summer and "relax." She says she works hard all year, and she just wants a chance to have nothing to do. It is interesting that it doe …
My Friend Needs Therapy...I Think
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:34:20
Dear Therapist: I recently read an article describing different people who should be seeing a therapist. I have a good friend whom I feel matches the description in the article. The more I think about it the more I honestly think he could benefit from seeing one. The problem is being a 21-year-old and being told by your close friend that you should be seeing a therapist isn't the most pleasant experience. How as a friend am I able to convey over …
Is ADHD Necessarily a Problem?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:37:34
Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him med …
Childhood OCD Treatment and Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:41:21
Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals. She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual. Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way. This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …
Social Anxiety at Work...at Work
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:45:38
Dear Therapist: After multiple failures at work, I finally realize that my feelings of being intimidated by people and being anxious to speak my mind has been something that has gotten in my way all of my life. I wind up staying in my corner and not engaging or communicating with the people I am supposed to. The issue is that someone presented me with a great job opportunity which I accepted and will start next week. I really don't want to b …
Adult ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:18:34
Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him medication, b …
Stress and Insomnia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:22:39
Dear Therapist: I am 43 years old and consider myself a healthy person Baruch HaShem. Recently I began having trouble sleeping. Sometimes falling asleep, but also waking up in middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. My doctor said there is nothing wrong with me physically and it is stress related. We have indeed been having some difficulty with our teenage daughter recently. At this point I am winding up tired throughout the d …
Preventative Mental Healthcare
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:25:28
Dear Therapist: I am an avid reader of this column and have found it very informative. I think it is interesting that so many of the questions are focused on disorders. People are asking what to do when they are struggling with a mental health issue. In general, I find that people do not think of "mental health" until something goes wrong. I imagine that just as with physical health there are things one can do to stay in shape and keep healthy to …
Get Angry with Me!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:28:18
Dear Therapist: As someone who has recently began mentoring struggling teens, I had a question that I hope you can shed light on. There is one very angry kid who comes from a difficult background, and he is not only tough in how he talks to others but also gets angry if someone talks to him in a nice and calm way. It is surprising that the kid seems to react better when someone talks down to him and is very direct, over someone who talks to him n …
Teenage Smoking and Confidentiality
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:30:38
Dear Therapist: Our 14-year-old son has been seeing a therapist for a few months on the advice of his yeshiva. Recently my husband discovered that he has started smoking. It was disappointing and confusing to us that our son told us that his therapist has known for a while that he was smoking. I am very disappointed that the therapist didn't deem this information important enough to share with us, his parents. I would like to hear your option on …
Informal Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:32:37
Dear Therapist: I appreciate the tremendous service you provide to our community both in your practice and by clarifying and explaining so many mental health issues through this column. My daughter (age 13) was recently referred to therapy by her school principal due to concerns about her behavior. She insists my daughter must go in order to remain in school. My daughter is refusing to go. I am wondering if I can ask a therapist to meet my daught …
Abrupt Therapy Termination
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:34:36
Dear Therapist: Hi, I look forward to your column each week because you always have such insightful answers and opinions.
My therapist recently terminated my therapy with her. My psychiatrist as well has abruptly ended my treatment. I was not informed of the reasons as to why they stopped seeing me, and they did not give me closure either. I was wondering if this is a common thing for therapists and doctors to do. I was also wondering if I …
Efficacy of Teletherapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:39:12
Dear Therapist: Some providers are doing much more therapy via teletherapy these days. While it started during the pandemic it still seems to have become more common even after things have opened up. I would appreciate if the panelists can share their perspectives on therapy effectiveness in this mode of communication. What are the pros and cons of Zoom therapy versus in person? Are there specific areas such as attachment styles etc. that are bet …
Camp Anxiety Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 09:30:00
Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …
Suicidal Ideation
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:20:27
Dear Therapist: Something has been bothering me for a while and I finally feel like I need to reach out for advice. I have these thoughts that get stuck in my head and no matter what I do I can't seem to get rid of them. For example, I feel like I might do something dangerous and no matter what I do I can't shake that thought or feeling. I never actually do anything, but I am really worried that one day I might. There are a lot of things that I a …
Waking Up to Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:22:00
Dear Therapist: I am someone who has occasionally had trouble with my moods. I have gotten help in the past with anxiety and depression. While I am currently doing really well, I still have a rough time in the morning. I wake up with a lot of anxiety and it takes time for me to get out of bed. Once I get out of bed I generally do ok and have a good day. There are no noticeable "triggers” for me in the morning so there is no obvious reason t …
My Freeloading Brother
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:28:19
Dear Therapist: My 27-year-old brother has become very stuck in his life and dependent on my sisters and me. He should be fully capable of getting a job, getting married, and moving forward with life. Instead, he has come to completely rely on his siblings for everything.(Our parents are sweet people but older and not so involved.) He sleeps in my sister's basement and eats the meals by us. He will occasionally get a job, but it never lasts …
Looking for Better Relationships
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:30:13
Dear Therapist: Hi! I am a 22-year-old boy and I recently started reading The Couch and I really find it interesting and helpful. I think that even if a question is not directly related to me, I can still learn a lot from the answers. I went through some struggles as a teenager but with awesome parents and rabbeim I got through it, and I am doing really well. I was in a yeshiva in Israel the last two years and just got back to Ame …
Why Can't I Be Happy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:32:04
Dear Therapist: I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy frum kids, a decent job, we have decent parnassah, are part of a nice kehilla, etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every frum family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been …
Post-Traumatic Video Stress
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:35:05
Dear Therapist: I am a 17-year-old girl who has had no psychological issues in the past. A few months ago, someone I know thought it would be a good idea to show me a very violent video clip. I can't go into details but basically it involved a real video of someone being killed. Seriously I don't know why a person would show that to someone. I understandably freaked out initially and was very traumatized. I pretty much got over it, but it still k …
Does My Son Have Asperger's?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:37:11
Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can guide us where to turn regarding some challenges that we are having with my 7-year-old son. While it is hard to write everything that we notice, he is basically having problems with friends. For example, he has a hard time getting the concept that someone can play with him one day and then play with a different kid the next day. He also is very into trains and will talk about it as well as its …
Laypeople Advising Professionals
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:39:04
Dear Therapist: Hi, I work with bochurim in the community and am often involved during crises as well. I would like to know the panel’s opinion on having a doctor prescribe a fast-acting anti-anxiety medication such as Xanax or Klonopin for someone who is usually doing well but occasionally has severe bouts of anxiety? Some people have told me that just knowing they have that option, that the pills are there if they need them, can hel …
My Bullying Co-Worker
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:41:37
Dear Therapist: I recently started a new job which I was very excited about. Things started well enough but there is another woman who has chosen to make my life miserable. I believe she feels threatened by me because we have a similar position (though I don't think her job is in jeopardy at all). She never misses a chance for a nasty comment be it to coworkers or even managers. I tried to have a discussion with her about it, but she totall …
What's the Therapy Process?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:43:38
Dear Therapist: Our daughter experienced a significant trauma when she was in seminary last year. It had been suggested a few times, both by her school and once she came home, that she go for treatment. For whatever reason she refused. She now approached us that she would like to speak to someone about what she experienced and saw. We read this column regularly and would like to hear your recommendation regarding what is the best type of approach …
School to Work Adjustment
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:45:11
Dear Therapist: I am a 22-year-old former yeshiva bochur. I have always struggled in yeshiva and never did well. I recently made the decision together with my parents and rov to find a job. I was able to find a job that keeps me busy, will teach me an important industry, and has a lot of growth potential. I also have a chavrusa daily. Surprisingly, I have found the adjustment to this new stage in life to be very difficult. I am workin …
Is My Wife Milking Her Illness?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:48:05
Dear Therapist: My wife was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. While she was sick of course the entire focus of myself, our friends, and our extended families was to give her room and support and help her in every way possible. All we wanted was for her to able to be completely taken care of so that the only thing she needed to be busy with was getting better. Meals, housekeeping, mother's helpers, and so much more were provi …
My Impersonal Parental Relationships
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 10:50:13
Dear Therapist: As a teenage boy I am going through lots of ups and downs. Throughout this period there is one particular issue that is getting worse and worse. That is my parents. As it stands now, I cannot "open up" to them about anything personal in my life. Whether it is about friends, family, teachers, or anything that is personal, I find it practically impossible to speak to my parents (though I do find it easier to speak about personal iss …
Can My Therapist be Irreligious?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 11:53:22
Dear Therapist: Our 21-year-old son has been struggling for a while and would like to begin therapy. He is pretty insistent that he wants to only see a non-frum or not Jewish therapist. It is hard to get a straight answer from him as to why he is so insistent on this. It's a shame that he is so adamant about this at a time when there are so many qualified therapists that are bnei torah. Being that he is 21 he can pretty much go to whoev …
My Wife Feels Controlled
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:01:15
Dear Therapist: I got married a few months ago and everything is amazing, I just have one problem. My wife's older sister who got married a few years before us is married to an extremely uptight and controlling person. My wife was specifically looking for someone laid back, relaxed, easygoing, and nonopinionated after witnessing what her sister is putting up with. I definitely fit the description. However, any time I do voice my op …
Keeping Up with the Joneses
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:03:19
Dear Therapist: Many years ago, we moved to what was then a quiet neighborhood. We were excited to live in a less developed part of town away from the hustle and bustle. Since then, a lot of other people have taken advantage of the large properties and built fancy houses here. While our neighbors are all wonderful people, the standard of living is very high, much different than when we moved in. We are starting to feel the pressure and as our kid …
My Husband's Therapy is Hurting Our Marriage
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:06:27
Dear Therapist: Thank you for the wonderful education that you provide for our community. My husband is currently in therapy for mental health issues that he unfortunately brought into the marriage. I am in therapy as well, dealing with terrible trauma that these issues caused. I believe that my husband's therapist has helped him greatly in some areas, but does not have a clear understanding of some of the other areas and how they impact th …
OTD Friend
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:08:17
Dear Therapist: I have a friend that went off the derech and I think I can be a mashpia on him. I've texted him a few times and called him once in a while but he always ignores me. I'm just curious does he think I'm invading his privacy and I should stop calling or he just is embarrassed of his new lifestyle and I should keep calling him in order to mechazek him? Response: I obviously don’t know what it …
How Do I Forgive?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:10:18
Dear Therapist: I was recently treated very hurtfully by a relative. This relative had known confidential information about me, and the way he treated me left me feeling betrayed, and I lost the trust in our relationship. This was especially painful as I had invested a lot in this relationship, and really wanted to be close with this family member. I would like to have a good relationship once again with him, but every time I think of him, I …
Inappropriate Touching
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:12:54
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. Once again, the importance of being diligent regarding the emotional and physical safety of our children has been hammered home. I was hoping that based on your years of experience as clinicians you could offer some guidance and advice as to what we as parents and members of a community should do to best protect our children? Response: It is indeed unfortunate—in fact tra …
My Job Trauma
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:14:30
Dear Therapist: I had a terrible experience with my first job. I had been looking forward to this career and had high expectations but things really did not work out well. I had a very hard time with my boss who had a strong personality and we clashed. I only lasted 3 months before we realized it was time to move on. I had wanted to leave sooner but he actually convinced me to stay. I think he felt he could get me to buy into his way of thinking …
Inflated Ego or Self-Esteem?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:16:23
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I was wondering if you could explain the difference, as you see it, between self-confidence and gayva. Self-confidence is considered, certainly by psychologists, as a good thing while gayva is considered the worst of all middos. I understand that they are different but would be interested in hearing how you define the difference and at what point does something cross fr …
Is My Student Depressed?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:21:42
Dear Therapist: I am a teacher in a high school and am writing regarding a girl in one of my 11th grade classes. Some of the other staff think she should be sent for therapy because "she doesn't seem happy." She is a girl who is shy and introverted. I know her mother and she is also quite shy. She has friends but is quiet in big groups. She does well in groups of 2 or 3. She isn't very happy in school because learning is a st …
My Father's Unlicensed Exposure Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:23:53
Dear Therapist: When I was a teenager, I developed a severe phobia. I don’t think it is relevant to be more specific as to what it was. What matters is that my father learned a lot about it, got a lot of books and workbooks, and took it upon himself to help me work through it. The best method he said is a CBT approach called “exposure therapy.” This led to him pushing me very hard to be in the exact situations that were making m …
Why Do I Always PANIC?!?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:27:36
Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …
Man-Made Mental Illness?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:29:37
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for the column, I really enjoy it each week. I would like to know what the panelists think of the following:
Of course, there are real mental illnesses that exist and those that suffer from them should obviously get the help and support that they need. But I feel like many of the people "suffering from mental illness" are suffering from man-made problems based on the expectations of our society. For instance …
My In-Laws Make Us Pay
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:34:02
Dear Therapist: My husband and I are married for ten years, we have 6 beautiful children. BH our expenses for tuition, healthcare and rent are significant. We should be able to make it to the end of the month without an issue since we are both working. However, that rarely happens. My husband grew up in a home where both his parents worked full time but never budgeted or thought about the future. Now, in their mid-70’s the financial situati …
Infertility Depression
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 12:36:39
Dear Therapist: I have been married for a long while with no children. There is a possibility that we will never be able to have children. Recently I have been extremely depressed about it, although still functioning through daily life. I do not feel therapy can help such an awful emotional situation but my wife disagrees. Who does the panel side with? Response: I’m sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. Unfortuna …
Problematic In-Laws
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:33:29
Dear Therapist: My husband has a mental health issue, which is b"h under control, with the help of therapy and a lot of support. With incredible siyata dishmaya, we were able to repair the damage it caused to our relationship. However, because of his issues, which started in his parents' house at a young age, I have a very bad relationship with my husband's parents. They are aware of the issue and have been incredibly unsupportive. In fact, …
Angry Teenager
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:38:05
Dear Therapist: I have a 13 year old son who has been having these anger outbursts. He has always been a pretty good kid but since his bar mitzvah has been getting really angry with his parents and siblings. He has been physical with his siblings and talks with a lot of chutzpah to his parents, especially his father. His rabbeim say he is doing well in school and there hasn't been much of a change in his life other than the added responsibilities …
Can Therapy Really Help Me?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:40:08
Dear Therapist: People have told me in the past that I need to go to therapy. However, I am an extremely practical and logic-based person and I am skeptical that therapy actually helps people. If I had statistics that 70/80% of people had significant improvement through therapy that would make me much more likely to spend the money. As of now I am not convinced. Does the panel agree that until proven otherwise my position is the correct one in th …
Filling My Father's Shoes
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:41:46
Dear Therapist: My father, who was a very choshuve rov was recently niftar. I was asked (pushed) to take over his position. I have another position that I am very happy with but I feel that it is important for me to continue in his footsteps and keep the kehilla that he worked so hard to build alive. So, I accepted the request to take over and an announcement was made that I will take over in a few months. I have bee …
Anxiety or Language Issue?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:45:09
Dear Therapist: Our 13-year-old daughter is a very sweet girl who is not the best academically but overall does well. She is however pretty quiet in general, seems slightly anxious and seems to have trouble really expressing herself. For example she has a hard time describing the details of a story and usually will just talk in short sentences and will answer a question with a word or two. We are considering therapy for her but someone rece …
Am I Anxious and Depressed, or Just Unmotivated?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:47:06
Dear Therapist: I struggle a lot with motivation. I have studied a lot of psychology on my own and have a good understanding of how to deal with negative emotions. I can deal with sadness and anxiety and stop them from interfering with my life but I still just don't feel energized and motivated. It is easy for people to tell me that I should "just do it" but I think that emotions are necessary for us to be driven and I just don't seem to have tha …
My Husband or My Therapy: Should I Have to Choose?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:49:15
Dear Therapist: I am interested in starting to see a therapist. Mostly because I have a high amount of pressure and stress in my life and think it could be helpful to have a neutral person to share with weekly. My husband has had a hard time with this idea and says he feels hurt that I need to discuss things with a therapist and that I can't share them with him. He says he will be frustrated that there is someone that hears more about my life …
Recommended Therapist or Available Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:52:15
Dear Therapist: Thank you very much for your informative column, I look forward to reading it weekly. I recently began looking for a therapist for my teenage daughter. The primary issue I think is her mood and she seems to me to be depressed. I did my research about the best therapists available for the problem we are dealing with. Unfortunately, all the more experienced therapists who were recommended are not available and have long waiting l …
OCD or Kefira
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-26 15:22:28
Dear Therapist: My daughter has always been an all-around healthy 17-year-old . She does tend to have anxiety but it’s always been kept in check. Lately though she’s become a shell of herself. She’s had trouble eating and sleeping and is not herself. We’ve tried very hard to get to the root cause of her distress. Finally she confided that she’s been having intrusive thoughts of kefira type themes. She’s horr …
My Son Is Overbearing
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-26 15:32:21
Dear Therapist: Our 20-year-old son recently returned home from a year learning in Israel. He is boy who struggled a lot in his teens both academically and religiously. Baruch Hashem, he seems to have had an excellent year of growth, he likes his rabbeim and has learned a lot about being a mentsch, though he still has a way to go. He is very proud of his year and some new concepts and ideas he has learned. The yeshiva has an emphasis on emotio …
Balancing Childrens' Needs
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-06-16 10:18:45
Dear Therapist: Our 9-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. This has been very difficult adjustment for her and she is having a very hard time sticking to the diet and medication regimen that she has been prescribed. She also has been complaining a lot of the unfairness of it all. We have a large family and this has also caused some friction between her and her siblings and we are struggling to maintain the balance …
Duration of Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-06-16 10:19:41
Dear Therapist: I don't know if this is a fair question, and I am sure it varies greatly depending on the situation, but can you please give your opinion as to what the average length of time in therapy should be for someone? In my case specifically I am not referring to trauma or a serious mood disorder rather social and generalized anxiety (though please feel free to address other disorders as well). When I called around, I got very varied answ …
Camp or Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:46:19
Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …
Telling Someone They Need Help
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:48:25
Dear Therapist: I am a bocher who has a lot of friends in shidduchim and one of my best friends is about to start. Now this friend went through a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. His parents never really got along and they went to family therapy. Now from what I see that wasn't enough and I think there is a lot more he needs to work on before ent …
Therapist Advice and Fallibility
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:53:17
Dear Therapist: Here is a question I've been troubled by for a while. Many times, people will send their kid or spouse to therapy, but the kid or spouse is somewhat in denial or confused. They may see reality in a twisted way or be somewhat lying to themself or only see their side of the picture due to their emotional/mental health issue. When they sit and talk to the therapist, they are only giving over that twisted picture o …
Generational Resilience
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:55:10
Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …
Adult Identity Confusion
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:57:15
Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s, and BH I'm a busy mother. However, I constantly have dreams that I am in high school. The dreams are not at all disturbing, they are just filled with the day-to-day life of a high schooler (tests, lessons, etc.). This is very puzzling to me, as I am double the age I was then, and I'm at a completely different stage of life. Additionally, I always feel that I am "faking it" being an adult, and I feel overwhelmed by …
I've Never Made a Decision
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:59:37
Dear Therapist: Over the last few years, I have begun to realize that much of what I have done in life I did because other people told me to. I feel like I have never really made my decisions in life. The schools I went to, the career I chose, and even my marriage are all things that I asked others for advice and followed it. As I have realized this, I have become more and more confused as to what I really want and have started doubting everythin …
Faith and Depression
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:01:59
Dear Therapist: I was living a happy and fulfilling life as a busy wife and mom when out of nowhere darkness descended. I was diagnosed with clinical depression requiring medication. I’m in the midst of professional treatment and still struggling each day. My normally happy and meaningful avodas Hashem came to a sudden halt leaving me lost and confused.
My question is what is one afflicted with mental illness to do? The very to …
The Placebo Effect
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:39:15
Dear Therapist: My 30-year-old daughter had suffered from anxiety for a long time. After a course of psychotherapy was not successful, she began seeing a psychiatrist and started taking an anti-depressant (which is also supposed to help for anxiety). This was very life enhancing for her and she has really thrived since then. Recently she says that new research has shown that antidepressants really don’t work, and it is all a “placebo& …
Bad Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:41:00
Dear Therapist: We recently went through a terrible experience with a licensed therapist that a family member used. It was not a subjective mismatch; the clinician lacked professionalism and training, and other professionals and rabbanim involved in the situation were distraught to hear about the techniques he used and the ensuing damage it created. We have switched clinicians and are now going through the process of undoing and re-learning, but …
Somatic Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:42:41
Dear Therapist: Our 10-year-old daughter has been complaining of headaches and stomachaches. This seems to happen whenever something is going on in her life, particularly when there are changes such as school starting, camp, and around yom tov time when there is a change in schedule. We discussed it with her pediatrician who said there is nothing medical going on. She suggested that we begin by having a conversation with her about what it m …
Premarital Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:44:35
Dear Therapist: Our son recently got engaged B"H. He doing very well but is one of those kids who "took the scenic route." He had struggles with yiddishkeit and in yeshiva over the years. He told us that his rebbi recommended that he and his kallah go to a marriage therapist while they are engaged to work on their relationship. This frightened my husband and me. If they are already having issues maybe this isn't the right match? We were …
Are Millenials Suppressing Their Emotions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:48:28
Dear Therapist: There are many emotions that come up this time of year. There are some like simcha, gratitude, and devekus that are wonderful to experience. I see from my children who are “millennials” that they are fine with that. However, they seem to be rejecting or suppressing some of the more uncomfortable emotions that can come up like anxiety, guilt, and regret. It got me thinking about how psychologically speaking ar …
Work on Anxiety or Go to Israel?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:54:08
Dear Therapist: Our son recently acknowledged that he has been experiencing extreme anxiety over the last 6-8 months. This has been something that his menahel had been concerned about and mentioned to him, but he denied anything was wrong. I think that finally it got so bad that he couldn’t push it away anymore and he is coming to us for help. The issue is he is supposed to go to learn in Eretz Yisroel next zman along wi …
When an Educator Should Refer to Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:58:30
Dear Therapist: I would like to thank you for this insightful column that so many gain from weekly. As a mesivta rebbe I occasionally need to send a bochur to therapy when I feel that his struggles may be mental health related and baruch Hashem I have generally had good experiences. There is a question that comes up that I would like to hear your opinion on. When are a bochur’s struggles or lack of motivation in le …
Death and Betrayal
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:03:51
Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …
Adults with ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:05:51
Dear Therapist: Is it possible for someone who never had ADHD to get it for the first time as an adult? I have recently started having trouble just staying focused on work as well as paying attention during shuirim and concentrating in davening. I have never had this issue before and was an excellent student all through yeshiva. My chavrusah actually recently made an offhand comment about how "ADD" I am and it really got …
Does Our Marriage Counselor Care?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:08:23
Dear Therapist: My spouse and I went for marriage counseling for a while for some issues with someone who seemed to be a very competent therapist. The therapist seemed to understand how to breakdown the issues and attempt to work on resolutions. However, some things didn't seem to be adding up right. For example, the therapist left off a few sessions at some very crucial points, leaving us feeling very vulnerable and with a lot of raw emotions ex …
Single-Area vs. Multiple-Area Issues
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:10:43
Dear Therapist: I am writing in regard to some of the questions that have come up in the column recently as to when there is an indication of a mental health issue for a bochur or child. I once heard that a good measure of evaluation is if the problem is happening across the board at home, school and camp that would be a sign that professional intervention is needed. If the child is fine at home and elsewhere and only having a problem in yes …
Generational Resiliency
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:10:26
Dear Therapist: I'm in my low thirties and my oldest children are now in their early teens. Due to increased awareness and education, my friends and I focus on parenting with more positivity, empathy, validation, communication, and emotional awareness than the previous generation. Our parents expected more from us than we expect from our children, and we usually had to do what was right even if we didn't feel like it. Recently, I'm noticing a dis …
Self-Esteem and Emotional Reactivity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:12:17
Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …
Self-Esteem-Based Opinions
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:14:40
Dear Therapist: I'm in my early fifties, married with children and grandchildren. Problem is I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I don't have good self-esteem and not sure of my opinions. I don't express my emotions, maybe I don't trust them. You can even see in my walk that I am nervous/not confident (at least I think so). I grew up in a house without shalom bayis. What can I do now, at this stage of life, to help myself? Thank yo …
My Brother Has Schizophrenia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:16:56
Dear Therapist: I have been hesitant to write for a while because this is not a scenario that most people deal with. My son, who has always had mental health issues, was recently diagnosed with psychosis - the doctors say most likely he has some form schizophrenia. This is not so shocking to us because, like I said, he has been struggling for a while. We are hopeful that with the right treatment he will be able to live a full and productive life …
Community Feud
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:18:23
Dear Therapist: We live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows each other and gets along very well. Recently two families that we know and are friendly with became embroiled in a serious machlokes with each other. I do not think the specific details are necessary to share and I want to protect confidentiality but this is not an issue that someone just didn't get shlishi. It is hard to figure out what is actually even the trut …
Medication Compliance
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:20:38
Dear Therapist: Our 18-year-old daughter was prescribed medication for depression and we think that it makes a real difference for her. Unfortunately, she starts and stops taking it pretty much whenever she wants. We have discussed this with her therapist but get the sense that the therapist doesn't want to waste the whole session talking about medication compliance. That being said we are concerned that this might be unhealthy for her and certai …
Dual Relationships and Expertise
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:25:41
Dear Therapist: I was advised to see a therapist for our son for a certain issue. When getting the referral we were told that a specific therapist is a mumcheh in this area. The issue is that he lives in our neighborhood and davens in our shul. We don’t really have anything to do with him personally but my son is very uncomfortable with the idea that he would bump into him. Our question is if you think this is a concern? …
Presumption of Therapeutic Obstacles
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:30:05
Dear Therapist: I'm a thirty-year-old wife and mother who's been recommended for therapy by my rov to address trauma and a difficult childhood. I am concerned about some obstacles that I think will come up—and that I have heard from others—and am curious if the panelists have any solutions. Being that the average session time is 45-50 minutes, how is it feasible to get anywhere in therapy? It takes a good fifteen minut …
Rebellious Teenager
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:32:11
Dear Therapist: We are writing this out of deep frustration in the hope that you will have some guidance for us. Our 16-year-old son has become rebellious and has been out of yeshiva the whole year. He seemingly spends his days and nights getting into trouble and living completely not like a mensch. He keeps crazy hours, dresses strange, has very few friends. and in general, is not being matzliach. My husband and I pride ours …
Is Therapy a Dating Red Flag?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:34:31
Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
Self-Confidence and Religiosity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:36:21
Dear Therapist: My 15-year-old son has always been a bit shy and nervous. Not the bravest kid, he doesn't really take chances or challenge things. BH, he is a good kid and is doing well in mesivta. His 2 older brothers have struggled a lot with their yiddishkeit. Our son now would like to go to therapy to help him be calmer and more confident. A lot of his worries have a frumkeit aspect to it. He seems to look up to his …
Teachers' Referrals
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:00:46
Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
Moody Kids
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:04:37
Dear Therapist: I had a question I hoped you could help me with. My 11-year-old son is a bit moody. Usually when he is able to talk to me about what is bothering him, we work through it, he does really well and feels better. The problem is it takes a while for him to finally open up. He first says he doesn't want to talk about it and it takes a while for me to get it out of him. Then when he finally does, he usually feels better right away. The i …
Teachers' Referrals--Take Two
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:06:17
Dear Therapist: As a rebbe I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met but I am wondering if you could give so …
Defense Mechanisms and Emotional Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:09:02
Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member. There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations. It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
Purim and Positivity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:02:23
Dear Therapist: There is so much talk about the mental health issues that many are facing. Lekovod the simcha of Purim can you please share some of the good news? Where have you seen success, and what has inspired you, as to how both individuals and the tzibur have made strides in the area of mental health? Thank you! Ah Freilichin Purim! Response: Our society does tend to focus on problems rather than on …
Sibling Bullying
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:07:36
Dear Therapist: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He d …
Dreams and the Unconscious Mind
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:09:58
Dear Therapist: Ever since I can remember I have had disturbing dreams. Even now as an adult I find that I have these vivid nightmares almost every night. It’s gotten to a point where it’s kind of out of hand and I am wondering if this means something is wrong with me? Is there something I can do to make this stop? Would therapy help with something like this? I’d appreciate any guidance you could give me. Thanks. Response …
My Son's Therapist Won't Talk to Me
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:12:25
Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son is currently seeing a therapist which was recommended by his rosh reshiva. Even though we are paying for the therapy our only interaction with the therapist is to arrange for payment. My son doesn't want us to speak to the therapist and when we have called the therapist, he doesn't want to speak to us either. How are we supposed to help our son if we have no idea what is going on with him? It also seems very unf …
Wedding Jitters
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:16:05
Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a shidduch question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. BH I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I feel like wh …
My Son is a Weakling!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:20:19
Dear Therapist: I have a 12-year-old son who has always been a bit of the “weaker” sort. Always been very needy, very fragile, as well as academically challenged. He always seems to want more and more attention from mommy and daddy and spends at least 3-4 weeks a year home sick (really sick not faking it). It seems like it is just the personality that he was born with. As he gets older, I am becoming more and more concerned about his …
I Can't Confide in My Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:22:16
Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and interesting column. I've been in therapy for several months and still have a very hard time opening up to my therapist. I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and we've been working on other things as well, such as self-esteem. I did not have the support I needed in the past which contributes to my fear of judgment from her. This is an issue for me in general; not just in therapy. I don't find …
Is My Daughter-in-Law Spoiled?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:46:37
Dear Therapist: I am facing a dilemma and I am turning to you for advice. I am, baruch Hashem, a mother of many boys, most of whom are married. When I married off my sons, I bought their kallas basic standard gifts and jewelry. Most of my daughters-in-law were thrilled with the gifts I bought them. Some were happy with the gifts as they were and some went so far as to ask me if I could just leave …
Does My Brother Really Have Asperger's?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:56:14
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. I really enjoy it, especially as I am currently in school for social work. My younger brother was recently diagnosed with autism “spectrum” disorder. I think my parents always had a hard time with him and they seem relieved that they found a “name” for his issues. I am worried because I really don’t see that much that is wrong with him and I am concerned …
Glass Half Empty? Completely Empty?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:59:15
Dear Therapist: I feel like my life is like Murphy’s law. Whatever could go wrong has. I have trouble with parnassah, trouble with my health, and difficulty with my children. I have worked so hard on all these things but to no avail. At this point I would take just one of them being better. Things just seem really bleak, and they have been for a while. A therapist wouldn’t convince me that things are better than they are, and it …
Productivity Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:02:11
Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
Perfectionism: Good or Bad?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:04:59
Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference? …
Irresponsible Teenager; How Unusual!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:07:46
Dear Therapist: I enjoy reading your column and value your insights. We are making a decision regarding whether to allow our 18-year-old son to be a counselor in camp this year. This is something he very much wants to do and there are aspects I think he will be good at it. However, he struggles a lot with responsibility throughout the year. He is notoriously unreliable, has trouble waking up in the morning, and you can't count on him for anything …
Fight-or-Flight and Compartmentalization
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:09:54
Dear Therapist: My family has gone through several major challenges over the past few years, including losing a close relative due to Covid as well as a series of other challenges. Now bh it seems that life has finally settled back to normal, but it feels hard for me to relax out of emergency mode because that's where I've been for so long. I feel like part of me is just waiting for the next challenge to arrive. How can I help myself get the …
Medical Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:12:30
Dear Therapist: I have always been a bit of an anxious person, particularly when it comes to my health and the health of my family. For a while I was pretty obsessive and was constantly going to doctors "just to make sure" I was ok. Any little ache or pain I made an appointment and had it looked at. At some point in my life, I realized that I was making myself (and my doctors) crazy and I learned to control myself, essentially learning to ignore …
My 17-Year-Old Thinks I Don't Understand Her!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:15:24
Dear Therapist: Our daughter (she is 17 years old and a bit moody) has recently begun complaining to us that we don't understand her and that we have no relationship with her. This seems to be a common teenage complaint but she is being very persistent that this is a problem. To be honest I can't say that she doesn't have something of a point, but I don't believe that the fault lies completely with us. We are seeking advice from a few sources but …
Why My Kid's Grades Are Deteriorating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:17:29
Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly column and have learned a lot from it. I had a question regarding what type of evaluation you would recommend for a child who has shown a significant reduction in grades from one year to the next. This is for a child coming out of 3rd grade who has no major other history of issues. Someone suggested a speech therapist for a language eval, others are saying a neuropsych eval, and yet others are recomme …
Psychedelics
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:19:50
Dear Therapist: I experienced a lot of serious trauma as a teenager. Now, years later I still suffer greatly from it. Someone recommended "ketamine assisted psychotherapy." I was wondering what your opinion of this is and if you would recommend it. Response: Hallucinogenics have recently become increasingly popular, both in general and in conjunction with therapy. Specifically, with regard to trauma therapy various drugs with hallucinogeni …
Why Isn't My Son Productive?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 10:58:07
Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
The Perfectionism Spectrum
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:00:54
Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference? …
Parental Alienation
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:03:47
Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly insights and value the fact that there are therapists and mental health professionals who are true bnei Torah. I have heard rumblings about an issue and would like to give you an opportunity to clarify it for us. Can you please explain what is "parental alienation" which I understand to mean is when a therapist instructs a client to break off contact with a parent? Is this something that frum therapis …
Twice Weekly Sessions
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:07:11
Dear Therapist: While I pushed it off for a long time, I now realize that I benefit from speaking to a therapist. I saw someone when I was in yeshiva in E'Y and now that I am back, I am trying to find someone appropriate. There is a lot that has gone on, and is going on, in my life and I need to speak to someone at least twice a week. So far it is hard enough to find someone with one opening, forget about two. Also, one of the therapist …
My Son's Medication Obsession
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:10:08
Dear Therapist: My teenage son (18) had been struggling with anxious and obsessive thoughts and went to see a therapist based on the recommendation of our rov. He was also told by the rov that medication could be an option as well. He was very against taking medication, probably out of a concern for shidduchim, and decided to just try therapy. The issue is that since he knows that the option of medication is out there, he has …
Is Anger a Primary Emotion?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:12:15
Dear Therapist: Our teenage son often loses his temper. He can get really worked up over seemingly silly things. Not just at home but even with his friends it has becoming something of a joke about how he can "lose it." He isn't violent c"v or anything like that and is mostly a pleasant nice kid but he can really go from 0-60 quickly sometimes. How do you advise we deal with him when he gets like this? Do we make a zero-tolerance policy …
To Date or Not to Date...Is That the Question?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-24 13:55:19
Dear Therapist: Our daughter, who is shidduchim age, recently approached us that she would like to see someone regarding her indecisiveness. This is something that she has struggled with over the years. It definitely seems like now would be a good time to address it. We are however, also concerned about her delaying shiddichum any longer, especially since we won't really be able to explain why we are holding off. I was h …
Personality Disorder?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-24 15:31:54
Dear Therapist: I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while. I have a relative that is unfortunately unwell. I am not a professional but from what I've read on the subject I think that she has histrionic or borderline personality disorder. She is constantly needy and crying to everyone near her how she's afflicted with (fill in blank) and how she has the worst life. She craves attention and publicly ac …
Father-Son Relationship
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:51:42
Dear Therapist: I am not much of a letter writing type of guy, but I will give it a shot. I have been hearing from my wife, and now from my son’s rebbe that I need to work more on developing a better relationship with my teenage son. It isn’t that we have a relationship, it’s that we just don’t seem to connect. I know I am not the most expressive person in the world and though that doesn’t seem to be a problem with m …
Keep Up With the Joneses?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:54:50
Dear Therapist: I live in a neighborhood/community where there is a big emphasis on money. It is a young neighborhood where people are just starting work, and some are making serious money and throwing it around. So there has recently become this pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a salaried job and al pi derech hateva I am not going to become a millionaire any time soon. This was always ok with me, and I didn&rs …
Grief and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:56:17
Dear Therapist: I am a teacher who has stepped in to offer support to a former student of mine who has recently lost her father. She is currently of shidduchim age and the family is anxious for her to begin dating. They feel that she should "move forward" and have been exerting significant pressure on her to begin. I was wondering if you can give me some guidelines as to when that would be considered healthy. I imagine it isn't just a time thing …
Children and Israeli Terror
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-10-12 10:44:11
Dear Therapist: Could you please share advice on dealing with younger children who are struggling with the news from Eretz Yisroel. Of course, we are preventing them from seeing any images, but they have inevitably heard some of the horrible details, particularly about kidnapped children r'l. Any advice you can have to help them deal with this terrible situation more effectively would be helpful. Response: I think that I speak f …
The Stonewalling Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 15:58:14
Dear Therapist: When I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter’s therapist questions about what was being addressed in therapy and why we needed to continue, she was evasive, making it clear that it wasn’t my place to know and there was no reason for me to be involved. I was quite baffled and rattled. It just didn’t make sense to me at all that I was not being included as an important team member. But I put aside my troubled feelings …
Enough Therapy Already?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 16:04:55
Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum and for your time and advice. Our son's school recommended that our 7-year-old be evaluated for behavioral issues at the end of last school year and that he may benefit from some extra help during summer vacation. We had him evaluated privately and paid privately for the sessions that he is receiving and b”H have seen improvement in his overall behavior and his ability to follow instru …
What's the Right Amount of Anxiety?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 16:07:50
Dear Therapist: I have always considered myself a healthy person and have never been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issue. Recently, due to the current events in Eretz Yisroel, I have this feeling of uneasiness that follows me around all day. I can't say I'm anxious but I certainly don't feel like my regular self. I feel more "alert" when I am walking down the street, considering travel plans, or even dropping my kids off at school …
What is the Processing Process?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 15:56:52
Dear Therapist: I have a pretty basic question about therapy, and I am hoping you can answer it for me. I went through something difficult recently and a few people have told me I should go to therapy so that I could “process” it. I have heard that word from a couple of people and no one has really been able to tell me what exactly that means. What does it mean to “process” something? To talk about it? I have been talking …
Medication and Dating Revisited
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 16:00:44
Dear Therapist: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim he is very nerv …
Engagement Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 16:02:50
Dear Therapist: My son is engaged and has become very panicky about if he made the right decision. Initially we figured it was nerves but it has persisted. He can't really point out any major concerns about the girl but he also is very worried about getting married. More like he feels something is "missing." He acknowledges that he is very anxious but says that he doesn't know if that's just fear or his intuition telling him there is something wr …
Can My Coach Be My Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 12:58:45
Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions in this weekly column. I have an issue I hope you can provide me guidance with. I have been working with a coach for a long time to help me with my personal growth and self-confidence issues. This has helped me become a better person and inspired me to open my own business which was quite successful. However, I recently lost my mother to a sudden illness and am having a hard ti …
Dating Someone with a Mental Health Diagnosis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 13:07:53
Dear Therapist: My daughter was recently redt a shidduch to someone who has ADHD. I initially thought that since that is something that pertains mostly to school work etc. that it would not be so relevant to marriage. You hear stories about people with ADHD being really successful. However, people are telling me that this can actually be the source of serious marital problems if it is at a serious level and has not properly been address …
Therapy for Kids at Risk
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:29:10
Dear Therapist: Thank you for your weekly column. I am involved in a drop-in program that helps "kids at risk." I am wondering on your opinion on sending younger teenagers with behavior issues to therapy. We have sent them in the past - with limited results. I'm not sure if most of them are really ready for any type of serious therapy. Wouldn't our time and energy be best invested in getting them a mentor and offering other types of support? Some …
Trauma and Young Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:31:51
Dear Therapist: Hi, my two-year-old child was recently exposed to something very traumatic. At least it was something that would be very traumatic for an adult. I am uncomfortable going into all the details but it involved a serious injury to someone right in from of her, with a large medical response etc. I am wondering if a child that young can be "traumatized" and what would be the signs in a child so young that they needed help? What kind of …
Academia and Woke Ideology
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:33:31
Dear Therapist: The world of academia has recently come under a lot of scrutiny for its antisemitism. To those paying attention the so-called intellectuals in college campuses have become more and more antithetical to Torah values, but even more so to common sense! These ideas seem more prevalent in the social work and psychology fields. I can only imagine that these newfangled ideas seep into how mental health disorders are evaluated and treated …
Are My Headaches "Real?"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:46:02
Dear Therapist: I have suffered from migraine headaches for a few years. I have tried a bunch of different types of treatments and have seen all sorts of doctors. Somethings have helped a little, some not at all, and some for a short time but it didn't last. I am wondering if there is some possible help to be had from psychology in this area? I have definitely heard of psychology for back pain, can it work for headaches also? Respons …
How Involved Should I Be in My Son's Marriage?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:48:46
Dear Therapist: My son recently got married and I am a bit concerned about how he is treating his wife. It's nothing major but I see his immaturity and lack of awareness about living and thinking about someone else. Most people advise me to stay out of it and let them grow up together. I'm not so sure about that. I am worried about the damage that could be done to their relationship if I just let it go. I would appreciate hearing your opinions as …
Support Group Or Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:50:52
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly insights. I am looking for some help due to a loss in my family and I was offered a support group by a local organization. I am also considering a private therapist. Can you please explain the differences and benefits of one over the other? Do you have an opinion as to which is better in this situation? Response: I’m sorry that you lost someone close to you. Of course, it’ …
Is It Sympathy, Empathy, Or Secondary Trauma?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:53:11
Dear Therapist: As a teacher, I've noticed that some of my high school students seem to be experiencing the weight of their friends' struggles. There is a student in my tenth-grade class who is going through a very hard time. Her family situation at home isn't easy and she is showing signs of unhealthy eating habits. We are aware that this student is struggling, and we are working on finding ways to help her. Recently, I noticed that her best fri …
How To Lose Friends and Un-Influence People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:58:06
Dear Therapist: I am 17 years old and in 12th grade, I have a friend that I have known since 2nd or 3rd grade and we're very close. But overtime I realized that I don't enjoy her presence as much and she is extremely clingy. She always sees everything negatively and overthinks everything, which makes it difficult to talk and confide in her. She constantly asks to sleepover and come hangout. Luckily, I have a job that ends late at n …
Anxiety, Stigma, and Therapy When I Don't Need It
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 15:00:40
Dear Therapist: I'm a 21-year-old girl currently in shidduchim. I occasionally face mild anxiety and believe that seeking therapy could be beneficial for addressing and managing it, or gaining helpful tips. Thankfully, I am currently managing well, but I sense that further improvement is possible through therapeutic work. However, during this phase of life, there is some societal resistance to the idea of seeking therapy—it's not widel …
Helping Someone Who Doesn't Want Help
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 15:02:22
Dear Therapist: I have a brother who is very anxious but comes across as very cool and like he has it all together. When I finally convinced him to go for therapy, the therapist questioned whether he really needed therapy and took an approach of “it doesn’t seem to be causing too much dysfunction in your life.” Those who know him know about the constant tension that he lives with and how much he is suffering. Yes, he is su …
Teletherapy or In-Person Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-22 09:24:13
Dear Therapist: What advantages and disadvantages come with receiving therapy in person versus using an online platform? If a therapist offers both options, which should I choose? I would assume that in person would be more effective but sometimes maybe it would be easier to share through a screen? Aside from convenience, are there any other factors that I should be taking into consideration when choosing a venue for psychotherapy? Respons …
Therapy? Never Again!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-22 09:26:59
Dear Therapist: I have a friend who has a very serious problem with her shalom bayis. Her husband started going to therapy to try to help the marriage. She has a very long list of complaints against her husband, but she admits that she also has faults and she's not innocent. When I asked her why she doesn't go to therapy she told me she can't even think of it. She had gone for a lot of therapy in her late teens/early twenties …
Should I Choose My Husband or My Parents?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-07 15:23:08
Dear Therapist: My husband has a very difficult time getting along with my parents. I am not sure what the source of this is but it's been like that for a while. My husband is a great father and wonderful husband and man, and my parents are wonderful too. We all have our quirks and somehow my husband and parents just grate on each other the wrong way. We have somehow managed this over the first 5 years of our marriage but it seems to be get …
Decisions...Decisions...Decisions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-07 15:28:53
Dear Therapist: My son has always had a hard time making decisions. Even when it comes to making small choices, like what to order in a restaurant, it's a whole esek. He really never had to make too many serious choices in his life, he went to the same yeshiva straight through and to Eretz Yisroel together with his friends. Same with camp, there wasn't much choice. I am worried as he gets ready for shidduchim that he will have a rough …
Therapy? Very Funny!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:41:52
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I enjoy hearing your different perspectives. I was wondering if lekavod Purim you could share your thoughts on humor and mental health. Does a good sense of humor help people in dealing with difficulties? How does this work? Is this something that can be developed or do you either have it or not? Additionally, I think for most of us we imagine therapy as a serious somber thing, i …
What, Me Intellectualize? Well, Come to Think of it...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:46:39
Dear Therapist: I have been wondering about a friend who is very smart but is still struggles with motivation. He has been confiding in me recently but I think that he is very focused on philosophical reasons for his unhappiness, like the purpose of life, but doesn't pay enough attention to his emotions. It's hard to tell really but I am wondering if you could give me some pointers in how to steer him for the proper help. Thanks. Response: …
Medication or Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:48:24
Dear Therapist: I have a specific fear that I have a hard time with but it isn't something that I really have to face very frequently. Let's say it's flying. It's not something I do very often but when I need to it's really hard. I was prescribed a medication I can take from my doctor and I can use it before flying and I feel ok. Is this a good enough way to deal with it or would it be better to invest in therapy to get rid of the fear? Would the …
Do You Know Who You Are?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:31:57
Dear Therapist: I was recently asked by a shadchan to write a detailed description of myself and I was surprised at how stuck I got. It was very hard for me to write about what's important to me, what my personality is like, and what I truly value, in a way that is anything other than cliche. I started thinking that there is something wrong with me that I can't do this. I think part of this is because there is a big difference between w …
Why Do We Need Things?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:34:56
Dear Therapist: I have been pushing off writing this, which maybe is part of the problem, but I feel like at this point I really need to. A few years ago, my husband was making a very nice living which caused us to raise our standards of living significantly. Now unfortunately, like I imagine many others are, we are feeling the crunch of the economy. Baruch Hashem, we have what we need but we can no longer afford to spend like we used to. We …
The Doctor Will NOT See You Now
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:41:00
Dear Therapist: My spouse has the interesting issue where he just refuses to go to the doctor for a well checkup. He is pushing 45 and probably hasn't been by a doctor in 15 years. When he is sick etc. he will go to an urgent care or a PA and take care of it, but that is pretty much it. He claims he is healthy and doctors just find issues. He seems ok but at this point I wonder if he is just nervous and so he is avoiding it. Do you have any sugge …
How to Lose Friends and Discourage People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:50:24
Dear Therapist: I am a parent of a 9th grade girl in a large mainstream high school. She is trying to find her footing in a long lasting friendship and is starting to get to know a few girls. But because she is a very friendly girl, she is nice to the girls who aren't as socially gifted. The problem with this is when her friendliness gets in the way of spreading her wings, since these girls cling to her in an unhealthy way. While she doesn't …
Diagnosis and Labelling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-20 14:23:36
Dear Therapist: Can you please share your thoughts on the phenomenon that I am noticing (not common baruch Hashem, but it happens) where people disparage others by "diagnosing" them with a mental illness. Thus, people who are rigid are called "OCD," those who are a bit different are "apspergy" and those who are jumpier are "ADD." More disturbing to me is that I have noticed the word "narcissist" being thrown around quiet casually. Unfortunat …
Anxiety and Faith
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-23 16:17:28
Dear Therapist: My daughter is in seminary this year and it's the first time she's dormed a full year with other girls. She mentioned to me that one of her roommates seems very socially anxious & has a hard time making friends & being sociable. My daughter tries to include her but she often withdraws because of her social anxiety. She suggested to this girl that she speak to someone about her struggles & she keeps responding that she …
Bad Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:02:51
Dear Therapist: I have heard my friends discussing an idea developed by an author concerning "bad therapy." I presume that means there is bad therapy and good therapy. Would appreciate if the panel would state their opinions on the difference between helpful and unhelpful therapy. What is the best way for someone who is considering therapy to tell the difference? Response: I haven’t read Abigail Shrier’s book, but I …
Aliyah-phobia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:06:58
Dear Therapist: I have a silly fear of getting an aliyah. I have actually heard others that have it as well. This is even though I actually don't have an issue with doing other things in public. In the past I have managed to "white knuckle" it when I needed to but recently, I have found myself slipping out of shul during laining to try and avoid it. I do well otherwise and have no traumas or anything like that in my life. I am wond …
Delayed Traumatic Reaction
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:14:30
Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help. If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you! Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …
Inappropriate Touching and Safety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:17:35
Dear Therapist: As we begin the season can you please share your general recommendations as to how parents should talk to their children about safety in the summer. Many parents (hopefully) know the basics, but I wonder if, based on your experiences, there are ways to discuss things that people don't know. Or maybe there are some things that people don't realize they should talk about with their kids. I think this would be a public service …
Do I Have Psychosis?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:15:35
Dear Therapist: I have a friend at work that was acting strangely and my coworkers are saying he "snapped." I am not sure what this means. Someone said this means he has psychosis. What is the meaning of psychosis? Is this something that can happen suddenly to someone without warning? I myself have gone to therapy in the past for anxiety and baruch Hashem I am doing very well but I am worried about something like this happening to me. I …
Tragedy and Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:19:19
Dear Therapist: Recently there have been few shocking tragedies in my area. Each one has been very sudden, unexpected, and jarring in its own way. This is on top of the overall tzaros that have been happening in Eretz Yisroel since Succos. I find that for the last few weeks I am constantly on edge. Of course, I have been taking hisorerus from rabbonim and I try to be mechazek myself as much a …
I Don't Get No (Self) Respect!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:23:48
Dear Therapist: I recently realized that I am never happy with myself. I used to think that if I learned well, did a good shidduch, was top of my class, and was successful, then I would finally feel worthwhile. I was recently complaining to a friend and he pointed out to me that objectively things are really good right now and if I feel so bad all the time, I should probably get help. It was a bit jarring to me honestly. I am starting …
Major Decisions...No Problem; Minor Ones...Well...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:28:21
Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
Israel Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:31:37
Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
Homesickness
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:34:31
Dear Therapist: My 7th grade daughter is in sleepaway camp for the first time and is very homesick. Do you think it is better to try and talk to her by phone every day and send her packages etc.? Or is it better to just leave it and let her figure it out. Does calling her more than once a week actually make it worse or is this a good way to support her? What other recommendations would you have for dealing with homesickness? Thank you for yo …
My Brother Needs Premarital Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:37:14
Dear Therapist: My brother has never really been that socially savvy. He has no official diagnosis as far as I know of but he has struggled in the past socially a bit. He recently got engaged and I am a bit nervous about how he will do in marriage. What would be the best way to prevent any issues and deal with them before they become a real problem? Is there any type of premarriage counseling or guidance that you recommend? Even a book that you t …
What is Career Counseling?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:39:47
Dear Therapist: I am 27 years old and have been having a hard time choosing a job and career. I tried some jobs but found them boring because I really wasn't given anything to do. I also can't tell if I just haven't found the right job for me or I just didn't really get good opportunities. How can I figure out what I would be most interested in and what I would be best at? What is best approach to this? Is there a test or evaluation that yo …