Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW Weekly Q&A As Published In Yated Ne'eman
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Showing Results 280 - 320 (373 total)
Rebellious Teenager
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:32:11
Dear Therapist: We are writing this out of deep frustration in the hope that you will have some guidance for us. Our 16-year-old son has become rebellious and has been out of yeshiva the whole year. He seemingly spends his days and nights getting into trouble and living completely not like a mensch. He keeps crazy hours, dresses strange, has very few friends. and in general, is not being matzliach. My husband and I pride ours …
Is Therapy a Dating Red Flag?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:34:31
Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
Self-Confidence and Religiosity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:36:21
Dear Therapist: My 15-year-old son has always been a bit shy and nervous. Not the bravest kid, he doesn't really take chances or challenge things. BH, he is a good kid and is doing well in mesivta. His 2 older brothers have struggled a lot with their yiddishkeit. Our son now would like to go to therapy to help him be calmer and more confident. A lot of his worries have a frumkeit aspect to it. He seems to look up to his …
Teachers' Referrals
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:00:46
Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
Moody Kids
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:04:37
Dear Therapist: I had a question I hoped you could help me with. My 11-year-old son is a bit moody. Usually when he is able to talk to me about what is bothering him, we work through it, he does really well and feels better. The problem is it takes a while for him to finally open up. He first says he doesn't want to talk about it and it takes a while for me to get it out of him. Then when he finally does, he usually feels better right away. The i …
Teachers' Referrals--Take Two
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:06:17
Dear Therapist: As a rebbe I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met but I am wondering if you could give so …
Defense Mechanisms and Emotional Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:09:02
Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member. There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations. It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
Purim and Positivity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:02:23
Dear Therapist: There is so much talk about the mental health issues that many are facing. Lekovod the simcha of Purim can you please share some of the good news? Where have you seen success, and what has inspired you, as to how both individuals and the tzibur have made strides in the area of mental health? Thank you! Ah Freilichin Purim! Response: Our society does tend to focus on problems rather than on …
Sibling Bullying
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:07:36
Dear Therapist: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He d …
Dreams and the Unconscious Mind
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:09:58
Dear Therapist: Ever since I can remember I have had disturbing dreams. Even now as an adult I find that I have these vivid nightmares almost every night. It’s gotten to a point where it’s kind of out of hand and I am wondering if this means something is wrong with me? Is there something I can do to make this stop? Would therapy help with something like this? I’d appreciate any guidance you could give me. Thanks. Response …
My Son's Therapist Won't Talk to Me
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:12:25
Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son is currently seeing a therapist which was recommended by his rosh reshiva. Even though we are paying for the therapy our only interaction with the therapist is to arrange for payment. My son doesn't want us to speak to the therapist and when we have called the therapist, he doesn't want to speak to us either. How are we supposed to help our son if we have no idea what is going on with him? It also seems very unf …
Wedding Jitters
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:16:05
Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a shidduch question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. BH I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I feel like wh …
My Son is a Weakling!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:20:19
Dear Therapist: I have a 12-year-old son who has always been a bit of the “weaker” sort. Always been very needy, very fragile, as well as academically challenged. He always seems to want more and more attention from mommy and daddy and spends at least 3-4 weeks a year home sick (really sick not faking it). It seems like it is just the personality that he was born with. As he gets older, I am becoming more and more concerned about his …
I Can't Confide in My Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-04-18 16:22:16
Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and interesting column. I've been in therapy for several months and still have a very hard time opening up to my therapist. I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and we've been working on other things as well, such as self-esteem. I did not have the support I needed in the past which contributes to my fear of judgment from her. This is an issue for me in general; not just in therapy. I don't find …
Is My Daughter-in-Law Spoiled?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:46:37
Dear Therapist: I am facing a dilemma and I am turning to you for advice. I am, baruch Hashem, a mother of many boys, most of whom are married. When I married off my sons, I bought their kallas basic standard gifts and jewelry. Most of my daughters-in-law were thrilled with the gifts I bought them. Some were happy with the gifts as they were and some went so far as to ask me if I could just leave …
Does My Brother Really Have Asperger's?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:56:14
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. I really enjoy it, especially as I am currently in school for social work. My younger brother was recently diagnosed with autism “spectrum” disorder. I think my parents always had a hard time with him and they seem relieved that they found a “name” for his issues. I am worried because I really don’t see that much that is wrong with him and I am concerned …
Glass Half Empty? Completely Empty?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 12:59:15
Dear Therapist: I feel like my life is like Murphy’s law. Whatever could go wrong has. I have trouble with parnassah, trouble with my health, and difficulty with my children. I have worked so hard on all these things but to no avail. At this point I would take just one of them being better. Things just seem really bleak, and they have been for a while. A therapist wouldn’t convince me that things are better than they are, and it …
Productivity Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:02:11
Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
Perfectionism: Good or Bad?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:04:59
Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference? …
Irresponsible Teenager; How Unusual!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:07:46
Dear Therapist: I enjoy reading your column and value your insights. We are making a decision regarding whether to allow our 18-year-old son to be a counselor in camp this year. This is something he very much wants to do and there are aspects I think he will be good at it. However, he struggles a lot with responsibility throughout the year. He is notoriously unreliable, has trouble waking up in the morning, and you can't count on him for anything …
Fight-or-Flight and Compartmentalization
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:09:54
Dear Therapist: My family has gone through several major challenges over the past few years, including losing a close relative due to Covid as well as a series of other challenges. Now bh it seems that life has finally settled back to normal, but it feels hard for me to relax out of emergency mode because that's where I've been for so long. I feel like part of me is just waiting for the next challenge to arrive. How can I help myself get the …
Medical Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:12:30
Dear Therapist: I have always been a bit of an anxious person, particularly when it comes to my health and the health of my family. For a while I was pretty obsessive and was constantly going to doctors "just to make sure" I was ok. Any little ache or pain I made an appointment and had it looked at. At some point in my life, I realized that I was making myself (and my doctors) crazy and I learned to control myself, essentially learning to ignore …
My 17-Year-Old Thinks I Don't Understand Her!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:15:24
Dear Therapist: Our daughter (she is 17 years old and a bit moody) has recently begun complaining to us that we don't understand her and that we have no relationship with her. This seems to be a common teenage complaint but she is being very persistent that this is a problem. To be honest I can't say that she doesn't have something of a point, but I don't believe that the fault lies completely with us. We are seeking advice from a few sources but …
Why My Kid's Grades Are Deteriorating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:17:29
Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly column and have learned a lot from it. I had a question regarding what type of evaluation you would recommend for a child who has shown a significant reduction in grades from one year to the next. This is for a child coming out of 3rd grade who has no major other history of issues. Someone suggested a speech therapist for a language eval, others are saying a neuropsych eval, and yet others are recomme …
Psychedelics
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-06-29 13:19:50
Dear Therapist: I experienced a lot of serious trauma as a teenager. Now, years later I still suffer greatly from it. Someone recommended "ketamine assisted psychotherapy." I was wondering what your opinion of this is and if you would recommend it. Response: Hallucinogenics have recently become increasingly popular, both in general and in conjunction with therapy. Specifically, with regard to trauma therapy various drugs with hallucinogeni …
Why Isn't My Son Productive?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 10:58:07
Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
The Perfectionism Spectrum
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:00:54
Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference? …
Parental Alienation
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:03:47
Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly insights and value the fact that there are therapists and mental health professionals who are true bnei Torah. I have heard rumblings about an issue and would like to give you an opportunity to clarify it for us. Can you please explain what is "parental alienation" which I understand to mean is when a therapist instructs a client to break off contact with a parent? Is this something that frum therapis …
Twice Weekly Sessions
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:07:11
Dear Therapist: While I pushed it off for a long time, I now realize that I benefit from speaking to a therapist. I saw someone when I was in yeshiva in E'Y and now that I am back, I am trying to find someone appropriate. There is a lot that has gone on, and is going on, in my life and I need to speak to someone at least twice a week. So far it is hard enough to find someone with one opening, forget about two. Also, one of the therapist …
My Son's Medication Obsession
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:10:08
Dear Therapist: My teenage son (18) had been struggling with anxious and obsessive thoughts and went to see a therapist based on the recommendation of our rov. He was also told by the rov that medication could be an option as well. He was very against taking medication, probably out of a concern for shidduchim, and decided to just try therapy. The issue is that since he knows that the option of medication is out there, he has …
Is Anger a Primary Emotion?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-14 11:12:15
Dear Therapist: Our teenage son often loses his temper. He can get really worked up over seemingly silly things. Not just at home but even with his friends it has becoming something of a joke about how he can "lose it." He isn't violent c"v or anything like that and is mostly a pleasant nice kid but he can really go from 0-60 quickly sometimes. How do you advise we deal with him when he gets like this? Do we make a zero-tolerance policy …
To Date or Not to Date...Is That the Question?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-24 13:55:19
Dear Therapist: Our daughter, who is shidduchim age, recently approached us that she would like to see someone regarding her indecisiveness. This is something that she has struggled with over the years. It definitely seems like now would be a good time to address it. We are however, also concerned about her delaying shiddichum any longer, especially since we won't really be able to explain why we are holding off. I was h …
Personality Disorder?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-08-24 15:31:54
Dear Therapist: I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while. I have a relative that is unfortunately unwell. I am not a professional but from what I've read on the subject I think that she has histrionic or borderline personality disorder. She is constantly needy and crying to everyone near her how she's afflicted with (fill in blank) and how she has the worst life. She craves attention and publicly ac …
Father-Son Relationship
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:51:42
Dear Therapist: I am not much of a letter writing type of guy, but I will give it a shot. I have been hearing from my wife, and now from my son’s rebbe that I need to work more on developing a better relationship with my teenage son. It isn’t that we have a relationship, it’s that we just don’t seem to connect. I know I am not the most expressive person in the world and though that doesn’t seem to be a problem with m …
Keep Up With the Joneses?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:54:50
Dear Therapist: I live in a neighborhood/community where there is a big emphasis on money. It is a young neighborhood where people are just starting work, and some are making serious money and throwing it around. So there has recently become this pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a salaried job and al pi derech hateva I am not going to become a millionaire any time soon. This was always ok with me, and I didn&rs …
Grief and Dating
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-09-12 11:56:17
Dear Therapist: I am a teacher who has stepped in to offer support to a former student of mine who has recently lost her father. She is currently of shidduchim age and the family is anxious for her to begin dating. They feel that she should "move forward" and have been exerting significant pressure on her to begin. I was wondering if you can give me some guidelines as to when that would be considered healthy. I imagine it isn't just a time thing …
Children and Israeli Terror
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-10-12 10:44:11
Dear Therapist: Could you please share advice on dealing with younger children who are struggling with the news from Eretz Yisroel. Of course, we are preventing them from seeing any images, but they have inevitably heard some of the horrible details, particularly about kidnapped children r'l. Any advice you can have to help them deal with this terrible situation more effectively would be helpful. Response: I think that I speak f …
The Stonewalling Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 15:58:14
Dear Therapist: When I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter’s therapist questions about what was being addressed in therapy and why we needed to continue, she was evasive, making it clear that it wasn’t my place to know and there was no reason for me to be involved. I was quite baffled and rattled. It just didn’t make sense to me at all that I was not being included as an important team member. But I put aside my troubled feelings …
Enough Therapy Already?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 16:04:55
Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum and for your time and advice. Our son's school recommended that our 7-year-old be evaluated for behavioral issues at the end of last school year and that he may benefit from some extra help during summer vacation. We had him evaluated privately and paid privately for the sessions that he is receiving and b”H have seen improvement in his overall behavior and his ability to follow instru …
What's the Right Amount of Anxiety?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-06 16:07:50
Dear Therapist: I have always considered myself a healthy person and have never been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issue. Recently, due to the current events in Eretz Yisroel, I have this feeling of uneasiness that follows me around all day. I can't say I'm anxious but I certainly don't feel like my regular self. I feel more "alert" when I am walking down the street, considering travel plans, or even dropping my kids off at school …
What is the Processing Process?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 15:56:52
Dear Therapist: I have a pretty basic question about therapy, and I am hoping you can answer it for me. I went through something difficult recently and a few people have told me I should go to therapy so that I could “process” it. I have heard that word from a couple of people and no one has really been able to tell me what exactly that means. What does it mean to “process” something? To talk about it? I have been talking …
Medication and Dating Revisited
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 16:00:44
Dear Therapist: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim he is very nerv …
Engagement Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-11-22 16:02:50
Dear Therapist: My son is engaged and has become very panicky about if he made the right decision. Initially we figured it was nerves but it has persisted. He can't really point out any major concerns about the girl but he also is very worried about getting married. More like he feels something is "missing." He acknowledges that he is very anxious but says that he doesn't know if that's just fear or his intuition telling him there is something wr …
Can My Coach Be My Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 12:58:45
Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions in this weekly column. I have an issue I hope you can provide me guidance with. I have been working with a coach for a long time to help me with my personal growth and self-confidence issues. This has helped me become a better person and inspired me to open my own business which was quite successful. However, I recently lost my mother to a sudden illness and am having a hard ti …
Dating Someone with a Mental Health Diagnosis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 13:07:53
Dear Therapist: My daughter was recently redt a shidduch to someone who has ADHD. I initially thought that since that is something that pertains mostly to school work etc. that it would not be so relevant to marriage. You hear stories about people with ADHD being really successful. However, people are telling me that this can actually be the source of serious marital problems if it is at a serious level and has not properly been address …
Therapy for Kids at Risk
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:29:10
Dear Therapist: Thank you for your weekly column. I am involved in a drop-in program that helps "kids at risk." I am wondering on your opinion on sending younger teenagers with behavior issues to therapy. We have sent them in the past - with limited results. I'm not sure if most of them are really ready for any type of serious therapy. Wouldn't our time and energy be best invested in getting them a mentor and offering other types of support? Some …
Trauma and Young Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:31:51
Dear Therapist: Hi, my two-year-old child was recently exposed to something very traumatic. At least it was something that would be very traumatic for an adult. I am uncomfortable going into all the details but it involved a serious injury to someone right in from of her, with a large medical response etc. I am wondering if a child that young can be "traumatized" and what would be the signs in a child so young that they needed help? What kind of …
Academia and Woke Ideology
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:33:31
Dear Therapist: The world of academia has recently come under a lot of scrutiny for its antisemitism. To those paying attention the so-called intellectuals in college campuses have become more and more antithetical to Torah values, but even more so to common sense! These ideas seem more prevalent in the social work and psychology fields. I can only imagine that these newfangled ideas seep into how mental health disorders are evaluated and treated …
Are My Headaches "Real?"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:46:02
Dear Therapist: I have suffered from migraine headaches for a few years. I have tried a bunch of different types of treatments and have seen all sorts of doctors. Somethings have helped a little, some not at all, and some for a short time but it didn't last. I am wondering if there is some possible help to be had from psychology in this area? I have definitely heard of psychology for back pain, can it work for headaches also? Respons …
How Involved Should I Be in My Son's Marriage?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:48:46
Dear Therapist: My son recently got married and I am a bit concerned about how he is treating his wife. It's nothing major but I see his immaturity and lack of awareness about living and thinking about someone else. Most people advise me to stay out of it and let them grow up together. I'm not so sure about that. I am worried about the damage that could be done to their relationship if I just let it go. I would appreciate hearing your opinions as …
Support Group Or Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:50:52
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly insights. I am looking for some help due to a loss in my family and I was offered a support group by a local organization. I am also considering a private therapist. Can you please explain the differences and benefits of one over the other? Do you have an opinion as to which is better in this situation? Response: I’m sorry that you lost someone close to you. Of course, it’ …
Is It Sympathy, Empathy, Or Secondary Trauma?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:53:11
Dear Therapist: As a teacher, I've noticed that some of my high school students seem to be experiencing the weight of their friends' struggles. There is a student in my tenth-grade class who is going through a very hard time. Her family situation at home isn't easy and she is showing signs of unhealthy eating habits. We are aware that this student is struggling, and we are working on finding ways to help her. Recently, I noticed that her best fri …
How To Lose Friends and Un-Influence People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:58:06
Dear Therapist: I am 17 years old and in 12th grade, I have a friend that I have known since 2nd or 3rd grade and we're very close. But overtime I realized that I don't enjoy her presence as much and she is extremely clingy. She always sees everything negatively and overthinks everything, which makes it difficult to talk and confide in her. She constantly asks to sleepover and come hangout. Luckily, I have a job that ends late at n …
Anxiety, Stigma, and Therapy When I Don't Need It
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 15:00:40
Dear Therapist: I'm a 21-year-old girl currently in shidduchim. I occasionally face mild anxiety and believe that seeking therapy could be beneficial for addressing and managing it, or gaining helpful tips. Thankfully, I am currently managing well, but I sense that further improvement is possible through therapeutic work. However, during this phase of life, there is some societal resistance to the idea of seeking therapy—it's not widel …
Helping Someone Who Doesn't Want Help
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 15:02:22
Dear Therapist: I have a brother who is very anxious but comes across as very cool and like he has it all together. When I finally convinced him to go for therapy, the therapist questioned whether he really needed therapy and took an approach of “it doesn’t seem to be causing too much dysfunction in your life.” Those who know him know about the constant tension that he lives with and how much he is suffering. Yes, he is su …
Teletherapy or In-Person Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-22 09:24:13
Dear Therapist: What advantages and disadvantages come with receiving therapy in person versus using an online platform? If a therapist offers both options, which should I choose? I would assume that in person would be more effective but sometimes maybe it would be easier to share through a screen? Aside from convenience, are there any other factors that I should be taking into consideration when choosing a venue for psychotherapy? Respons …
Therapy? Never Again!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-22 09:26:59
Dear Therapist: I have a friend who has a very serious problem with her shalom bayis. Her husband started going to therapy to try to help the marriage. She has a very long list of complaints against her husband, but she admits that she also has faults and she's not innocent. When I asked her why she doesn't go to therapy she told me she can't even think of it. She had gone for a lot of therapy in her late teens/early twenties …
Should I Choose My Husband or My Parents?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-07 15:23:08
Dear Therapist: My husband has a very difficult time getting along with my parents. I am not sure what the source of this is but it's been like that for a while. My husband is a great father and wonderful husband and man, and my parents are wonderful too. We all have our quirks and somehow my husband and parents just grate on each other the wrong way. We have somehow managed this over the first 5 years of our marriage but it seems to be get …
Decisions...Decisions...Decisions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-07 15:28:53
Dear Therapist: My son has always had a hard time making decisions. Even when it comes to making small choices, like what to order in a restaurant, it's a whole esek. He really never had to make too many serious choices in his life, he went to the same yeshiva straight through and to Eretz Yisroel together with his friends. Same with camp, there wasn't much choice. I am worried as he gets ready for shidduchim that he will have a rough …
Therapy? Very Funny!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:41:52
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I enjoy hearing your different perspectives. I was wondering if lekavod Purim you could share your thoughts on humor and mental health. Does a good sense of humor help people in dealing with difficulties? How does this work? Is this something that can be developed or do you either have it or not? Additionally, I think for most of us we imagine therapy as a serious somber thing, i …
What, Me Intellectualize? Well, Come to Think of it...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:46:39
Dear Therapist: I have been wondering about a friend who is very smart but is still struggles with motivation. He has been confiding in me recently but I think that he is very focused on philosophical reasons for his unhappiness, like the purpose of life, but doesn't pay enough attention to his emotions. It's hard to tell really but I am wondering if you could give me some pointers in how to steer him for the proper help. Thanks. Response: …
Medication or Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-14 13:48:24
Dear Therapist: I have a specific fear that I have a hard time with but it isn't something that I really have to face very frequently. Let's say it's flying. It's not something I do very often but when I need to it's really hard. I was prescribed a medication I can take from my doctor and I can use it before flying and I feel ok. Is this a good enough way to deal with it or would it be better to invest in therapy to get rid of the fear? Would the …
Do You Know Who You Are?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:31:57
Dear Therapist: I was recently asked by a shadchan to write a detailed description of myself and I was surprised at how stuck I got. It was very hard for me to write about what's important to me, what my personality is like, and what I truly value, in a way that is anything other than cliche. I started thinking that there is something wrong with me that I can't do this. I think part of this is because there is a big difference between w …
Why Do We Need Things?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:34:56
Dear Therapist: I have been pushing off writing this, which maybe is part of the problem, but I feel like at this point I really need to. A few years ago, my husband was making a very nice living which caused us to raise our standards of living significantly. Now unfortunately, like I imagine many others are, we are feeling the crunch of the economy. Baruch Hashem, we have what we need but we can no longer afford to spend like we used to. We …
The Doctor Will NOT See You Now
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:41:00
Dear Therapist: My spouse has the interesting issue where he just refuses to go to the doctor for a well checkup. He is pushing 45 and probably hasn't been by a doctor in 15 years. When he is sick etc. he will go to an urgent care or a PA and take care of it, but that is pretty much it. He claims he is healthy and doctors just find issues. He seems ok but at this point I wonder if he is just nervous and so he is avoiding it. Do you have any sugge …
How to Lose Friends and Discourage People
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-08 09:50:24
Dear Therapist: I am a parent of a 9th grade girl in a large mainstream high school. She is trying to find her footing in a long lasting friendship and is starting to get to know a few girls. But because she is a very friendly girl, she is nice to the girls who aren't as socially gifted. The problem with this is when her friendliness gets in the way of spreading her wings, since these girls cling to her in an unhealthy way. While she doesn't …
Diagnosis and Labelling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-20 14:23:36
Dear Therapist: Can you please share your thoughts on the phenomenon that I am noticing (not common baruch Hashem, but it happens) where people disparage others by "diagnosing" them with a mental illness. Thus, people who are rigid are called "OCD," those who are a bit different are "apspergy" and those who are jumpier are "ADD." More disturbing to me is that I have noticed the word "narcissist" being thrown around quiet casually. Unfortunat …
Anxiety and Faith
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-23 16:17:28
Dear Therapist: My daughter is in seminary this year and it's the first time she's dormed a full year with other girls. She mentioned to me that one of her roommates seems very socially anxious & has a hard time making friends & being sociable. My daughter tries to include her but she often withdraws because of her social anxiety. She suggested to this girl that she speak to someone about her struggles & she keeps responding that she …
Bad Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:02:51
Dear Therapist: I have heard my friends discussing an idea developed by an author concerning "bad therapy." I presume that means there is bad therapy and good therapy. Would appreciate if the panel would state their opinions on the difference between helpful and unhelpful therapy. What is the best way for someone who is considering therapy to tell the difference? Response: I haven’t read Abigail Shrier’s book, but I …
Aliyah-phobia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:06:58
Dear Therapist: I have a silly fear of getting an aliyah. I have actually heard others that have it as well. This is even though I actually don't have an issue with doing other things in public. In the past I have managed to "white knuckle" it when I needed to but recently, I have found myself slipping out of shul during laining to try and avoid it. I do well otherwise and have no traumas or anything like that in my life. I am wond …
Delayed Traumatic Reaction
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:14:30
Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help. If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you! Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …
Inappropriate Touching and Safety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:17:35
Dear Therapist: As we begin the season can you please share your general recommendations as to how parents should talk to their children about safety in the summer. Many parents (hopefully) know the basics, but I wonder if, based on your experiences, there are ways to discuss things that people don't know. Or maybe there are some things that people don't realize they should talk about with their kids. I think this would be a public service …
Do I Have Psychosis?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:15:35
Dear Therapist: I have a friend at work that was acting strangely and my coworkers are saying he "snapped." I am not sure what this means. Someone said this means he has psychosis. What is the meaning of psychosis? Is this something that can happen suddenly to someone without warning? I myself have gone to therapy in the past for anxiety and baruch Hashem I am doing very well but I am worried about something like this happening to me. I …
Tragedy and Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:19:19
Dear Therapist: Recently there have been few shocking tragedies in my area. Each one has been very sudden, unexpected, and jarring in its own way. This is on top of the overall tzaros that have been happening in Eretz Yisroel since Succos. I find that for the last few weeks I am constantly on edge. Of course, I have been taking hisorerus from rabbonim and I try to be mechazek myself as much a …
I Don't Get No (Self) Respect!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:23:48
Dear Therapist: I recently realized that I am never happy with myself. I used to think that if I learned well, did a good shidduch, was top of my class, and was successful, then I would finally feel worthwhile. I was recently complaining to a friend and he pointed out to me that objectively things are really good right now and if I feel so bad all the time, I should probably get help. It was a bit jarring to me honestly. I am starting …
Major Decisions...No Problem; Minor Ones...Well...
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:28:21
Dear Therapist: I have some trouble making decisions. I am not really talking about big decisions like getting married or what yeshiva to send my kids to. I actually do ok with that. It is the smaller things like where to go for Shabbos and what suit to buy and things like that which take up way too much time in my life and occupy my thoughts too much. I just go back and forth and back and forth, and it can be almost comical. It can wind up being …
Israel Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:31:37
Dear Therapist: My son is scheduled to go to Eretz Yisroel to learn next year. He had a difficult high school experience but has grown tremendously over the last 2 years. The yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel is a great opportunity for him to keep growing. He is, however, extremely nervous about the whole security situation. As I write this, Haniyeh ym"s was just killed and things again look like they could escalate. It's always back a …
Homesickness
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:34:31
Dear Therapist: My 7th grade daughter is in sleepaway camp for the first time and is very homesick. Do you think it is better to try and talk to her by phone every day and send her packages etc.? Or is it better to just leave it and let her figure it out. Does calling her more than once a week actually make it worse or is this a good way to support her? What other recommendations would you have for dealing with homesickness? Thank you for yo …
My Brother Needs Premarital Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:37:14
Dear Therapist: My brother has never really been that socially savvy. He has no official diagnosis as far as I know of but he has struggled in the past socially a bit. He recently got engaged and I am a bit nervous about how he will do in marriage. What would be the best way to prevent any issues and deal with them before they become a real problem? Is there any type of premarriage counseling or guidance that you recommend? Even a book that you t …
What is Career Counseling?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:39:47
Dear Therapist: I am 27 years old and have been having a hard time choosing a job and career. I tried some jobs but found them boring because I really wasn't given anything to do. I also can't tell if I just haven't found the right job for me or I just didn't really get good opportunities. How can I figure out what I would be most interested in and what I would be best at? What is best approach to this? Is there a test or evaluation that yo …
My Daughter Wants to Ditch Her Friend
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-09-06 15:42:42
Dear Therapist: My 14-year-old daughter is a kind soul. She is always nice to everyone and has many friends. She approached my husband and me recently and said she realizes that there is a friend of hers who is not a good influence on her and she doesn't think she should be spending time with her. I think her concerns are valid. She asked us for guidance about how to go about distancing herself from the relationship. Our daughter is not really th …
Marriage Intrusion?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:17:32
Dear Therapist: I am worried that my daughter who just went to seminary is spending way too much time at her newly married sister's home. I think she is missing out on the full experience and the chance to make new friends. I am more concerned that it isn't good for my shana rishona couple to have someone in the house all the time. Both my daughters say that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal. I would appreciate your opinion and …
My Son is Being Left Back!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:20:30
Dear Therapist: It is becoming clear that we are going to need to have our son who is now in 3rd grade go back to 2nd grade after Succos. He is too far behind and we can't provide the support that is necessary to help him maintain grade level. I am not sure how to break this news to him and how to help him so that this will not scar him emotionally or socially. Please advise us how to do this in the most painless way possible. Thank you …
Dating Rejection Trauma
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:21:53
Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
My Angry, Abusive Brother
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:24:11
Dear Therapist: I have a middle-aged younger brother who lives a depressed, resentful, lonely, unemployed life. My mother, an almanna, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help him. Yet, he gets extremely angry at her when they speak on the phone, and expresses deep resentment to her, which is similar to how he connected with our father a"h. He thinks she favors me over him, among other gripes. On the rare occasion that he visi …
Breaking News: Parents Embarrass Their Teenage Kids!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:26:41
Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …
Obsessive Praying
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:28:09
Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper maamin …
Overspending Husband
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:29:54
Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …
Tantrums! Aarrgghh!!!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:35:07
Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …
Teen Overspending
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:36:32
Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim where to dr …
Self-Esteem Revisited Again
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-28 11:19:46
Dear Therapist: I enjoy your weekly responses and I think that it has provided me with a lot of insight into my own life. My question is: How would you define self-esteem? Is it the same thing as self-confidence? Is it something that someone can build on their own or must they be born and raised with? I understand that everyone might have a slightly different definition but I think I would appreciate hearing all of your perspectives on this. Than …
Should I Seek Therapy Simply for Accountability?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-28 11:22:11
Dear Therapist: Is there a benefit to using therapy just for accountability? I pretty much know what I need to do but I push things off a bit and I find that it helps for me to have someone that I check in with weekly to keep me on my game. I have done therapy in the past for deeper issues but I feel like at this point it's more about taking action. I am considering resuming therapy but mostly just for the goal of being accountable to someone. Pu …
Will My Next Therapist Be an AI Model?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-12-18 12:12:00
Dear Therapist: I have heard that people are developing AI therapy and that it could be just as effective as in person therapy. Setting aside for the moment the issues that come along with use of technology, I am wondering if you think this is, or can be, and effective method of therapy? Response: Your question can be understood from a global perspective or with regard to specific needs for specific people within the context of a therapeut …