Balancing Childrens' Needs

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-06-16 10:18:45

Dear Therapist: ​ Our 9-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. This has been very difficult adjustment for her and she is having a very hard time sticking to the diet and medication regimen that she has been prescribed. She also has been complaining a lot of the unfairness of it all. We have a large family and this has also caused some friction between her and her siblings and we are struggling to maintain the balance …

My Son Is Overbearing

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-26 15:32:21

Dear Therapist: ​Our 20-year-old son recently returned home from a year learning in Israel. He is boy who struggled a lot in his teens both academically and religiously. Baruch Hashem, he seems to have had an excellent year of growth, he likes his rabbeim and has learned a lot about being a mentsch, though he still has a way to go. He is very proud of his year and some new concepts and ideas he has learned. The yeshiva has an emphasis on emotio …

OCD or Kefira

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-26 15:22:28

Dear Therapist: ​My daughter has always been an all-around healthy 17-year-old . She does tend to have anxiety but it’s always been kept in check. Lately though she’s become a shell of herself. She’s had trouble eating and sleeping and is not herself. We’ve tried very hard to get to the root cause of her distress. Finally she confided that she’s been having intrusive thoughts of kefira type themes. She’s horr …

Recommended Therapist or Available Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:52:15

Dear Therapist: ​Thank you very much for your informative column, I look forward to reading it weekly. I recently began looking for a therapist for my teenage daughter. The primary issue I think is her mood and she seems to me to be depressed. I did my research about the best therapists available for the problem we are dealing with. Unfortunately, all the more experienced therapists who were recommended are not available and have long waiting l …

My Husband or My Therapy: Should I Have to Choose?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:49:15

Dear Therapist: ​I am interested in starting to see a therapist. Mostly because I have a high amount of pressure and stress in my life and think it could be helpful to have a neutral person to share with weekly. My husband has had a hard time with this idea and says he feels hurt that I need to discuss things with a therapist and that I can't share them with him. He says he will be frustrated that there is someone that hears more about my life …

Am I Anxious and Depressed, or Just Unmotivated?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:47:06

Dear Therapist: I struggle a lot with motivation. I have studied a lot of psychology on my own and have a good understanding of how to deal with negative emotions. I can deal with sadness and anxiety and stop them from interfering with my life but I still just don't feel energized and motivated. It is easy for people to tell me that I should "just do it" but I think that emotions are necessary for us to be driven and I just don't seem to have tha …

Anxiety or Language Issue?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:45:09

Dear Therapist: Our 13-year-old daughter is a very sweet girl who is not the best academically but overall does well.  She is however pretty quiet in general, seems slightly anxious and seems to have trouble really expressing herself. For example she has a hard time describing the details of a story and usually will just talk in short sentences and will answer a question with a word or two. We are considering therapy for her but someone rece …

Filling My Father's Shoes

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:41:46

Dear Therapist: My father, who was a very choshuve rov was recently niftar. I was asked (pushed) to take over his position. I have another position that I am very happy with but I feel that it is important for me to continue in his footsteps and keep the kehilla that he worked so hard to build alive. So, I accepted the request to take over and an announcement was made that I will take over in a few months. I have bee …

Can Therapy Really Help Me?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:40:08

Dear Therapist: People have told me in the past that I need to go to therapy. However, I am an extremely practical and logic-based person and I am skeptical that therapy actually helps people. If I had statistics that 70/80% of people had significant improvement through therapy that would make me much more likely to spend the money. As of now I am not convinced. Does the panel agree that until proven otherwise my position is the correct one in th …

Angry Teenager

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:38:05

Dear Therapist: I have a 13 year old son who has been having these anger outbursts. He has always been a pretty good kid but since his bar mitzvah has been getting really angry with his parents and siblings. He has been physical with his siblings and talks with a lot of chutzpah to his parents, especially his father. His rabbeim say he is doing well in school and there hasn't been much of a change in his life other than the added responsibilities …

Problematic In-Laws

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-05-11 11:33:29

Dear Therapist: My husband has a mental health issue, which is b"h under control, with the help of therapy and a lot of support. With incredible siyata dishmaya, we were able to repair the damage it caused to our relationship. However, because of his issues, which started in his parents' house at a young age, I have a very bad relationship with my husband's parents. They are aware of the issue and have been incredibly unsupportive. In fact, …

Infertility Depression

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:36:39

Dear Therapist: I have been married for a long while with no children. There is a possibility that we will never be able to have children. Recently I have been extremely depressed about it, although still functioning through daily life. I do not feel therapy can help such an awful emotional situation but my wife disagrees. Who does the panel side with?   Response: I’m sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. Unfortuna …

My In-Laws Make Us Pay

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:34:02

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are married for ten years, we have 6 beautiful children. BH our expenses for tuition, healthcare and rent are significant. We should be able to make it to the end of the month without an issue since we are both working. However, that rarely happens. My husband grew up in a home where both his parents worked full time but never budgeted or thought about the future. Now, in their mid-70’s the financial situati …

Man-Made Mental Illness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:29:37

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for the column, I really enjoy it each week. I would like to know what the panelists think of the following:
Of course, there are real mental illnesses that exist and those that suffer from them should obviously get the help and support that they need. But I feel like many of the people "suffering from mental illness" are suffering from man-made problems based on the expectations of our society. For instance …

Why Do I Always PANIC?!?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:27:36

Dear Therapist: I have always been jealous of those who are able to keep calm when everything around them is in crisis. There are some people who it seems no matter what is going on around them are able to keep cool, stay rational, and make sound decisions. I always tend to panic and do exactly the wrong thing. Is this just a personality type that you are born with or is this something you can develop? If it is something you can really become goo …

My Father's Unlicensed Exposure Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:23:53

Dear Therapist: When I was a teenager, I developed a severe phobia. I don’t think it is relevant to be more specific as to what it was. What matters is that my father learned a lot about it, got a lot of books and workbooks, and took it upon himself to help me work through it. The best method he said is a CBT approach called “exposure therapy.” This led to him pushing me very hard to be in the exact situations that were making m …

Is My Student Depressed?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:21:42

Dear Therapist: I am a teacher in a high school and am writing regarding a girl in one of my 11th grade classes. Some of the other staff think she should be sent for therapy because "she doesn't seem happy." She is a girl who is shy and introverted. I know her mother and she is also quite shy.  She has friends but is quiet in big groups. She does well in groups of 2 or 3. She isn't very happy in school because learning is a st …

Inflated Ego or Self-Esteem?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:16:23

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column. I was wondering if you could explain the difference, as you see it, between self-confidence and gayva. Self-confidence is considered, certainly by psychologists, as a good thing while gayva is considered the worst of all middos. I understand that they are different but would be interested in hearing how you define the difference and at what point does something cross fr …

My Job Trauma

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:14:30

Dear Therapist: I had a terrible experience with my first job. I had been looking forward to this career and had high expectations but things really did not work out well. I had a very hard time with my boss who had a strong personality and we clashed. I only lasted 3 months before we realized it was time to move on. I had wanted to leave sooner but he actually convinced me to stay. I think he felt he could get me to buy into his way of thinking …

Inappropriate Touching

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:12:54

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. Once again, the importance of being diligent regarding the emotional and physical safety of our children has been hammered home. I was hoping that based on your years of experience as clinicians you could offer some guidance and advice as to what we as parents and members of a community should do to best protect our children?   Response: It is indeed unfortunate—in fact tra …

How Do I Forgive?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:10:18

Dear Therapist: I was recently treated very hurtfully by a relative. This relative had known confidential information about me, and the way he treated me left me feeling betrayed, and I lost the trust in our relationship. This was especially painful as I had invested a lot in this relationship, and really wanted to be close with this family member. I would like to have a good relationship once again with him, but every time I think of him, I …

OTD Friend

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:08:17

Dear Therapist: I have a friend that went off the derech and I think I can be a mashpia on him. I've texted him a few times and called him once in a while but he always ignores me. I'm just curious does he think I'm invading his privacy and I should stop calling or he just is embarrassed of his new lifestyle and I should keep calling him in order to mechazek him?   Response: I obviously don’t know what it …

My Husband's Therapy is Hurting Our Marriage

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:06:27

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the wonderful education that you provide for our community.  My husband is currently in therapy for mental health issues that he unfortunately brought into the marriage. I am in therapy as well, dealing with terrible trauma that these issues caused. I believe that my husband's therapist has helped him greatly in some areas, but does not have a clear understanding of some of the other areas and how they impact th …

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:03:19

Dear Therapist: Many years ago, we moved to what was then a quiet neighborhood. We were excited to live in a less developed part of town away from the hustle and bustle. Since then, a lot of other people have taken advantage of the large properties and built fancy houses here. While our neighbors are all wonderful people, the standard of living is very high, much different than when we moved in. We are starting to feel the pressure and as our kid …

My Wife Feels Controlled

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 12:01:15

Dear Therapist: I got married a few months ago and everything is amazing, I just have one problem. My wife's older sister who got married a few years before us is married to an extremely uptight and controlling person. My wife was specifically looking for someone laid back, relaxed, easygoing, and nonopinionated after witnessing what her sister is putting up with. I definitely fit the description. However, any time I do voice my op …

Can My Therapist be Irreligious?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2022-03-15 11:53:22

Dear Therapist: Our 21-year-old son has been struggling for a while and would like to begin therapy. He is pretty insistent that he wants to only see a non-frum or not Jewish therapist. It is hard to get a straight answer from him as to why he is so insistent on this. It's a shame that he is so adamant about this at a time when there are so many qualified therapists that are bnei torah. Being that he is 21 he can pretty much go to whoev …

My Impersonal Parental Relationships

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:50:13

Dear Therapist: As a teenage boy I am going through lots of ups and downs. Throughout this period there is one particular issue that is getting worse and worse. That is my parents. As it stands now, I cannot "open up" to them about anything personal in my life. Whether it is about friends, family, teachers, or anything that is personal, I find it practically impossible to speak to my parents (though I do find it easier to speak about personal iss …

Is My Wife Milking Her Illness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:48:05

Dear Therapist: My wife was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. While she was sick of course the entire focus of myself, our friends, and our extended families was to give her room and support and help her in every way possible. All we wanted was for her to able to be completely taken care of so that the only thing she needed to be busy with was getting better.  Meals, housekeeping, mother's helpers, and so much more were provi …

School to Work Adjustment

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:45:11

Dear Therapist: I am a 22-year-old former yeshiva bochur. I have always struggled in yeshiva and never did well. I recently made the decision together with my parents and rov to find a job.  I was able to find a job that keeps me busy, will teach me an important industry, and has a lot of growth potential. I also have a chavrusa daily. Surprisingly,  I have found the adjustment to this new stage in life to be very difficult. I am workin …

What's the Therapy Process?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:43:38

Dear Therapist: Our daughter experienced a significant trauma when she was in seminary last year. It had been suggested a few times, both by her school and once she came home, that she go for treatment. For whatever reason she refused. She now approached us that she would like to speak to someone about what she experienced and saw. We read this column regularly and would like to hear your recommendation regarding what is the best type of approach …

My Bullying Co-Worker

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:41:37

Dear Therapist:  I recently started a new job which I was very excited about. Things started well enough but there is another woman who has chosen to make my life miserable. I believe she feels threatened by me because we have a similar position (though I don't think her job is in jeopardy at all). She never misses a chance for a nasty comment be it to coworkers or even managers. I tried to have a discussion with her about it, but she totall …

Laypeople Advising Professionals

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:39:04

Dear Therapist: Hi, I work with bochurim in the community and am often involved during crises as well.  I would like to know the panel’s opinion on having a doctor prescribe a fast-acting anti-anxiety medication such as Xanax or Klonopin for someone who is usually doing well but occasionally has severe bouts of anxiety? Some people have told me that just knowing they have that option, that the pills are there if they need them, can hel …

Does My Son Have Asperger's?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:37:11

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can guide us where to turn regarding some challenges that we are having with my 7-year-old son.  While it is hard to write everything that we notice, he is basically having problems with friends.  For example, he has a hard time getting the concept that someone can play with him one day and then play with a different kid the next day. He also is very into trains and will talk about it as well as its …

Post-Traumatic Video Stress

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:35:05

Dear Therapist: I am a 17-year-old girl who has had no psychological issues in the past. A few months ago, someone I know thought it would be a good idea to show me a very violent video clip. I can't go into details but basically it involved a real video of someone being killed. Seriously I don't know why a person would show that to someone. I understandably freaked out initially and was very traumatized. I pretty much got over it, but it still k …

Why Can't I Be Happy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:32:04

Dear Therapist: I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is honestly my whole question. I am pretty much fine in every way, I have a good husband, healthy frum kids, a decent job, we have decent parnassah, are part of a nice kehilla, etc.. Yes, I have the stresses of every frum family but nothing major. With all that said I am a pretty moody and cynical person. If I am being fully honest, I always have been …

Looking for Better Relationships

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:30:13

Dear Therapist: Hi! I am a 22-year-old boy and I recently started reading The Couch and I really find it interesting and helpful. I think that even if a question is not directly related to me, I can still learn a lot from the answers.  I went through some struggles as a teenager but with awesome parents and rabbeim I got through it, and I am doing really well. I was in a yeshiva in Israel the last two years and just got back to Ame …

My Freeloading Brother

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:28:19

Dear Therapist: My 27-year-old brother has become very stuck in his life and dependent on my sisters and me. He should be fully capable of getting a job, getting married, and moving forward with life. Instead, he has come to completely rely on his siblings for everything.(Our parents are sweet people but older and not so involved.) He sleeps in my sister's basement and eats the meals by us. He will occasionally get a job, but it never lasts …

Waking Up to Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:22:00

Dear Therapist: I am someone who has occasionally had trouble with my moods. I have gotten help in the past with anxiety and depression. While I am currently doing really well, I still have a rough time in the morning. I wake up with a lot of anxiety and it takes time for me to get out of bed. Once I get out of bed I generally do ok and have a good day. There are no noticeable "triggers” for me in the morning so there is no obvious reason t …

Suicidal Ideation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 10:20:27

Dear Therapist: Something has been bothering me for a while and I finally feel like I need to reach out for advice. I have these thoughts that get stuck in my head and no matter what I do I can't seem to get rid of them. For example, I feel like I might do something dangerous and no matter what I do I can't shake that thought or feeling. I never actually do anything, but I am really worried that one day I might. There are a lot of things that I a …

Camp Anxiety Disclosure

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 09:30:00

Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …

Efficacy of Teletherapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:39:12

Dear Therapist: Some providers are doing much more therapy via teletherapy these days. While it started during the pandemic it still seems to have become more common even after things have opened up. I would appreciate if the panelists can share their perspectives on therapy effectiveness in this mode of communication. What are the pros and cons of Zoom therapy versus in person? Are there specific areas such as attachment styles etc. that are bet …

Abrupt Therapy Termination

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:34:36

Dear Therapist: Hi, I look forward to your column each week because you always have such insightful answers and opinions.
My therapist recently terminated my therapy with her. My psychiatrist as well has abruptly ended my treatment. I was not informed of the reasons as to why they stopped seeing me, and they did not give me closure either. I was wondering if this is a common thing for therapists and doctors to do. I was also wondering if I …

Informal Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:32:37

Dear Therapist: I appreciate the tremendous service you provide to our community both in your practice and by clarifying and explaining so many mental health issues through this column. My daughter (age 13) was recently referred to therapy by her school principal due to concerns about her behavior. She insists my daughter must go in order to remain in school. My daughter is refusing to go. I am wondering if I can ask a therapist to meet my daught …

Teenage Smoking and Confidentiality

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:30:38

Dear Therapist: Our 14-year-old son has been seeing a therapist for a few months on the advice of his yeshiva. Recently my husband discovered that he has started smoking. It was disappointing and confusing to us that our son told us that his therapist has known for a while that he was smoking. I am very disappointed that the therapist didn't deem this information important enough to share with us, his parents. I would like to hear your option on …

Get Angry with Me!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:28:18

Dear Therapist: As someone who has recently began mentoring struggling teens, I had a question that I hope you can shed light on. There is one very angry kid who comes from a difficult background, and he is not only tough in how he talks to others but also gets angry if someone talks to him in a nice and calm way. It is surprising that the kid seems to react better when someone talks down to him and is very direct, over someone who talks to him n …

Preventative Mental Healthcare

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:25:28

Dear Therapist: I am an avid reader of this column and have found it very informative. I think it is interesting that so many of the questions are focused on disorders. People are asking what to do when they are struggling with a mental health issue. In general, I find that people do not think of "mental health" until something goes wrong. I imagine that just as with physical health there are things one can do to stay in shape and keep healthy to …

Stress and Insomnia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:22:39

Dear Therapist: I am 43 years old and consider myself a healthy person Baruch HaShem. Recently I began having trouble sleeping. Sometimes falling asleep, but also waking up in middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. My doctor said there is nothing wrong with me physically and it is stress related. We have indeed been having some difficulty with our teenage daughter recently. At this point I am winding up tired throughout the d …

Adult ADHD

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-11-18 08:18:34

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him medication, b …

Social Anxiety at Work...at Work

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:45:38

Dear Therapist: After multiple failures at work, I finally realize that my feelings of being intimidated by people and being anxious to speak my mind has been something that has gotten in my way all of my life. I wind up staying in my corner and not engaging or communicating with the people I am supposed to. The issue is that someone presented me with a great job opportunity which I accepted and will start next week. I really don't want to b …

Childhood OCD Treatment and Disclosure

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:41:21

Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals.  She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual.  Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way.  This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …

Is ADHD Necessarily a Problem?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:37:34

Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him med …

My Friend Needs Therapy...I Think

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:34:20

Dear Therapist: I recently read an article describing different people who should be seeing a therapist. I have a good friend whom I feel matches the description in the article. The more I think about it the more I honestly think he could benefit from seeing one. The problem is being a 21-year-old and being told by your close friend that you should be seeing a therapist isn't the most pleasant experience. How as a friend am I able to convey over …

Why Doesn't My Daughter Want to go to Camp?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:31:17

Dear Therapist: My 13-year-old daughter is an intense child. She puts a lot of pressure of herself academically and school is a big deal for her. All of her friends are going to (overnight) camp this summer and initially she had us register her as well. She is now insisting that she wants to stay home for the summer and "relax." She says she works hard all year, and she just wants a chance to have nothing to do. It is interesting that it doe …

Mental Health and Dating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:26:57

Dear Therapist: I recently went out with a boy who disclosed on the 3rd date that he was seeing a therapist for depression. He said he had struggled on an off with depression since he was a teen and had sometimes taken medication for it. It turned out that the shidduch didn’t work out for other reasons, but I was really confused as to how to deal with that information. I liked him and he seemed like a perfectly normal boy, wh …

Does Teenage Grieving Require Therapy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-05-19 12:23:01

Dear Therapist: My daughter was encouraged by her principal to see a therapist.  She has been misbehaving in school recently, nothing serious really, but the principal suggested it. She has gone through a lot as my wife was niftar 4 years ago, though she says she is fine and doesn't really seem different than the other girls in her class. They are all a tough bunch.  I mean she is a teenage girl so who can really tell what sta …

Differing Parenting Styles...Harmful or Helpful?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-24 13:31:44

Dear Therapist: We live in a duplex and are friendly with our neighbors. We do however have different parenting styles. Recently our 9-year-old daughter has become very friendly with the young girl next door. She spends hours on end there and seems to enjoy being there much more than home. I kind of see where she is coming from as there are practically no rules and not much in the way of supervision either. There is no moderation and things that …

Call Me Stonewall Husband

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-24 13:28:55

Dear Therapist: Overall, my husband and I—married for ten years with five wonderful children—have beautiful shalom bayis,. We have a loving relationship and bring harmony and happiness into our home on a day-to-day basis. The problem is when we have something to work through. When I do something or say something that upsets my husband he totally shuts down and becomes handicapped at communicating. He is not overall an emotio …

Does Mental Illness Exist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-24 13:26:32

Dear Therapist: My sister has a difficult time with her 2 of her children. They are socially awkward, struggle in school and seem to me to be very anxious. Whenever they go through something difficult, she seems to quickly find a "medical" related reason why whatever is happening is happening. One time it's strep, one time PANDAS, or Lyme disease or whatever else. She runs around from doctor to doctor getting all sorts of treatments for them.&nbs …

Choosing the Right Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-24 13:24:05

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …

Is Everything an Addiction?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-24 13:21:32

Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …

Dealing with a Bully

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:38:56

Dear Therapist: I am looking for advice on how to deal with bullying in school on the elementary school level. I have found a lot of conflicting opinions on it. There are those that emphasize standing up to the bully, others ignoring the bully, and those that say neither works. A lot of warnings about how having the child who is being bullied change his/her behavior is "blaming the victim" and that how can you really expect a young kid to stick u …

Parent's Verbal Abuse

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:35:21

Dear Therapist: I am aware of someone who is emotionally unhealthy and demonstrates real negative verbal abuse such as constantly putting others down/bad name calling, explosive reactions, and ignoring and not caring about others’ needs.  This person is completely incapable of raising children and constantly lashing out at them and destroying them to pieces. 
I am very concerned for these children and the negative effects th …

Diagnosis Withholding

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:32:48

Dear Therapist: Our 26-year-old daughter recently went through a time where she was down. We didn’t think much of it and she appeared to get better but then showed some troubling behaviors. On the advice of our rov, we brought her to a psychiatrist. We are also still on a waiting list to see a therapist. The psychiatrist believes that she has bipolar disorder and is giving her medication for that. Our question is, does it make a difference …

Do Not Remove This Label...

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:30:06

Dear Therapist: A well-known educator recently spoke out strongly against "labeling" a child. Even if a child has a mental health issue and is receiving services, we must make sure he/she is not labeled. The remark struck a chord with me as 2 of my children are currently in therapy one for behavioral issues and one for anxiety. While the idea of not labeling a child sounds nice in theory, I am not sure how to put it in practice. At the end of the …

Here a Diagnosis, There a Diagnosis, Everywhere a Diagnosis...

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:27:36

Dear Therapist: As there has been an increase in mental health awareness in the community I am noticing that people can be somewhat quick to point out what they believe are mental health issues in others. I see this particularly when it comes to personality disorders, more specifically Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality. I see these terms get thrown about and I am hoping you can clarify for the readership. Are personality disorde …

My Son's School Wants Him in Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:24:46

Dear Therapist: My son’s yeshiva has been putting some pressure on me and my wife to send him for therapy. The primary reason for this seems to be because he has been getting in trouble at school. Not serious trouble but being disruptive in class. My son has a great personality and is a leader, so I am sure that this is partly why the focus is on him. The yeshiva is insistent that he should be seen by a therapist because they assume that th …

Decision-Making...I Mean Decisiveness

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:20:26

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are struggling with our 23-year-old son. There is a certain amount of instability to him where he is constantly changing his mind. For example, one day he is all into learning and is talking about staying in learning for a long time after he gets married and a few weeks later he is talking about leaving yeshiva now and going to work. When it comes to shidduchim he changes significant pieces of what he is …

Choosing a Therapist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:15:18

Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …

Psychiatrist Knows Best?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:10:39

Dear Therapist: My daughter, who is a young adult and therefore has the autonomy to make her own decisions regarding medication, opted to take medication for depression.  This in spite of the fact that as her mother I know her better than a doctor who spent 10-12 minutes interviewing her and over 40 minutes interviewing me at the initial appointment (after having been told the opposite is what would happen).  Said doctor diagnosed my da …

I Don't Get No Validation!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:07:45

Dear Therapist: I live in a home that is not a healthy happy environment. I feel my parents have trouble providing for me emotionally. They are not abusive in any way, but I never received any validation, affection, healthy communication etc. growing up. I recently hit this stage where I woke up from a “bubble” and started realizing and processing how difficult the situation really is and how much I am lacking in my life as a result. …

Discussing Drug Use with Kids

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:05:46

Dear Therapist: The unfortunate reality is that marijuana use is becoming increasingly less taboo in society. This has been driven home by the recent vote in NJ to legalize its use. Until recently it never would have crossed my mind as something I need to worry about with my children. However, with its increased prevalence in society, I am starting to wonder if this is something I need to discuss with my kids? Do you think this is something I sho …

I Lost My Ambition

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:03:43

Dear Therapist: I have never been the most ambitious guy but I have a decent job and make a living. What I find recently is that it is really hard for me to stay motivated. I’ll do ok for a few days and then (usually mid-week) I hit a wall and just can’t seem to push myself to get anything done. Initially I thought it would pass but it’s becoming a pattern that repeats itself. My life is actually pretty full so it’s not li …

Gaming and Addiction

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 13:01:33

Dear Therapist: I would like to know the panel’s opinions regarding video games. I have heard that it is possible to become addicted to video games and I am not sure how this could be possible considering there is nothing the person is taking into their body like nicotine or alcohol. I understand that there are more productive ways that I can be spending my time but it seems that there is a tendency now to turn everything into an addiction. …

Medication and Dating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 12:57:35

Dear Therapist: I’m on medication (citolophram) for minor depression, so minor that I “lived” for 20 years with it always wanting to go for help, but never being desperate. My parents put me on meds with the guidance of a qualified top psychiatrist although I was going into shidduchim. It wasn’t even a discussion; medication was the best option for me along with regular therapy and that’s what we did. I could have st …

Eating Disorders in Men

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 12:55:47

Dear Therapist: Is an eating disorder something that primarily is an issue for women/girls? I am concerned about my teenage son’s eating habits. I try and get him to eat more but he doesn't want to. When is there a cause for concern and how can I get him to eat more?   Response: Treatment centers and resources for eating disorders do seem to cater more to women than to men. This may be due to various factors. Traditionally, social cult …

The Mental Health Impact of COVID

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2021-03-01 12:50:50

Dear Therapist: I have heard that COVID-19 illness can have effects on mental health. Based on your knowledge and experience is there any truth to this? If yes, how can someone prevent and/or deal with this appropriately?    Response: Your question is a bit unclear. I don’t know whether you are referring to possible physical side effects that can medically adversely affect the brain, or if you are referring to the psychological ef …

Affordable Quality Orthodox Therapists--Myth or Reality?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:34:13

Dear Therapist: I have a question which I hope you can help me with:   I'm looking for a new therapist, one that is in-network and takes my insurance. I'm doing a ton of research, calling up therapists, clinics etc...but I keep bumping into the money issue. I just hung up with yet another therapist that didn't work out, and I'm honestly feeling helpless, hopeless and demoralized. Is this how the system is g …

Is My Husband COVID-Phobic?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:27:56

Dear Therapist: My husband has been taking COVID very seriously. Although he is young and has no health conditions, he basically isolated completely for the first few months of the pandemic. He spends a lot of time online "researching" the illness and spends a lot of time discussing and analyzing it. At the end of the summer, when we had gone so long without seeing any serious illness, he started relaxing a little and going out (with a mask). He …

Headaches--Physical or Psychological?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:25:02

Dear Therapist: I am writing to ask for some clarification as to the extent that stress or other psychological issues can cause physical problems. Basically, I have not been feeling well for a while, mostly with very bad headaches. I have been to a doctor and a specialist who both are saying that there is nothing they can see that is wrong and it must be that I am stressed out. They suggested I go to counseling which I am looking into. I guess my …

Classroom Orphans

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:20:40

Dear Therapist: As a 3rd grade rebbe sometimes I have children in my class who have lost a parent r’l. I wonder if in such cases I should avoid using the word totty or mommy during class to avoid hurting the child. Is this something that is helpful or perhaps avoiding it is just something that is not realistic and unfortunately it is something they will live with all their lives?    Response: Your sensitivity to oth …

Who is a Narcissist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:18:21

Dear Therapist: I find the letters and responses to the Couch very informative. Would it be possible for the panelists to share advice on how to detect narcissistic behaviors? I had an awful experience with a narcissistic individual and tried so hard to make it work. However, if I would have been aware of the classic signs of narcissists, I would have realized early on that it would not work. Narcissists are very charismatic people that are  …

Psychiatric Dating

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:12:44

Dear Therapist: My son has struggled with a kind of constant but not so severe depression for a while. He has a lot of trouble moving forward, being productive, and is often just down. He is at the age where he should be starting shidduchim and many of his friends are dating. He has been working with a therapist and had been getting better but recently is not doing as well. His therapist has suggested that he see a psychiatrist to possi …

Do I Need a Therapist or a Coach?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:08:48

Dear Therapist: I am considering hiring a therapist for work purposes. I bh don't feel the need for therapy in my personal life but someone suggested seeing a therapist to help me/coach me in my management position. Basically, even if I am doing well can this help me perform even better? Perhaps it would be a good idea for our bottom line if we hired someone for the company to motivate employees and help manage workplace issues. What ca …

Summer to School COVID Transition

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-10-23 08:04:15

Dear Therapist: As the school year hopefully begins, I am somewhat concerned about my elementary school children who have not been on a regular structure/schedule since Purim. I wonder if there is any advice you can give us on how to manage the transition back to normalcy? Or maybe it's nothing and the kids will bounce right back into it? Also, are there any signs we should look out for that would indicate an issue?   Response: I&r …

Am I being Bullied?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:36:44

Dear Therapist: I am a 15-year-old bochur in what many consider a choshuve mesivta. I consider myself a nice person. Perhaps I am a bit shy. I am often the subject of “sharfe” lines by the bochurim in yeshiva. There is a mehalech in the yeshiva of everyone trying to show how sharf and quick and smart they are, and for whatever reason I am the punching bag. Maybe cuz I’m an out of town …

Should My Daughter Pay for Her Therapy?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:34:34

Dear Therapist: A year ago, my 20-year-old daughter told me she wants to speak to psychologist because she’s feeling anxiety. She insisted on speaking only to the top and most expensive ones. My husband is in chinuch and we don’t have an extra dollar but I don’t let money get in the way of necessities and over the past year and a half shelled out over 10 grand. My daughter never had any trauma and she doesn’t dis …

Shiva House Etiquette

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:30:30

Dear Therapist: A friend of mine who recently sat shiva made a comment to me about how some people were so helpful and supportive and others not so much. As professionals I was wondering if you could give your suggestions on how to properly be menachem avel and be supportive of those who have suffered a loss?   Response: Every person mourns differently. According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are official …

Can Therapy Help Me?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:28:46

Dear Therapist: I’m wondering if therapy can help a person who is in a difficult situation that can’t be changed. I understand if someone is depressed with life therapy can help them feel better but if someone is dealing with a reality that is bad is there a point of going to therapy? I understand the question is broad but I would prefer not to go into my own personal details. Either way there are many such examples, financial, famili …

Can I Convince My Sister to Seek Help?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:26:46

Dear Therapist: I have a younger sister (age 24) who I care about very much. She had a rough childhood as far as being picked on in school and since she is a nonconformist got in a lot of trouble. Her relationship with my parents has also been very up and down with a lot of negativity and hurt feelings. She has a small part-time job that she gets no satisfaction from. To me she is clearly depressed and she admits as much. She is very smart and no …

Angry, Defiant Child

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:23:15

Dear Therapist: We had been having some difficulties with our 7 year old son through the beginning of the school year. He had just been very angry and chutpahdik. In general he seems to have trouble expressing what is bothering him and seems to act out instead. Over the 3 months in which he was not going to school there was a noticeable change in his behavior for the better. My husband and I looked at each other one day and it hit us how well he …

Religious Obsessions

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:22:11

Dear Therapist: One of my teenagers is busy with "streaks." It seems that that is the only way he feels he shteigs. He will be very occupied, lemoshol, that he hasn't missed davening in “x” amount of days. Then when he misses he will completely fall apart and miss minyan for days at a time. It seems to be all or nothing for him. It is unclear to me exactly how much, but this mehalech does seem t …

COVID Killed the Summer

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:15:38

Dear Therapist: We have just been informed that my daughter's (13) sleep-away camp will not be opening this summer. She had a miserable few months because of the quarantine and lock-down and was so hoping for camp. Our family is in the city and there may be day-camps open, but the experience is not close to comparable.  She is now devastated. What can we tell her? How will she get past this?    Response: I know that your concerns a …

You Need to be in Therapy FOREVER!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:13:44

Dear Therapist: I have gone through a lot the past few months and after reading this column thought that it would be a good idea to see a therapist to help me deal with my issues. I thought it would be a simple process but when I contacted a respected local therapist, she told me that I would need to see her twice a week and she also recommended that my family go through a regimen of weekly therapy sessions. That’s quite a lot, not to menti …

Do I have Trust Issues?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:11:12

Dear Therapist: Friends of mine have often commented that I don’t trust anyone. I never really took it seriously but since I got married and my husband has also mentioned it I have started to see it may be a pattern. He pointed out that even with my so called friends I don’t really get close to them and trust them. How would I know if this is an issue and how would it be addressed?   Response: To respond, I think that we can look …

Non Verbal Learning Disability Revisited

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:07:01

Dear Therapist: I am a 17 year old girl in a mainstream school, who has been through "tons" of therapy in my life. Language/speech therapy, O.T., P.T., Social skills—you name it. I have never gotten a clear diagnosis, but upon reading your article (January 25,2019) and then recently reading a book by Yated columnist Rivka Schonfeld, it appears to my parents and I that I really fall under the category of Non Verbal Learning Disability, being …

Brothers Estranged

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:02:51

Dear Therapist: I have been estranged from my brother for 8 years. This happened as a result of a financial issue where I felt he had cheated me. I got some bad advice at the time regarding how I should deal with it and that led to all the issues. There were mistakes made on both sides and we have been locked in. I’m not going to kid myself; there was a lot of nasty lashon horah and machlokes on my part but also on his. Recently when I was …

The Mental Health Impact of COVID-19

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 12:01:05

Dear Therapist: There has been a lot of talk on the risk/reward of opening the economy vs continuing the quarantine. There has been a lot of mention of the significant mental health issues that could arise both directly from extended quarantine as well as from the economic impact that maintaining the shutdown has on people’s finances. While you may not be public health experts or epidemiologists, I was hoping you could share your educated o …

PTSD in Healthcare Workers

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 11:59:10

Dear Therapist: My wife works as a nurse in a local New Jersey hospital. Needless to say she has been working very hard and endured a lot over the last 6 weeks. She has seen a lot off suffering and death unfortunately. She has worked tirelessly as an advocate for hospitalized patients and their families but has not always been successful. She acknowledges that she might need some counseling when this is all over but says now is not the time &ldqu …

My Oppositional Teenager

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 11:56:36

Dear Therapist: I am writing to see if you have any suggestions regarding our 17-year-old son. In general, he hasn’t been doing awesome over the last year. He has a particularly tenuous relationship with his mother while he does a little better with me. This period of quarantine has been particularly difficult. I guess I can break down the issue into a couple different questions. He is not really functioning on a normal schedule, waking up …

Coronavirus Anxiety

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 11:54:09

Dear Therapist: I am a 24 year old married man. Since I remember I've been an extremely chilled and settled person. However, since the world turned upside down, I have been experiencing severe anxiety; I don't have an appetite, I am extremely weak and have many other symptoms of a person going through panic attacks. There is a lot for me to worry about unfortunately, primarily financially, but I have always dealt with stress well. What is happeni …

Coronavirus Opportunities

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-08-13 11:51:05

Dear Therapist: On a regular week, in normal times, I have so much on my plate. Now I am expected to care for my infant (no babysitter), keep house (no cleaning help), work from home, entertain my kids, and be in charge of their homeschooling. This while my husband is also expected to work full time from home. When I hear people talk about how this time offers us opportunities to learn with our children, quality time, etc., I wonder what I a …

Holidays in Isolation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 13:29:58

Dear Therapist: We live out of town and do not get a chance to see much of our extended family that often. A highlight of our year is the Yomim Tovim where we travel to our children. The thought of being home all alone for Yom Tov is just so sad for me. Baruch Hashem I get along with my husband but I was so looking forward to Yom Tov with the delicious grandchildren. I know that there are people that are sick and that in comparison this is not su …

Corona Isolation

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 13:26:48

Dear Therapist: I am currently in self isolation on my doctor’s recommendation due to being exposed to COVID-19. Unfortunately, many others are currently  in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room (so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and othe …

Fear of Corona

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 13:20:46

Dear Therapist: Any suggestions with coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life.  Any recommendations?   Response: As far as specific information regarding COVID-19 is concerned, yo …

Learning Changed My Son's Personality

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 13:14:01

Dear Therapist: My son started dorming in an out of town yeshiva this year. While he had tremendous growth in ruchniyus during the year, I am worried that his personality has been affected somewhat. He appears much more quiet and serious than his former care-free and humorous self. My husband says that this is a normal stage that bochurim go through when trying to find where they stand in the balance between a rigorous be …

Success Story

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 13:07:49

Dear Therapist: It can be sad to see all the different issues people are facing in the area of mental health. I wonder if, lekavod Purim, you could each share a short success story from your practice about how someone was able to reach their goals and enhance their lives?   Response: To preserve confidentiality, I cannot refer to specifics. However, I think that most therapists would agree that their successes tend to make all their work wor …

Kallah Classes

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:57:25

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the invaluable awareness that you raise in our community. I have been in therapy to address anxiety. After much therapeutic work, I have become aware that I had been provided with misinformation in kallah classes that had negative effects on the health of my marriage. Upon further research in the mental health field and extensive consultations with rabbanim, I learned that this is unfortunately prevalent in our commu …

My Kid Bites!

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:52:03

Dear Therapist: What is the correct way to teach children not to bite? Our 4-year-old has been having this issue. When I was a kid, we were threatened with getting pepper on our tongue, getting soap in our mouths, or being bit back ourselves (so you know what it feels like). My sense is these ideas don’t fly today. Or do they? It can really hurt the other kids. Do you have any better ideas?   Response: The three remedies to which you r …

Fractured Family

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:45:36

Dear Therapist: My husband and I recently became estranged from our daughter.  She is angry at us for what she perceives we have done her wrong. She was able to convince her brother, with whom we had good relations till then, that we are people who should be avoided. Both my daughter and my son forbade their children from having contact with me and my husband.  I used to have very close relationships with both families, and I am bereft …

Should All Children Express Emotion?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:40:21

Dear Therapist: What can I do to help my child express his emotions better? Most of my kids young and old don’t have any problems discussing issues, how they feel, or expressing emotion but my 8-year-old just doesn’t seem to have the vocabulary to describe how he feels. He seems to get “stuck” when it comes to emotions. Overall, he is a great kid who does well in school and with friends; it’s when it comes to things …

Son Misunderstood

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:36:51

Dear Therapist: Our 20-year-old son insists that no one understands him. This is not in a bitter way; rather he seems to think that everything about him is so deep and complex that no matter how we respond he still thinks we don’t get it. We have been extremely patient with him and spent a lot of time listening and validating but, for whatever reason, he still thinks we just can’t understand him. He will give lengthy ha …

Threatening Dad

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:20:54

Dear Therapist: I have a few small children, the oldest of whom is six years old, who can be quite difficult. My husband often threatens them, jokingly, with all sorts of physical punishments for their behavior, some mild and others outrageous. He says it is a harmless way to let off some of his stress. I am concerned about the effects of this on their psychological development. I know how literal little kids are, and I see the expressions on the …

Should I Hire an Addict?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:15:03

Dear Therapist: Can you please share your opinion on whether it is possible to be "cured" from an addiction? If someone had an addiction and had treatment are they ok now or is this something they will struggle with for the rest of their lives? I ask specifically because it's nogeah a business partner who wants to come back in the business now but when he was struggling caused the business significant harm. He is a good friend and a talented pers …

My Husband's Therapy Isn't Working

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2020-03-31 12:00:35

Dear Therapist: My husband had a rough childhood. His parents were very "old school" and harsh and critical. This has led to a general lack of confidence and low self-esteem which is prevalent in everything he does (or doesn't do). He has been in therapy for two years and says that he finds it very beneficial. However, as an outside observer, I don't really see any change other than him creating a narrative for his problems. He understands why h …

Dementia and Caregivers

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 14:19:31

Dear Therapist: My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago. This is devastating for the entire family to say the least. We are very worried about my mother. She herself is getting on in age and she spends her whole day busy taking care of my father. We are worried for her health and her sanity. We offer as a family to have some of the kids or grand-kids take over and give her a break but she almost always refuses. She seems to h …

Learning Disability Or Something More?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 14:14:04

Dear Therapist: My 16-year-old son has a slight learning disability and has never really been able to sit still all day. Now he is in mesivta from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm. He is not doing well in yeshiva and his menahel suggested that we take him to therapy. I am not sure what/how that can possibly help. It isn't a mental health issue but more likely he just isn't cut out for his schedule. Do you think therapy would benefit him? …

Where Is My Son's Anger Coming From?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 14:07:54

Dear Therapist: Hi. We'd like your guidance regarding a challenging aspect of our 15 year old son. Our son b”h has above average maalos. He's a shtark yeshiva bachur, ehrlich, intelligent, articulate, and good-looking. He's musical, writes incredible stories and has a sense of humor. The challenge: he doesn't know how to properly regulate frustration/unmet expectations/dealing with things he disagrees with …

Do I Stunt My Kids' Independence?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 14:00:54

Dear Therapist: My children (aged 3 to 13) are bh very capable and responsible. For some reason, in my presence they become very needy. I find that I need to absent myself from the room for them to function adequately. For example, I'll serve supper and make sure everyone has what they need and then go do laundry. If I stay in the room, they'll be "Mommy, it’s not fair!" and " Mommy, I don't like this" the whole time. If I am not …

Homelessness In Our Community

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 13:35:43

Dear Therapist: Recently a “nebach” has started frequenting our shul. He seems to be homeless, does not properly care for himself and clearly has serious psychological issues. He also talks to himself (or someone else that only he can see). Sometimes kids hang out around him, sometimes teasing him, but mostly he keeps to himself. Trying to get what he can at kiddush and shalosh seudos. I wonder how one can tell if …

Is My Son Hook(ah)ed?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 13:30:10

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son is a good kid but not really cut out for learning and struggles in yeshiva. Because of this we try and give him some extra space and don’t pressure him too much. We allow him and his friends to hang out in our house, on the porch, in the basement, etc. because we figure it’s better that we keep an eye on him. Recently he and his friends have taken up smoking hookah. We aren’t thrilled abo …

Grief and Mourning

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 13:23:18

Dear Therapist: I am a 46-year-old woman and recently lost my mother, who I was so close with. I am getting on with my life but it has been hard and my moods have been up and down. Recently a friend told me that when she lost her father and was having a difficult time she was told by a close mentor that "sadness and self-pity are selfish and self-centered" and that in order to really heal she needed to focus on doing acts of kindness for other pe …

Am I My Husband's Keeper?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 13:15:46

Dear Therapist: My husband has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is also overweight and has slightly high blood pressure. He is on medication to help with these issues but his doctors keep emphasizing that he needs to eat healthily and exercise in order to really control these problems and prevent dangerous complications. I have been a dutiful wife and been preparing healthy meals for him. He eats those but will sneak unhealthy food at othe …

Self-discipline

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 13:08:42

Dear Therapist: I have never been what you would call a "disciplined" person. I have always been jealous of those that kept their daily chavrusos so consistently and daven at 6:30 every morning. I can't say I am an unsuccessful person and bh I do well but I am a bit all over the place. My question is: Is this something I can learn and develop? Are there strategies or therapies that can help me develop discipline? Or …

Blending Families

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-12-26 12:50:39

Dear Therapist: Baruch Hashem I recently became engaged to a wonderful man! I have two great teenage boys from a previous marriage that ended in divorce. Their father has no custody or visitation and is not involved in their lives. As we prepare for marriage, we have been getting a lot of advice from well-meaning friends and rabbis about how important it is for my future husband and me to spend “alone time” together after we get …

Autism Effects on a Family

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:44:36

Dear Therapist: Our 7-year-old son has always been challenging. He is a challenge behaviorally and has a difficult time getting along with his siblings and his friends. On the advice of our pediatrician, we had him evaluated and we got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Now we have a name to the problem and are working on figuring out our best approach for treatment. As we are approaching yom tov and will be spending it together with famil …

Wrong Therapist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:38:36

Dear Therapist: We recently acceded to our daughter’s request to begin seeing a psychologist weekly. This is related to some eating disorder and body image issues. Without going into the specifics we were given a bad recommendation by a friend as to which psychologist to send to. This psychologist clearly did not share our values and we believed she would not be appropriate for our impressionable teenage daughter. So we switched her to a d …

My Wife's Depression

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:35:15

Dear Therapist: My wife suffers from major depressive disorder and has for many years. Most of the time it is kept under control with medication but every so often will flare up into a severe depression. She has currently been suffering from a depressive bout for the past month and a half. She is working with a psychiatrist and therapist to get better. Part of her depression is that she doesn't want to do anything but sit at home all day. Sittin …

The Inflexible Child

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:26:41

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son is smart and personable. He does great in school both academically and socially and is an all-around great kid. He is emotionally pretty mature for his age and can be pretty independent and self-reliant.  He is, however, often very inflexible. He has a few foods that he likes and that's it. A few shirts and that's it. Same with general schedule and routine (i.e. he has a rough time moving out of his room f …

Fear of Marriage

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:20:39

Dear Therapist: This might seem like a shidduch question, but I'm posing it here, as it dips into the mental health arena. In my experience with singles seeking to remarry, a barrier that presents itself repeatedly is fear. Many have had personal experiences of heartache and betrayal; they have experienced the pain of relationships falling apart. These experiences are a perfect breeding ground for fear to take hold, and possibly fester into a di …

Why is Camp Scaring My Child?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 10:15:28

Dear Therapist: What is it with camps scaring the wits out of kids. How come all the scary plays, Holocaust stories, and color war breakouts. Granted my kids are a bit sensitive but do I need to have them come home from day camp all terrorized? Are these things appropriate? Are my kids just wimps? Can these types of things negatively impact kids?   Response:               …

Bad Business

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-09-26 08:57:37

Dear Therapists, My husband keeps on making bad investments and losing money. He borrows money to try and invest and now he has lost other people’s money. He is totally out of touch with reality vis-à-vis his business ability, complete oyalam hadimyon, but it doesn’t "pas" for him to work for someone else or get a regular job. I am at my wits’ end. Please suggest how to talk some sense into him.   Response: I’m …

Are We All Addicts?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-31 14:53:24

Dear Therapist: What qualifies something as an addiction? My brother plays video games all day. Does that make him an addict? My mother shops all day. Is she addicted to shopping? It seems like the word addiction gets thrown around a lot these days but when is it really a true thing and when is it just an excuse for continuing behavior that you don't want to stop? I get that cigarettes, alcohol and the like are considered addicting but are we to …

My Narcissistic Son

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-25 10:41:25

Dear Therapist: I am writing this letter with great difficulty. I am a Holocaust survivor who had two children. One of them died of serious illness. My second child was showered with everything. He has not visited me in years because since I am widowed I am on a limited income and he feels should be getting more money from me. My son has never worked as he claims he is always learning. His spouse earns over one hundred thousand dollars a year an …

Depression in Childhood

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 09:26:08

Dear Therapist: It is scary to hear about kids/teenagers who looked like they were fine but were really suffering emotionally or dealing with very difficult issues that no one was aware of. My friend’s daughter, who is now older, recently told her that she was dealing with some serious depressive thoughts as a teen but had kept it all in and pretended to be happy on the outside. Is it possible that something as significant as depression ca …

Summer Camp and Homesickness

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 09:23:04

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son is going to sleepaway camp for the first time this summer. While he is excited about this he has always had difficulty adjusting to new situations and environments. Meaning he has a bit of an anxious personality. That being the case we are wondering if you have any advice as to how to "prevent" homesickness? What can we do to best prepare him for his first sleepaway experience? I also wonder what you think of …

Fear of Illness

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 09:17:35

Dear Therapist: I work as a social worker in a New York area hospital. I work closely with patients and families of some very sick people. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for anything. Every year, around the same time (early summer) my anxiety about becoming ill really ratchets up. I have discussed this with supervisors and fellow clinicians and have come to understand this as being something that comes along with the territory of my job …

Misophonia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 09:14:02

Dear Therapist: I have this "thing" where I get filled with extreme rage, frustration, and hate from hearing certain sounds like chewing loud, slurping, whistling, wiggling of feet, snoring... These sounds drive me crazy to the point where I need to leave the room or I might just yell at the person causing the trigger. People think I'm just finicky and I have to learn to deal with these noises. When I mentioned this to a friend, they said it sou …

My Father-in-Law's Ultimatum

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 09:06:52

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are faced with the following situation and we're stumped as to what to tell our children. Our family was always very close to my parents in law and their children at home. My father in law is a controlling person. He thinks the world is against him. He doesn't talk to most of his married kids because he thinks they don't "hold" of him. My husband and I are close to the married siblings. My father in law recently …

Should I Stop my Meds?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 08:58:57

Dear Therapist: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager and have been on medication since then. While I am doing well and have not had any episodes in a long time I have not been successful in work or in shidduchim. I feel that the medication stifles my personality and makes me less of who I really am. I have discussed this with my psychiatrist, but he just tries to push me off. I think I am ready to move off my medication and move o …

Stress or Anxiety?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 08:55:09

Dear Therapist: A few months ago, I bought out my partner who I started my business with. B’H things have gone better than I could have ever imagined. Recently, however, I have become very overwhelmed trying to stay on top of the growth of the company. I have mentioned to some friends and family how I have been feeling and I am met with a lot of flak for complaining about something that is a positive thing. I understand that, but the fact …

Anti Vaxxers

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-07-18 08:44:54

Dear Therapist: As everyone not living under a rock is aware, there has recently been an outbreak of measles in the frum community. While most of you are not medical doctors I was hoping you can help me from a psychological perspective. How can it be that something like vaccines that are considered safe and necessary by 99.9 percent of the medical community and somehow people have a cramp in their head against it? How are we to understand this p …

Teenage Anorexia

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 11:05:04

Dear Therapist: I am a sixteen-year-old girl, and I hope you can help me with my struggle.  I will go straight to the point.  I feel extremely uncomfortable in my skin; I feel very blown up and fat.  I know that maybe that's not how I look, but this is how I feel.  I badly want to be (super) thin.  My family thinks and says I am thin.  Whenever I go hungry I don't have this uncomfortable pit in my stomach.  Yet …

Childhood Triggers

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 11:00:09

Dear Therapist: Today I am a married woman with a family and have friends b”h, but as a child, I didn’t have any friends. When I was with classmates and when I would try to interject with a comment my comment would go unnoticed. I only made friends after I finished school and started working. When I bump into people I knew as a child, such as classmates, I become terrified and start to shake and the unbearable pain that lays deep …

My Children Are My Life

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 10:54:24

Dear Therapist: I am a mother of a large family k"ah, with a B"H healthy good marriage. I have come across many times in articles, speeches, etc.… a concept that is stressed that when couples talk just between themselves (i.e. date nights, walks, or just some good old schmoozing), they shouldn't talk about the kids and about the husband's work. We are told that couples should speak about "other stuff like they spoke when the …

Is Financial Stress Hurting My Family?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 10:48:20

Dear Therapist: We have recently experienced some significant financial difficulties which require us to change our standards of living. Up until 4-5 months ago, we were living what most people would consider a wealthy lifestyle. The reasons for the downturn are not important but it has been very rough on us as a family. This has caused my husband a lot of stress and has impacted our marriage as well. We are also having a difficult time explainin …

Hypnotherapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 10:42:40

Dear Therapist: What is the panel’s opinion and experience with hypnotherapy? Does hypnotherapy work? How about when regular therapy fails? I have heard that hypnosis works because it reaches your unconscious self vs traditional therapy which only works on a conscious level.   Response: Although I have had some training and experience with hypnotherapy, I’m certainly not an expert. I can speak generally, but I defer to those pane …

Traumatic Therapy

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-05-16 10:34:28

Dear Therapist: A few years ago, I went to a therapist to deal with something very difficult going on in my life.  Instead of validating my pain and letting me share my feelings in a non-judgmental environment, my therapist hurt me deeply.  She said things that damaged my self-esteem more than anyone in my life had ever done.  You might say that she was trying to help me grow?  There is a way to say things to someone.  Th …

My Sister's Rare Condition

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 12:15:56

Dear Therapist: I have a sister with a rare medical condition. Hardly anyone knows about it and I found out by mistake. I have watched her surmount her many challenges, but I am stuck pitying her (and myself) and wishing things were different. She’s such a good person so why her?! I have not moved past it and it pains me deeply watching her... I’m helpless and powerless in terms of helping and I wish there was something I can do Any …

"Losing It" with the Kids

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 12:10:12

Dear Therapist: Pesach is approaching! I find that as a mother of a large family I get overwhelmed at this time of year and really lose it with my kids. Overall I think I am a wonderful parent but I could use some extra tools to deal with this extra stress. Any advice? Or does this just come along with being a Jewish mother?   Response: I don’t know exactly what you mean by “lose it.” I also don’t know the ages of yo …

What is Happiness?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 12:03:27

Dear Therapist: As the yom tov of Purim approaches, I wonder if the esteemed panel can elaborate a bit on "happiness." There is so much attention today being paid to being happy. It is even enshrined in the declaration of independence as a right. I sometimes wonder if the fact that people chase happiness, which can be so elusive, actually makes them more miserable. As therapists who are bnei torah I was hoping you could share your thoughts on ha …

Graphology

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 11:59:06

Dear Therapist: I once used the services of a graphologist to gain some insight into myself and my challenges. I sent in my handwriting and a drawing, and I received a short reply with some advice, basically that I am living in a way that I exert myself very strongly, striving to force myself to be something I am not, and I must stop living with my illusions and focus on being myself and achieve according to my ability in order for me to be happ …

Constant Blushing

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 11:52:15

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy who went to an out of town yeshiva this year. My yeshiva provides a dormitory, but they don't provide Shabbos seudas. Every Shabbos I have to find meals and many times I end up by people whom I don't know and never met before. There is one issue with this. When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as I prep myself before. This is extr …

I Can't Stand my Mom's Criticism

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-03-27 11:40:57

Dear Therapist: I am a 20 something year old girl struggling with shidduchim and finding Mr. Right. In the meantime I am living at home with my parents and here lies the problem. My mother doesn't realize but she is singling me out for emotional mistreatment. Nothing I say, think, or wear is good enough. My opinions are too left wing, my clothing is too tight, this outfit doesn't make me look good. All day every day that's all I hear from her. I …

Divorce Therapist?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-14 15:34:40

Dear Therapist: Without going into the gory details my husband and are having serious problems in our marriage. We have been married 10 years and have 3 children...Some have suggested that we go for therapy as a couple. This might be a good idea but others have warned us not to because "therapists will wind up pushing you to get divorced." Things are bad but this is not what we want at all. Can you please give us some guidance (reassurance?) rega …

Therapist Vs. Psychiatrist

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:53:05

Dear Therapist: My wife has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has been seeing a therapist who has been treating her using cognitive behavioral therapy. She has not made that much improvement and our family doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is recommending that she take medication to help with this. However, her therapist is strongly discouraging taking medication and is adamant that she has the strength with …

Anxiety or ADHD

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:50:13

Dear Therapist: I have always struggled in several areas such as concentration, inability to complete projects, and too much talking. I have read articles about this and some seem to suggest that this is about anxiety while others indicate that it is ADHD related. How do I differentiate between these two possibilities?   Response: There are many symptoms that can apply to various disorders. Sometimes it can be difficult to ascertain which p …

NVLD Anyone?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:41:05

Dear Therapist: I was recently at a meeting at my son's yeshiva and was told that my son should be evaluated by a neuropsychologist. When I asked why, the principal suggested that he should be tested to see if he has a nonverbal learning disability. I have scheduled an appointment, but was curious what this condition is, how it would present with a frum boy in yeshiva, and what can be done about it. I am looking for practical suggestions that ca …

Unlicensed "Therapist"

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:36:40

Dear Therapist: My sister-in-law sees an unlicensed therapist. This concerns me and I asked my sister-in-law about it who assured me that the therapist has very solid training and good results and she is happy with her. This doesn't sound right or ethical to me, but I am not sure what to do, if anything. I would appreciate the thoughts of the panel members.   Response: Generally speaking, it’s not ethical for someone who is unlicensed …

Is My Daughter Addicted to Painkillers?

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:32:37

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 28-year-old daughter who has a slipped disc. She is in chronic pain and nothing seems to be working (PT, etc.). Surgery has been suggested but we are trying to avoid it because of the inherent risks. My husband and I are becoming more and more concerned about her use of pain medication. Some of the medicine she has been prescribed is highly addictive and we are concerned about her developing a real issue …

Bipolar or Normal Mood Swings

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

2019-02-07 10:29:23

Dear Therapist: I often experience what seem like dramatic mood changes. One day I'll wake up with loads of energy ready to take on the world and the next I will sit in bed trying to convince myself to get out of bed. I am sometimes full of joy and optimism and other times just retreat into myself. My friends joke that I am "bipolar." I asked my doctor about it and his response was something to the effect of, "We all have our ups and downs" and …

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