Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW Weekly Q&A As Published In Yated Ne'eman
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Showing Results 280 - 320 (373 total)
Do I need More Sleep or Am I Simply Lazy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-04-26 12:27:27
Dear Therapist: I am 21 year old Bochur just back from Eretz Yisroel. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbeim. I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have fr …
Do I Need a Therapist or a Coach?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:08:48
Dear Therapist: I am considering hiring a therapist for work purposes. I bh don't feel the need for therapy in my personal life but someone suggested seeing a therapist to help me/coach me in my management position. Basically, even if I am doing well can this help me perform even better? Perhaps it would be a good idea for our bottom line if we hired someone for the company to motivate employees and help manage workplace issues. What ca …
Do I have Trust Issues?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:11:12
Dear Therapist: Friends of mine have often commented that I don’t trust anyone. I never really took it seriously but since I got married and my husband has also mentioned it I have started to see it may be a pattern. He pointed out that even with my so called friends I don’t really get close to them and trust them. How would I know if this is an issue and how would it be addressed? Response: To respond, I think that we can look …
Do I Have Psychosis?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-07-11 12:15:35
Dear Therapist: I have a friend at work that was acting strangely and my coworkers are saying he "snapped." I am not sure what this means. Someone said this means he has psychosis. What is the meaning of psychosis? Is this something that can happen suddenly to someone without warning? I myself have gone to therapy in the past for anxiety and baruch Hashem I am doing very well but I am worried about something like this happening to me. I …
Do Genetics Determine Mental Health?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-03-15 12:23:24
Dear Therapist, I have an older (half) brother who has a serious mental condition. I'm not sure exactly what it is but he has often had to go to the hospital for a few days till he gets "stabilized". My parents don't really like to talk about it and I try not to bother them with it. I think there are also some other people in my mother’s family who have mental issues. My question is: People have told me (and I have also read online) t …
Divorce Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-02-14 15:34:40
Dear Therapist: Without going into the gory details my husband and are having serious problems in our marriage. We have been married 10 years and have 3 children...Some have suggested that we go for therapy as a couple. This might be a good idea but others have warned us not to because "therapists will wind up pushing you to get divorced." Things are bad but this is not what we want at all. Can you please give us some guidance (reassurance?) rega …
Disposable Friends
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-12-13 13:53:44
Dear Therapist: At about age eleven or twelve my girls drift away from their one good friend and begin to spend time with other girls. This pattern has repeated itself several times. I think that the original friends have felt somewhat abandoned by this. I don't want to control my daughters' friendships. However, I don't want anyone to be hurt and I would like to see that my daughters have the meedah of loyalty. If this is a normal pattern of ado …
Discussing Drug Use with Kids
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:05:46
Dear Therapist: The unfortunate reality is that marijuana use is becoming increasingly less taboo in society. This has been driven home by the recent vote in NJ to legalize its use. Until recently it never would have crossed my mind as something I need to worry about with my children. However, with its increased prevalence in society, I am starting to wonder if this is something I need to discuss with my kids? Do you think this is something I sho …
Differing Parenting Styles...Harmful or Helpful?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:31:44
Dear Therapist: We live in a duplex and are friendly with our neighbors. We do however have different parenting styles. Recently our 9-year-old daughter has become very friendly with the young girl next door. She spends hours on end there and seems to enjoy being there much more than home. I kind of see where she is coming from as there are practically no rules and not much in the way of supervision either. There is no moderation and things that …
Diagnosis Withholding
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:32:48
Dear Therapist: Our 26-year-old daughter recently went through a time where she was down. We didn’t think much of it and she appeared to get better but then showed some troubling behaviors. On the advice of our rov, we brought her to a psychiatrist. We are also still on a waiting list to see a therapist. The psychiatrist believes that she has bipolar disorder and is giving her medication for that. Our question is, does it make a difference …
Diagnosis and Labelling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-20 14:23:36
Dear Therapist: Can you please share your thoughts on the phenomenon that I am noticing (not common baruch Hashem, but it happens) where people disparage others by "diagnosing" them with a mental illness. Thus, people who are rigid are called "OCD," those who are a bit different are "apspergy" and those who are jumpier are "ADD." More disturbing to me is that I have noticed the word "narcissist" being thrown around quiet casually. Unfortunat …
Depression or Normal Reaction?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-01-15 09:32:40
Dear Therapist: Thank you to the Yated for this excellent column which I read weekly. I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married and there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be adv …
Depression in Childhood
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-07-18 09:26:08
Dear Therapist: It is scary to hear about kids/teenagers who looked like they were fine but were really suffering emotionally or dealing with very difficult issues that no one was aware of. My friend’s daughter, who is now older, recently told her that she was dealing with some serious depressive thoughts as a teen but had kept it all in and pretended to be happy on the outside. Is it possible that something as significant as depression ca …
Dementia and Caregivers
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-12-26 14:19:31
Dear Therapist: My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago. This is devastating for the entire family to say the least. We are very worried about my mother. She herself is getting on in age and she spends her whole day busy taking care of my father. We are worried for her health and her sanity. We offer as a family to have some of the kids or grand-kids take over and give her a break but she almost always refuses. She seems to h …
Delayed Traumatic Reaction
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:14:30
Dear Therapist: I really appreciate your weekly column. What happens if a someone goes through trauma at home and doesn't take care of it—meaning, go for help. If they're fine, could they stay fine? I am worried because many people say it comes back in later years. Thank you! Response: The simple answer is yes; someone who experiences a “trauma” can be fine. However, this depends on a number of factors. Th …
Defense Mechanisms and Emotional Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-02-15 16:09:02
Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member. There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations. It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
Decisions...Decisions...Decisions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-03-07 15:28:53
Dear Therapist: My son has always had a hard time making decisions. Even when it comes to making small choices, like what to order in a restaurant, it's a whole esek. He really never had to make too many serious choices in his life, he went to the same yeshiva straight through and to Eretz Yisroel together with his friends. Same with camp, there wasn't much choice. I am worried as he gets ready for shidduchim that he will have a rough …
Decision-Making...I Mean Decisiveness
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:20:26
Dear Therapist: My husband and I are struggling with our 23-year-old son. There is a certain amount of instability to him where he is constantly changing his mind. For example, one day he is all into learning and is talking about staying in learning for a long time after he gets married and a few weeks later he is talking about leaving yeshiva now and going to work. When it comes to shidduchim he changes significant pieces of what he is …
Death and Children
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-04-13 09:21:11
Dear Therapist: Although your responses will be too late to be beneficial to me, I hope that by writing into this panel your responses will guide others who may be dealing with a similar dilemma. My wife’s father was recently niftar after a relatively brief illness. There was a lot of disagreement between my wife and me as to how much our 3 children (ages 12, 10 and 7) should participate in the levaya, shiva etc. My wife was very concerned …
Death and Betrayal
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:03:51
Dear Therapist: There was someone close to my family who died last year. She was someone I was close with and trusted and did something that hurt me terribly. This is not the forum to go into details, but this was a tremendous avlah and I don’t think anyone would disagree. Since this happened shortly before she was niftar and I didn’t really have the full understanding of what she did until after she was already go …
Dealing with a Bully
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:38:56
Dear Therapist: I am looking for advice on how to deal with bullying in school on the elementary school level. I have found a lot of conflicting opinions on it. There are those that emphasize standing up to the bully, others ignoring the bully, and those that say neither works. A lot of warnings about how having the child who is being bullied change his/her behavior is "blaming the victim" and that how can you really expect a young kid to stick u …
Dating Someone with a Mental Health Diagnosis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 13:07:53
Dear Therapist: My daughter was recently redt a shidduch to someone who has ADHD. I initially thought that since that is something that pertains mostly to school work etc. that it would not be so relevant to marriage. You hear stories about people with ADHD being really successful. However, people are telling me that this can actually be the source of serious marital problems if it is at a serious level and has not properly been address …
Dating Rejection Trauma
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:21:53
Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
COVID Killed the Summer
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:15:38
Dear Therapist: We have just been informed that my daughter's (13) sleep-away camp will not be opening this summer. She had a miserable few months because of the quarantine and lock-down and was so hoping for camp. Our family is in the city and there may be day-camps open, but the experience is not close to comparable. She is now devastated. What can we tell her? How will she get past this? Response: I know that your concerns a …
Coronavirus Opportunities
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 11:51:05
Dear Therapist: On a regular week, in normal times, I have so much on my plate. Now I am expected to care for my infant (no babysitter), keep house (no cleaning help), work from home, entertain my kids, and be in charge of their homeschooling. This while my husband is also expected to work full time from home. When I hear people talk about how this time offers us opportunities to learn with our children, quality time, etc., I wonder what I a …
Coronavirus Anxiety
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 11:54:09
Dear Therapist: I am a 24 year old married man. Since I remember I've been an extremely chilled and settled person. However, since the world turned upside down, I have been experiencing severe anxiety; I don't have an appetite, I am extremely weak and have many other symptoms of a person going through panic attacks. There is a lot for me to worry about unfortunately, primarily financially, but I have always dealt with stress well. What is happeni …
Corona Isolation
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-03-31 13:26:48
Dear Therapist: I am currently in self isolation on my doctor’s recommendation due to being exposed to COVID-19. Unfortunately, many others are currently in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room (so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and othe …
Fear of Corona
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-03-31 13:20:46
Dear Therapist: Any suggestions with coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life. Any recommendations? Response: As far as specific information regarding COVID-19 is concerned, yo …
Constant Blushing
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-03-27 11:52:15
Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy who went to an out of town yeshiva this year. My yeshiva provides a dormitory, but they don't provide Shabbos seudas. Every Shabbos I have to find meals and many times I end up by people whom I don't know and never met before. There is one issue with this. When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as I prep myself before. This is extr …
Confidentiality Breached
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-06-09 10:53:24
Dear Therapist: I have been seeing a therapist for the last few weeks. Recently, while I was waiting for my appointment in the waiting room, I overheard him discussing another patient on the phone. The door to his office was wide open and he knew I was there because he had buzzed me into the waiting room. Since then I just don't feel comfortable speaking with him because maybe he discusses me when there are other people listening. The problem is …
Community Feud
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-01-19 15:18:23
Dear Therapist: We live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows each other and gets along very well. Recently two families that we know and are friendly with became embroiled in a serious machlokes with each other. I do not think the specific details are necessary to share and I want to protect confidentiality but this is not an issue that someone just didn't get shlishi. It is hard to figure out what is actually even the trut …
Classroom Orphans
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:20:40
Dear Therapist: As a 3rd grade rebbe sometimes I have children in my class who have lost a parent r’l. I wonder if in such cases I should avoid using the word totty or mommy during class to avoid hurting the child. Is this something that is helpful or perhaps avoiding it is just something that is not realistic and unfortunately it is something they will live with all their lives? Response: Your sensitivity to oth …
Choosing the Right Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:24:05
Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
Choosing a Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-01 13:15:18
Dear Therapist: I'm looking for some direction about something that I've been thinking about for a while. Maybe you can help. Often, I struggle with thoughts and feelings that make it hard for me to get through my day and I think I have felt like this since I was a teen. Feeling this way has affected my relationships at work, with my kids and my siblings. My current state has even put pressure on my relationship with my husband. It&rsqu …
Children and Israeli Terror
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-10-12 10:44:11
Dear Therapist: Could you please share advice on dealing with younger children who are struggling with the news from Eretz Yisroel. Of course, we are preventing them from seeing any images, but they have inevitably heard some of the horrible details, particularly about kidnapped children r'l. Any advice you can have to help them deal with this terrible situation more effectively would be helpful. Response: I think that I speak f …
Childhood Triggers
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-05-16 11:00:09
Dear Therapist: Today I am a married woman with a family and have friends b”h, but as a child, I didn’t have any friends. When I was with classmates and when I would try to interject with a comment my comment would go unnoticed. I only made friends after I finished school and started working. When I bump into people I knew as a child, such as classmates, I become terrified and start to shake and the unbearable pain that lays deep …
Childhood OCD Treatment and Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-05-19 12:41:21
Dear Therapist: About a year ago, our 9-year-old daughter started to engage in compulsive rituals. She would have 1 specific ritual (such as checking that her heart was still beating) for a few weeks and then switch to a different ritual. Right now, her specific ritual is sniffing is an unusual way. This was/is not interfering with her performance at school or home, and she seemed happy overall, but we decided to take her to a p …
Childhood Obesity
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-06-25 11:34:19
Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …
Career Counseling
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-11-17 09:25:30
Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so I th …
Can Therapy Hurt My Family?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-02-22 16:44:05
Dear Therapist: I have a son who would like to see a therapist to deal with some issues. I think it would be beneficial for him but I am concerned that therapy might damage his relationship with my wife and myself. Every parent makes mistakes and I am sure we have as well, but I am worried by the sentiment I hear expressed that therapists "estrange" children from their parents. Can you please clear this up for me and perhaps give me some ideas as …
Can Therapy Really Help Me?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:40:08
Dear Therapist: People have told me in the past that I need to go to therapy. However, I am an extremely practical and logic-based person and I am skeptical that therapy actually helps people. If I had statistics that 70/80% of people had significant improvement through therapy that would make me much more likely to spend the money. As of now I am not convinced. Does the panel agree that until proven otherwise my position is the correct one in th …
Can Therapy Help Me?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:28:46
Dear Therapist: I’m wondering if therapy can help a person who is in a difficult situation that can’t be changed. I understand if someone is depressed with life therapy can help them feel better but if someone is dealing with a reality that is bad is there a point of going to therapy? I understand the question is broad but I would prefer not to go into my own personal details. Either way there are many such examples, financial, famili …
Can My Therapist be Irreligious?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-03-15 11:53:22
Dear Therapist: Our 21-year-old son has been struggling for a while and would like to begin therapy. He is pretty insistent that he wants to only see a non-frum or not Jewish therapist. It is hard to get a straight answer from him as to why he is so insistent on this. It's a shame that he is so adamant about this at a time when there are so many qualified therapists that are bnei torah. Being that he is 21 he can pretty much go to whoev …
Can My Coach Be My Therapist?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-04 12:58:45
Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions in this weekly column. I have an issue I hope you can provide me guidance with. I have been working with a coach for a long time to help me with my personal growth and self-confidence issues. This has helped me become a better person and inspired me to open my own business which was quite successful. However, I recently lost my mother to a sudden illness and am having a hard ti …
Can I Quit Smoking?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-03-30 12:08:14
Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy. My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit? 2. Are there any specific …
Can I Pay for Your Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-01-03 14:21:55
Dear Therapist: I have a friend who is really struggling and after many conversations he has finally agreed to go to therapy. We did a lot of research and have found some therapists that would suit him. Unfortunately he cannot afford to pay for therapy. I have offered to pay for therapy but the therapist does not want to allow us to do so. He says he believes that it is important for the patient to pay for therapy themselves and that it is not a …
Can I Force Someone Into Treatment?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-11-30 16:07:20
Dear Therapist: What options are there for someone who clearly needs treatment but refuses to get it? I am currently involved with two cases where the person has serious issues that are affecting themselves and their families but won’t go for help. In one case the person is so depressed they barely leave the house for anything and won’t even hear of it. In the other case the person thinks there is nothing wrong with them but the …
Can I Convince My Sister to Seek Help?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:26:46
Dear Therapist: I have a younger sister (age 24) who I care about very much. She had a rough childhood as far as being picked on in school and since she is a nonconformist got in a lot of trouble. Her relationship with my parents has also been very up and down with a lot of negativity and hurt feelings. She has a small part-time job that she gets no satisfaction from. To me she is clearly depressed and she admits as much. She is very smart and no …
Camp or Therapy?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:46:19
Dear Therapist: Our 12-year-old was referred to therapy by her school for some behavioral and social issues. Nothing too severe but the school thought it would be beneficial for her to gain some skills before going into next year. After a while we finally got into the therapist we were suggested but now we are coming up on camp season. She and her friends are all supposed to go to camp for a big part of the summer but that would mean either delay …
Camp Anxiety Disclosure
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 09:30:00
Dear Therapist: I am a teenaged girl, popular, with a lot of personality, if I do say so myself. I’m the kind of girl who is the life of the party, and enjoys making the fun for the group, trying to make sure all are included at the same time. I applied for a staff position at a camp that is very excited to have me but got stuck on the application itself. I have a mild case of anxiety and am prescribed Zoloft. (They asked for addi …
Call Me Stonewall Husband
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-03-24 13:28:55
Dear Therapist: Overall, my husband and I—married for ten years with five wonderful children—have beautiful shalom bayis,. We have a loving relationship and bring harmony and happiness into our home on a day-to-day basis. The problem is when we have something to work through. When I do something or say something that upsets my husband he totally shuts down and becomes handicapped at communicating. He is not overall an emotio …
Brothers Estranged
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:02:51
Dear Therapist: I have been estranged from my brother for 8 years. This happened as a result of a financial issue where I felt he had cheated me. I got some bad advice at the time regarding how I should deal with it and that led to all the issues. There were mistakes made on both sides and we have been locked in. I’m not going to kid myself; there was a lot of nasty lashon horah and machlokes on my part but also on his. Recently when I was …
Breaking News: Parents Embarrass Their Teenage Kids!
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-11-25 13:26:41
Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …
Boredom or ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-04-20 15:05:10
Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son constantly needs to be entertained. He is never able to just sit still and keep himself busy. He enjoys listening to Jewish tapes of stories (Rabbi Erps, Rebbe Hill, etc.) but he will listen for 5 hours straight. And he will constantly kvetch about not being able to listen if we don’t allow it. Is it healthy for someone to spend that much time like that? It’s like he has become obsessed with this stu …
Blending Families
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-12-26 12:50:39
Dear Therapist: Baruch Hashem I recently became engaged to a wonderful man! I have two great teenage boys from a previous marriage that ended in divorce. Their father has no custody or visitation and is not involved in their lives. As we prepare for marriage, we have been getting a lot of advice from well-meaning friends and rabbis about how important it is for my future husband and me to spend “alone time” together after we get …
Bipolar or Normal Mood Swings
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-02-07 10:29:23
Dear Therapist: I often experience what seem like dramatic mood changes. One day I'll wake up with loads of energy ready to take on the world and the next I will sit in bed trying to convince myself to get out of bed. I am sometimes full of joy and optimism and other times just retreat into myself. My friends joke that I am "bipolar." I asked my doctor about it and his response was something to the effect of, "We all have our ups and downs" and …
BDD, OCD, or Normal Teenage Concern About Appearance?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-06-29 08:26:44
Dear Therapist: My 13 year old son is very busy with how he looks. He is my oldest so it's hard for me to get a sense of what's normal for this age. My friends say it's just a stage but I am worried about it becoming a problem. He has taken up exercising and dieting and is very into it. He spends quite a bit of time each day getting dressed. He has made a few cracks to my husband about how he looks. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me …
Balancing Parents' and Children's Needs
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-08-23 10:45:57
Dear Therapist: My husband and I have been struggling with our 17-year-old son. He is not currently in yeshiva and his shmiras hamitzvos leaves a lot to be desired. We have been getting advice from some rabbonim with experience in this area and have been meeting with a therapist for the last few months. All agree that, at this time, we should not be pushing or forcing our son when it comes to his Yiddishkeit. The issue is that my husband ca …
Balancing Differing Needs in a Family System
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-09-06 10:23:22
Dear Therapist: Our 19-year-old son is sadly no longer shomer torah umitzvos. This is a tremendous source of pain and turmoil for the entire family. My wife and I are trying very hard to do what is best for him in accordance with the guidance we are receiving from Rabbonim and professionals. With lots of thought and hard work, we are slowly working on repairing our relationship with our son. Our question is regarding our other children. While the …
Balancing Childrens' Needs
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
Balancing Childrens' Needs
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-06-16 10:18:45
Dear Therapist: Our 9-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. This has been very difficult adjustment for her and she is having a very hard time sticking to the diet and medication regimen that she has been prescribed. She also has been complaining a lot of the unfairness of it all. We have a large family and this has also caused some friction between her and her siblings and we are struggling to maintain the balance …
Bad Therapy
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:02:51
Dear Therapist: I have heard my friends discussing an idea developed by an author concerning "bad therapy." I presume that means there is bad therapy and good therapy. Would appreciate if the panel would state their opinions on the difference between helpful and unhelpful therapy. What is the best way for someone who is considering therapy to tell the difference? Response: I haven’t read Abigail Shrier’s book, but I …
Bad Therapist
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:41:00
Dear Therapist: We recently went through a terrible experience with a licensed therapist that a family member used. It was not a subjective mismatch; the clinician lacked professionalism and training, and other professionals and rabbanim involved in the situation were distraught to hear about the techniques he used and the ensuing damage it created. We have switched clinicians and are now going through the process of undoing and re-learning, but …
Bad Shidduch
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-03-30 12:04:08
Dear Therapist: My best friend recently became engaged. I should be overjoyed; however, I am very afraid for her. She has never had great self-esteem and is not a great judge of character. Her chosson does not appear to be a good person at all. He doesn’t treat her with respect and is constantly making demeaning remarks to her in front of everyone. You can tell a lot from the way others talk about him as well. I feel like she just has such …
Bad Business
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-09-26 08:57:37
Dear Therapists, My husband keeps on making bad investments and losing money. He borrows money to try and invest and now he has lost other people’s money. He is totally out of touch with reality vis-à-vis his business ability, complete oyalam hadimyon, but it doesn’t "pas" for him to work for someone else or get a regular job. I am at my wits’ end. Please suggest how to talk some sense into him. Response: I’m …
Autism Effects on a Family
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-09-26 10:44:36
Dear Therapist: Our 7-year-old son has always been challenging. He is a challenge behaviorally and has a difficult time getting along with his siblings and his friends. On the advice of our pediatrician, we had him evaluated and we got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Now we have a name to the problem and are working on figuring out our best approach for treatment. As we are approaching yom tov and will be spending it together with famil …
Assertiveness in a Medical Crisis
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-12-03 10:12:39
Dear Therapist: I am currently involved in a medical crisis (I was diagnosed with an illness, but we are not sure how serious it is yet). I need to get a lot of opinions from doctors and make choices regarding my treatment. I have never really been an assertive person but now I am really lost. Everyone has an opinion, I have no idea what to do and the doctors are talking over my head. It seems that if I don’t push I don’t get answered …
Are We All Addicts?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-07-31 14:53:24
Dear Therapist: What qualifies something as an addiction? My brother plays video games all day. Does that make him an addict? My mother shops all day. Is she addicted to shopping? It seems like the word addiction gets thrown around a lot these days but when is it really a true thing and when is it just an excuse for continuing behavior that you don't want to stop? I get that cigarettes, alcohol and the like are considered addicting but are we to …
Are my issues conscious or unconscious?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-01-25 11:30:36
Dear Therapist: One of the panelists recently mentioned that “the source of the problem needs to be uncovered and healed” in order to really feel safe and secure. I’ve been wondering for a while how this is actually done in therapy. I’m married in my twenties with some kids and have been struggling with general anxiety. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now and she’s really helped me a lot on …
Are My Headaches "Real?"
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 14:46:02
Dear Therapist: I have suffered from migraine headaches for a few years. I have tried a bunch of different types of treatments and have seen all sorts of doctors. Somethings have helped a little, some not at all, and some for a short time but it didn't last. I am wondering if there is some possible help to be had from psychology in this area? I have definitely heard of psychology for back pain, can it work for headaches also? Respons …
Are Millenials Suppressing Their Emotions?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 13:48:28
Dear Therapist: There are many emotions that come up this time of year. There are some like simcha, gratitude, and devekus that are wonderful to experience. I see from my children who are “millennials” that they are fine with that. However, they seem to be rejecting or suppressing some of the more uncomfortable emotions that can come up like anxiety, guilt, and regret. It got me thinking about how psychologically speaking ar …
Anxiety, Stigma, and Therapy When I Don't Need It
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-02-13 15:00:40
Dear Therapist: I'm a 21-year-old girl currently in shidduchim. I occasionally face mild anxiety and believe that seeking therapy could be beneficial for addressing and managing it, or gaining helpful tips. Thankfully, I am currently managing well, but I sense that further improvement is possible through therapeutic work. However, during this phase of life, there is some societal resistance to the idea of seeking therapy—it's not widel …
Anxiety or Language Issue?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:45:09
Dear Therapist: Our 13-year-old daughter is a very sweet girl who is not the best academically but overall does well. She is however pretty quiet in general, seems slightly anxious and seems to have trouble really expressing herself. For example she has a hard time describing the details of a story and usually will just talk in short sentences and will answer a question with a word or two. We are considering therapy for her but someone rece …
Anxiety Or Concern...Which Is It?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-09-19 10:17:55
Dear Therapist: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is it ever appropriate for me to be anxious or should I always be working on trying to remain calm. I hear people say that some anxiety is good but I wonder if that applies to someone like me. Even regarding the Yemei Hadin I wonder if the yirah th …
Anxiety or ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-02-07 10:50:13
Dear Therapist: I have always struggled in several areas such as concentration, inability to complete projects, and too much talking. I have read articles about this and some seem to suggest that this is about anxiety while others indicate that it is ADHD related. How do I differentiate between these two possibilities? Response: There are many symptoms that can apply to various disorders. Sometimes it can be difficult to ascertain which p …
Anxiety and Faith
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-05-23 16:17:28
Dear Therapist: My daughter is in seminary this year and it's the first time she's dormed a full year with other girls. She mentioned to me that one of her roommates seems very socially anxious & has a hard time making friends & being sociable. My daughter tries to include her but she often withdraws because of her social anxiety. She suggested to this girl that she speak to someone about her struggles & she keeps responding that she …
Anti Vaxxers
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-07-18 08:44:54
Dear Therapist: As everyone not living under a rock is aware, there has recently been an outbreak of measles in the frum community. While most of you are not medical doctors I was hoping you can help me from a psychological perspective. How can it be that something like vaccines that are considered safe and necessary by 99.9 percent of the medical community and somehow people have a cramp in their head against it? How are we to understand this p …
Anonymous Overeaters
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-04-05 15:57:54
Dear Therapist: I have struggled for years with overeating and dieting. I was put on a diet at a young age (I was not overweight; it was purely for aesthetics) and as a result I have spent over 20 years yoyo dieting. I mostly maintain a normal to slightly large physique, so my health is not in great danger. But I cannot seem to get beyond this. I use food to cope and to relieve any emotions I cannot handle. I basically wake up and crash whatever …
Angry Teenager
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:38:05
Dear Therapist: I have a 13 year old son who has been having these anger outbursts. He has always been a pretty good kid but since his bar mitzvah has been getting really angry with his parents and siblings. He has been physical with his siblings and talks with a lot of chutzpah to his parents, especially his father. His rabbeim say he is doing well in school and there hasn't been much of a change in his life other than the added responsibilities …
Angry, Defiant Child
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:23:15
Dear Therapist: We had been having some difficulties with our 7 year old son through the beginning of the school year. He had just been very angry and chutpahdik. In general he seems to have trouble expressing what is bothering him and seems to act out instead. Over the 3 months in which he was not going to school there was a noticeable change in his behavior for the better. My husband and I looked at each other one day and it hit us how well he …
Am I My Husband's Keeper?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2019-12-26 13:15:46
Dear Therapist: My husband has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is also overweight and has slightly high blood pressure. He is on medication to help with these issues but his doctors keep emphasizing that he needs to eat healthily and exercise in order to really control these problems and prevent dangerous complications. I have been a dutiful wife and been preparing healthy meals for him. He eats those but will sneak unhealthy food at othe …
Am I being Bullied?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-08-13 12:36:44
Dear Therapist: I am a 15-year-old bochur in what many consider a choshuve mesivta. I consider myself a nice person. Perhaps I am a bit shy. I am often the subject of “sharfe” lines by the bochurim in yeshiva. There is a mehalech in the yeshiva of everyone trying to show how sharf and quick and smart they are, and for whatever reason I am the punching bag. Maybe cuz I’m an out of town …
Am I Anxious and Depressed, or Just Unmotivated?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-05-11 11:47:06
Dear Therapist: I struggle a lot with motivation. I have studied a lot of psychology on my own and have a good understanding of how to deal with negative emotions. I can deal with sadness and anxiety and stop them from interfering with my life but I still just don't feel energized and motivated. It is easy for people to tell me that I should "just do it" but I think that emotions are necessary for us to be driven and I just don't seem to have tha …
Am I a Hypochondriac?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2017-02-01 08:56:07
Dear Therapist: I go through periods of time when I am consumed with worry about my health. I will be OK for a few months but then I wind up spending all day convinced that I have some sort of horrible illness. I wish I would be able to function normally. Why is this happening to me, and what can I do to stop it? Response: There can be numerous triggers for fears related to health. From a clinical perspective, Illness Anxiety Disorde …
Aliyah-phobia
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2024-06-26 10:06:58
Dear Therapist: I have a silly fear of getting an aliyah. I have actually heard others that have it as well. This is even though I actually don't have an issue with doing other things in public. In the past I have managed to "white knuckle" it when I needed to but recently, I have found myself slipping out of shul during laining to try and avoid it. I do well otherwise and have no traumas or anything like that in my life. I am wond …
Affordable Quality Orthodox Therapists--Myth or Reality?
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2020-10-23 08:34:13
Dear Therapist: I have a question which I hope you can help me with: I'm looking for a new therapist, one that is in-network and takes my insurance. I'm doing a ton of research, calling up therapists, clinics etc...but I keep bumping into the money issue. I just hung up with yet another therapist that didn't work out, and I'm honestly feeling helpless, hopeless and demoralized. Is this how the system is g …
Adults with ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 14:05:51
Dear Therapist: Is it possible for someone who never had ADHD to get it for the first time as an adult? I have recently started having trouble just staying focused on work as well as paying attention during shuirim and concentrating in davening. I have never had this issue before and was an excellent student all through yeshiva. My chavrusah actually recently made an offhand comment about how "ADD" I am and it really got …
Adult Identity Confusion
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2022-11-17 12:57:15
Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s, and BH I'm a busy mother. However, I constantly have dreams that I am in high school. The dreams are not at all disturbing, they are just filled with the day-to-day life of a high schooler (tests, lessons, etc.). This is very puzzling to me, as I am double the age I was then, and I'm at a completely different stage of life. Additionally, I always feel that I am "faking it" being an adult, and I feel overwhelmed by …
Adult ADHD
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:18:34
Dear Therapist: My primary care physician recently told my husband that he thinks he has ADHD. My husband never had that diagnosis as a child, though I am not sure that means anything because he had a lot of different issues going on as a kid and that may have slipped through the cracks. Baruch Hashem he is doing fine now but has had trouble staying on track, specifically in work related areas. The doctor would like to prescribe him medication, b …
Addiction in the Jewish Community
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-01-03 14:14:35
Dear Therapist: My question is short, but not so simple. I am an addict. Being an addict is very challenging, painful and lonely, but it’s extra difficult to suffer from this disease in the Jewish community. It’s such a stigma and I have to hide my whole life from everyone. My question is, how can I learn to accept and love myself, to forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done when I know that if people knew I am an addict, I wo …
Academia and Woke Ideology
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2023-12-25 14:33:31
Dear Therapist: The world of academia has recently come under a lot of scrutiny for its antisemitism. To those paying attention the so-called intellectuals in college campuses have become more and more antithetical to Torah values, but even more so to common sense! These ideas seem more prevalent in the social work and psychology fields. I can only imagine that these newfangled ideas seep into how mental health disorders are evaluated and treated …
Abrupt Therapy Termination
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2021-11-18 08:34:36
Dear Therapist: Hi, I look forward to your column each week because you always have such insightful answers and opinions.
My therapist recently terminated my therapy with her. My psychiatrist as well has abruptly ended my treatment. I was not informed of the reasons as to why they stopped seeing me, and they did not give me closure either. I was wondering if this is a common thing for therapists and doctors to do. I was also wondering if I …
A Child's Fear of Death
Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
2018-12-03 09:57:45
Dear Therapist: One of our children is obsessed with death. He is 6 years old and is constantly asking questions about it. He asks us when we will die, when bubby and zaidy will die, etc. It used to be kind of cute when he planned for our demise, but recently he has been getting much more serious about it. He has been worrying more and has been waking up with "bad dreams" in middle of the night. We try to be reassuring, and that used to be enough …