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Introduction August 2016
Author:
August 24th, 2016
Dear Readers. There are all types of unhealthy relationships and many reasons why people stay in them. For those who haven’t experienced this but who have played the confidant to someone in an unhealthy relationship, it can be understandable, from a practical standpoint, why people stay, Perhaps the person’s reasons for staying in the relationship are financial, or maybe it’s the feeling that if one makes a commitment, on …
Healing Early Wounds through Psychotherapy
Author: Chaya Rubin, Ph.D
August 24th, 2016
Our very first relationships are the ones that we form with our caretakers, most typically, our mother and/or father. It is these early bonds that serve as a template for all our other relationships to come. As a baby, and then as child, we learn exactly what is at stake in our closest relationships. These primary alliances are instructive in representing what we can expect from others throughout our life, as well as what we are required to provi …
Love in the Face of Pain
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
August 24th, 2016
They may not want it. They may not know they need it. But you need to know better. Discipline. Boundaries. The foundation of knowing how to navigate through society. You may not think that this applies to children with mental illness. However, structure is paramount for children, including those struggling with issues such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Behaviors, Mood Disorders... t …
The Power of Apology
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
August 24th, 2016
We’ve all been there. A loved one says “sorry” and we feel uneasy and confused. On one hand, it seems ungracious to refuse an apology; on the other, the apology feels empty and insincere. Because the other person has apologized, he feels that the matter is closed. So, unsettled as we may feel, we let it go… and the resentment begins to build. For those readers who have trouble recognizing this pattern, visit any schoolyar …
What's the Problem with Marriage?
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
August 24th, 2016
The problem with marriage is that our partner has the ability to hurt us in ways no one else can. We are hardwired to want to be in an intimate relationship with another. Our initial blueprint for attachment is formulated by our first intimate relationship, that of our primary caregiver. The messages we received as children around our worthiness, specialness, and lovability were reflected in the responses our caregiver gave us. Ideally, when we e …
Why Doesn't She Just Leave? Understanding the Complexity of Domestic Abuse
Author: Shoshana D Frydman, PhD, LCSW
August 24th, 2016
Imagine feeling like a hostage in your own home, unable to come and go as you please; always worrying about the next attack, even during times of relative peace. This fear is based on your experience and the awareness that, at some point, there will be another attack. And this fear takes over your life, and permeates itself into every experience and action that you take. I am not referring to what life is like in Israel or other terrorist-laden c …
Teenagers: Mission Impossible
Author: Alexander Rand, LCSW-R CASAC
August 26th, 2015
Raising teenagers in 2015 requires education, skill, luck, practice, and of course, prayer and God. Even with all that, it’s still not enough. We need more prayer and more God, and if you’ve ever raised a teenager, you’ll understand exactly why. Adolescence is a time when a child naturally starts to experiment with rules, challenging authority, and beginning to form his/her own identity. While that can be terrifying for parents, …
Raising Resilient Children: Rising to the Challenges of Today and Tomorrow
Author: Chaya Drucker, MSW, LCSW, ACSW
August 26th, 2015
As loving parents, we understandably long to protect our precious children from all suffering, risks, hardships, and adversity. Yet we recognize that this is neither possible nor ultimately desirable, since we will not be permanently available to serve as their shield against the demands and difficulties of life. Furthermore, we realize that each person’s challenges constitute a customized crucible, divinely ordained to actualize his …
Praiseworthy Children
Author: Shaya Hecht, LMSW, CASAC-T
August 26th, 2015
Praise can be a very effective tool in reinforcing your child’s actions. Many parents seem to be resistant to praising their child, arguing that: “Praise doesn’t work… I don’t want to praise him too much because then he/she will get spoiled… I sound like a broken record when I tell my child “good job” every few minutes…” and similar excuses. It is important to note that although …
Parenting a Child with Mental Illness
Author: Sarah Kahan, LCSW
August 26th, 2015
“Hello Yehudis, how can I help you?” “I heard you have a residence for adults with mental illness. My son, who just turned 20, is in the psych ward for the third time this year. I am no longer able to care for him at home and I am imploring you for help. Do you know what it’s like to have a child who doesn’t want to take his medication and doesn’t come out of his room for days, doesn’t shower, and on …
Impulse Control Disorders in Children
Author: Jonathan Bellin, LCSW
August 26th, 2015
When observing and diagnosing behavior in children, it is very important to differentiate between aggression and hyperactivity. Hyperactivity is not synonymous with being oppositional or aggressive. Whereas hyperactivity is a defining feature of ADHD, aggression is not. Similarly, a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is oppositional with rules at home and/or in school, but they are not physically aggressive. There are d …
Finding the Teachable Moment
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
August 26th, 2015
Many a parent believes in the power of constant discipline, providing further proof that “when you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” However, in my mind, strong discipline is overkill – and subject to the law of diminishing returns. In other words, when it comes to discipline, more is less. Like any system, overuse may breed ineffectiveness and even resentment. And the last thing a parent wants to do is compromis …
Facilitating Acceptance
Author: Kalman Canant, LCSW, CSAT-c
August 26th, 2015
Life seldom gives us exactly what we want or the way we want it. Disappointment can be difficult for us in many ways, causing a lot of disturbance. The way we expected reality to turn out just doesn’t match the way that it does turn out, and this incongruity produces much suffering. Expectations are like entry ramps into our journey through the spiral of non-acceptance. We experience at least two stages on this journey, and enter into …
Can Two Wrongs Make One Right?
Author: Marlene Greenspan
August 26th, 2015
Two wrongs do not make a right, as the old saying goes – and this usually works quite well when parents encourage their children to get past a fighting mode. But in fact, two negatives do make a positive in the disciplines of math and grammar. So why doesn’t it apply to a person’s consideration of morality? Don’t the two principles seem to contradict each other? Math and grammar are challenging subject skills for many. On …
Introduction August 2015
Author:
August 26th, 2015
Recently a very tragic – very public – suicide has become fodder for countless news outlets, front page stories, blogs, and even more conversations. People who knew the young woman who jumped twenty stories to her death only tangentially, or not at all, expressed very strong ideas about what had happened, why it happened and whose fault it was. Everybody seems to have an opinion and something to say. When a tragedy such as this one oc …
Introduction August 2017
Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW
August 28th, 2017
When it comes to childrearing, there are so many decisions to be made. One major area is schooling and all the decisions that go into making sure our children have the healthiest experience they can have in the place they spend the majority of their day. One of the reasons this can become anxiety- provoking is the fact that each child is different, and can require so many different things, depending on so many factors. More than one child can mea …
Choosing a Better Way to Divorce
Author: Alan Winder, PhD
August 28th, 2017
Wouldn’t it would be great if divorce didn’t exist, people were always happy in their marriage, and they stayed together for the rest of their lives? There was a time when people tended–for better or worse–to stay married, and divorce was not commonplace. Unfortunately today, as we are all aware, divorce rates have been quite high, and only continue to rise. When a couple separates and/or decides to divorce, there are cert …
Marital Compatibility and Communication and Why They Are Overrated
Author: Alan M. Singer, Ph.D., LMSW
August 28th, 2017
When one thinks of marital problems, two primary issues generally come to mind: compatibility and communication. Contrary to popular belief, compatibility is not something you have–it is something you create. It is about how you speak to each other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together. Rarely do couples call me for a counseling appointment and mention a lack of compatibility as their primary issue, even thou …
A Guide to Guided Imagery
Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC
August 28th, 2017
Today’s world is jam-packed with information via a constant and steady barrage on our technological devices that surround and accompany us everywhere we go. Our children, as well, are in the same predicament. PBS Kids, for example, offers an endless stream of programs designed to entertain and educate children practically from infancy. Using color and movement, these programs fascinate young viewers, regardless of whether or not they …
Consequences vs. Punishment
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
August 28th, 2017
All too many parents struggle with discipline. They will often complain that they have trouble making their rules stick, and busy themselves with searching for the “magic” that will make the process of discipline work. They may search for a list of punishments that they can whip out at a moment’s notice in the hope that that would get the children to listen. Unfortunately, despite ads and claims to the contrary, there is no magi …
Coping With Back to School Anxiety
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
August 28th, 2017
We have all experienced trepidation before a life-changing event, or a small anxiety-provoking experience. The feelings of butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounding in your chest, or the need to run to the bathroom several times in an hour, is a familiar sensation to most everybody. Regardless of whether you are worried about an upcoming flight, an important business meeting or a life-altering phone call, the physical sensation is the same …
13 Reasons Why: A Parenting Opportunity
Author: Dvora Entin, LCSW
August 28th, 2017
In a world where news headlines change dramatically at lightning speed almost hourly, perhaps the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, seems like an already irrelevant topic of conversation or discussion. As a therapist who had to watch most of the episodes for a work-related responsibility, the content of the show persists in my subconscious and continues to draw my attention even several months later. Seeing this series as a parent of teenagers, as …
LChaim To Life
Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICCP
August 28th, 2017
I recently saw a 12-year-old boy drinking bourbon at a party. He was making faces as he absorbed the burn of the liquid. I asked him who gave him the drink. “A friend,” he replied. “Do you like it?” I asked. “It’s uchy.” “So why drink it?” “I drink it so I can be part of their group,” was his honest, and very naïve, response. I followed him around for a few minutes and saw tha …
Looking Forward To the New School Year
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW
August 28th, 2017
What is that deep feeling of relief washing over parents across the globe? Oh yes, school is almost here! As happy as parents were for the much needed break of summer, parents are just as happy at this point to wave goodbye as their children cruise down the road in the big yellow school bus. You are looking forward–but maybe your child is not. As the first day of school approaches, maybe you notice subtle differences in your chi …
Reward and Punishment
Author: Rabbi Dr. Joel Rosenshein, Ph.D.
August 28th, 2017
In today's day and age, there seems to be a popular belief that children should not be raised in the old method of reward or punishment. When we look around, however, it is apparent that many of our present problems with our children come down to our spoiling them, perhaps more so than in any previous generation. Although there is a need to praise more than to discipline, to reward more than to discipline, it is still essential to provide consequ …
Connecting With Resilience
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW CCTP
August 29th, 2019
Eighty years ago, in the summer of 1939, fear and anticipation gripped the world. In London, government officials grappled with the difficult question of how to keep children safe during the expected bombing of London by the Nazis. The plan that was conceived involved loading thousands of children, with notes pinned to their clothing recording their identification and essential information, onto trains which carried them into the British countrys …
Coming Full Circle
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
August 30th, 2019
In one of my early graduate classes, our professor posed the following question, “Given that so much of our existence touches on cycles—night and day, the seasons of the year, evaporation and rainfall, to name but a few—is there anything that can be described as linear?” One brave student volunteered the answer that human life is linear: a child is born, they mature, become an adult, begin to age, and then they die. Our pr …
Attachments
Author: Pamela Siller, MD
August 30th, 2019
Shoshana couldn’t wait to grab a cup of coffee with Perel, her childhood friend. As they had known each other since preschool, there was no need for pretense or presumption. Along with a steaming mug, the familiarity and acceptance was almost medicinal. There was so much waiting to be discussed: a controlling boyfriend, a demeaning supervisor, needy parents and intrusive friends. Shoshana could not understand why her interpersonal rel …
Precious Memories
Author: Rabbi Joshua Marder, MA, LMFT
August 30th, 2019
Relationship Insight: Research and experience teach us that children need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable within themselves and the environment around them. To accomplish this security, they seek proximity to their parents or other caregivers. As adults, we also need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable in our environment and within ourselves. And we also seek out safety, security, and comfort from our loved ones. As adults, we learn …
How Sowing in Tears Reaps in Joy
Author: Rabbi Joshua Marder, MA, LMFT
August 30th, 2019
Relationship Insight: I told my wife I was going to bed early last Tuesday night. I was wrong. At 10:30 pm, my anticipated bedtime, I found myself in the car taking one of my kids to the ER. It was a beautiful and extremely unpleasant experience. No one enjoys seeing their loved one in pain, and no parent—especially me—enjoys missing their bedtime, but those painful moments are often precious moments. Furtherm …
The Power of Attachment Templates
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
August 30th, 2019
What makes us attracted to one person over another? What happens when we are continuously drawn to a personality type that we know is not good for us? Is attraction, and subsequently attachment, in relation to a significant other a conscious or unconscious process? The answer to these questions lies in an understanding of attachment templates. This understanding can make a big difference in determining who we choose to be in a relationship with. …
Forgiving Hashem
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
August 30th, 2019
The month of Elul is almost upon us. From the end of Elul through Yom Kippur, while many Jews recite, in an undertone, the formal script with which they seek forgiveness, some might simultaneously be conducting an even quieter, conversation with themselves. The personal conversation takes on a different tone and tenor than the forgiveness formula: I’ve been reciting the litany of my sins for weeks on end. It’s starting to grate on my …
Community Conflict and Resilience
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
August 31st, 2020
Dear Readers, We are six months into a pandemic that has impacted almost every facet of our lives. Many of us have emerged from the more extreme forms of lockdown and are encountering an outside world that bears, at best, a limited resemblance to the world we once knew. Simchos are being celebrated on a size and scale that seems familiar; yet not all of us can safely attend. Some of us have been able to return to work; others have not. The childr …
The Pain of an Individual
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
August 31st, 2020
Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative were safeguarded, by modifying identifying details. It didn’t dawn on me during the first week of the shutdown, or even during the second or third week. The pandemic had shuttered our schools and synagogues for more than a month, before I recalled my earlier conversation with Hank. Hank is a bright, sensitive young man. …
Jewish Stories for Self-Esteem and Personal Growth
Author: Tina Kahn, LMHC, LMFT
August 31st, 2020
Stories have always intrigued people of all ages. They engage and stimulate us on both a cognitive and emotional level, leaving us open to receive their deepest messages, whether they are how to achieve self-esteem, experience personal growth, or gain a connection with the Ribbono Shel Olam. Welcome to my storybook, which you can interpret and relate to on any level. There is a story told about a rebbe giving counseling to his followers. Th …
Resilience and its Pitfalls
Author: Fraidy Zeidman M.S. Ed, LMHC
August 31st, 2020
Resilience is touted by scientists as one of the prime ingredients necessary to navigate life’s challenges. Merriam Webster dictionary defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." We often look towards children, with their positive outlooks on life, as a great example of resilience, to understand its benefits. While the advantages of resilience are numerous, let’s look at the …
The World of the Family Caregiver
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
August 31st, 2020
Shani is at her wits end. She is the only child of Holocaust survivor parents. Over the years they have faced a great deal of difficulty with memory issues, forgetting to pay bills, failing to take medications properly and not remembering doctor’s appointments. Her mother calls her several times a day, forgetting that she spoke to her 10 minutes prior. Her father expresses concern about strangers coming through the window. He leaves random …
Kids in Isolation
Author: Sarah Levy, PhD
August 31st, 2020
It started to spread like wildfire in Israel. No, I’m not referring to the coronavirus itself, but to the phenomenon of kids in isolation, or what is known in Hebrew as “bidud.” My daughters’ friends who lived in another city called to inform them of how they were preparing for a 14-day bidud after some classmates had tested positive for coronavirus. Some of these friends sounded excited as they described the mini fridge t …
The Face Behind the Mask
Author: Rachel Slochowsky LMFT, CSAT
August 31st, 2020
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that wearing masks have been proven to help protect us from Covid-19. In a world that feels so chaotic, unstable and unknown, many of us have been holding on to this theory. Just wear the mask and you’ll be safer, wear the mask and you won’t be exposed. As difficult and painful as this pandemic has been, it has brought to the surface something profound. Masks seem to be for the …
Building Resilience in Children
Author: Dr. Sara Teichman
August 31st, 2020
Do you ever worry that your kids have it ‘too good?’ They are carpooled to wherever, have their own rooms [well, maybe with one sib], and their own personal lawyer [you!] to help them deal with any issues at school. They have unlimited credit [your credit cards!] and by virtue of their very birth, are entitled to sleep-away camp and a gap year in Israel. How different this is from our childhood where we walked everywhere, shared a roo …