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Showing Results 120 - 160 (271 total)
Defusing Defensiveness
Author:
2017-11-28 12:12:54
By Sara Teichman, Psy.D. Do you feel like you can’t tell your kids anything? Even something like “remember your lunch money” or “Did you shut the air in your room?” Forget about something that is actually instructive – mind you, not critical. So, does a reminder that there is a family Bar Mitzvah the night before finals or a suggestion to take winter clothes to the school Shabbaton elicit a barrage of eye rolli …
Introduction November 2017
Author:
2017-11-28 12:12:57
By Yehuda Krohn, PsyD A little over a month ago, many of us were present in shul when Megillas Kohelles was read. In perhaps the best known section of Kohelles, the beginning of the third chapter, we are introduced to the notion that there is a time and season for every object under the heavens. What is remarkable about what follows – a time to give birth, a time to die; a time to plant, a time to uproot; and each of the subsequent pairings …
When Asking for a Woman’s Dress Size Becomes the Norm: How Dating in the Jewish World is Contributing to Body Image Issues and Disordered Eating
Author:
2018-02-26 12:33:31
When Asking for a Woman’s Dress Size Becomes the Norm: How Dating in the Jewish World is Contributing to Body Image Issues and Disordered Eating By: Elizabeth Carmen, MA, Ed.M, LMHC The media, both Jewish and secular, has been giving this topic a lot of attention lately, which is terrific, but also highlights the fact that there is a major pandemic in the community. While writing this article, an article was published in Self magazine abou …
Changing the Rules
Author:
2018-02-26 12:33:54
Changing the Rules Dvora Entin, LCSW in collaboration with Zisa Levin, RMSWI Just when you think you finally know the way to talk about sexual abuse prevention, the rules change. Take a look at prevention curriculums, where we teach about "Ok Touch" and "Not OK Touch" and the caveat we put in that "even though you don't like how it feels, it's ok for a doctor to touch your private parts because he or she is there to keep you healthy." Oh, a …
The pressure is on: The impact of stress on our children and what we can do about it.
Author:
2018-02-26 12:34:02
The Pressure Is On: The Impact of Stress On Our Children and What We Can Do About It. By Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R In today’s fast paced modern world, the experience of life is assaulted upon by a relentless barrage of stress and pressure. Mommy is rushing to get everyone out of the house. Mommy and daddy are getting ready for work and I am hurriedly escorted out of my home onto the school bus. I arrive at school and spend …
Acceptance and Communication: Cornerstones in Marriage
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2018-02-26 12:34:07
Acceptance and Communication: Cornerstones in Marriage By: David H. Rosmarin, Ph.D Imagine the following scenario: You and your husband are recently married. You move into a new community and are looking to become more acquainted with other people, so your husband joins the local shul and becomes involved with their evening programming. You are happy for him and don’t want to interfere, but as time passes you realize you really don&r …
What Truly Counts In A Mate
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2018-02-26 12:34:12
What Truly Counts in a Mate? Michael J Salamon, Ph.D. I have heard many accounts of just what people are looking for in a spouse. These stories range from questions of tablecloth colors; to a potential bride’s mother’s, and even grandmother’s, dress size; to the age at which the potential choson was toilet trained; to whether or not they chew gum; to how much money the partner’s parents are committing to the couple for the …
Disclosure, How and When?
Author:
2018-02-26 12:34:23
Disclosure, How and When? By: Pamela P. Siller, MD “Hello doctor, this is Mrs. Goldman. I just wanted to let you know that Shmuel Rosen, his mother, or the Shadchen will be calling about Rivky. Such a wonderful boy, truly Bashert, but he has some questions for you. Just let them know my Rivky is fine, and all should be good, Kol Tuv”. Voicemails such as these, or any variations thereof, may instill fear, or at the very least, some de …
Why Children Misbehave
Author:
2018-02-26 12:34:28
Why Children Misbehave By Sara Teichman, Psy. D. Do you find yourself embarrassed sometimes by your children’s behavior? Have you managed, by dint of consequences and threats, to teach them what not to do, but find they do not know what to do or how to do it? Do they have the knowledge and the skills they need in order to behave appropriately? We all know that children do well if they can. What child does not want to wake up to the love and …
Introduction February 2018
Author:
2018-02-26 12:34:39
Introduction February 2018 By Lisa Twerski, LCSW What needs to be disclosed? For many of us, this question conjures up thoughts of shidduchim and mental health. Dr. Pamela Siller tackles many of these issues, both from the perspective of the law, the considerations of the clinician and the worries of the person in shidduchim and his or her family. Elizabeth Carmen talks about one of the kinds of disclosures we may be asked to make for shidduch pu …
Standing in Silence
Author:
2018-05-31 09:58:00
By Dvora Entin, LCSW Several years ago, I had the privilege of accompanying a couple on a very painful path of medical care and difficult choices for their newly delivered child. This family had reached out to rabbonim months before the due date to plan a halachicly guided course of decision making and spent many hours devoted to preparatory palliative care and planning for the many outcomes both expected and unexpected. When that bab …
Introduction June 2018
Author:
2018-05-31 10:09:54
By Rabbi Dr. Yehuda Krohn, Psy. D Let’s try a brief experiment. I’m going to share a word or two with you. As you read the word, I want you to pay attention to any emotions that may arise within you. Then, I want you to rate your experience on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 representing almost no emotion and 10 signaling emotions that are so intense they’re “off the charts.” Ready? Here’s the first wor …
Co-Partners in Healing
Author:
2018-05-31 10:10:05
By Marlene Greenspan Healing involves a wide variety of techniques that enable the damaged or injured body to return to its original level of good health and functionality. Traditional medicine includes plants as well as synthetic applications and new technological releases from current research and development. Spiritual healing techniques today include mind and body connections that have been studied scientifically by modern therapists. Many of …
HEARING VOICES GROUP A RECOVERY ORIENTED APPROACH TO PSYCHOSIS
Author:
2018-05-31 10:11:47
By Leah Rokeach LCSW "You are no good. You are a failure. You won't achieve anything good in your life. You might as well be dead." These are the voices that Jay, who is 38 years old, has been hearing since he was 22 years old. Jay lives at home with his single mom. He started to hear voices after he was let go from his job as a messenger When he started to hear voices, he became very frightened and did not tell anyone. He isolated himself …
I love my child. I can't stand my child! Healing Your Relationship with Your Child
Author:
2018-05-31 10:23:20
By Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R There are a lot of parenting books out there. You would think that any parenting issue could be solved by simply following the well charted path as laid out by the professionals in the field. You will have a great relationship with your kid. Homework? Piece of cake. Bedtime? What could be more fun? Yet, the reality is that raising children is an …
Healing from Sexual Abuse: The Relevance of Religion
Author:
2018-05-31 10:26:51
By David H. Rosmarin & Talia Kaplan “Let bygones be bygones” is a fairly common phrase amongst adults. Indeed, it’s a sign of maturity to deal with the stresses of daily life without becoming overly limited or restricted by our past. In many instances, this is a useful approach for example, when arguing with a spouse it is typically helpful to only focus on the issue at hand instead of rehashing old arguments and missteps. S …
Health and Healing
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2018-05-31 10:31:54
By Pamela Siller MD What is healing? The healing process is individual and varies from person to person. A young child anxiously awaits a Band-Aid for a boo-boo, which magically cures all ails. A school-age child impatiently waits for an invitation to join the “in-crowd,” which is thought to banish loneliness. A physically ill woman hopes for a clear CT scan and a clean bill of health. In healthcare, we speak of response, …
Bag of Tricks
Author:
2018-05-31 10:34:41
By Sara Teichman, Psy.D. Are your children basically good kids who happen to drive you crazy when they want something? Or, perhaps they are better with your husband and, wouldn’t you know it, angels in school. Let me guess. This is what it sounds like….. Your five-year-old whines and nags until he gets it [Shabbos cereal, a new toy, whatever]. Lots of kids do that, but this is over the top. He can go on all day! And even in public pl …
The Change From Within
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2018-09-04 10:37:35
By Lisa Twerski, LCSW When we are children, our parents can imbue us with a healthy sense of self. They love us and we feel loved, they show confidence in us and we feel self-confident, they esteem us and we feel self-esteem. They may do this by expressing these things directly. They may do this by giving us the opportunity to try and succeed or fail, showing us that we have them by our side no matter what. There are many ways parents can seek to …
Change: It’s Not About Them
Author:
2018-09-04 10:43:40
By Sara Teichman, Psy.D. Many parents see changing some part of their children’s behavior as a critical goal. They feel that it is their duty to fix their children, to eradicate any negative patterns of behavior. Some try to teach, lecture, give examples, and tell stories all in an effort to get their children to change. However their children already know the rules. They know that they should wait their turn, follow directions, etc. They d …
Changing from Within
Author:
2018-09-04 11:23:43
By: Pamela P. Siller, MD The Beginning As a practicing psychiatrist, I am frequently asked how to engage an unwilling patient in mental health treatment. My response is unvaried, “It is very difficult. The desire to change must come from within.” Although the precipitant to change can take many forms, it usually involves some degree of psychic pain or discomfort, as change is neither easy nor comfortable. The next step involves a will …
Decisions from within
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2018-09-04 11:46:26
By: Dr. Michael J. Salamon How do we make decisions? How do we process information and use it to help us determine which decisions are appropriate for us to make? The human brain is an intricate organ. It processes voluminous amounts of information every second and responds instantly to complex data. To operate that way, the brain uses algorithms, allowing us to react rapidly. Evaluating this process is an enlightening study of the brain and how …
METHODOLOGIES FOR CHANGE WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF A DATING/MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
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2018-09-04 12:03:46
By: Marcy Davidovics, LCSW The couple sitting before me were dating for 6 months. After ups and downs and working through the logistical, emotional, and practical components of their relationship, they seemed to be making headway. It was now down to one perception that one of them labeled as seemingly “non-negotiable.” They felt stuck. The concern had nothing to do with character traits or negative behavior, for those are not f …
Fostering Positive Behaviors
Author: By Mendi Baron, LCSW
2018-09-04 12:07:23
So many young people come through the doors of treatment struggling with a variety of behavioral and addiction issues. Oftentimes they are accompanied by their parents, who tend to feel pain, frustration, and, most commonly, guilt for their child’s struggle. What did we do? What could we have done? How did it come to this? There is no easy answer. It is difficult, maybe even impossible, to find one specific cause or lapse of judgment within …
Rising Above Pittsburg
Author: By Yehuda Krohn Psy.D
2018-12-04 11:49:06
By Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D Text and Image published in collaboration with the Jewish Press. There are situations in life that hold us back from reaching our fullest potential. They essentially keep us down. Some situations derive from our environment. They are about transitions, related to work, school, or even the change of seasons. Some hit closer to home, as with the experience of trauma or even the recent birth of a child, yet others are harder t …
Her Silent Struggle
Author: Chaya Kohn, LMHC
2018-12-04 11:56:46
By Chaya Kohn, LMHC Text and Image published in collaboration with the Jewish Press It happened again. Of course it did. Why would she expect anything different when it happens every day? She comes home tired from the day, emotionally and physically drained. The day always plays out the same, starting with the mornings. Bracha wakes up to the sound of her alarm blaring. She leans over to turn it off and in that brief second, all the hurtful thoug …
Are You Experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Author: Mendi Baron, LCSW
2018-12-04 12:04:11
By Mendi Baron, LCSW Text and Image published in collaboration with the Jewish Press As Tishrei comes to a close and we head into the “pre-Chanukah” stretch, one important topic that comes up often, especially with teens, is S.A.D. Seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD), is a mood disorder that most commonly occurs during the late fall and winter months when the weather changes and it gets darker earli …
How to Find Your Horizon of Healthy Thinking: A Powerful Three-Step Therapy Technique for Addressing Negativity Based on a New Book
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-12-04 12:17:02
Text and Image published in collaboration with the Jewish Press Moods, to some extent, are just part of being human. With the holiday season behind us and the chilly weather blowing in, many of us find ourselves feeling down more than we’d like. Almost everyone feels like this sometimes- I know I do. When we wake up “on the wrong side of the bed” or encounter frustrations, we may feel that we are being ambushed by inevitable neg …
Rising to Meet New Motherhood: SELF care in the Postpartum Period
Author: Dr. Sarah J. Miller
2018-12-04 12:26:50
Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press Angry cries pierce the silence of a still house in the dead of night. It’s time for that 3 a.m. feeding again. Or is it? Blearily wiping your eyes, you glance at the clock. Actually it’s 1:52, and the baby has been up three times already since midnight. Sighing, you fumble for a pacifier. It’s going to be a long night. Becoming a new mother, even for the second, …
School: Throw a Fit, Grin and Bear it or Hey, Let's See How we Can Benefit! How to end the daily power struggle over school and help your child thrive.
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R
2018-12-04 12:30:02
Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press “Why do I have to do all this dumb work? It's so boring. How is this going to help me anyway?” “Jake, for the 20th time, go do your homework!” “I'm not going to school, you can't make me.” Does this sound familiar? This is a picture of a child resisting and avoiding something in life that makes him miserable. A perfectly natural re …
Rising above
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
2018-12-04 12:32:32
By Pamella Siller, MD Text and Image published in in collaboration with the Jewish Press 2002 Rochel pulled the covers even more tightly over her head in a futile attempt to drown out the sounds. She knew, without looking, that her father had been drinking too much at the Weinstein’s L’Chaim, and he would be mean tonight. She was dreading the next day, knowing that she would not be able to hide the dark circles under her eyes after a …
4 Tips for Living with our Brains
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2019-02-26 11:39:41
By Eitan Zerykier, LMSW Hands Exercise Try this: Slowly raise your hands in front of your face, until they are covering your eyes. Try to see the world through the cracks between your fingers. Feeling weird enough yet? Take a moment to stop reading and try this. When you are done, come back. What would it be like to walk around like this all day? How much would you see? How much wouldn’t you see? This is what it is like to …
Who am I? – The Integration of Self
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2019-02-26 11:50:55
By Pamela Siller, MD When she awoke in the morning, her first thought was of her darling baby, born prematurely, awaiting her arrival in his bassinette in the NICU. Although she knew that she needed to stay strong, her panic steadily rose, until she ran to the bathroom and began to dry heave. Several minutes later, she rinsed out her mouth and started to dress. A couple of hours later, she was in her stride, lecturing to 32 elementary schoo …
Shifra, Puah and PMADs
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2019-02-26 11:59:03
By Michael Bleicher, LCSW From the time we read Parshas Shemos until we read Parshas Tetzaveh, we find ourselves in a period of the Jewish calendar known as “Shovavim Tat,” an acronym made of the first letter of Parshios Shemos through Tetzaveh. During this time in Jewish communities across the world, husbands and wives dedicate extra energy and time to fortifying their marriages. From reviewing the technical laws of family purit …
Internal Family Stress
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2019-02-26 12:05:23
By Frady Kess, LCSW I am depressed and it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am so anxious I can barely function. I am stuck and don’t know what to do next. I am really angry and can’t move on. Therapists hear statements like this very often. People describe the symptoms that bring them into treatment and often talk about the many things they have tried in order to get these problems to go away. Depress …
Empty Nest
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2019-02-26 12:15:14
By Dvorah Levy, LCSW I had been lamenting to friends about my empty nest until over the summer, two birds, weeks apart, found their way into my home. I then stopped complaining. “The bus is coming in ten minutes.” “What time will you be home for dinner? Is there anything in particular you want me to make?” “Do you have money for your trip?” “Ice cream again before dinner?!” “It’s …
Introduction - Integration
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2019-02-26 12:33:46
By Lisa Twerski, LCSW What is integration in a psychological sense and why is it important in our lives? An individual’s internal experience of self is understood to mean that one is fully connected with all parts of themselves and their life experiences, rather than in denial about those that are too painful. This is not to say that it’s possible to be completely aware of all of our thoughts, but rather that, in a general sense, the …
Influence Vs. Control
Author:
2019-06-03 09:35:16
By: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D. Many of us find ourselves in relationships. They can be familial, social, school, or business-related. Hopefully, we experience most of our relationships as satisfying; yet, not every relationship necessarily fulfills and nurtures. Some relationships may feel too distant while others may feel too close—too stifling—or just feel wrong. This edition of Mind Body & Soul, entitled Building Health …
The Relationship Dance
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2019-06-03 09:47:28
The Relationship Dance By: Dvorah Levy I asked the following question to a group of single men and women in their 50s and early 60s: “What is the hardest part about being single?” The answers given covered the lack of physical intimacy as well as the absence of someone who knows you well, with whom you can always talk and create new memories. The desire to be in a relationship with a significant other is hardwired into our very being; …
The Power of the 3AM Wake-up Call
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2019-06-03 09:50:40
The Power of The 3 AM Wake-up Call: Shaping your child’s relationships for years to come By: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R It begins again with a 3:00 AM wake-up call. There’s no snooze button: it’s your baby and she’s hungry. After that's taken care of, she needs to be burped, changed, cuddled, and lovingly put back to sleep. Predictably, a simmering frustra …
Building Healthy Relationships
Author:
2019-06-03 09:54:42
By: Pamela Siller What is a relationship? A relationship is defined as the way in which two or more people behave towards each other. Most of us relate to multitudes of people—consisting of all ages, races, creeds, roles, and socio-economic stations—during our daily lives. Just as no two people are alike, no two relationships are exactly the same. When asked what constitutes a positive or healthy relationship, many …
Do I Apologize to My Child?
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2019-06-03 10:01:08
By: Sara Teichman This question was a no-brainer to our grandparents and perhaps our parents as well. Parents were thought to be always in the right. The very idea of them apologizing was considered ludicrous, to say the least. Yet, the ability to apologize is critical in all human relationships. Let’s face it: in close relationships there are inevitably little breaches and breaks. However, by apologizing we mend the tears and strengthen th …
Your Spotlight and How to Use it
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2019-06-03 10:05:23
Your Spotlight and How to Use It By: Eitan Zerykier If the human mind is truly an unstoppable thought-machine, what good is it anyway? Have you ever watched a show or movie and without noticing, suddenly felt excited or found yourself crying? Or after it ended, you realized how engrossed you were and suddenly snapped back to reality? After watching a comedy, you may feel happier and lighter than before it began. Many have said …
Connecting With Resilience
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW CCTP
2019-08-29 21:08:38
Eighty years ago, in the summer of 1939, fear and anticipation gripped the world. In London, government officials grappled with the difficult question of how to keep children safe during the expected bombing of London by the Nazis. The plan that was conceived involved loading thousands of children, with notes pinned to their clothing recording their identification and essential information, onto trains which carried them into the British countrys …
Forgiving Hashem
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2019-08-30 14:15:58
The month of Elul is almost upon us. From the end of Elul through Yom Kippur, while many Jews recite, in an undertone, the formal script with which they seek forgiveness, some might simultaneously be conducting an even quieter, conversation with themselves. The personal conversation takes on a different tone and tenor than the forgiveness formula: I’ve been reciting the litany of my sins for weeks on end. It’s starting to grate on my …
The Power of Attachment Templates
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
2019-08-30 14:20:26
What makes us attracted to one person over another? What happens when we are continuously drawn to a personality type that we know is not good for us? Is attraction, and subsequently attachment, in relation to a significant other a conscious or unconscious process? The answer to these questions lies in an understanding of attachment templates. This understanding can make a big difference in determining who we choose to be in a relationship with. …
How Sowing in Tears Reaps in Joy
Author: Rabbi Joshua Marder, MA, LMFT
2019-08-30 14:26:16
Relationship Insight: I told my wife I was going to bed early last Tuesday night. I was wrong. At 10:30 pm, my anticipated bedtime, I found myself in the car taking one of my kids to the ER. It was a beautiful and extremely unpleasant experience. No one enjoys seeing their loved one in pain, and no parent—especially me—enjoys missing their bedtime, but those painful moments are often precious moments. Furtherm …
Precious Memories
Author: Rabbi Joshua Marder, MA, LMFT
2019-08-30 14:28:04
Relationship Insight: Research and experience teach us that children need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable within themselves and the environment around them. To accomplish this security, they seek proximity to their parents or other caregivers. As adults, we also need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable in our environment and within ourselves. And we also seek out safety, security, and comfort from our loved ones. As adults, we learn …
Attachments
Author: Pamela Siller, MD
2019-08-30 14:36:25
Shoshana couldn’t wait to grab a cup of coffee with Perel, her childhood friend. As they had known each other since preschool, there was no need for pretense or presumption. Along with a steaming mug, the familiarity and acceptance was almost medicinal. There was so much waiting to be discussed: a controlling boyfriend, a demeaning supervisor, needy parents and intrusive friends. Shoshana could not understand why her interpersonal rel …
Coming Full Circle
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2019-08-30 14:44:03
In one of my early graduate classes, our professor posed the following question, “Given that so much of our existence touches on cycles—night and day, the seasons of the year, evaporation and rainfall, to name but a few—is there anything that can be described as linear?” One brave student volunteered the answer that human life is linear: a child is born, they mature, become an adult, begin to age, and then they die. Our pr …
Living in Real Time
Author: Eitan Zerykier
2019-11-29 11:49:45
What is it like when you cannot find an item that you need, your child whines, or you see someone toss an entire meal’s worth of McDonald’s wrappers and soda bottles out their window? Frustrating, annoying, and disgusting? Our brain automatically sends us messages in response to what we see, hear, or experience around us. What we do next defines how we live our lives. No one will remember what you were thinking, only how you behaved. …
Caring for an Invisible Illness
Author:
2019-11-30 21:22:23
I once had an ingrown toenail which got removed but kept coming back. So, I went to my foot doctor to treat it. As I was sitting on the reclined chair, he sprayed a saline solution, which numbed my toe and allowed him to work on it without causing me an ounce of pain. He finished his job, but I couldn’t wear my regular shoe, as my toe had swelled from the injection. And so, I was given a boot to wear for two days. I was a bit embarrassed to …
Are Positive-Thinking Gurus Snake Oil Salespeople?
Author: Benjamin Halpern, LCSW
2019-11-30 21:54:03
There are so many gurus who talk about positive thinking. They teach that everything is essentially positive. You need to recognize that everything is great and rosy, if you don’t then you are not thinking positively, and you will not have the happy life that you desire. This is taken even a step further, that if you don’t see something as positive, you make it become negative; you are in control and responsible for all the negativity …
Narcissism: Self Love Disordered
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
2019-11-30 22:05:17
In the last edition of The Jewish Press’s Mind, Body and Soul, I published an article on attachment templates. In my article, I described a woman struggling to heal from a narcissistic relationship with her ex-husband only to find herself drawn to narcissists when she began dating again. In response, multiple individuals reached out to me wanting to talk about their relationship with a narcissist. Due to the interest this sparked, I thought …
Addiction Challenges a Parent’s Love
Author: Alberta Montano-DiFabio
2019-11-30 22:10:36
In my present life, I welcome the opportunity to write on the topic of addiction, but this was not always the case. Life experiences, knowledge, and the healing of time have brought a clarity of thought and feelings to be shared. For some, this article may provide an opportunity to experience an inside view on addiction as well as new information and insight on the effect of addiction on families with a focus on how it challenges a parent’s …
Empowerment
Author: Pamela Siller, MD
2019-11-30 22:20:02
“To be empowered you have to know what you want for your life and why. Without some degree of personal empowerment, your life will live you. Nothing changes unless you change it. No matter what you’re seeking it can only happen if you do something about it” (The Startup) Some children are lucky enough to grow up with parents who are nurturing and supportive. They teach their children from a young age that they can accomplish the …
Taking Responsibility
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2019-11-30 22:43:47
Taking responsibility—for our attitudes, actions, and behavior—is a sign of maturity and good mental health. So, while we can understand that a five-year-old denies taking a cookie when his face is covered with crumbs, we are less forgiving of the adolescent who cheats on a test because “all his friends do.” As we mature, we develop more of an internal locus of control, (i.e. the understanding that our behavior is the resu …
Empowering Ourselves
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2019-11-30 22:56:54
Dear Readers: Welcome to the newest edition of Mind Body & Soul. Its theme is. Power is an evocative term, an emotion-laden concept. Allow me to illustrate: Have you ever been in the presence of a powerful person? How did you come to know that they were powerful? Did you feel as though their power was supporting you, that some of their power might even be flowing through you, making you stronger? Alternatively, were you painfully aware of hav …
SUCCESSFUL “EMOTIONAL” RETIREMENT
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA.
2020-02-27 19:45:13
Google retirement and you will receive literally thousands of sites focusing on the financial issues facing retirees. Financial security is definitely a very important aspect of retirement but not the only one and perhaps not even the most critical for a happy retirement. For the person who is either preparing for retirement or who is already retired, the emotional and mental health of the golden years can define the success or failure of th …
Are you Ready to Fly?
Author: Dodi Lamm
2020-02-27 19:55:01
Have you ever asked yourself, “I’m at a transition point in my life, where do I go from here?” As a therapist, I have many clients who are at this point in my life. They are stuck about next steps. Sheila has come to therapy to talk about her sadness. She sits across from me and appears forlorn. There is a pallor to her face, she is plain-looking, and her speech lacks inflection. In fact, there is sadness in her eyes. She looks …
SUCCESS!!! How to help your child survive and thrive in challenging situations
Author: Rachel Rosenholtz, LCSW-R
2020-02-27 20:05:47
“I can’t do it!” “Sure you can, honey; you’re great at this.” “I’m so dumb.” “No, you’re not. You’re one of the smartest kids in your class, your teacher even told me so.” Sound familiar? Have you ever wondered, “Why does my c …
Building Resilience
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2020-02-27 20:16:08
Your five-year-old comes home and says that the other kids say he is fat. He is big—tall and muscular. He also is chubby in the way that many adults might find lovable—the teddy bear effect. The point is he is way bigger than his friends. He does not look five. But you are not worried per se as he and his older brothers take after your husband who is over six feet. The pediatrician feels confident that his weight will adjust, just lik …
Survive versus Thrive
Author: Pamela Siller, MD
2020-02-27 20:20:43
The Merriam Webster dictionary defines survival as “to remain alive or in existence.” This requires the very basic necessities of life, such as food, water, oxygen, shelter, and sleep. However, humans are quite complex beings; they may be able to survive with when their fundamental needs are met, but they require far more in order to thrive. Thrive, as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, encompasses “flourish, prosper, an …
Two Ways to Experience Uncertainty, Doubt & Other Sticky Thoughts
Author: EITAN ZERYKIER, LCSW
2020-02-27 20:30:33
Will you have enough money for retirement? How long will your loved ones live? Will it rain on the day you planned your vacation? Will your next project be a failure? Did you choose the right career? What if you had gone to a different university? Should you have made that investment? Are you really married to the right person? What is it like to try and think about the past and the future? Are you feeling anxious just by reading these ques …
Thriving Relationships
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2020-02-27 20:39:47
Dear Readers, Welcome to the newest edition of Mind, Body & Soul. Its theme is Surviving and Thriving. In this issue, we consider the lifelong journey from simply surviving to actually thriving. Sara Teichman points us toward a form of empathy that supports our children when they face bullying and teasing. Rachel Roshenholtz reminds us to model resilience for our children. Eitan Zerykier provides us with tools and meditations to ge …
RESOURCES ON COVID19
Author: NEFESH
2020-03-08 15:42:08
Dear NEFESH Community, There are many resources available to help navigate the coronavirus. Below are links to a number of them which you may find useful. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY RESOURCES IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. We wish a refuah shelaima to all those who are ill, refuas Hanefesh and refuas Haguf. Rabbi Dr. Fox Lecture Rabbi Dr. Fox Lecture 2 Dr. Aaron Glatt and Dr. Norman Blumenthal (Ohel) https://www.yutorah.org/lectur …
Pedaling with a Purpose
Author: Tzipora Shub, LCSW
2020-06-01 22:13:56
It’s a well-known fact that the sorry fate of most eagerly purchased exercise bikes is to end up as a glorified clothing hanger—and not just for the clean clothing. In having pondered this life’s mystery at length, I have come to the conclusion that one potential reason for this is the futility of the activity of pedaling on a stationary bike. The idea of working so hard and getting nowhere fast, seems to go against the nature o …
Why Do We Find It So Hard to Wait?
Author: Chana Mark LCSW
2020-06-01 22:18:25
“When will this be over?” “I am running out of patience with the kids. It’s too much.” “They say the state is re-opening soon. Then what?” We know that the Covid-19 era will eventually come to an end. It has certainly imposed substantial material hardship on many families. Yet all of us are waiting and waiting, feeling more and more worn down with each passing day. Waiting does not come naturally to us. A …
The Gift of Not-Knowing
Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.
2020-06-01 22:24:28
Getting to know our children is a very gradual process and an imperfect one as well. Though parents vary in their ability to read their children—some of us do better than others—there is no fool-proof way to know what another is thinking or feeling, even if that someone is our child. In general, a parent who has a high EQ (Emotional Intelligence) who is self-aware and attuned to their own thoughts, feelings, motivation, and behavior h …
Am I Losing My Mind?
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW
2020-06-01 22:31:53
Where are their BRAINS?!?! I am hearing that question now all the time as we deal with the threat of Covid-19. I have friends who tell me that they watch reports of the protests to end stay-at-home orders and think how could those people do that? Where are their brains? Others ask the same questions about those putting the orders in place. “Don’ …
A Window Within
Author: Esther Gendelman MS, LPC
2020-06-01 22:39:18
Living with constant uncertainty affects us deeply. Our perceptions of ourselves are either strengthened or turned upside down. Our true values become evident to ourselves and to those in our immediate vicinity. For example, perhaps we viewed ourselves as hard- …
An Insider’s View
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2020-06-02 09:52:36
Dear Readers When we published our last edition of Mind, Body & Soul, back in February, the world looked very different. The coronavirus was still perceived as a far-off threat. The terms social distancing and flattening the curve did not mean anything to us. Most of us did not think of our country as having limited healthcare resources, from PPE to hospital beds to ventilators. Few of us imagined that the industries and vocations we once cho …
Preparing to Reopen a Post-trauma World
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-31 19:35:51
Well, it seems like it's finally happening; after all of these surreal days and weeks and months, we are starting to reopen. But how do we prepare for a post-traumatic stress-flavored world? With all the talk about reopening, we still find ourselves just as torn and conflicted as we’ve been for the past three months. Along with an ideological civil war acting as the icing on the pandemic cake. The only consistent theme of this COVID-19 era …
Resilient Parents Increase Time with Children Despite Work Pressures
Author: Alan M. Singer PhD
2020-08-31 19:38:27
The “latest research” gets copious amounts of media attention as trends come and go. Remember way back in the 90’s when parents used to put their infants to sleep on their stomachs? Now, in 2020, you wouldn’t dare do such a thing! How about some years ago when large amounts of beta-carotene could supposedly prevent cancer? Now, in 2020, it’s beta-what …
The meaning of ELUL
Author: Moshe Norman, LCSW
2020-08-31 20:01:26
Elul. It is a powerful and sobering time of year, a time for introspection, commitment and growth. For many it brings back memories of warm holiday spirits and long hours spent in shul davening and singing the heartwarming, seasonal songs. But for others, Elul has a completely different meaning. “I feel my whole body tense up as soon as I hear the words, ‘Rosh Chodesh ELUL.’ I constantly worry that I am going to do somethi …
Building Resilience in Children
Author: Dr. Sara Teichman
2020-08-31 20:04:51
Do you ever worry that your kids have it ‘too good?’ They are carpooled to wherever, have their own rooms [well, maybe with one sib], and their own personal lawyer [you!] to help them deal with any issues at school. They have unlimited credit [your credit cards!] and by virtue of their very birth, are entitled to sleep-away camp and a gap year in Israel. How different this is from our childhood where we walked everywhere, shared a roo …
The Face Behind the Mask
Author: Rachel Slochowsky LMFT, CSAT
2020-08-31 20:10:49
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that wearing masks have been proven to help protect us from Covid-19. In a world that feels so chaotic, unstable and unknown, many of us have been holding on to this theory. Just wear the mask and you’ll be safer, wear the mask and you won’t be exposed. As difficult and painful as this pandemic has been, it has brought to the surface something profound. Masks seem to be for the …
Kids in Isolation
Author: Sarah Levy, PhD
2020-08-31 20:22:04
It started to spread like wildfire in Israel. No, I’m not referring to the coronavirus itself, but to the phenomenon of kids in isolation, or what is known in Hebrew as “bidud.” My daughters’ friends who lived in another city called to inform them of how they were preparing for a 14-day bidud after some classmates had tested positive for coronavirus. Some of these friends sounded excited as they described the mini fridge t …
The World of the Family Caregiver
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
2020-08-31 20:26:37
Shani is at her wits end. She is the only child of Holocaust survivor parents. Over the years they have faced a great deal of difficulty with memory issues, forgetting to pay bills, failing to take medications properly and not remembering doctor’s appointments. Her mother calls her several times a day, forgetting that she spoke to her 10 minutes prior. Her father expresses concern about strangers coming through the window. He leaves random …
Resilience and its Pitfalls
Author: Fraidy Zeidman M.S. Ed, LMHC
2020-08-31 20:33:50
Resilience is touted by scientists as one of the prime ingredients necessary to navigate life’s challenges. Merriam Webster dictionary defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." We often look towards children, with their positive outlooks on life, as a great example of resilience, to understand its benefits. While the advantages of resilience are numerous, let’s look at the …
Jewish Stories for Self-Esteem and Personal Growth
Author: Tina Kahn, LMHC, LMFT
2020-08-31 20:39:48
Stories have always intrigued people of all ages. They engage and stimulate us on both a cognitive and emotional level, leaving us open to receive their deepest messages, whether they are how to achieve self-esteem, experience personal growth, or gain a connection with the Ribbono Shel Olam. Welcome to my storybook, which you can interpret and relate to on any level. There is a story told about a rebbe giving counseling to his followers. Th …
The Pain of an Individual
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2020-08-31 20:43:59
Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative were safeguarded, by modifying identifying details. It didn’t dawn on me during the first week of the shutdown, or even during the second or third week. The pandemic had shuttered our schools and synagogues for more than a month, before I recalled my earlier conversation with Hank. Hank is a bright, sensitive young man. …
Community Conflict and Resilience
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2020-08-31 20:58:50
Dear Readers, We are six months into a pandemic that has impacted almost every facet of our lives. Many of us have emerged from the more extreme forms of lockdown and are encountering an outside world that bears, at best, a limited resemblance to the world we once knew. Simchos are being celebrated on a size and scale that seems familiar; yet not all of us can safely attend. Some of us have been able to return to work; others have not. The childr …
Dealing With This Depressive Dystopia: Ecclesiastes, COVID, and the Paradoxical Commandments
Author: Jefferey Singer, PhD
2020-12-04 12:21:42
Dealing With This Depressive Dystopia: Ecclesiastes, COVID, and the Paradoxical Commandments By Jefferey Singer Before you think there is a new diagnosis being hoisted on the public, please rest assured that “depressive dystopia” is my own term for how I view our current collective condition. COVID life has helped create a societal malaise that has pushed our emotional tolerances to a state of constant, uncomfortable su …
Chaos and the Dysregulated Individual
Author: Evan Steele, LCSW
2020-12-04 12:23:04
In these troubling times, we hear quite often about how much strain the current environment places on our mental health. We can see this when we self-introspect, when we observe others, and in the myriad data points in larger society, such as the current demand for mental health services, increase in suicidal episodes, increase in violent crime, and maybe even political intolerance. Still, as mental health providers, we’ve also observ …
Keeping Our Cool
Author: Dr. Sara Teichman
2020-12-04 12:24:48
There are many disruptions and interruptions in our fast-paced society, and we are all guilty of losing it at times. Though it is human to react to things, being reactive and being overreactive are two very different things. When we overreact, we lose it- literally. Not just our temper, but our sense of proportion, and control of our emotions and behavior. We lose perspective, and our judgment is impaired. We feel out of control in the moment, an …
A Kitten's Cry
Author: Esther Gendelman, MS, LPC
2020-12-04 12:25:46
Sounds of helpless, pitiful cries kept wafting through my backyard window as I gently refocused my attention on the clients sitting in my therapy office. At the next pause, I met the owner of the cries. An adorable, little, black and white kitten looked imploringly at me, hungrily begging for food and comfort. Wondering if it was lost or abandoned, I fed it, held it and post …
Jews, Addiction And The Effects of COVID.
Author:
2020-12-04 12:28:41
She was a Jewish girl, very active in Chabad, in her late 30’s, with two teenage kids. “A very popular person,” Rabbi Avi Richler, founder of Chabad of Glouchester County, remembered. “I knew she was using prescription medication and that she had been in a car accident 5-10 years before. One day she called me and said ‘Rabbi, there’s no food in my house.’ I went to Shop Rite, filled the …
When Psalms Calms
Author:
2020-12-04 12:30:45
Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, themed “The calm within the storm”. Let’s start with a basic question: What is a storm? Some would say that a storm is simply a meteorological event. Then again, the term storm is also used when a position held by one group is overwhelmed by members of a different group. “Storm” could also refer to a surprisingly strong reaction to a previous event. …
Here is What Didn’t Calm the Divorce Storm
Author: Dr. Alan Singer
2020-12-04 12:32:38
No-Fault divorce was supposed to calm the storm of marital dissolution; well, it didn't. States that adopted no-fault divorce experienced a decrease of eight to sixteen percent of wives' suicide rates and a thirty percent decline in domestic violence. That is encouraging data. The Two Types of Marriages that End Some statistics are welcome news, but the “thirty three percent and sixty six percent” are not good news. Of …
When Psalms Calms
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2020-12-04 13:53:11
By: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, themed “The calm within the storm”. Let’s start with a basic question: What is a storm? Some would say that a storm is simply a meteorological event. Then again, the term storm is also used when a position held by one group is overwhelmed by members of a different group. “Storm” could also refer to a surprisingly strong …
Confidential: Psychotherapy behind the Scenes Gestalt Therapy: Empty Chair Technique
Author: Moshe Norman, LCSW
2021-02-25 17:32:55
Confidential: Psychotherapy behind the Scenes Gestalt Therapy: Empty Chair Technique “I can’t do it anymore.” “Therapy is getting to you, isn’t it?” “No, I’m not talking about therapy.” I raise my eyebrows. “I’m talking about living. Yoel had been the victim of abuse for two and a half years during his elementary school years. His parents struggled with their own marital strife, …
Anger and Self-Care
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
2021-02-25 17:42:07
Since the beginning of COVID-19, I have consistently been receiving calls from clients asking for help controlling their anger. With concerns around social distancing, less assistance is available to families. In my line of work, helping those caring for relatives with dementia, I see fewer resources available to assist with care. At home, school closures leave parents, such as myself, with little respite. When schools do open, the anxiety around …
My Fear That You Won’t Seek Help for Estrangement
Author: Alan M. Singer, PhD
2021-02-25 17:45:02
Estrangement is commonly defined as the intentional choice by one or more relatives to end contact because of an ongoing negative relationship. Primarily based on emotions, not facts, estrangement can bring unimaginable heartbreak to families. I implore you to seek help if the above describes you, as the numbers are staggering. Twenty-seven percent of Americans eighteen and older have cut off contact with a family member: 10% parent/child, …
Reassurance: An Anxiety Management Tool with Rona Novick's New Children's Book, "Mommy Can You Stop the Rain?"
Author: Rona Milch Novick, PhD
2021-02-25 17:49:51
Children are scaredy cats! They are anxious in the dark, may shrink from costumed characters at birthday parties, and even in their school and teen years have numerous worries about their academic performance and social standing. How do children conquer their normal or potentially debilitating fears? Sometimes, they outgrow them and sometimes the efforts of caring, reassuring adults are needed to help them move past the fear. &n …
Dispelling the myths of aging and emotional wellbeing
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2021-02-25 17:55:52
There are so many myths about aging that have become stereotypes, to the point that even older adults have come to believe they are true. Well, our mission is to debunk those myths and give you the truths about what happens as we all, G-d willing, become older. It is important, as these stereotypes frame prejudice against older adults. It will often result in ageism, which is discrimination against the older population. Much worse, ma …
We Needn't Feel Alone
Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW
2021-02-25 18:01:59
There’s a storm raging outside. Finally, a familiar reason for staying at home. I’m sitting at my kitchen table, watching melted snow fall like tears along the sliding kitchen doors, while snowdrifts make mountains out of molehills. It’s been a year since life was disrupted by a microscopic enemy. It’s as if our world is a snow globe that’s been turned upside down, and we are still trying to find our footing. We&rsqu …
Conquering our Fears, Introduction
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-02-25 18:06:55
Dear Readers Welcome to the February edition of Mind Body and Soul, titled “Conquering our Fears”. Whereas anxiety may be considered a constant companion to only some of us, COVID has brought some degree of fear and uncertainty to virtually all of us. In this vein, I hope you, our readers, experience the following articles, in a soothing, calming manner. In this edition, Rona Novick walks us through the steps of providing …
Debunking the Soul Partner Myth
Author:
2021-06-02 11:00:10
My interest in this topic dates back to 2001 when the renowned National Marriage Project published its study of 1003 married and single young adults titled, “Who Wants to Marry A Soulmate?” Three findings were enlightening: Ninety-four percent of never-married singles agree that when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soulmate - first and foremost. Secondly, eighty-two percent of young adults agree that it is unwise for a woma …
Couples Counseling in a Pasuk
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R
2021-06-02 11:04:16
The Recent daf Yomi, daily Talmud reading, (Yoma 23) discusses the prohibition of revenge and grudge bearing: What is revenge and what is bearing a grudge? Revenge is illustrated by the following example: One said to his fellow: “Lend me your sickle”, and he said: “No”. The next day he, the one who had refused to lend the sickle, said to the other person: “Lend me your ax.” If he said to him: “I …
The Anatomy of Bad Middos
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-02 12:01:25
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed The Soul and the Psyche. “Soul” and “psyche” represent, respectively, the spiritual and psychological dimensions of a person. Interestingly, the two terms didn’t always have different meanings. When the term psyche was first introduced, it, too, was understood to be primarily a spiritual force, one that outlasts and outlives the body. In pa …
Scared
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2021-06-02 12:07:13
Is your child a real scaredy cat? With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Dear Brave One
Author: Danielle Dragon, PsyD
2021-06-02 12:33:13
Dear Brave One, Before you come to your first appointment, I think it’s only fair that I share with you how stepping foot into my office could potentially impact you for the rest of your life. There will be some real consequences to borrowing the name of “client.” And I know you’re not thinking about that now. You just want to feel better. But it’s only right that I be transparent about …
Just in Time
Author:
2021-06-02 12:38:00
Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative was safeguarded, by modifying identifying details. Mordy, a 40-something father of three, has been meeting with me for about a year. We focus on issues of intimacy, productivity, and accountability. His wife, Leah, works downtown, in an executive position. Mordy’s graphic design job allows him to work part-time from home. He …
Scare
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2021-06-03 11:23:41
Is your child a real scaredy cat? With every noise your house makes, he reacts by crying, hiding under his bed or in the closet. He won’t go into the swimming pool or to a friend’s house. Climbing in the park or going on rides at amusement parks – don’t even think about it! So, how do we help him become brave? We want him to face new things, to trust himself to handle different experiences, and to use his body …
Just in Time
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-03 11:25:43
Author’s note: The privacy and confidentiality of individuals found in this narrative was safeguarded, by modifying identifying details. Mordy, a 40-something father of three, has been meeting with me for about a year. We focus on issues of intimacy, productivity, and accountability. His wife, Leah, works downtown, in an executive position. Mordy’s graphic design job allows him to work part-time from home. He …
Debunking the Soul Partner Myth
Author: Alan M. Singer, Ph.D, LMSW
2021-06-03 12:51:53
My interest in this topic dates back to 2001 when the renowned National Marriage Project published its study of 1003 married and single young adults titled, “Who Wants to Marry A Soulmate?” Three findings were enlightening: Ninety-four percent of never-married singles agree that when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soulmate - first and foremost. Secondly, eighty-two percent of young adults agree that it is unwise for a woma …
The Anatomy of Bad Middos
Author: Yehuda Krohn, PsyD
2021-06-03 14:27:30
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed The Soul and the Psyche. “Soul” and “psyche” represent, respectively, the spiritual and psychological dimensions of a person. Interestingly, the two terms didn’t always have different meanings. When the term psyche was first introduced, it, too, was understood to be primarily a spiritual force, one that outlasts and outlives the body. In pa …
Write Your Way Home
Author: .Yocheved Rottenberg, CJF
2021-09-01 20:49:11
Imagine I told you that I know of a therapist that costs about a dollar an hour, has a lot of availability and is surprisingly effective. You wouldn't believe me, but I'd insist it's true. Take out a notebook, find yourself a pen, and begin writing. Therapy has officially begun.
Therapeutic writing is research-based, effective and very simple. Once you learn to do it properly, you can achieve tremendous growth by understanding yourself, cont …
Why Is it So Hard To Take The First Step?
Author: Shuli Sandler, Psy.D.
2021-09-01 20:49:36
Many of us know what we want. We have ideas of what we want to accomplish, we may make lists, or set goals. And yet, productive action often evades us. We may feel a gap between what we want to achieve and what we do. Other times, we may feel confused and unable to define what it is it that we truly want. How do we take that first step? Or rather, why is it that we often don’t take the steps to define what we want and accomplish our goals. …
Its Not On Me
Author: Tzipora Shub, LCSW
2021-09-01 20:49:45
My trusty 2008 Honda Accord was in the shop (it had been acting a bit less trusty than usual), and my very generous friend who was going out of the country on vacation offered me her brand new Toyota Corolla to use while she was away. It’s sleek, compact, smooth, and still has the new car smell. We were getting along great, the car and I, until it started telling me what to do. (I see some married people nodding at this point. You get it). …
Emotional Well Being for Older Adults
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2021-09-01 20:49:54
The Covid 19 pandemic has placed a spotlight on a long-neglected issue; the emotional health of older adults in America. Older adults have become a significant part of our society. Each day, 10,000 individuals celebrate their 65th birthday in the United States, and there are more than 40 million people over the age of 65, according to the Census Bureau. Peluso, Watts and Parsons, in their book, Changing Aging, Changing Family Therapy, predict tha …
An Open Letter to Caregivers for the Opening of 5782
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
2021-09-01 20:50:02
The month of Elul is the only time it is brought down in Halacha to visit the graves of departed family members. While there are a variety of reasons for this, it is a way to connect us to the full spectrum of the lifespan and to connect us to those who came before us. Instead of being a morbid practice, this minhag is meant to assist us in focusing on reevaluating our actions and priorities in our lives. In the vein of both teshuva and con …
Why do We Hate The People Loved?
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R
2021-09-01 20:51:36
Why do We Hate The People Loved? Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R The Recent daf Yomi (Succah 4b), quotes a verse (Shemos 25:22) that becomes the inspiration from one of my favorite sayings in the Gemara. וְנוֹעַדְתִּ֣י לְךָ֮ שָׁם֒ וְדִבַּרְתִּ֨י אִתְּךָ֜ מֵעַ֣ל הַכַּפֹּ֗רֶת מִבֵּין֙ שְׁנֵ֣י הַכְּרֻבִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֖ר עַל־אֲר֣וֹן הָע …
First and Most Important: The Foundation Stone of Marriage
Author: Dr. Alan Singer
2021-09-01 20:52:02
The foundation stone of a building, also known as the cornerstone or setting stone, is the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation. All other stones will be set in reference to this stone, and will thus determine the position of the entire structure. This metaphor can be used in searching for the foundation stone of marriage. In my professional opinion, the foundation stone of marriage is TRUST. …
The First Step Toward Change
Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-09-01 20:52:12
Dear Readers, Welcome to the August edition of Mind, Body & Soul, themed “Taking the first step”. I’d like you to consider the many and varied ways that people take their first steps. A baby, transitioning from crawling and cruising to walking, is literally taking his first step. Until now he did not even have the capacity to walk. Children and adults, who can already walk, sometimes feel as though they are stuck in a …
An Open Letter to Caregivers for the Opening of 5782
Author: Adina Segal, LCSW
2021-09-03 17:06:48
The month of Elul is the only time it is brought down in Halacha to visit the graves of departed family members. While there are a variety of reasons for this, it is a way to connect us to the full spectrum of the lifespan and to connect us to those who came before us. Instead of being a morbid practice, this minhag is meant to assist us in focusing on reevaluating our actions and priorities in our lives. In the vein of both teshuva and con …
Staying The Course of Therapy
Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD
2021-11-27 23:37:16
Patients frequently question their mental health professionals as to what action they should take in any given circumstance. Most want advice about marriage, children, jobs and coworkers, while others have concerns about other relationships. One of the most complicated of these, which can cause the most angst, and possible detriment, is the therapeutic relationship. ______________________________________ Miri is an 18-year-old g …
Staying The Course - The Big Picture
Author: Esther Gendelman, MS, LPC, CPC
2021-11-28 11:10:46
One word encapsulates the theme of staying the course. That word is LIFE. If we want to choose life, we choose to stay the course no matter what happens. Sometimes, the course is filled with pain and grief while at others, there are experiences that elicit intense joy and we savor each moment. I might be a young child whose world changed when a parent died, or a special needs sibling was born, or my parents divorced, or I experienced …
A Nagging Problem in Marriage
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R DHL
2021-11-28 11:22:00
The Gemara Beutza 35b describes the halakhic status of water dripping into a house from a leaky roof, and if it is permitted to put a pot underneath it to collect the drippings. You can imagine this man’s wife begging him to get the roof fixed before Yom Tov (the Holidays), and him procrastinating. While we are on the subject of leaky roofs and nagging, let us take a look at what Mishlei (Proverbs) has to say about this: משלי כ״ …
Change Is Essential To Mental Health
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2021-11-28 19:27:49
"Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change." (Jim Rohn) I am not trying to be a contrarian, but when I saw that the theme for this Mind-Body-Soul is Staying the Course, I thought to myself that one foundation of our field of mental health is to NOT stay the course. The founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson explains it this way: clients come into our offices with one story, and we help them leave with …
Staying The Course of Parenting
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2021-11-28 19:32:32
Dear Readers Welcome to the November issue of Mind Body & Soul, titled “staying the course”. The term “staying the course” may not be familiar to everyone. Staying the course, in its most literal sense, refers to those on a sea journey, facing forces – be they powerful storms, loss of power, or even pirates – that jeopardize their reaching an intended destination. A skilled traveler calmly adjusts in a mann …
Prevention is so much more
Author: Dr. Shani Zoldan-Verschleiser, AuD., LCSW
2022-03-08 15:30:10
The sexual abuse of children is very different than adult sexual abuse and needs to be handled in very different ways. With Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), physical force or violence is rarely used. The perpetrators more often try to manipulate a child’s trust and hide the abuse. The perpetrator, most of the time, is known and trusted to the child. The abuse often occurs over many weeks or even years and is typically repeated, becoming more invas …
Unfinished Business
Author:
2022-03-08 15:37:34
“It’s so interesting. There are so many aspects of my wife that remind me of my mother. What’s so weird is that I promised myself I would never marry someone like her, and then I did. “I find it immensely frustrating that my wife doesn’t seem to be interested in me. My parents had many children, and my mother was constantly overwhelmed. She was also raised by Holocaust survivors and did not seem to have the emotional …
Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-03-08 15:39:09
A recent Gemara from the Daf Yomi (Moded Kattan 7b) discusses in what situations a Cohen would inspect a metzora on Chol Hamoed. The deciding factor is will it result in an improvement of his situation instead of a worsening. When a metzora is declared definitely afflicted with Tzoraas by the Cohen, he must leave the Jewish camp and be in isolation, however he is still permitted to engage in marital relations. Once he is declared by the Cohen tha …
Family Caregiving, Conflict or Harmony
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-03-08 15:42:59
When we hear the phrase crisis in relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is marital strife and problems between parents and teen-aged children. There is, however, another crisis that is facing numerous families; when an older adult parent is experiencing a health or mental health situation that requires family caregiving. One person usually becomes the caregiver. The ensuing crisis can literally tear a family apart! The Fam …
In the Trenches with Covid-Destabilized Marriages
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-03-08 15:44:22
The research on the impact of Covid-19 on marital well-being is just now coming to the fore. The goal of this essay is to provide the reader with some initial findings as it can help to explain comments made by couple’s therapy clients of this author. A remarkable thing about the pandemic is that therapists do not usually experience the same concerns and traumas at the same time as their clients do. “But during the pandemic, ev …
Protecting Our Children from Abuse
Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD
2022-03-08 15:46:52
With all the recent press about the latest abuse scandal, parents have abuse on their mind. They worry- How would I know that my child is a victim? They feel powerless- How can I make sure my child is not abused? Because most abuse is done behind closed doors, detection is a challenge. It is typical that a child does not tell, particularly about sexual abuse, on his own. He may be afraid [‘I’ll kill your father if you tel …
It Is Not Just About The Books
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-03-08 15:50:05
Dear readers, Welcome to the February edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Relationships in Crisis. This issue examines crises - situations that threaten the status quo - through the lenses of multiple relationships, ranging from marriage, to caregiving, to sober living. In addition, it pays special attention to a crisis that recently erupted into the consciousness of the Jewish community – that of child sexual abuse. …
Does 90-10 Sound Balanced to You? Male Resistance in Couple’s Therapy
Author: By Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-06-02 17:33:36
Ninety percent of the therapists in the United States are women. The reason men shy away from becoming therapists is not the central issue of this essay. The dearth of male therapists however, plays a significant role in male resistance to couples therapy, and that is the topic of this essay. Traditional couple’s therapy is biased towards women, as they tend to be the caretakers of relationships. Conversation, thoughts, feelings, and …
Why Hasn’t My Therapist Called?
Author: By Moshe Norman
2022-06-02 17:45:11
If you are a former therapy client or patient you may likely have built a deep, intimate relationship with your therapist. Clients tell us their innermost challenges, dreams and aspirations. Then, they move on. Have you ever wondered why your therapist hasn't called to see how you have been? Often, therapists would love to know more about the developmental trajectory of former clients. We are, of course, human. We care about our …
The Dangers of Over Intellectualization
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-06-02 17:48:29
The recent Daf Yomi (Gemara Yevamos 14a) tells us that prior to the decision to universally follow the School of Hillel, there was a period of time where the School of Shammai followed their rulings independently. The Gemara wonders how the School of Shammai rationalized this when the general principle is that the halacha (law) is decided in accordance with the numerical majority. Since the School of Hillel was the majority, even the School of Sh …
Finding the Balance
Author:
2022-06-02 17:50:11
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Finding the Balance”. For some of us, balance is as easy as riding a bike; for others, balance can be elusive. This is particularly the case for those of us whose lives encompass extremes. We may be up, we may be down. We may love some politicians and commentators; we may hate others. Some of us might even experience our religious lives in ext …
A Balanced Look at Aging
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-06-02 17:52:14
Gene D Cohen, a psychologist and author of The Mature Mind; The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, says it best, “Psychology has severely underestimated the positive potential of the second half of life.” Until recently, the fields of psychology, medicine, social work and business have been dominated by Erikson’s theory that older adults are challenged not by growth but by the challenge of integrity versus despair. That &l …
A Fragile Process
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-06-02 18:19:59
The fast-approaching holiday of Shavuos marks, among other things, the moment we experienced the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Commandments). The Aseres Hadibros set in motion a process that led to Moshe Rabeinu receiving two sets of Luchos (tablets), each of which was ultimately housed in the Aron (ark). If we pay close attention to the Aron, the Luchos, and the Aseres Hadibros, we can learn a valuable lesson about balance and, in particular, the t …
Achieving Balance: The Dialectic as Found in Jewish Sources
Author: by Yitzchok Kahn LMSW, CASAC-T
2022-06-02 18:24:25
When it comes to the topic of balance, therapists often talk about the concept of the dialectic. Popularized by Marsha Linehan, originator of Dialectic Behavioral Therapy or DBT, the dialectic is the ability to hold opposite ideas at one time. In DBT therapy, a person can be doing their best and can have the ability to do better. A person can be angry at someone and still love them. Life can be confusing and people can experience ambivalence. We …
Finding the Balance
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-06-02 19:51:28
Dear Readers Welcome to the May edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Finding the Balance”. For some of us, balance is as easy as riding a bike; for others, balance can be elusive. This is particularly the case for those of us whose lives encompass extremes. We may be up, we may be down. We may love some politicians and commentators; we may hate others. Some of us might even experience our religious lives in ext …
What are the dangers of vaping nicotine and marijuana to the Jewish community? Here is the unvarnished truth.
Author: Dr. Eric Bornstein
2022-07-22 09:21:55
In the last 18 months, I have given multiple seminars on behalf of MASK (Mothers & Fathers Aligned Saving Kids) to many NY Yeshivas, Jewish drug rehab and counseling groups, and parents on the subjects of vaping, nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, and opioid addiction. In the last four years, I have given similar seminars to over 125,000 medical professionals throughout the United States. During this time, I have listened to numerous horror storie …
How and why community safety matters
Author:
2022-08-31 15:52:54
Dear Readers
Welcome to the August edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Safe families;
safe communities. In this issue we consider the various opportunities that
present themselves, to create safety within ourselves, our families and our
communities.
In particular, Menachem Hojda advises the larger community how to aim
for security, especially when some of its members are at risk. Chana Mark
guides indivi …
Safe Relationships Facilitate Family Well-Being
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-08-31 15:54:46
Hollywood has led us to believe that the fundamentals of a good marriage are: love, passion, infatuation, romance, and chemistry. In my professional opinion, those are the tier two fundamentals. The vital tier one fundamentals are: respect, empathy, friendship, forgiveness, trust, and safety, which is the focus of this essay. www.Shalomtaskforce.org Back in the early days of domestic violence awareness and prevention, safety in relationshi …
Years and Tears Later: The Price of Deception in Shidduchim
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-08-31 17:25:24
(Simcha Feuerman maintains a private practice specializing in high conflict and couples . His practice is in Brooklyn, Queens and Boca Raton.) The following ideas are based on his daily blog, Psychology of the Daf. The Gemara in Kesuvos dappim 12-13 deal extensively with the halakhic consequences and nuances of misrepresentation of facts in Shidduchim. How much exaggeration is normal when describing a Shidduch? How much should the pe …
Safety or Security?
Author: Menachem Hojda LMSW
2022-08-31 17:31:06
Like so many others, I watched the videos of the police response in Uvalde, Texas with shock and disappointment. The scene brought me back to the afternoon just months earlier when a shooter attacked Oxford High School just 30 miles north of my home. As President of my local public-school board, and a mental health professional on the county’s crisis response team, I found myself at the intersection of school governance and community respon …
Dealing With Anger, The Advanced Course
Author: Chana Mark, LCSW
2022-08-31 17:36:42
Does feeling angry at someone always have to end in angry words, sore feelings and helpless frustration? Maybe not. In Pirkei Avos 5:11 we learn, “A person who seldom gets angry and is quick to be mollified is a tzaddik.” Tosfos Yom Tov and Rabbeinu Yona both point out that the Mishna is telling us that it is not humanly expectable to never get angry. Rabbeinu Yona notes that there are times when Kavod Shamayim requires it. Anot …
How and why community safety matters
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-08-31 17:41:53
Dear Readers Welcome to the August edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed Safe families; safe communities. In this issue we consider the various opportunities that present themselves, to create safety within ourselves, our families and our communities. In particular, Menachem Hojda advises the larger community how to aim for security, especially when some of its members are at risk. Chana Mark guides individuals toward …
Resistant to Change: Can a Treatment- Resistant Client Be Helped?
Author: Chaya Rubin, Ph.D.
2022-11-29 20:02:47
There used to be a popular joke about psychologists that went as follows: Q: How many
psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? A: That depends on if the light bulb
wants to change.
The mutative process in therapy is no laughing matter, though, and mental health
professionals differ in their understanding of these mechanisms. The most popular
therapeutic methods, namely behavioral therapies, hum …
Putting the Jew in Jewelry
Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL
2022-11-29 20:42:44
On a recent daf yomi (Kesuvos 63) we heard about the great sacrifices that Rochel made to support her husband, the famous Rabbi Akiva, in his study of Torah. As the well-known story goes, Rabbi Akiva was unlettered and unlearned, but Rochel saw great character and potential in him. She married him even though her wealthy father disowned her, and she endured 24 years of poverty while her husband studied Torah abroad.
When she finally sees he …
Compassion
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-11-29 21:34:10
Dear Readers
Welcome to the November edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Is there more than one way to heal?” Interestingly, most of the articles submitted focus less on the differences between treatment modalities and more on the common threads of effective, healing treatment. Also, several articles challenge the notion that emotional healing must eradicate any and all vestiges of illness. In particular, Douglas …
Approaching Healing with Realistic Expectations
Author: Dr. Alan M. Singer
2022-11-29 21:49:48
Please don't be disappointed if this essay approaches the topic of healing with a measure of skepticism. From my professional point of view, there may not exist the concept of “complete emotional healing”. When discussing trauma with my MSW students at the Touro University Graduate School of Social Work, I begin the semester by quoting Dr. Sue Johnson (creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy) who states that our role as therapists is t …
Resilience for Healthy Living
Author: Douglas Balin, LMSW, MPA
2022-11-29 22:17:58
Resilience can be thought of as G-ds natural medication for a healthier and thriving life. We can learn a great deal from resilient people and each one of us can take advantage of this wonderful and holistic tool to stay physically and emotionally healthy. Some have it innately; most of us must learn the secrets. The best part is, we can all learn to become resilient. We can train ourselves to improve our lives and obtain the skills and knowledge …
When Compassion Heals
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.
2022-11-29 22:59:10
Dear Readers
Welcome to the November edition of Mind Body & Soul, themed “Is there more than one way to heal?” Interestingly, most of the articles submitted focus less on the differences between treatment modalities and more on the common threads of effective, healing treatment. Also, several articles challenge the notion that emotional healing must eradicate any and all vestiges of illness. In particular, Douglas Balin d …
Just in Time
Author: Rabbi Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.,
2022-11-30 19:16:40
Mordy, a 40-something father of three, has been meeting with me for about a year. We focus on issues of intimacy, productivity, and accountability. His wife, Leah, works downtown, in an
executive position. Mordy’s graphic design job allows him to work part-time from home. He is present for their children, and manages assorted household responsibilities.
Mordy struggles, though, to follow through on tasks. The work-projects he unde …