Elisheva Liss, LMFT
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Calling Overwhelmed Moms...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Some readers may have noticed that I've been writing and speaking way more than usual here, and on social media, about topics like parenting, education, and homeschooling, due to the current global situation. I have been getting many private emails and messages, with questions about those topics, and I can't get to all of them. I wanted to figure out a way to streamline some of this parent support through the remainder of this academic year, and …
Announcements
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Hi, blog-reading friends! Some of you may have noticed that I have been going more digital lately- course creation, writing a lot more, and producing a lot more content on social media. I've been trying get a little more organized about it, and so I have a couple of new projects going on : 1. I hope to start sending out a weekly newsletter. This content will be a little different from the blog; a little more personal and geared to my own sp …
Calling Overwhelmed Moms...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Some readers may have noticed that I've been writing and speaking way more than usual here, and on social media, about topics like parenting, education, and homeschooling, due to the current global situation. I have been getting many private emails and messages, with questions about those topics, and I can't get to all of them. I wanted to figure out a way to streamline some of this parent support through the remainder of this academic year, and …
Announcements
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Hi, blog-reading friends! Some of you may have noticed that I have been going more digital lately- course creation, writing a lot more, and producing a lot more content on social media. I've been trying get a little more organized about it, and so I have a couple of new projects going on : 1. I hope to start sending out a weekly newsletter. This content will be a little different from the blog; a little more personal and geared to my own sp …
Calling Overwhelmed Moms...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Some readers may have noticed that I've been writing and speaking way more than usual here, and on social media, about topics like parenting, education, and homeschooling, due to the current global situation. I have been getting many private emails and messages, with questions about those topics, and I can't get to all of them. I wanted to figure out a way to streamline some of this parent support through the remainder of this academic year, and …
Are we roommates or spouses?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
We feel more like roommates than like spouses
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
B'Sha'ah Tova Faux Pas
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Adina’s eyes darted around my office, then closed and watered with unsuccessfully repressed shame. She was trying to explain the freshly sliced argument she’d had with her sister-in-law, Riva. Riva’s sister had gotten engaged that week, and Adina had been invited to the vort. She got dressed up on a weeknight(!), circled 20 minutes for parking, politely nibbled some sushi, and then made sure to wish mazal tov to all the main pla …
Confronting Happiness Anxiety
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Confronting Happiness Anxiety
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Bli Neder Blogging
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
Assessing Your Relationship
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-02-09 13:52:14
On Choosing a Spouse: Looking for Love in all the Right Places By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Selecting a spouse is possibly the most momentous decision that we humans make over the course of a lifetime. We are choosing our roommate, co-parent, romantic partner, teammate, and closest companion- ideally, for life. We live in times in which we have more autonomy and opportunity than ever before in history, we seem to be more emotionally complex, and deman …
Educational Psychology in Parshas Mishpatim
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-02-23 12:54:39
Leah [pseudonym] is a 21 year old assistant preschool teacher in a beis yaakov school and part time college student. Sweet, social, and sincere, she gets along well with her family, spends time daily with friends, dates regularly, and enjoys her work. But underneath her orthodontic smile, she's feeling personally under-stimulated. She describes a chronic lack of excitement, bordering on apathy, about her life, some of which she traces back to her …
Moving Forward and Moving up
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-04-26 18:54:58
Originally, this post was to be titled: "Raising Thighs and Waving Breasts" but then I chickened out and opted for a more neutral, if less evocative name. But before you click away in horror, I want to add that this appellation was actually taken verbatim from a verse in yesterday's parsha- I promise! Chapter 10 verse 15... Ok, so if you went to look it up, you may have noticed that it technically refers to the anatomy of sacrificial animal …
On Teaching Kids about the Birds and the Bees
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-07-28 13:49:17
Teaching Children about “The Birds and the Bees” By: Elisheva Liss LMFT There are, essentially, only two ways for kids to hear about sex: their parents, and Someplace Else. While that “someplace else” may be any one of a number of sources, what those sources tend to share is a lack of parental input. Whether it’s the school bus, sleepaway camp, a dirty joke, a teacher, or a predator- chances are, if it doesn’t …
Flavors of Forgiveness
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-09-27 13:14:07
Flavors of Forgiveness: What to Do When It’s not “All Good”
A Simple Thought from Elisheva Liss, LMFT Welcome to the season of begging forgiveness. We run around apologizing, trying to let go of past resentments and obtain pardons for our own transgressions. For many of us, much of the time, this can be a simple, annual interpersonal cleansing, an apology-acceptance social ritual. It can feel great to dissipate some of th …
Rethinking "off the dereck"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-02 10:17:27
Rethinking the Phrase: “Off the Derech” Have you ever heard another Jew described as going “off the derech”? What did that mean to you? How did that make you feel? I’m having a hard time with it. One occupational hazard of being part of a broad group of communities that identify strongly with religious observance, is a tendency to see people through the glaringly harsh lens of affiliation. For the purpos …
Rethinking the phrase "off the derech"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-02 10:25:25
Rethinking the Phrase: “Off the Derech” Have you ever heard another Jew described as going “off the derech”? What did that mean to you? How did that make you feel? I’m having a hard time with it. One occupational hazard of being part of a broad group of communities that identify strongly with religious observance, is a tendency to see people through the glaringly harsh lens of affiliation. For the purpos …
sexual abuse with no abuser
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-11-13 14:19:12
Sexual Abuse with No Abuser By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Beila and Sruly (pseudonyms) are a handsome and charming couple in their 20’s. They were referred by Beila’s private therapist, for an unconsummated marriage, though they’ve been married for over a year. Beila’s severe case of genophobia and vaginismus had prevented any physical penetration or intercourse. In their first couple’s session they present as a ple …
Why are there so many divorces these days?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-02 19:29:37
"Why Are There So Many More Divorces Nowadays?" By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT It’s a magnificent summer night- 75 perfect degrees, and I’m on a delightful walk over a nearby bridge to the beach, with a dear friend from high school, reconnecting the way we wish we did more often. Catching up on each other’s’ lives, careers, kids, stresses, hopes and dreams, she mentions an old mutual friend who’s on her mind, because she ha …
Sexual Assault Allegations in this Week's Parsha
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-07 22:39:59
Sexual Assault Allegations in this Week’s Parsha By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT It seems that every time we click on a newsfeed, there are more accusations of sexual assault against high profile personalities. In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and the #metoo movement, it can begin to feel that we have entered an epidemic of sexual corruption. Yet “There is nothing new under the sun,” teaches King Shlomo, wisest of men. …
She was told: never say no to your husband
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2017-12-13 09:05:10
She Was Taught: “You Should Never Say ‘No’ to Your Husband…” by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Miriam had been married for just over ten years, and was happily and busily raising their brood of five healthy children, when she and her husband, Chaim, finally came in seeking help for “her desire problem”. They describe a loving partnership, one in which there is mutual respect, generosity, kindness, and connection. …
On touching your wife: a guide for perplexed husbands
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-04-17 17:43:58
How to Touch Your Wife: A Guide for Perplexed Husbands Affectionate Touch vs. Erotic Touch Elisha and Ariella are a charismatic couple in their early 30s, with a frisky toddler, and a baby on the way. They generally treat each other well, and enjoy a strong marital friendship. But there has been some tension between them lately, that we’re trying to sort through. “I just feel pushed away a lot of the time,” Elisha …
Does my anxiety mean I Lack Emunah?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-04-24 07:37:21
“Does My Anxiety Mean I Lack Emunah?” By: Elisheva Liss Tzivi is a deeply devout 24 year old mother and wife. She prays twice daily, while raising her toddler and baby, and working 30 hours a week, while her husband pursues Rabbinical studies in Yeshiva. She has suffered from an anxiety disorder since middle school, but you would never know it to speak to her; she presents as calm, soft-spoken, and content. In therapy, she describes w …
she secretly wished her husband would die...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-01 08:48:52
She secretly wished her husband would die…. By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Shaindy’s eyes filled before she lowered them to examine her lap. She had been feeling stuck and hopeless in her marriage for several years. She had carefully and deliberately chosen to remain for the sake of her children; her husband wasn’t dangerous or malicious. But she often found Mutty’s behavior toward her selfish, thoughtless, lazy, and dise …
Intimacy vs. Sex
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-06 17:51:26
Intimacy vs. Sexual Activity By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT The well-groomed young couple settled into the matching navy, velvet club chairs in my office, and glanced at one another. After a beat, the young woman turned to me, and gingerly proffered: “We’re here because we need to work on our intimacy.” “General intimacy, emotional intimacy, or physical intimacy? Or all of the above?” I inquire. They look at each other, and …
Orthodox Women and Sexual Self-Pleasuring
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-13 12:26:09
Orthodox Women and Sexual Self-Pleasuring by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Kayla (pseudonym) was referred to me a number of years ago, by her caring Rebbetzen and mentor, for what she described as a “very sensitive, urgent problem, of a sexual nature.” The following week, the poised, pleasant, 20 year old young woman showed up for intake and described her presenting problem as follows: “I know I look and sound like a normal person. But I …
On Choosing to Remain in an Imperfect Marriage
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-24 19:27:14
Choosing to Remain in an Imperfect Marriage By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Leah closes her eyes and pauses for a moment, then swallows. I’ve come to recognize this subtlety as a cue that something deeply personal and profound will follow. I cross my legs, trying to be patient and open, and refocus on her face. I didn’t record her exact words, and I wish I had, because she was honest, wise, clear, and calm, but below is my paraphrase o …
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-05-29 17:15:36
Women Who Hate the Niddah Laws… by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Sima had ostensibly done everything “right”. She was a prototypical “aidel maidel”- a respectful daughter, a helpful sister, a caring friend, an obedient student, and then married “the right guy”. She said, and often believed, all the lovely comments that “good girls” were supposed to modestly opine. But in my office, the confidential te …
"My Kid 'Frummed Out' in Israel- Should I Be Glad or Concerned?" 7 Talking Points for Parents
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-07 07:14:49
My Kid “Frummed out” in Israel: Should We be Glad or Concerned? Seven Talking Points for Parents By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT “It’s not that I mind Rachel becoming more religious; we expected that to a degree, when we allowed her to go to Israel for the year. It’s the way she now relates to her family, her old friends, and how her personality seems to have changed. She just doesn’t seem like herself anymore, …
Suicide Trend: When Great People Want to Die
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-12 08:21:10
The Suicide Trend: When Great People Want to Die By: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Suicide has been getting a lot of attention in the news lately, due to some high profile cases. Shortly before that, the second season of the controversial teen drama 13 Reasons Why was recently released on Netflix. The show spotlights some heavy issues like violence, suicide contagion, mandated reporting, bullying, sexual harassment, assault and rape, institutional e …
Pros and Cons of Scheduled Sex Dates
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-06-26 07:40:37
The Pros and Cons of Scheduled Sex Dates By: Elisheva Liss LMFT “About how often would you guys say you are physically intimate?” This question is part of my standard couple intake session, even if the clients have not specifically said they ware coming to work on their sexual relationship. The answer helps me understand a little about what is percolating beneath the surface of the stuff that is easier to discuss, or seems more pressi …
Parental Plane Letter to My Child Going Off to Israel
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-08-09 17:20:40
In preparation for Rosh Chodesh Elul, I am deviating from my usual blogging style to share something a bit more personal. The following is adapted from a letter I wrote my son a year ago as he went off to study in Yeshiva in Israel. At the time, it was just between me and him. But a year later, I've removed the parts that were privately for him, and adapted the sentiments for use by any parents who may feel the same way, and want to share or adap …
Embarrasing Confessions of an Almost Author
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-08-27 09:41:16
Yesterday, I was supposed to be correcting the formatting work for the manuscript of my first and upcoming book. But I got bored, and instead started journaling about how nervous I feel about publishing it. Using my well-established, questionable judgement, I opted to share this "rant" on my facebook page.. not exactly sure why, I guess because interacting with facebook friends is also way more fun than tedious paperwork. And I was also hoping …
testing
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-09-27 16:49:58
test …
Confronting Happiness-Anxiety
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-09-27 16:52:15
Have you ever found that happiness sometimes brings fear? That often when we find, receive, or achieve something good, it’s almost like: “Wait- this is too good to be true… when does the other shoe drop?” Or maybe a questioning of “Do I really deserve this? What did I have to forfeit in order to luck out like this?” I’ve always struggled to understand the notion of happiness. I remember (probably) …
Powerful Judges Raping Women in this Week's Parsha
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-10-05 15:43:24
Powerful Judges Raping Women in this Week’s Parsha There is so much kid-friendly content in this week’s parsha, and such an abbreviated week for studying it, that we often just gloss over this nasty incident. The verse tells us that “the sons of leaders/judges/celestial emissaries saw the daughters of humans,” and that they were “good” and they “took for themselves whomever they chose.” Rashi …
Humbled and Slightly Caffeinated Reflections of a Newly-Minted Writer
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-10-31 07:40:14
Humbled and Slightly Caffeinated Reflections of a Newly-Minted Writer by: Elisheva Liss, LMFT Hi, folks. I’m going to deviate from my usual blogging style in today’s post. I generally open with a hypothetical or well-disguised case, and use the story as a springboard to highlight a relevant point. But today, I’m going to address you, my readers, directly, and speak about myself, kind of from deep in my soul-ish. I’m so gra …
Could we please stop telling girls that marrying a Yeshiva guy is the only way to get a good husband?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2018-11-26 11:05:56
Could We Please Stop Telling Girls that Marrying a Yeshiva Guy Is the Only Way to Get a Good Husband? This will be a short, not-so-sweet, but to-the-point post (bordering on rant). To some, what I’m about to say might be obvious, but to me, it seems like it needs to be said*: Yeshivas do not have a monopoly on good husbands. They also cannot guarantee good husbands. Not every girl will do well married to a Yeshiva student. Not every …
What If My B'show Was Wrong?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2019-01-03 03:11:42
What if my b’show didn’t work? This post will undoubtedly elicit strong reactions from readers on both sides of this issue. I want to preempt that I realize some, even many couples successfully meet, marry, and build families using the b’show system of mate selection, and go on to live happily ever after. When that happens, it is very fortunate. The following piece is a reflection of and a message to those individuals for whom i …