Elisheva Liss, LMFT
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Announcements
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-04-30 11:23:02
Hi, blog-reading friends! Some of you may have noticed that I have been going more digital lately- course creation, writing a lot more, and producing a lot more content on social media. I've been trying get a little more organized about it, and so I have a couple of new projects going on : 1. I hope to start sending out a weekly newsletter. This content will be a little different from the blog; a little more personal and geared to my own sp …
What if I Can't Climax?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-07 16:39:59
The phone rang, and a shy-sounding young woman introduced herself. “Hi. I’m not really sure if I need therapy. Could I tell you my issue, and you tell me if it’s ‘normal’?” (Too many people are worried about being ‘normal’ which is overrated, but that’s for another post.) “Sure,” I say. (I can be agreeable like that sometimes.) “Well, I got married a few months ago. We …
Calling Overwhelmed Moms...
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-10 17:45:15
Some readers may have noticed that I've been writing and speaking way more than usual here, and on social media, about topics like parenting, education, and homeschooling, due to the current global situation. I have been getting many private emails and messages, with questions about those topics, and I can't get to all of them. I wanted to figure out a way to streamline some of this parent support through the remainder of this academic year, and …
Are You Starting to Lose it?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-14 16:22:57
Are you struggling to maintain your sense of equilibrium while trying to navigate all the new demands and realities of the COVID19 crisis? Many people seem to be reporting a variety of challenges, so if you are, you’re very much not alone. Therapists are trying to share whatever knowledge we have about encouraging people to especially attend to our personal needs and psychological well-being. Taking care of yourself is a worthy goal in its …
I don't want to be a statistic!
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-21 08:21:47
What’s the deal with humans as numbers? In my years at college and grad school, I was a pretty good student, but I did fail one course: statistics. (I passed it the second time around. My degrees are legit:) I didn’t fail because it was so hard (although it didn’t come naturally to my non-mathy brain.) I failed it because it was so dang boring to me, that I didn’t even put in the effort to learn it well enough. To this day …
Racism and Rus-ism: Discrimination and Jewish Education
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-05-28 08:30:46
Do you send your children to Yeshivas? If so, do you feel they get enough education about how to think about and interact with people who are different from them- religiously, socio-economically, and racially? I’m not asking because I know for sure whether they do- schools are all different and have their own priorities. I’m asking because as parents, I think it’s an important question to consider. Once again, more disturbing in …
What if You Cheated on Your Spouse?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-06-04 19:53:37
Infidelity Dilemma The following story was shared with me by an acquaintance who: Is not a therapy client of mine Specifically asked me to publicize the story, for reasons that will become clear Is not identifiable due to changed details Aviva finds herself in a painfully difficult situation. She did something wrong and she’s feeling awful. First: some background: Aviva is a 32 year old wife, mom, and teacher. She loves her husband and ch …
Preparing to Reopen a Post-trauma World
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-06-08 12:16:24
Well- it seems like it's finally happening; after all these surreal days and weeks and months. But how do we prepare for a post-traumatic stress-flavored world? With all the talk about reopening, we still find ourselves just as torn and conflicted as we’ve been for the past three months. (With an ideological civil war to ice the cake on the Pandemic.) The only consistent theme of this COVID19 era is perhaps the inconsistency of it. The lack …
No Camp?! What Are We Supposed to Do??
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-06-21 17:22:27
Are you one of the many parents who thought they were finally going to get a much-needed break from 24/7 parenting by sending your kids to summer programs, only to find out that now you’re not? Families are scrambling and pivoting plans each day, as the news from the summer programs trickles out and keeps changing. In case this all hasn’t been stressful enough. Last week, I was excited to pre-launch my Intro to Homeschooling course, w …
Defunding the Police with Korach
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-06-25 14:16:19
When Korach Tried to Defund the Police As a kid, I remember secretly identifying with Korach’s thinking. Didn’t he just want equality? A place at the table? Was that so bad? Who decides who gets to be in charge? Why can’t there be committees and dialogue about roles? Even to this day, there is a part of me that bucks against authority, rules, and structured hierarchy. In middle school, we once had one of those situations where …
"I Used to Rape My Wife
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-07-03 13:48:45
Gittel and Shuey have been married for almost 10 years. They get along fairly well, and are kept busy with their three little ones and their demanding jobs. They’ve come to discuss the ostensible problem of Gittel’s low libido. “I don’t know what we’re doing wrong,” Shuey began. “I try different ways to give her pleasure, but she just doesn’t seem to be able to enjoy. Her body doesn&rsq …
I am a Jew, and Here Are My Plans for World Domination
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-07-19 23:38:45
Much to my people’s chagrin, we have finally been outed as the nefarious villains that we are. I feel the safest course of action is to just come forward and confess. Our grandiose schemes aim for diabolical goals such as world peace, healing the sick, and feeding the poor. My own agenda for world domination begins with education. I believe in trying to brainwash innocent people across the world into learni …
Our Broken Homes: Pornography in the Holy of Holies
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-07-29 18:42:09
This week, we sit shiva for our shattered world. This week we mourn our broken homes. Our temple was destroyed, and even now we continue to watch the walls burn around us. The Churban didn’t just happen millennia ago, but we are taught by Chazal that the damage is ongoing. Hatred, strife, and ignorance fan the flames of destruction, pain, abandonment, and abuse. We don’t see the fire and violence engulfing the actual Temple tod …
How Do I Get My Partner to Come to Therapy?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-12 12:37:25
Do you want to work on your relationship in therapy, but have a partner who just doesn’t want to go? Well, you’re not alone. This is a super common and frustrating problem. The bad news: You can’t generally “make” people want to go to therapy, and even if you technically get them in the door, it’s really, really, hard to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. The good news: You may have …
Thinking about Homeschooling in 11th Hour?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-19 10:51:50
Hey, parents! How are you holding up?? With schools scrambling to formulate and convey their plans to reopen, many parents find themselves faced with the mixed blessing dilemma of choice. Do you send your kids to school in masks and small group capsules, with modified schedules, and stressed out teachers, everything unknown and uncertain as to protocols and risks? Do you opt for the zoom-schooling, distance learning improv that was sampled last y …
When Therapists Want to Share Personal Stuff
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-08-31 06:47:36
For those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, you may have noticed that while I occasionally share examples from my own experiences, there is very little here about the personal details of my life. Part of the professional training that we undergo as part of our education, is the importance of boundaries. In a therapy session, the dialogue is supposed to be focused solely on the client and for the client. Any self-disclosure on th …
Dealing with Overwhelm Right Now
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-09-09 08:09:46
It’s September/ Elul, and children everywhere are yanking out their uniforms, knapsacks, paperwork, and supplies, packing up lunches and snacks, and getting ready to rejoin the classroom scene. Hustling out to the bus stop, or listening out for the carpool honk, or hopping on bikes, rushing to be on time for the morning bell. “Bye! Love you- have a great day; learn well!” (One of my favorite aspects of homeschooling is no longer …
Unsent Letter to my Orthodox Client before Rosh HaShana
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-09-14 11:54:39
Dear _____, Well, it’s been quite a year. At this time, we have a custom to take interpersonal stock and make amends. Thank you for entrusting me with your thoughts, feelings, and goals. It’s a privilege to work with you. I believe and hope we are accomplishing. Going to therapy involves courage and vulnerability, and I try to honor that, and treat it with care. But I’m a fallible human, and I need to apologize- for the t …
"How Do I Forgive the Teacher Who Hurt My Child?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-09-17 11:31:49
“Every year, I struggle with this, when the Yomim Nora’im come around. I want G-d to forgive my misdeeds, so I need to forgive others. And I really try to. If someone owes me money or hurt my feelings, I can really let it go. I’m not a spiteful person; I don’t’ have enemies. But there’s this one thing. My daughter’s teacher in high school- a Rabbi, by title, said and did awful things- not just to her. We …
Surviving Yom Tov Family Drama
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-09-30 12:21:58
Hi:) It looks like we're going to have the quietest Sukkos we've ever had, here in the Liss house; hoping that next year we can safely host extended family as we usually do. But for those who might be getting together with relatives, kosher.com invited me to write this piece pre-empting some of the common issues that arise during this busy chagim get-togethers, so I wanted to share it here as well: https://www.kosher.com/lifestyle/10-tips-for-sur …
The Clouds of Glory as a Message of Moderation
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-10-07 07:45:57
The more I know, the less I know. Do you relate to this? I sometimes look back at words I wrote with such conviction when I was younger, and realize now that either I no longer agree with my hot-headed earlier self, or I see the issue with more complexity and nuance. Age, in many ways, sharpens my perspectives while softening my rough edges. The Torah describes how in the desert, G-d led the Jews with a pillar of fire at night, and a pillar of cl …
It's all hevel... what?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-10-08 19:34:29
What’s the point of life? People actually google this; we are so desperately seeking meaning and truth. (Sometimes. Sometimes we seek ice cream and area rugs.) The book of Ecclesiastes, Koheleth, which we have the practice to read during the Sukkoth holiday, chronicles how King Solomon, Shlomo, grappled with this question. A running theme of the book is the phrase: “hakol hevel”- all is ‘hevel.’ But what is “he …
Two Feelings: A Covid Perspective
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-10-16 09:19:51
When my oldest was two years old, he attended a half day playgroup. One day, while walking him to “school” he told me that he was having “two feelings.” “One feeling is I’m sad that I’m not gonna have my mommy while I’m in school. And the other feeling is that I’m happy when I play with my friends.” I was blown away by his innocent, honest ability to express what even I, as an adult, hav …
A Separation Is Not Necessarily Step One to a Divorce
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-10-18 12:03:34
Couples therapy is intense work. Back in grad school, I had a professor say: “We’re not in the business of saving marriages. We’re in the business of helping people.” At the time, I was young, arrogant, and naively idealistic, and I thought: “Well, I’m hoping to save marriages.” After years on the job, I’ve learned that he was right. While thankfully, most of the time, we do help clients save their …
"Am I Normal?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-11-28 21:48:10
At the root of so many people’s questions, doubts, insecurities and fears, lies this niggling question: Am I normal? And it shows up in a variety of permutations: Is this normal? My history? My family? My thoughts, feelings, relationships? And buried even deeper than that for many is the alternative: “Am I abnormal? Dysfunctional? Crazy?&r …
"How Often Are You Supposed to 'Be Intimate'?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-12-02 13:45:33
Have you ever wondered how often people have sex?
(I purposely used the nebulously awkward euphemism “be intimate” in the title because generally people who ask this question in the framework of “supposed to” are uncomfortable with the more direct language of “have sex.” They may also say: “be together, do it, make love, have relations, etc.”) In my line of work, I get this question a lot, be …
Why Do Some Clients "Do Better" in Therapy than Others? Seven Factors Satiisfied Clients Share
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-12-09 11:08:25
Have you ever noticed that some people will swear that therapy totally changed their lives for the better, and others will say they’ve tried repeatedly and gotten nowhere? Still others will say they don’t even believe in the idea of it- that it’s just a waste of time and money. It could be just a case of “strokes and folks,” but I think there might be a little more to it than that in some cases. &nbs …
"My Husband's 'zera l'vatala' Will Be My Fault"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2020-12-10 14:38:28
*Trigger warning: This post touches on the topic of sexual trauma. Proceed with caution.* “I was taught that my husband’s purity and holiness are basically my responsibility. As long as we can ‘be together,’ that saves him from sin. And if we’re not, then I’m guilty,” she explains tearfully. “It feels like my job as a wife to be there for him that way.” His facial expression implies that his i …
Talking About Marital Consent and Rape with Bracha Bard Wigdor
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-01-14 17:05:17
Confronting the Less Popular Sexual Sins: A Shovavim Plea Sexual sins are possibly the most interesting of sins. There are few transgressions more titillating, more shamed, and more taboo than those having to do with succumbing to desires of the flesh. During this time of the Jewish calendar, some communities have a custom to focus on atoning for sins in the realm of sexual immorality. Some examples I’ve heard are reviewing th …
New Monthly Virtual Group Sessions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-01-27 13:09:43
What do you call something that's not exactly therapy, not exactly a course, not exactly a support group, but kind of has elements of all three?
This isn't a joke with a punchline. I don't actually know what you call it, but I think I'm starting one anyway. Here's the truth about what's been going on: The last few months, I've been fielding more messages and calls than I can responsibly handle in the way of questions, new clients and …
"Why Won't My Wife Dress Up For Me?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-03-09 16:27:21
Some men say it with embarrassment, others with indignation or frustration, and still others in defeat: “I’m not trying to be demanding or controlling. But I really wish my wife would dress up for me once in a while. When we go out, in our bedroom, or just the way she presents herself in general. It’s not that I don’t think she’s naturally pretty- she really is and I tell her so. But I know a lot of women …
"I Was Molested by my Brother but Neither of Us Knew It"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-03-17 18:35:35
Trigger Warning: This post contains sensitive content about child sexual abuse. *Like all vignettes featured in this blog, it reflects not one specific true story, but a disguised amalgam of too many. It changes any potentially identifying information but preserves clinically relevant details.* “I know this might sound strange. But we were kids. We were pretty sheltered- no TV or internet in our house, hardly any newspa …
How a Chacham Becomes a Rasha: Some Thoughts About Questions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-03-25 06:06:34
How a Chacham Becomes a Rasha: Some Thoughts about Questions A few years ago, I was speaking with a high school student who was struggling with her faith. She told me that she’d learned some material in her Halacha class that upset her. When she shared it with me, I had to admit that I’d never heard of it before, and encouraged her to ask her teacher for sources, so she could at least research and try to understand the basis fo …
Child Sexual Safety Education Awareness
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-04-15 11:10:39
Every so often, I meet a colleague who offers the opportunity to collaborate in a way that aligns perfectly with my own mission and values. Blimie Heller, and her beautiful approach, Unconditional Parenting, is one such colleague. In this conversation, we tackle the vital topic of child sexual safety education in a way that is practical, culturally sensitive, and easily applicable to most families. Enjoy this free video resource: https://www.inst …
Why Saying "Divorce is Not an Option" Can Hurt Marriages
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-04-30 07:44:48
Were you taught to believe that “divorce” is a curse word? That we don’t even say the “d” word? When I was a young, idealistic grad school student, a professor told us: “We are not in the business of saving marriages. We’re in the business of helping people.” At the time, I (arrogantly) thought: “Well, maybe those are your values. I want to save marriages.” I stil …
Fighting About Having a Baby
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-06-04 13:34:05
It's the very first mitzvah in the Torah. And for some, it's very straightforward: Get married, start a family, don't stop until your body does. But for those who believe in the option to practice birth control, whether autonomously or in consultation with a posek, important questions arise: How do you decide when to start trying for a baby? How many kids should we have? When do we stop having ki …
Broken Tablets, Broken Hearts
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-06-27 16:06:51
A few years ago, I got a call from a mother, distraught over something that was happening at her kids’ school. Her 12 year old daughter was in avelus, and the school had told her that she needed to wait in the office, while her grade practiced for a music and dance performance. The girl felt like she was being punished for being in mourning and was devastated. The mom asked me to call the school and speak with them. I called the scho …
"Don't even TOUCH it-" How making fake rules can lead to disaster: A Chinuch Message
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-10-01 11:09:38
“I think it was the earrings that were the final straw for me.” The young woman is explaining to me how she went from being a scrupulously rule-following Bais Yaakov high school junior, to the 19 year old who’d lost track of how many men with whom she’s slept. “The earrings?” I repeated. “Yeah. My high school principal came up to me after davening one day, and told me that my earrings weren’t tniyus …
Religiously Stuck Husband
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2021-12-18 22:38:26
This originally appeared in a Five Towns Jewish Times column: Dear Elisheva, I can’t decide whether my problem is marital or personal- probably both, but here it is. My wife and I both grew up religious. We were on pretty much the same page when we got married. But over the years, my feelings and opinions have slowly been changing. I’m looking at our community, our lifestyles, and the kids’ schools from different angles, …
The Problem with Labeling Pedophilia as a "Sickness"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-01-04 04:31:32
Yitzi’s parents really thought they’d taught him enough: “No one is allowed to touch you in parts of your body covered by a bathing suit. Most people are good and safe, but there are some other sick people out there who like to hurt children, and do bad things, so if they try to do that, you should run away and tell someone you trust.” They checked off the sexual safety education box and thought he was now “safe.&rdq …
Problems with the Rebbe
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-01-13 08:52:12
This piece originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times: Dear Elisheva, We think we may have an issue with our son and his Rebbe, and we’re not sure what to do about it. According to our son, who is in middle school, this Rebbe has been routinely picking on him and some of the other kids, in ways that seem unfair and unkind. I’ve heard the other kids joking about him playing favorites and randomly yelling at some kid …
Sacrificing Souls on the Altar Of Tzniyus
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-01-18 21:00:26
In serving as a therapist for an almost completely religiously affiliated population, one issue that arises very, very often, is the hot-button issue of “modesty” – or as it’s called in Hebrew: Tzniyus/ tzniyut. When we talk about this, it often revolves around unhealthy and even traumatic ways that clients feel these messages were conveyed to them within their families, communities, or schools. In particular, women and gi …
A Different Kind of Sexual Trauma Among Us
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-02-27 11:16:44
Trigger warning: this post discusses sexual trauma Zeesy, a 19-year-old newlywed, was referred for intense erotophobia- a fear of sexual activity. It’s been about three months since their wedding, but her aversion to sexual touch seems to be getting worse. Her young husband is worried, and the premarital educator who sent her asks me: “Do you think something happened to her?” What she means, of course, is trauma- s …
She Wasn't Feeling Pleasure
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-04-07 18:59:04
*This post is an excerpt from my schmoozeletter email. Subscribe to it for free here: elishevaliss.com/newsletter * Once upon a time, there was a young, sincere couple, who married and loved each other. But they had one problem: Even after a few years of happy matrimony, the wife said she was having trouble enjoying physical intimacy. The husband felt bad about this, and went to seek advice from his Rabbi and mentor. & …
An Intimacy Dilemma
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-05-10 07:01:45
*This post was excerpted from my schmoozeletter email.*
The following is a conversation that comes up a lot with my couples in therapy: Me: So what would you say are the challenges you're facing in your relationship that you want to address together? Him: Our intimate life isn't great. We're not "together" often and when we are it seems to fall flat. Her: Fo …
Relationship Uncertainty
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-05-19 08:24:58
*This originally appeared in the Five Towns Jewish Times State of Mind column* Dear Elisheva, I would imagine my problem is not unique, but I just find myself getting stuck and anxious from it. I’m 23 years old, in Yeshiva most of the day, and finishing up my Bachelors. I’ve been dating someone for a little over three weeks now. She is 21, also in college, and working part time. She’s really great- smart, interestin …
Was My Kid Brainwashed in Seminary?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-20 07:42:56
*This originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times Dear Elisheva, Our oldest daughter just returned home from her year in Israel. It’s not that I mind her becoming more religious. We expected that to a degree, when we allowed her to go to seminary. It’s the way she now relates to her family, her old friends, and how her personality seems to have changed. Sh …
"What's the point of sex anyway?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-27 13:12:28
It usually happens some time in the middle of a session. We’ll be discussing a couple’s intimate life, and I can see the consternation building on the woman’s face. Eventually, she’ll just say something like: “Can I ask a funny question? Like… what’s the point of sex anyway?” When working with clients who are dealing with sexual aversion, the question of: & …
Our Daughter Blames Us for her Marriage Problems
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-08-28 12:59:13
*This post originally appeared as a State of Mind Column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My family is in a complicated state right now. We are blessed with several children, but this matter only concerns two of them. Our oldest daughter is in her 20s and has been married for a few years; let’s call her “Leah.” She’s a wonderful girl, married to a great guy, but at this point our relationship with them is ver …
Anxiety and Elul
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-08-29 14:25:32
Elul Anxiety Tami, a motivated college student, sought help to deal with her test taking anxiety. She describes her symptoms: “I just get so nervous starting a few days before the test. This sense of dread. I try to study but I get distracted by how worried I am. By the time I sit down to take the test, my hands are clammy, I feel chilly and sweaty, my head is swimming, and I can barely focus.” One of the tools Tami learned in terms o …
Religiously Based Rape and its Devastating Repercussions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-09-05 17:16:58
“My kallah teacher thinks I have childhood trauma, but I really can’t think of one,” Chanshi begins. “My husband is a very nice person. My parents are too. My life isn’t perfect, but I don’t understand why this is so crazy for me.” What Chanshi means by “this” and “so crazy” is the state of her sexual relationship. She and her husband Izzy have an otherwise “nice” relat …
10 Ideas of What Not to Comment on when Spending Time with Extended Family (or Other Humans):
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-10-07 08:49:44
With the upcoming holiday of Sukkos, many families are getting together in clans, and sometimes interactions that are well-meaning can take a turn for the awkward or hurtful. Here are some suggestions of ways to keep it clean and considerate, by trying to steer clear of the following common pitfall topics. It might be a good idea to not comment on: 1. How people look: style, weight, modesty- appearance is super-personal to m …
Am I a Bais Yaakov Lesbian?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-12-13 08:57:32
Am I a Bais Yaakov lesbian? Chani was 20 years old when she presented for therapy. The official referral was “anxiety about dating,” but when she began to share, it was more complex and specific than that: “I’ve never told anyone this before, but I have one friend who knows, because it involves her too. I am anxious about starting to date- that’s true. But it’s not just regular nervous. I know this might sound …
He was both happy and horrified
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-02-07 22:31:59
*Due to a misunderstanding about a deadline for a guest post on another site, I ended up with a "spare" mini-article this week, and opted to share it here, instead: You know that feeling of scary relief? Like when you very narrowly miss being in what could have been a terrible car accident? Or almost fall down a flight of stairs, but catch yourself at the last minute? …
"Why won't my in-laws support us?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-03-08 13:36:59
*This post originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My wife and I have been married for almost three years, and this issue has only gotten worse over that time. Baruch Hashem we get along really well when it comes to most things. But there’s one area where we disagree strongly, and I was hoping we could get your opinion. Both of our parents are good people, and we have great relationships with th …
"Why are they doing this to me?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-04-03 06:16:39
*This was originally a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My problem comes up mostly around Shabbos and Yom Tov family get-togethers. We are blessed with seven kids, mostly adults now; the youngest are 17 and 19, still living at home. We also have a growing number of grandchildren, and love to see them as often as possible. We worked hard to give our childr …
10 Tips to Minimize Family Drama over Yom Tov
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-04-04 16:30:37
The yomim tovim / Jewish holidays are often “busy season” for Orthodox therapists. In our communities, where there’s a profound emphasis on the values of both family and holidays, these often converge to create a perfect storm of internal pressure and interpersonal mayhem. There are the social plans: who is hosting, who is traveling, which “side’s turn” is it to have the newlyweds, or the elderly relatives, and …
The Nation who Wanted to Die
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-06-15 21:00:41
“We wish we had died! We wish we had died!” Cry out the people who personally experienced miraculous salvation. “If only we had died in Egypt, or in the desert…” They were afraid of potential war in Kanaan, but it still doesn’t seem logical. They’d prefer to have certainly perished in Egypt or the desert, over the possibility of death OR the possibility of victory and freedom in the Promised Land? How is …
The Unconsummated Couple
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-07-02 10:53:06
The Unconsummated Couple They present for therapy with so much shame, sometimes blaming themselves, sometimes each other, or just one of them, often feeling like they’re the only ones who can’t “figure this out.” They are the “unconsummated.” The couples who got married with little or no prior sexual experience, often inadequate or inaccurate p …
Is p-rnography use considered cheating on a partner?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-07-05 08:36:37
Is Using P-rnography Considered Cheating on a Partner? Let’s consider this changed-to-protect-writer’s-identity question, as a springboard to address some issues that arise for couples around this subject: “I recently found p-rnographic material downloaded on my husband’s laptop. I wasn’t looking for it; we just often use whichever laptop is around to check email …
Parented by G-d, Parenting G-d's Children
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-08-28 11:18:40
Avinu Malkeinu: A Liturgically Inspired Essay on Parenthood Parented by G-d, and Parenting G-d’s Children One of the most challenging, if unoriginal, theological struggles for me personally has always been the tension between the idea of a loving G-d and suffering of the innocent. The analogy we were taught as Yeshiva kids was based on the verse in Deuteronomy: “For as a father afflicts his child, so G-d afflicts you.” We were t …