Elisheva Liss, LMFT
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Showing Results 120 - 141 (141 total)
Problems with the Rebbe
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-01-13 08:52:12
This piece originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times: Dear Elisheva, We think we may have an issue with our son and his Rebbe, and we’re not sure what to do about it. According to our son, who is in middle school, this Rebbe has been routinely picking on him and some of the other kids, in ways that seem unfair and unkind. I’ve heard the other kids joking about him playing favorites and randomly yelling at some kid …
Sacrificing Souls on the Altar Of Tzniyus
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-01-18 21:00:26
In serving as a therapist for an almost completely religiously affiliated population, one issue that arises very, very often, is the hot-button issue of “modesty” – or as it’s called in Hebrew: Tzniyus/ tzniyut. When we talk about this, it often revolves around unhealthy and even traumatic ways that clients feel these messages were conveyed to them within their families, communities, or schools. In particular, women and gi …
A Different Kind of Sexual Trauma Among Us
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-02-27 11:16:44
Trigger warning: this post discusses sexual trauma Zeesy, a 19-year-old newlywed, was referred for intense erotophobia- a fear of sexual activity. It’s been about three months since their wedding, but her aversion to sexual touch seems to be getting worse. Her young husband is worried, and the premarital educator who sent her asks me: “Do you think something happened to her?” What she means, of course, is trauma- s …
She Wasn't Feeling Pleasure
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-04-07 18:59:04
*This post is an excerpt from my schmoozeletter email. Subscribe to it for free here: elishevaliss.com/newsletter * Once upon a time, there was a young, sincere couple, who married and loved each other. But they had one problem: Even after a few years of happy matrimony, the wife said she was having trouble enjoying physical intimacy. The husband felt bad about this, and went to seek advice from his Rabbi and mentor. & …
An Intimacy Dilemma
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-05-10 07:01:45
*This post was excerpted from my schmoozeletter email.*
The following is a conversation that comes up a lot with my couples in therapy: Me: So what would you say are the challenges you're facing in your relationship that you want to address together? Him: Our intimate life isn't great. We're not "together" often and when we are it seems to fall flat. Her: Fo …
Relationship Uncertainty
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-05-19 08:24:58
*This originally appeared in the Five Towns Jewish Times State of Mind column* Dear Elisheva, I would imagine my problem is not unique, but I just find myself getting stuck and anxious from it. I’m 23 years old, in Yeshiva most of the day, and finishing up my Bachelors. I’ve been dating someone for a little over three weeks now. She is 21, also in college, and working part time. She’s really great- smart, interestin …
Was My Kid Brainwashed in Seminary?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-20 07:42:56
*This originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times Dear Elisheva, Our oldest daughter just returned home from her year in Israel. It’s not that I mind her becoming more religious. We expected that to a degree, when we allowed her to go to seminary. It’s the way she now relates to her family, her old friends, and how her personality seems to have changed. Sh …
"What's the point of sex anyway?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-07-27 13:12:28
It usually happens some time in the middle of a session. We’ll be discussing a couple’s intimate life, and I can see the consternation building on the woman’s face. Eventually, she’ll just say something like: “Can I ask a funny question? Like… what’s the point of sex anyway?” When working with clients who are dealing with sexual aversion, the question of: & …
Our Daughter Blames Us for her Marriage Problems
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-08-28 12:59:13
*This post originally appeared as a State of Mind Column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My family is in a complicated state right now. We are blessed with several children, but this matter only concerns two of them. Our oldest daughter is in her 20s and has been married for a few years; let’s call her “Leah.” She’s a wonderful girl, married to a great guy, but at this point our relationship with them is ver …
Anxiety and Elul
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-08-29 14:25:32
Elul Anxiety Tami, a motivated college student, sought help to deal with her test taking anxiety. She describes her symptoms: “I just get so nervous starting a few days before the test. This sense of dread. I try to study but I get distracted by how worried I am. By the time I sit down to take the test, my hands are clammy, I feel chilly and sweaty, my head is swimming, and I can barely focus.” One of the tools Tami learned in terms o …
Religiously Based Rape and its Devastating Repercussions
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-09-05 17:16:58
“My kallah teacher thinks I have childhood trauma, but I really can’t think of one,” Chanshi begins. “My husband is a very nice person. My parents are too. My life isn’t perfect, but I don’t understand why this is so crazy for me.” What Chanshi means by “this” and “so crazy” is the state of her sexual relationship. She and her husband Izzy have an otherwise “nice” relat …
10 Ideas of What Not to Comment on when Spending Time with Extended Family (or Other Humans):
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-10-07 08:49:44
With the upcoming holiday of Sukkos, many families are getting together in clans, and sometimes interactions that are well-meaning can take a turn for the awkward or hurtful. Here are some suggestions of ways to keep it clean and considerate, by trying to steer clear of the following common pitfall topics. It might be a good idea to not comment on: 1. How people look: style, weight, modesty- appearance is super-personal to m …
Am I a Bais Yaakov Lesbian?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2022-12-13 08:57:32
Am I a Bais Yaakov lesbian? Chani was 20 years old when she presented for therapy. The official referral was “anxiety about dating,” but when she began to share, it was more complex and specific than that: “I’ve never told anyone this before, but I have one friend who knows, because it involves her too. I am anxious about starting to date- that’s true. But it’s not just regular nervous. I know this might sound …
He was both happy and horrified
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-02-07 22:31:59
*Due to a misunderstanding about a deadline for a guest post on another site, I ended up with a "spare" mini-article this week, and opted to share it here, instead: You know that feeling of scary relief? Like when you very narrowly miss being in what could have been a terrible car accident? Or almost fall down a flight of stairs, but catch yourself at the last minute? …
"Why won't my in-laws support us?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-03-08 13:36:59
*This post originally appeared as a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My wife and I have been married for almost three years, and this issue has only gotten worse over that time. Baruch Hashem we get along really well when it comes to most things. But there’s one area where we disagree strongly, and I was hoping we could get your opinion. Both of our parents are good people, and we have great relationships with th …
"Why are they doing this to me?"
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-04-03 06:16:39
*This was originally a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times* Dear Elisheva, My problem comes up mostly around Shabbos and Yom Tov family get-togethers. We are blessed with seven kids, mostly adults now; the youngest are 17 and 19, still living at home. We also have a growing number of grandchildren, and love to see them as often as possible. We worked hard to give our childr …
10 Tips to Minimize Family Drama over Yom Tov
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-04-04 16:30:37
The yomim tovim / Jewish holidays are often “busy season” for Orthodox therapists. In our communities, where there’s a profound emphasis on the values of both family and holidays, these often converge to create a perfect storm of internal pressure and interpersonal mayhem. There are the social plans: who is hosting, who is traveling, which “side’s turn” is it to have the newlyweds, or the elderly relatives, and …
The Nation who Wanted to Die
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-06-15 21:00:41
“We wish we had died! We wish we had died!” Cry out the people who personally experienced miraculous salvation. “If only we had died in Egypt, or in the desert…” They were afraid of potential war in Kanaan, but it still doesn’t seem logical. They’d prefer to have certainly perished in Egypt or the desert, over the possibility of death OR the possibility of victory and freedom in the Promised Land? How is …
The Unconsummated Couple
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-07-02 10:53:06
The Unconsummated Couple They present for therapy with so much shame, sometimes blaming themselves, sometimes each other, or just one of them, often feeling like they’re the only ones who can’t “figure this out.” They are the “unconsummated.” The couples who got married with little or no prior sexual experience, often inadequate or inaccurate p …
Is p-rnography use considered cheating on a partner?
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-07-05 08:36:37
Is Using P-rnography Considered Cheating on a Partner? Let’s consider this changed-to-protect-writer’s-identity question, as a springboard to address some issues that arise for couples around this subject: “I recently found p-rnographic material downloaded on my husband’s laptop. I wasn’t looking for it; we just often use whichever laptop is around to check email …
Parented by G-d, Parenting G-d's Children
Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT
2023-08-28 11:18:40
Avinu Malkeinu: A Liturgically Inspired Essay on Parenthood Parented by G-d, and Parenting G-d’s Children One of the most challenging, if unoriginal, theological struggles for me personally has always been the tension between the idea of a loving G-d and suffering of the innocent. The analogy we were taught as Yeshiva kids was based on the verse in Deuteronomy: “For as a father afflicts his child, so G-d afflicts you.” We were t …